chapter 1/9
title: meet me halfway pairing: dean/cas rating: E word count: ~38k total; chapter: ~3500 tags: bed sharing, sam is oblivious, bisexual awakening, first times, queer joy (ultimately) posts on sunday
summary:
Dean is so determined to be normal about Cas and what Cas said, so determined for things to get back to normal, that he starts counting his victories. First, he can touch Cas just like he did before--easy. He can comfort him after a nightmare--no problem. He doesn't even think about the fact that Cas is in love with him when Dean's moving around the bunker post-shower, as dressed down as he ever got before, just boxers and his robe closed over them. He's not even worried. Not even thinking twice about what Cas might see. Very natural, very cool; he can be cool about this. It's just that, along with that, he can't stop thinking about the fact that Cas is in love with him. And when they start watching that fucking schmoopy ass show with Jack, Dean can't stop thinking about that kid, Nick, and where his story's going to go. Why does it matter so much to him anyway? --- aka Dean watches Heartstopper, and it fixes him.
chapter preview:
Dean finally zones into what's actually happening on the screen, and he starts to piece together what the story's going to be about. And, listen, it's not like he's never seen gay people in shows or movies or whatever before. He has, thank you. He hasn't actively avoided it either.
Still, he can feel his neck start to heat up as the music swells, as the main character looks across the room to see this other boy, as animated leaves start to fly through the air, as the love story of the show makes itself clear.
He attributes at least 50% of his discomfort to the fact that it's stupid that he's fidgety about this. Logically, he knows it's stupid because it's a normal thing--a show about gay people. A show about gay people in love. A show about boys falling in love.
A show he couldn't have conceived of when he was these kids' age.
And it's fine. It's pretty much all fine except for when he glances sideways--just a little, just a quick look--to get a read on Cas. Because maybe after all, this is weird for Cas. It makes sense, you know, that it might be. Especially because this one kid--Nick--well, he's straight. And Charlie isn't. And there are voices in Dean's mind, little whispers that point out immutable truths: gay stories in fiction don't often end up happy; the straight best friend doesn't lead to a happy ending--and look, look, here it is, Charlie and his shitty ex, and things are going to turn bad. They can't be this syrupy happy for the whole show. Dean's almost--almost--relieved when it happens. Charlie's ex turns up and things are going wrong, but--
But then Nick saves the day. When Nick lays his hand on Charlie's shoulder, Dean reflexively, inadvertently, darts his eyes sideways at Cas, and he can't be sure Cas didn't just do the same thing.
Dean takes a long drink from his beer.
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