(unadorned sincerity)

rachelle, 30something. i write fic!

[prosopopeya]

chapter 1/9

title: meet me halfway pairing: dean/cas rating: E word count: ~38k total; chapter: ~3500 tags: bed sharing, sam is oblivious, bisexual awakening, first times, queer joy (ultimately) posts on sunday

summary:

Dean is so determined to be normal about Cas and what Cas said, so determined for things to get back to normal, that he starts counting his victories. First, he can touch Cas just like he did before--easy. He can comfort him after a nightmare--no problem. He doesn't even think about the fact that Cas is in love with him when Dean's moving around the bunker post-shower, as dressed down as he ever got before, just boxers and his robe closed over them. He's not even worried. Not even thinking twice about what Cas might see. Very natural, very cool; he can be cool about this. It's just that, along with that, he can't stop thinking about the fact that Cas is in love with him. And when they start watching that fucking schmoopy ass show with Jack, Dean can't stop thinking about that kid, Nick, and where his story's going to go. Why does it matter so much to him anyway? --- aka Dean watches Heartstopper, and it fixes him.

chapter preview:

Dean finally zones into what's actually happening on the screen, and he starts to piece together what the story's going to be about. And, listen, it's not like he's never seen gay people in shows or movies or whatever before. He has, thank you. He hasn't actively avoided it either.

Still, he can feel his neck start to heat up as the music swells, as the main character looks across the room to see this other boy, as animated leaves start to fly through the air, as the love story of the show makes itself clear.

He attributes at least 50% of his discomfort to the fact that it's stupid that he's fidgety about this. Logically, he knows it's stupid because it's a normal thing--a show about gay people. A show about gay people in love. A show about boys falling in love.

A show he couldn't have conceived of when he was these kids' age.

And it's fine. It's pretty much all fine except for when he glances sideways--just a little, just a quick look--to get a read on Cas. Because maybe after all, this is weird for Cas. It makes sense, you know, that it might be. Especially because this one kid--Nick--well, he's straight. And Charlie isn't. And there are voices in Dean's mind, little whispers that point out immutable truths: gay stories in fiction don't often end up happy; the straight best friend doesn't lead to a happy ending--and look, look, here it is, Charlie and his shitty ex, and things are going to turn bad. They can't be this syrupy happy for the whole show. Dean's almost--almost--relieved when it happens. Charlie's ex turns up and things are going wrong, but--

But then Nick saves the day. When Nick lays his hand on Charlie's shoulder, Dean reflexively, inadvertently, darts his eyes sideways at Cas, and he can't be sure Cas didn't just do the same thing.

Dean takes a long drink from his beer.

read more on ao3

[appletvdaily]

Murderbot, end message.

Murderbot 1.10 The Perimeter

[deweys-posts]

My cousin is somehow both a casual enjoyer of Supernatural and an obsessive watcher of Supernatural at the exact same time.

She stays with us a couple weeks out of every month and she watches Supernatural on Netflix. All. The. Time. Like seriously I cannot overemphasize how much she watches it. She just lets it play on repeat in the background and she’s been doing this for years so she's looped through the series at least 10 times by now.

And yet she has not retained a single point of plot or lore in all that time. She always makes these little shocked noises when a character dies. Or there's a demon. Or someone sells their soul. Or any completely run of the mill thing that happens in practically every episode of the show. It's like 50 First Dates. But Supernatural.

One time the Impala showed up onscreen and she goes "oh, is that their car?" and I just looked over at her like "are you okay???”

Maybe she's under a spell? A curse? Maybe Sam and Dean need to investigate?

But my cousin experiences the joy of watching Supernatural for the first time every time she watches it and I think that's beautiful. 😊

[deweys-posts]

She looped back to season 1 episode 1 again last week and she said “is that Sam’s girlfriend?” And I just ???

[deweys-posts]

Reblogging to let everyone know that yesterday she was shocked (shocked, I say!) to discover that Ellen and Jo die.

She’s got to be in her tenth rewatch by now. I love her so much!

[ilyarizzanov]

will I be burnt at the stake if I say that I don’t think Ilya’s fuckboy persona is entirely an act. will people draw and quarter me if I say that I think he is a different person with different people and none of them are entirely separate from who he is. will people stone me if I say that ilya loved being a fuckboy and loved sleeping around at the time and had a fucking blast doing what and who he wanted even if he wanted to be with shane for most of it.

Like I think people eschew that persona from him too aggressively in favor of making him a Soft Boi but there are multiple facets to ilya and I dont think any of them are necessarily fake. Just because he used promiscuity to cope doesn’t mean he didn’t have a marvelous time participating in it. That man loved pussy. He loved fucking pussy and eating pussy and making women come and whine his name. You cannot convince me otherwise. He was a very proud slut. Just because Shane made a housewife out of a hoe doesn’t make the Hoe Phase not genuine. U feel me?

[angelsdean]

crazy to me when ppl forget cas is Literally a jock. he has led multiple armies (teams) and he's mr. battle strategy (gameplays). he is thee quarterback. he is ruthless on the (battle)field. and every angel is obsessed with him either in a fangirl way or seething with jealousy. or they straight up fear him and fight flight fawn in his presence. thee only person who sees him as uwu soft dorky angel nerd is DEAN bc dean has pink heart-shaped glasses on at all times around him. and even then, he knows he's a badass soft dorky angel nerd.

[casgirl]

Funniest supernatural weapons ranked

5. Borax to kill the leviathans

4. God Killing Murder Suicide Gun

3. That time they put a bunch of ghosts into dean in order to make him into a ghost fueled bomb to blow up Amara

2. Lucifer catching egg that got lost in the mail

1. Witch killing bullets

[prosopopeya]

dying for someone to let me executive produce their fan edits. but a destiel “give me your eyes I need sunshine” edit should involve at LEAST when Dean ducks to catch Cas’s eye. I am also accepting when they reunite the gas n sip. for a riff on the Implications, may I also submit when Dean is yearning outside the gas n sip.

[soft-pine]

john reunites with sam and dean three times (1.16, 1.20, 14.13) and each time he works to make amends with sam:

1.16

JOHN: Listen, Sammy, last time we were together, we had one hell of a fight. SAM: Yes, sir. JOHN: It’s good to see you again. It’s been a long time. SAM: Too long.

1.20

JOHN: I don't think I ever told you this but ... the day you were born, you know what I did? SAM: No. JOHN: I put a hundred bucks into a savings account for you. I did the same thing for your brother. It was a college fund. And every month I'd put in another hundred dollars, until... Anyway my point is, Sam, this is never the life that I wanted for you. SAM: Then why'd you get so mad when I left? JOHN: You gotta understand something. After your mother passed all I saw was evil, everywhere. And all I cared about was keeping you boys alive. I wanted you...prepared. Ready. Except somewhere along the line I ... uh ... I stopped being your father and I ... I became your, your drill sergeant. So when you said that you wanted to go away to school, all I could think about, my only thought was, that you were gonna be alone. Vulnerable. Sammy, it just... it never occurred to me what you wanted. I just couldn't accept the fact that you and me -- We're just different... What? SAM: We're not different. Not anymore. With what happened to Mom and Jess... (laughs) Well we probably have a lot more in common than just about anyone. JOHN: I guess you're right, son.

14.13

JOHN: Oh, she’s, uh, gettin’ your brother a shopping list. She’s gonna make that casserole of hers. SAM: Yeah, Dean and I tried to make that once. JOHN: I, um… I remember. I screwed up with you a lot, didn’t I? SAM: No, that’s okay. JOHN: No, it’s not. Sammy, tell me the truth. SAM: I don’t want to talk about that. JOHN: You didn’t have a problem talking about it before you left. SAM Dad… for me? That fight… that was a lifetime ago. I don’t even remember what I said, and – I mean… yeah. You know what? You did some messed-up things. But I don’t… I mean, when I think about you… [voice breaks] and I think about you a lot… I don’t think about our – our fights. I think about you… I think about you on the floor of that hospital. And I think about how I never got to say goodbye. JOHN: Sam. Son. I am so sorry. SAM: I’m sorry, too. But you did your best, dad. You – you fought for us, and you loved us, and… that’s enough.

but, with the exception of him apologizing to dean and then immediately reinforcing every pattern of behavior the apology meant to amend, he never acts like he needs to repair his relationship with dean. not even a simple apology for going no contact at the beginning of season 1.... not even for the fact that the reason dean doesn't have a peaceful life (14.13) is directly a result of his actions....

and keep in mind in 14.13, what john is apologizing to sam for is literally throwing away a meal that DEAN had tried to cook.....

but there's no part of john's relationship with dean he really tries to repair except as a the aforementioned deathbed confession (famously something you don't actually have to enact)...

it makes me gnash and chomp my teeth

[saintemiliosandoz]

I explained the episode where cas gets conversion therapied into killing dean only for Dean to be able to break the brainwashing by saying “I need you” on his knees, and it really does sound. So absurd when you say it out loud

[saintemiliosandoz]

Me: so the episode starts with cas and Dean fighting, and Cas killing Dean and you’re like. What the fuck. And then the camera pans out and you just see hundreds of Dean bodies around him

Her: was it only Dean?

Me: yes it was only Dean

[xiaq]

One of the best things about being a writer is thinking of something small you can add to your work that’s just. Devastating. Like you’re sitting there going. Oh. That would be diabolical. People would get really riled up about that. Exquisite. Let’s do it.

[soft-pine]

thinking about those s1 eps when john shows up and it's framed so that at first you're supposed to think it's a monster but then you're supposed to be relieved that it's only john stalking sam and dean. but like....

[hortensius-deactivated20240909]

the novelty of having pets really does never wear off i’ve had my cat for ten years and i still look at him strolling around like can you believe this. a cat. is everyone seeing this. he’s alive he has bones and all. unbelievable

[pangur-and-grim]

Queer Books and Authors are at a Breaking Point

Authors, agents, publishers: every part of the industry is seeing the strain of five years of escalating anti-LGBTQ censorship.

[pangur-and-grim]

if you'd like to show support, here are some upcoming queer books:

When Life Gives You Corpses is a brilliant YA about a cursed praying mantis who falls for a young witch. Yield Under Great Persuasion is a raunchy, but surprisingly sweet story about two men repairing their relationship. Fabulous Bodies is a horror story about a queer rockstar rising from the dead.

This is Where the Future Bleeds is a fantasy set in a vividly imagined land, where two women (who happen to kiss) are the key to healing the broken sky. You're No Better is a story about a teen struggling in the shadow of his murderous parent. Oil on Canvas is about a woman who finds disturbing paintings in the home of her dead mother.

and then here's a list of 26 queer books by Black authors set to publish this year, and a 10 upcoming books by trans authors. if you want to fight back against queer censorship, use your wallet! or (if that's not an option) you can contact your local library and ask them to stock a copy.

[prosopopeya]

here's another snippet from my scott/kip fic just bc this is probably one of my favorite scott dialogue moments

When Scott opens the door, Kip looks about as nervous as Scott feels, so that's some consolation. He steps awkwardly into Scott's hotel room, his hands clasped in front of him, and he's wearing these jeans that hug his ass in a way that has Scott feeling guilty for even thinking about it, in the middle of everything else going on. 

"Wow. Kinda figured you'd have, like, a suite or something," Kip says, turning back around.

"Oh, yeah, no. We travel way too much for that." 

Scott comes closer, his heartbeat in his ears, and then Kip steps forward too, haltingly. There are a swirl of questions in his mind. Why does, did, Kip want to do this in person? What <i>is</i> this? What is even worth hoping for, when every option leads them back to the same mess they were already in, just dug a little deeper now?

But cutting through all that is one thought, aching and pure: god, he missed Kip, and god, he wanted to see him tonight. Whatever else happens, being able to look at him now, to drink his fill of him, will somehow still be enough. 

"Kip," he says, his voice breaking on it. 

The hesitancy in Kip's face falls away, and he heaves a breath, the kind that's heartbroken and shuddery. "Oh, Scott." And then he's reaching for him, one hand outstretched.

Scott folds himself into his arms, bending down so he can set his nose against his hair and breathe him in, and he doesn't even care if that's weird or creepy. Kip changed his shampoo, but he still smells like him, underneath, and Scott rubs his face against him, feeling his hair against his cheek. He doesn't even realize he's started crying until Kip gently shushes him.

"It's okay," he says, exactly what Scott had said he'd wanted him to say, and that cracks him wide open, and somehow he's clinging to him even tighter.

"I'm sorry." He sniffles and then pulls his face back slightly. He reaches a hand up to card his fingers through Kip's hair. "I'm crying all in your hair." 

Kip laughs, small and broken, and he pulls back enough to look up at him. "I think I can handle it."

[prosopopeya]

today's noah kahan lyrics for supernatural fans

Put in love, put in hours, put in ceremony As it was, how you were, what was there before me Never mind, never mind, oh, forget about it I'll be good, I'll be fine, I can laugh about it

I try to keep on starting over Sleeping in a bed half empty Daydreamin' All love must leave, oh, but search for it, I will Honey, tell me, are you good at stayin' still? Are you good at stayin' still? Are you good at stayin' still? Oh, well, will you up and leave Or will you be there in the morning?

[clytemnestraaa]

i feel. like on a fundamental level. i do not understand x reader fic. i am not exactly opposed to it because let a thousand blossoms bloom etc. but like. i genuinely don’t get it. it seems like the exact opposite of how i engage with fiction. like the whole point is that i’m not in there. i don’t wanna be in there. if i’m in there it’s going to be very stressful.

[prosopopeya]

sorry i'm still at the restaurant listening to noah kahan and thinking about supernatural. why is this album about them. jk it's bc of all the family tension.

this one is for john winchester xoxo

Oh, well, I'd beat your ass 'til the morning You know I've been running all this time Sprinting my way past your bedroom Lifting the weight of you off my mind 'Cause if I never see you again You could be anything I want Twenty-three, clean in the engine heat Teaching me how the thing runs Stay gone Won't you stay gone?