Summer showers

How'd you even get here? This calls for celebration, but all I have here is weird rambling and some poetry. Well in exchange I'd like to connect with you nice peeps. We cool? We cool.

[rainflavoredcandy]

Hello Tumblr I am back.

That's right biatches you'll have to deal with me yelling into the void again.

Also I'm old now

Old-er I suppose.

Whatever! It's good to be here!

I've realized that's there's no place that I can truly be my garbage self unless I'm invisible

Except here, it's nice that everyone is also some form of trash goblin so I'll be right at home.

Anyways, we on the tail end of this pandemic soon. I'm glad we made it.

How does one make friends here again? Hmmm...

Let's try spamming tags I suppose!

And hmu if you'd like to yell into the void also.

[rainflavoredcandy]

It's been a bit of time again! I hope everyone's swell and avoiding the plague. Who woulda thought? We're certainly living through strange times. Hold each other's hands (from a distance of six feet and with a mask maybe) and be there for each other. We'll get through this!

I've been thinking a lot lately. I think a lot of thoughts and forget to write them down so here's some word vomit I guess.

Sometimes I go into the comments sections/tweets/threads of social media posts about rly divisive stuff and read what people are saying and get kinda worried- like are the kids ok? There's so much more stuff floating around these days than there was when I was young and it was already really hard back then to grow into an independent person with my own thoughts and beliefs without people yelling their opinions at me on social media 24/7. How are people supposed to make mistakes or learn or ask the wrong questions to get the right answers? People learn like really *learn* by stumbling across things in books or tv or meeting new kinds of people and talking with their friends, not by reading a list of things to do or how to speak on someone's instagram story. I mean I'm all for education and stuff but clearly there's some form of information overload here- so many rules and advice to keep track of, and in a weird format. I just wonder if kids are gonna grow up with warped perceptions of themselves or something, like they need to be perfect all the time or they are terrible human beings. It's a lot to put on their tiny shoulders, the problems of our world.

I mean we definitely need education reforms etc etc but like a lot of these aren't for them to solve- it's on us. The adults. In a perfect world we could let them be kids but I dunno, it seems we're dead set on not doing that.

I know we look at the newer generations as hope for our futures and they are good kids, all kids are, but again it's a lot to put on them. Hopefully we'll at least leave a planet behind for them haha. Anyway I just realized it's probably time to tell a story. I'll get round to that soon....

Thanks for listening, vast empty tumblr land. Keep it real.

[rainflavoredcandy]

Hope everyone's doing alright.

It's really hard to stay positive these days and everything seems so bleak but we will get past this one day.

I'm scared of losing people too. I'm scared of what'll happen to the world. I'm worried about stupid plans I made for my future and worried about finding a job and making enough to eat and pay rent after the semester ends.

Nobody really expected this to happen. It sucks and it's scary and even scarier not knowing when it'll all be over. It might not be of much use but if anyone needs to talk, I can promise to listen.

Stay home, stay safe and try and take care of yourself. And take care of each other. ♥️

[rainflavoredcandy]

Comfort

I try and breathe but it feels like my airways are clogged by something unseen

It's thick and tepid, warm and just won't leave

I feel the bile rise to my throat, bitter bitter taste, I swallow but it's just empty air

Even that is tainted by worry

Great big gasping gulps

I bite the hem of my shirt collar, trying to calm down

I burrow into my bed, suffocate myself with my own pillow

It is soft and solid, heavy with down

I can't breathe.

Still this feeling refuses to break

Stronger than any physical thing, I just can't dislodge it by force or touch

I want to cry I want to scream, but my throat is still closed in on itself, cut off

From the outside

Inside it is boiling in its own

Fell waters

This poem, a prayer, a release

Let it out

Let it free

Comfort

It's not easy.

[rainflavoredcandy]

Writing out feelings- Dust.

I dust off the curtains in a dark musty room

I step closer to the walls,

Taking in the thin spiderweb cracks

And cobwebs like bridal veils stuck

In different poses of traditional dance

I make sure to avoid the small piles of stuff

Laid neatly on faded red carpet

Knickknacks, greeting cards, post-it notes and old decor.

Every step I take brings fresh clouds of fluff

Dust bunnies race each other under the sofas

Hunting for carrots and outrunning vixen

I can't possibly clean all of this off

The weight of time, layers of grime and memories of who knows how many people sits heavyily in every corner of this room

The rows of books beg to be cleaned

But the paintings on the walls ask to be left alone in their quiet misery

I have a key to seal it all

A small bronze thing, heavier than it looks

But do I have the right to lock this all away?

I hover uneasily in this old oaken doorway.

I feel as old as the tree that was felled to build this house.

Every time you place a foot,

Take a root.

[rainflavoredcandy]

When you ditch your old job to take on an unpaid internship for the experience and end up sitting around tables staring out a window for four hours~

Also what is with Americans and blasting the AC everywhere? Can't wear my cute summer outfits in summer because it's too damn cold everywhere.

I also really love grocery stores, they are so organized and perfect it makes me feel extremely accomplished when I find a box of cereal or buy a toothbrush, thank you capitalism, I can now enjoy owning a plastic bowl for only 99 cents while I die from not being able to afford a flu shot.

This post has been bought to you by the save the penguins gang and also hey guys I'm kind of back hope everyone's swell and dandy gang.

[rainflavoredcandy]

Oh boi feelings are a lot

It's been a while, as usual.

I wonder how Tumblr is doing what with the censorship ( I think it's absolutely horrible btw. Why do we need more family friendly spaces. Let the NSFW thrive! )

I feel sad a lot sometimes.

It's strange how having so much time to think can be a bad thing

But having no time to think can also be bad

Life's funny like that

I really do hope I'll write more this year. Probably won't. I'll try to try though

Happy new year everyone~

[rainflavoredcandy]

A different view 🏙️

It's raining today

The same old but also different

Being a million miles away from home

Means there's only so much I can know

That I know

The rain is usually one of those things

But today it seems

Angrier

Whipping back and forth

Everyone treats it the same of course

Running and screaming

Laughter echoing through the mist

But

The rain here

Feels consuming

It wants to grab hold, not give

To consume you

And all around it

It is not violent though

It simply is

Heavy but not oppressive

Strong but small

Like cotton snow

As widespread as the air itself

I think it wants to show the world

Just how much it can be

Can fight

Be alive

I want to yell back

Me too! I'm here

And I'm alright.

I can see you! I can hear you! I /know/ you.

I feel you

I don't think it's so bad right now

To have a different view.

To begin anew

[rainflavoredcandy]

The land of the free, bald eagles and college

heyyyy

obligatory sorry for not posting for a long while ahahahah, but

Guess who's a freshman now :D

So many corn fields and churches around here which is a erm unique combination

Have not seen any eagles yet but I have seen many pigeons. Pigeons look the same everywhere for some reason.

America has been pretty great so far though!

college is fun!

dorms are cool!

Learning is great!

The food is killing me though ahhh

So much bread. Bread for lunch bread for breakfast bread for dinner (does pizza count as bread)

And honestly your KFC's are kinda bad ahaha the sodium and oil is off the charts :'D

anyway socializing is

Interesting

People are strange

They all do stuff in different yet similar ways

Watching groups form has also been weird

There's always layers and dynamics to everything

I'm worried I'll fall behind on that stuff if I spend too long analysing things though

Oh well

Relaxing feels like the right thing to do for now

And what's better than some tea and tumblr

all you lovely people are amazing! Thank you so much for writing, reading, being and sharing, it's all these small happy places that make everything so great, and so are you!

Here's to a great year and hopefully many happy memories 🌈

[rainflavoredcandy]

Prompt Tag

I was tagged by @wineberrywrites

prompt- write about the current weather.

Grey streaks swirl silently against a backdrop of white

The wind flows unburdened and relaxed

It is easy to breathe in

The hills loom in the distance

Behind a curtain of fog

It's as if the world is covered,

Muffled by itself

Everything hangs in balance

Watching and waiting

The sky itself seems indecisive

In the meantime the world remains still

Even the sounds of everyday life have become muted

The sun remains shining

An uneasy pallid peach

In that twilight zone between evening and nightfall

A choice remains to be made

Will it rain? Or will it not?

Thanks so much! This was really nice to write.

I tag @wordsforsadpeeps

[rainflavoredcandy]

Precious

Maybe some things are more precious because you never write them down

Writing things down is a warranty against forgetfulness

Being able to remember on the other hand

You only really remember the things important to you

If you write all the important things down

Then there's no reason to remember anymore

In the end what really is left?

Value.

In valuing something itself do we set ourselves up for despair

It's an interesting conundrum if nothing else

[rainflavoredcandy]

???

It's so hard to make friends??

Like

How???

Where's the manual for this thing?

also all the emo bands making their comebacks makes me very happy, that is all, thank you

[rainflavoredcandy]

Sorry the last post is a little sad, here are a few fruit puppers I drew to make up for it!

Behold, the bork-nana and the mighty straw-uhuhua. And the humble water-doggon and apple-nation.

They attacc, the protecc but most importantly they the snacc that smile bacc.

Also thank you for putting up with my non existent posting schedule and stuff, I really appreciate you guys whoever you are.

[rainflavoredcandy]

Two's company and one is lonely

Sometimes the world is a little too silent for me

The birds don't sing as often as they should

The sounds of rain are only a distant memory

And people are busy off doing what they do

My phone is silent most days too

But it's important to try right?

A contact opened, words typed in

Backspace, backspace,

Too much, too fast.

They'll hate you, they'll loathe you, they'll despise you, they'll -

Enough.

I sit and breathe instead

Thinking and being

I'm supposed to build myself my own happiness

But I seem to have lost the blueprints somewhere

There is a secret to this yes?

To be accepted more than shunned or worse ignored

I fear someday I will stop trying

Every time, that nagging feeling grows a little heavier.

A little stronger.

They don't want you.

They don't need you.

They don't care about you

They're not worth it

You're not worth it.

You speak, you are a burden

You don't, you are a recluse.

It'd be easy to sit alone and mope

It is hard, it always has been

But the few moments when everything works,

My world turns rainbow

Loving, being loved

I wish one day there will be more constants than uncertainties

For now though, I'm willing to sit through it all.

Making sure to enjoy the highs and fight through the lows.

Keep trying! Don't give up! Things worth finding are always hidden well.

I believe in you. And in me.

[rainflavoredcandy]

A beautiful mess

Most days

I feel like I have something stuck in my throat

I wonder what it is

That I need to say so desperately

I'm unable to form coherent thoughts

Until something, anything is expelled

Poison? might as well be

But

I would sooner die than give this up

Whatever it is

I live for the feeling.

[rainflavoredcandy]

Summer is here~ 🏖️

It's been a while since I last posted and I realise it doesn't really matter but I felt like I had to acknowledge that first.

Anyways, don't summers feel like a whole new year? So fresh, so exciting!

I have a few followers now and from the bottom of my heart thank you! You guys are awesome, and I promise I won't stalk your posts too much x)

On the one hand I'm happy someone out there is reading the silly things I post but I also have to actually think before I post things now, which is new. Living up to expectations is hard when you're not sure if they exist.

I'm going to keep at it though, because writing really is a wonderful thing, like dancing and singing and jumping all at once.

Also I've decided on a university! Going to major in journalism for now, but who knows where that'll go. Talking to new people online is hard, but maybe I'll be able to do it better in person.

It's reassuring to know some things will never change.

The sun will rise up everyday without fail and I'll keep getting lost no matter how straightforward the path.

Summers are also for sharing and healing I think.

It's not much, but.

Here's to sending some light and warmth and love into the world 💛

[rainflavoredcandy]

A View to be Worthy Of

Sometimes

The skies are grey

But they can also be green

It's a wonderfully wide world out there.

If you never look up

You never can truly see

So scared of falling over

That my eyes never leave the ground

The good thing about finally falling

Is that I can lie

And

Watch the clouds.