The Most Annoying Things About Living on Roshar
Notice that I said annoying. I’m not talking about real problems like, uh, slavery and war crimes and a broken social system and etc etc. I’m talking about things that I think would just kinda be annoying about living in Stormlight Archive.
1. You can’t tell little white lies about how you’re feeling.
Thanks to those pesky emotion spren always showing how you’re REALLY feeling! As illustrated here: https://www.tumblr.com/taravangians-storming-balls/716486386153291776/me-if-i-lived-on-roshar
2. If you’re Alethi or Alethi-influenced, you have to be religious to get food variety.
Are you a woman? Sweet food only! Are you a man? Spicy/savory food only! Want the food of a gender not your own? Looks like you need to join the church!
Outside of Shinovar, everything on Roshar is a crab. Crab-dogs, crab-cows, crab-bugs, crab-crabs, you get it. Which is great if you’re an animal who wants to be protected from the constantly dangerous weather, but bad if you’re a human who, like me, wants to pet things that are fluffy. I just feel like petting an axehound isn’t quite the same.
4. If you’re an Alethi woman with naturally hot hands, life sucks.
Now, I wouldn’t understand this myself, since I have icy hands forever, but some women have hands that naturally run hot. And yet those same women must, if they’re Alethi or Alethi-influenced, keep one hand covered at all times. That must be torture for Lady Hot Hands.
5. If you’re an Alethi man, you can’t kick back with a nice book.
At least prior to Dalinar, Alethi men could never just, like, chill out with a lovely book…at least, not without joining the church. And just because many men didn’t realize their loss does not make it any less sad.
6. “We’ve gotta get you a spren.”
Adolin is like the last main character to not have a spren. And I remember when someone said something like “We gotta get you a spren!” to Adolin in the same “jovial” tones as people keep saying, “You need a girlfriend!” to Kaladin. And that’s a lot of pressure. I think it would be annoying, especially to people who just don’t want to join the Radiants thank you very much.
7. You can’t share funny undertext with your guy friends.
If I were reading a book aloud to one of my guy friends and there was a funny undertext, I would be legitimately bummed that I was forbidden to share it with him due to a seemingly worldwide ladies agreement to hide the existence of the undertext from men. But, like, what if it was really funny?
8. The anxiety of constantly leaking Stormlight.
Gems constantly leak Stormlight, and they can only be renewed during storms. People are fairly casual about this in the books, but man, that would make me SO anxious, especially during the Weeping when apparently it’s just expected that all gems will just sort of run out. Like, in my actual life, if there’s a power outage, I’m there huddled like a little ferret nervously checking my phone battery every few seconds, watching the battery percentage tick slowly down and fretting about how I can’t recharge it until the power comes back on but who KNOWS when that will be.
…Okay, so maybe this one is just me.
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