i keep fighting this feeling that as long as i’m single i don’t really have anything of value to say about being a lesbian, because what would i know about loving women? but i really think this solitude, being single for years and being forced to develop self sufficiency, becoming an island because no one else is like you, are all defining parts of the lesbian experience that have nothing to do with romantic relationships. like, my only relationship was in college and i know a lot of bi women whose only romantic experience with a woman was in college; now, though, they’re all married to men and preparing for children, while i’m…. still by myself, preparing for a future in which i’m potentially always alone. the loneliness feels just as central to the lesbian experience as being with a woman. a lot of being a lesbian is about feeling like you were dropped on an alien planet with flaws and inconsistencies that are only visible to you. and i don’t need to be in a relationship for the way i experience the world to be worth talking about.