Goddess of my Own Purple Universe @purple-hel - Tumblr Blog

Just a reminder: if you have burning hate towards a particular country that has absolutely nothing to do with you, if you hate everyone from that country, anything related to that country, if even just the mere mention of something related to the country sends you into a rage...

You're weird. Seek help.

emperor-gaozu-of-han

I bring a sort of "rulers who abuse their power and exploit their people can be forcibly replaced by those who may not be perfect but will measurably increase the average person’s quality of life" vibe to the function that world rulers don’t really like

qin-shi-huang-di

DELETE YOUR FUCKING BLOG

maskysgirlfriendmoved-deactivat

yall gotta be nicer about m/f bc sometimes u guys like the blandest gay sutff ive ever seen in my life

maskysgirlfriendmoved-deactivat

gonna add onto this you all gotta stop acting like m/f is just cishet when bisexual people exist and straight trans people exist.

maskysgirlfriendmoved-deactivat

last add on alot of m/f ships of poc or white/poc ship are constantly downplayed for bland white m/m or f/f ships

majorpepperidge

#also sometimes u guys r just fuckig misogynist. abt the women in m/f ships. sorry

banchie

i've been phasing the phrase 'google it' out of my vocabulary and going back to 'look it up'. fuck you youve lost your generic trademark privileges

gallusrostromegalus

seconding these tags by @ragsy: #if the social consciousness has decided that duckduckgo is the Only Othet Search Engine#might i suggest 'go duck yourself'

skodasforge

The thing about Lord/Knight gay romance is that there’s no way you can cut it that doesn’t make the sex hotter. At a baseline, the Lord is allowing his subject to be his equal partner behind closed doors in a society defined by hierarchy their physical love a blaspheme against the laws of feudalism, but if the knight is dominant, they’re literally upending the fabric of society by having the Lord follow his Knight’s orders and that’s hot and if the Lord is dominant than it’s just another expression of his Knight’s sworn devotion to be at his lord’s service at all times and that’s hot and if it’s historically accurate Christianity then they’re not only desecrating and perverting the Knight’s vow, they’re making sinners of each other in the process and that’s HOT

feldfrog

Nice racist joke dude! I couldn’t help but notice that your real political goals align with that though

creekfiend

truly like. to have a successful mutually beneficial interpersonal relationship with someone its very important that you believe that they are a full real entire person just like you are, really believe that. and then you have to successfully communicate that to the other person. and they have to believe the same thing, AND successfully communicate it to the other person. and then you have to decide how you want your relationship with each other to be and you have to agree on most things, or else it doesn't make sense. and you have to actually believe it and not just want to believe it in order to be able to believe you yourself are a good person. you have to actually believe it.

i think those are most of the. the ones you can't do without, if you want it to be relationally healing or whatever. people will be able to tell if you do not really think they are a person with interiority in the way they are. they will not like it.

most of us flatten others to some degree and we do this bc we need psychologically to be able to justify the fact that our brains only have so much social categorization capacity. if you're doing it to the people directly around you, they'll notice.

I didn't understand why people were reacting to me the way they were until I understood what my behavior had been saying to them! then it made perfect sense and I was like "oh shit that's not what I wanted to communicate to you at all, geez, I have to get better at understanding this language so I can make sure I'm showing the things I believe with my behavior in a way this person will understand and that will not instead harm them! i definitely do not want to be harming people but I was sort of unpersoning this person to justify how I was acting because I was making choices based on what I wanted and not what they wanted. if someone asked me straight up "do you want to have interpersonal relationships where you're always making choices based on what you need and discounting what the other person needs and wants?" i would say "no! i don't want to have those kind of relationships! i value not hurting people!" but in those individual instances I was ignoring behavioral communication that I was receiving to just go ahead with what I wanted.

i don't think it's evil to say things like "look buddy I don't care if you're having a bad day, I really did NOT like being spoken to that way" to dismiss someone's feelings. but if someone you claim to care about is behaving in a way that YOU CAN READ as hesitant or reluctant to bring up what you are doing and how it is hurting them, then you better respond to that by saying "hey if you don't want the same things that I want, that's okay. i just want to know the real answer so we can be on the same page. i really value you and it is important to me that you be able to trust me. i have not behaved in a way that has made you feel that I am trustworthy. i will behave differently in order to communicate that to you better"

like sometimes someone's answer is truly "well I don't really see you as a full human person with interiority" like for real for real. and boy howdy that can sure change your interactions if you can read it, right? like when a doctor has shown me that I can't trust them to believe I am a person who is accurately reporting what is going on with my health, that changes EVERYTHING about the interaction. And if someone i LIKE and who I VALUE tells me that they weren't considering me to be a real person, that's a whole different thing.

I'm not saying everyone is always telling you exactly how human they see you as at all times. but like. its there subconsciously! some people are fine with this and some people grapple with it. i grapple with it a lot. its really hard right? sometimes not seeing yourself as uniquely different is hard. sometimes you know that it is important that you see others that way all the time because it's what is true; we are all human beings. no one can value every single other human the same as themselves or the people they love because we would go insane I think. sometimes it's easy to slot someone you like a whole lot into that grouping a little bit, sometimes, because you want something. sometimes you want that person to play a role in your life that they are not prepared and don't want to play. if people feel like their needs don't matter to you as much as your own, they will not feel fully safe in the relationship, and they'll be right.

this can describe a lot of dynamics and obviously one end of the spectrum is abuse but stuff that isn't abuse can also involve an amount of doing this. its just that the amount and kind of harm it causes depends on the specific circumstances in each case.

this is my most truest hottest deepest cptsd hack. all trauma is relational. you have to regain your own personhood not by denying the personhood of others, but by believing in the personhood of the people around you. and then include yourself.

now maintain that.

that's my ego death recipe! enjoy

nihilisticlinguistics

this bit

sometimes someone's answer is truly "well I don't really see you as a full human person with interiority"

is sooo difficult to confront when you are the one doing this because you've been conditioned to believe thats how everybody is interacting. like as a child I struggled to feel seen + understood as a real person by nearly everyone around me, and I think ultimately that led to a rejection of my own responsibility to see others as whole people in their own right. I started to assume that all my social interactions would involve my personhood being ignored and by assuming that I was implicitly refusing to see others as people themselves! So no wonder I was never overcoming the canyon between myself and others and felt incredibly alone.

Over-extrapolating a perceived pattern like that is very easy to do I think. I only interrupted that tendency in myself after fully leaving home and my social context (and growing up lol). And even then it wasn't like a switch flipped, it took practice and commitment to trying to see people as people, and the good luck to meet people who were also trying to connect on that level.

creekfiend

yes yes! I think most people who habitually do this have been taught that how you get your own needs met involves dehumanizing others/denying that they have needs that are as important as your own. I grew up being the only person who would consider my own needs so it made sense for me as a child in that situation to be able to disregard the humanity of the people controlling me to prioritize my own narrative. however! ☝️ ONCE YOU ARE ADULT interacting with PEERS this becomes unfair and harmful! you HAVE to stop treating the people you love like your abusive parents. has been my takeaway. sooooo many of us have noooo idea that is what we are doing when it is absolutely what we are doing. we ascribe people who we feel our selfhood threatened by for whatever reason as having some authority we are justified in resisting, even when that is absolutely not at all the case and we in fact simply don't know how to navigate stressful situations where that ISN'T the case.

your-url-is-problematic

this harmonizes very nicely with what I've been thinking of as the role of curiosity in relationships. as I see it, if I acknowledge someone else's personhood and interiority, that also carries a measure of curiosity - or at least a lack of certainty, because I can't assume they follow the patterns I've already seen.

curiosity is hard. it takes a lot of energy, and admitting I don't know is very vulnerable, and I think that effort is part of the reason why it's sometimes downright easier to flatten people. which relates, to me, to the role of fear in dehumanization, because when my trauma made it harder to be vulnerable because I was so guarded, I could not bear the idea of being wrong, especially about other people (not to mention that, to me, being wrong about someone felt dangerous).

I think the closest I've gotten to an internal solution with this is to remember that curiosity is tiring, but it's not all or nothing - I can be passively open to being wrong without actively looking for it, the way I do with my loved ones. but dear lord did it take me a long time to get there.

creekfiend

yeah!!! and I had to get over a bump when learning this where I realized I was getting better at reading people which sometimes meant I could conceptualize why they were acting a certain way than they could, because I was thinking about it and they weren't. and I had to figure out how to square that with the fact that every person is the only person with access to their own interiority. and even when I am Quite confident that the guy screaming at the cashier is doing so because he's insecure and embarrassed about making a mistake, that doesn't mean that I know better than him what his experience is feeling like to him in that moment. i can guess! and some situations I'm more likely to be right than others. but I'm still building a system to approximate being able to imagine what someone is experiencing and feeling based on behavioral clues and pattern recognition. that comes with a necessary caveat that my information can be (and in fact will always be to some degree, even if I'm correct) incomplete. and THAT necessitates me prioritizing continually gathering the information that will help me modify my models and equations which necessitates CURIOSITY yes yes I love curiosity thank you for bringing up curiosity :)

teogli

Wow! This sounds a lot like what Nonviolent Communication is trying to do. It never says it quite as clearly tho. It has scripts centered around explicitly stating that you're guessing the other person's emotions, but in the literature there's a sort of '????? ... Step 4, Profit!' where they don't really say why it's helpful. Not that the personhood thing is the only reason, but it's significant!

creekfiend

this has been my huuuge frustration with NVC as a framework! its prescriptive but it doesn't explain what things are most important to prioritize or why, which is often different depending on the specific situation. it doesn't give you the tools to make those determinations yourself, only the tools to Follow Directions. or at least the literature I have read about it does that.

and this is not the FAULT of the framing NVC uses, but not for nothing: I've had people weaponize the concept of NVC frameworks to justify why they don't have to listen to me when I am expressing that something they do has hurt me or someone else, because I "didn't say it right" by which they mean "in the way specified in the NVC guide"

i think sometimes people in the Process of Trying to Heal can latch onto anything prescriptive about interpersonal interaction to use as an excuse for not receiving feedback that they don't like. and I think it's an issue that NVC can be easily utilized this way

fujokafka

we need to bring back old school tumblr communication and im so serious. sending an ask to a mutual just to say hello. seeing three different asks in your inbox all asking how your dentist appointment went. seeing a post you think one of your mutuals would enjoy and tagging them/sending it to them in the dms. nowadays its just silently liking a post or (if youre feeling extreme) replying under posts. WHAT HAPPENED TO US!! we used to be a proper community!!!! #LetsBringWhimsyBack

andthelaw

reblog if you want ppl to send you random lil' asks

unprettyextra

4waystreet

the idea that predators and abusers are an ontological category of person, rather than everyone having the capacity to be predatory and abusive, leads to people having no regard for boundaries because they think that predation only comes from evil people ™

captainwarbuckle

It’s practically 2014 and you guys still don’t know how to google if an article is real or not before giving it 100,000 notes

orangechickenpillow

lyrslair

mapsofnonexistentplaces

favorite rare wayneradiotv posts

in-your-spoon

Is there a reason they are all about water or apples

mapsofnonexistentplaces

complete accident.

in-your-spoon

Are you sure you aren’t a horse

mapsofnonexistentplaces

trots away from you....

azspot

“Because the truth is, tech doesn’t have an image problem. It doesn’t have a message problem. It has an intention problem. What’s wrong with the axe murderer who broke into my house is not that he hasn’t successfully persuaded me to buy into his narrative. What’s wrong is that he’s trying to kill me with an axe. Similarly, when you launch a product that’s designed to put millions of people out of work, block access to sources of verifiable truth, replace human creativity with slop, and lower the barriers to every sort of atrocity, the problem isn’t that you haven’t told the public a good story about those things. The problem is that you are trying to do them.”

— The 40 Most Rage-Inducing Problems in Tech

santhipoma

uncahier

Since you don’t respect my opinion anyway, quit pestering me to fill out a survey after every single consumer experience. I keep wondering who looks at these surveys. Is the CEO sitting in his wood-paneled office, reading each individual response on an old-timey stock ticker? If so, you can keep doing this. If not, I rate this experience zero stars out of infinity.

crippled-peeper

I don’t want to survive off the generosity of strangers for the rest of my life I want a functioning social safety net for disabled people

viss-and-pinegar

OK, so like not to get off topic but there's a LEGO scandal going on and it's so out of hand that there's a Mormon police corruption theory and people fleeing the country. I am in awe with how off the rails this managed to get.