It's me I guess

Is me an abro, genderfluid, angry, linguistic(ish), book-addict. He/She/They

[rapdrak]

Preminger is exactly what happens when you cross Astarion with Cazador

[that-house]

They say “bros before hoes” but neglect to mention that the bros are the hoes

[that-house]

me and the boytoys

[meowthefluffy]

Yeah I’ll reblog that

[sarahseeandersen]

Hey friends! I wanted to share that my side series, Cryptid Club, has reached it’s online half way point. Is it just me or is this going way too fast?!?

If you haven’t taken a look yet, here’s all the places you can find it:

Tumblr

Instagram

Facebook

Twitter

Webtoon

Tapastic

[rapdrak]

Centaurs - A Complete Anatomical Guide by someone who is way too curious about this topic

Alright blessed people, this is a post for all you folk who have forever been irritated by the fact the centaurs don’t make sense. 

How in the world does it make sense to have two torsos and six sets of limbs? Are they insect, are they mammal? Where is the line between the human anatomy and the horse? How do their two systems reconcile???

Well my friends, I’ve figured it out! Stayed up all night pondering the anatomy of centaurs, and here it is.

I’ll break this down into the different body systems similar to how you might find in an anatomy text book. 

Nervous System

There isn’t much to say about this since centaurs only have one brain. The brain would be anatomically identical to a human’s brain. 

This brain connects to their spinal cord which runs through both of their backs, making it very long. It would likely have a special kind of joint with extra protective cushioning right at the base of their “human” torso to allow for extra movement while still protecting the spine from damage. 

Aside from that the way that the nerves and brain work together would likely be the same as it would be in a horse or human, complete with instinctive reflexes. 

Circulatory and Respiratory Systems

I am putting these two systems together because, like in most animals, they are very closely related. 

To begin with, centaurs, having two torsos, would indeed have two hearts and two sets of lungs. How would this work, you ask? Let me explain. 

First, let’s take a look at what would happen if they only had one of each organ.

I started this particular train of thought imagining that they only had a human heart. A human heart always exists in size relative to the size of the body it is in. This ensures that it can supply enough blood to the body without overworking itself. However, in a centaur, the human heart would likely only be sized to fit the human torso. Thus, only having a human heart to supply both a human torso and a horse body - which alone is likely twice the area the heart would be able to power - would cause an insanely high blood pressure which would kill a centaur very quickly. This is especially true considering that centaurs are likely a very active nomadic race. 

So, just a human heart? Unrealistic. The same logic exist with only having a set of human lungs. It wouldn’t be enough to power their entire body. 

Now what about just having a horse heart with lungs? While these would be more likely have the power to sustain a body of that size, you still have the issue of gravity. 

If we look at most animals who only have one set of lungs and a heart, we see that the placement of these organs minimize the need to fight against gravity, with the strongest blood pressure being in the neck to push blood up to the brain. This usually means that these organs are situated closer to the center of the body, but closer to the head. 

For centaurs, if they only had a horse heart and lungs, would have to use insane amounts of pressure to push blood through the “human” torso. This would likely result in a chronic oxygen deficiency in the brain, and wearing down of the blood vessels, eventually resulting in death. 

Again, only having one set of a heart and lungs, regardless of which, is unrealistic. So how would it work to have both?

For this next bit, with having two sets of these organs, I’ll be referring to them as the primary heart/lungs and the secondary heart/lungs. The primary set is found in the “human” torso, with the secondary in the “horse”. They are located in the same positions as would be found in humans and horses respectively. When at rest, the primary heart and lungs supply most of the oxygen and blood to the rest of the body. During more strenuous activity, the secondary heart and lungs kick into full gear. 

To resolve the issue of a blood pressure that is too intense, both hearts actually work in tandem with each other. The primary heart takes the oxygen from the primary lungs and cycles it through the “human” torso, while still sending a large portion of blood to the secondary heart. The secondary heart then cycles that blood through the rest of the body. 

Now to understand how both lungs work, it is important to first understand how the “human” torso fits onto the “horse” body. A regular human torso would be too thin to fit realistically onto the shoulders of a horse. Therefore, a centaur’s “human” torso would be much broader than that of a regular human. This distinction allows for the primary lungs to be bigger than a human’s would be. This gives centaurs a greater total lung capacity (the total amount of air that the lungs can hold). A greater lung capacity makes it less likely that centaurs would experience oxygen deficiency when at rest or when doing daily activities the don’t require a lot of effort. It also prevents the lungs from needed to overwork to supply the needed amount of oxygen. 

Unlike the hearts, the secondary set of lungs, while still connected to the primary ones, are not active when the body is at rest. I realized that if these were active continuously, even at a very low level, it would likely use up more energy that it would be able to provide. 

Thus the secondary lungs would only function when the rest of the body is doing strenuous activity (running, fighting, etc.). Otherwise, these lungs would be closed off from the rest of the primary lungs to reduce the amount of dead space throughout the respiratory system. They would be closed off at the junction where the secondary set of bronchi connect to the primary ones. At the opening, there would be an organ similar to the epiglottis that can open and close as needed. All of this would be set up to optimize and maximize the use of oxygen. 

Now, when centaurs are being active that is when both sets of hearts and lungs function at full capacity. When one is more active, the body requires more oxygen. This need for more oxygen would signal for the secondary lungs to open and start working. As centaurs only have one nose/mouth the diaphragm in the “horse” body would have to be stronger in order to make up for the extra distance that the air has to travel before it reaches the secondary lungs. 

In addition, when being active the secondary heart no longer has to rely solely on the oxygenated blood from the primary heart as it can access oxygen from the secondary lungs. Thus, in these situations the two systems tend to function separately from each other to meet the needs of the body. As the body returns to a state of rest, these two systems start to go back to working together; the secondary lungs cease function and the secondary heart goes back to cycling the blood it receives from the primary. 

Digestive System

The digestive system is perhaps the most controversial and confusing part of considering how a centaur would work, secondary to the circulatory and respiratory systems. With an entire “human” torso and and entire “horse” torso, there is space enough for them to have two complete digestive systems. So would they?

Absolutely tf not. 

There is not a single logical reason that any being would need two complete digestive systems. Which means, centaurs would probably either have a very long esophagus that leads to a digestive system in the “horse”, or a very long intestine/rectum leading from a digestive system in the “human”, right?

While those are both possible, neither are particularly likely. What is more likely, is that both torsos share a single digestive system between them that is simply more spread out than either one would be on its own. 

Now, when trying to figure out how this digestive system would work, we have to consider the differences between a human digestive system and that of a horse. The biggest difference, is that humans are omnivores while horses are herbivores, thus their digestive systems are set up to break down different types of foods. Centaurs are likely, widely vegetarian, but it is possible that they eat meat occasionally as well. 

To reconcile this, it would make the most sense for centaurs to have both a human-like stomach and a horse-like stomach. The human-like stomach would be found in the “human” torso and would contain the enzymes to break down meat and other such food products. It would also have gastric acid with a lower pH which would help it to break down tougher substances. This makes it easier for these substances to pass through the body to the horse-like stomach. 

On average, the pH of human stomach acid is lower than the stomach acid of a horse, so it would also make sense for centaurs to have a thicker lining to their stomachs to prevent from things like ulcers. 

Aside from the stomach, the rest of the digestive system would follow the same pattern as that of a horse.

Reproductive System

The reproductive system of a centaur is fairly self-explanatory. Since the “human” torso doesn’t necessarily have the reproductive organs of a human, it is safe to assume that centaurs would reproduce the same way that horses do. 

This would also mean that they would feed their young the same way that horses do. This leads to one of my favorite facts about centaurs which is that they would not need, and therefore would not have nipples. The females would also not have breasts, making it more difficult to distinguish between male and female centaurs at a glance. 

Musculoskeletal System

The musculoskeletal system is one that I save for later because it requires a good amount of the previous information to understand. 

The first thing to know about a centaur’s musculoskeletal system is that for most of their body it is the same as a human’s or horse’s respectively. The biggest difference is at the spot where the “human” part and “horse” part meet. 

I have already mentioned that the spine would have a kind of joint that allows them to move more at that junction where “human” meets “horse”. Surrounding this joint are also various muscle groups that provides the power behind all that movement. At this spot, centaurs would move very similarly to the way a horse’s neck would. 

This is vital to centaurs for a few different reasons. The first is birthing. Due to the fact that centaurs give birth the same way horses do, the babies would have to be born in the same position. Below is a picture of the position horses are in when they are born:

Here you can see how the horse’s head lays against their legs. Centaur young would be in a similar position, with their “human” arms pulled against their chest and their “human” torso laying against their front legs. 

This means that they would need the muscle and the mobility to lean all the way forwards like this, as well as the muscle to return back into an upright position after birth. 

The second reason is for moving from a laying to a standing position. When horses go from laying to standing, they push up on their front legs first then their back legs. Below is a picture. 

It is reasonable to assume that centaurs would stand up in a similar fashion. However, centaurs are very front heavy due to their “human torsos”, so instead of putting their heads forward like you can see this horse doing, they would lean back to keep their balance. This also requires a different configuration of muscles to allow them to do that.

In general, the junction between “human” and “horse” on a centaur has to be very flexible, but it also has to be strong or else it ends up very unstable. 

So where is all this muscle you say? Simple, it is in the “human” torso. This also helps to explain why it makes sense for most of a centaur’s digestive to be in their “horse” body. While the lungs and heart take up most of the space in the upper part of their “human” torso, the lower part is almost entirely muscle anchoring them to the “horse” part of their bodies. 

The other main difference when it comes to humans, horses, and centaurs is found mostly in the infants. Whereas horse young are up and about in a matter of hours, human infants are unable to hold their own heads up for several months. Surely this would be the downfall in centaurs, no?

I don’t believe that this would be the case. While they do have to be flexible in order to be born, that doesn’t necessarily equate to them having weak necks or “human” spines. My theory is that after birth, the “human” torso of centaur young would stiffen particularly around their spines allowing very little movement. Over time as they build the muscle and the ability to hold themselves up, this stiffness would gradually fade. It also helps that the parents, having arms, would be able to support their young in standing, moving, eating, etc. 

This stiffness in the spine would most likely come from a serious of connective tissues that can essentially “lock” the spine into place. This would become something centaurs could likely control and would allow them to sleep upright for short periods of time the same way that horses do. 

Integumentary and Sensory System

While most centaurs are depicted as having horse skin and hair on their “horse” parts and human skin and hair on their “human” parts, I don’t think that this would be realistic. 

Horse hair functions as a barrier to things like weather and insects where as human hair cannot do these things. As a large nomadic race, it would make more sense for this horse hair to extend up onto their “human” torsos, possibly even on their arms. I don’t imagine the horse hair would grow on their faces and maybe not on their forearms or hands considering those areas are easier to reach and shield, but it makes sense for it to grow on their backs for instance. Imagining their chests covered in horse-like hair also makes it more comfortable to think about them not having nipples (sorry I’ll never let that bit go, lol). 

It is likely that they would still have human-like hair anywhere that the horse-like hair wasn’t. For instance, facial hair and hair on their head. 

The final feature of centaurs I will take the time to mention is that of their senses. The senses of touch, smell, sight, and taste would likely be the same as humans. The hearing of centaurs, however, would be more similar to that of a horse. 

Here is a diagram of a horse’s ear:

In a horse’s ear, the pinnae can each move individually. This allows horses to be able to hear multiple sounds at once. Horses can also hear sounds at a wider range than humans, which allows them to pick out sounds that can mean danger. It makes sense for centaurs’ ears to have similar functions. 

Overview

Overall, centaurs, if they were real, would be a mix of human and horse, taking certain traits from each to optimize survival. 

Now of course, I didn’t go into mass amounts of detail as this would take a lot more time and research than I am willing to go into at the moment. I have also opted not to discuss certain body systems, such as the endocrine system, really for the same reasons. Here I’ve really only gone over the basics for realistic centaur anatomy and physiology. The rest, I will leave open to your own interpretations.

I hope you enjoyed this. I might make more posts like this in the future about mythological creatures and their societies, anatomies, etc. 

If anyone has further questions about this or if there are other things you are curious about, feel free to ask. 

Thank you for reading!

[jokeace]

This is for a school project of mine about healthier eating, the availability of healthy foods due to a number of differing factors, and the ways in which grocery stores and food companies take advantage of their consumers.

I am attempting to collect a significant enough amount of data, from a variety of different places, in order to make my statistical analysis as diversely incorporative and accurate as possible.

It would really be helpful to have an abundance of replies, but I would be okay with even just a few, at this point.

I would greatly appreciate if your responses used the pre-determined numbers in my question, just to make things easier for me so that I don’t have to leave out any half numbers or any other anomalies like that.

This project has really been stressing me out as it makes up about half of my grade and I must submit it to a professional student articles journal. As such, I would like to thank you in advance for all of your help, I really do appreciate it!

Writing, and rewording, the question in hopes that it is able to be copied and pasted into whatever translator some people may use:

How often do you buy something from the grocery store that you had not planned on buying?

[rapdrak]

2, most times

[theconcealedweapon]

And you'll notice that the people threatening them are never labeled as "terrorists".

[satanfemme]

people with speech impediments, vocal stims, tics, stutters, an obvious accent, who are mute (to any degree), who talk to themselves, or who have any other noticeable vocal traits, you’re all really cool and wonderful and I’m wishing u all an epic and poggers night

[teennewssource]

hot girl summer is over it’s scary woman winter

[thisuserusesthis]

[madeleinejubileesaito]

Good morning to everyone who is going to troll an oil company today 😇

[madeleinejubileesaito]

The goal of bullying Big Oil companies over their climate tweets isn’t just to educate people about corporate hypocrisy. It’s to unite activists around the goal of taking away their social license to operate.

Oil majors have admitted to investors that their business would be in deep trouble without broad public support. They’ve also admitted the biggest threat to maintaining social license is public anger over climate change.

Oil companies could remedy this threat by winding down their fossil fuel operations, and investing heavily in renewable energy. But for the most part, they’ve chosen to combat public anger over climate change by investing in strategic communication.This consistent choice of empty climate words over meaningful climate action is why several Shell executives quit the company this week—and it’s why Heglar says social media call-outs are increasingly powerful.

– from this excellent article about why greentrolling is fun but also actually very effective: Drag them.The climate case for calling out fossil fuel companies online

[ask-the-multishipper-blog]

oh god what did i do

IT SUMMONS MAIL EVERYONE TRY IT

[nyfian-deactivated20150105]

HOLY FUCKING COW.

[carverly]

OKAY IT’S TRUE

[lookingforpack-deactivated20181]

WHAT

[imivi]

???

[kittyluvr69]

I THOUGHT IT WAS A JOKE

WHAT HOW

[daxin-freeborns-news-feed]

I’ve been wondering what message it sends for awhile now, apparently it’s random?

[kynisme-blog]

oh?

OH

[ohcaptainmycaptain1918]

#lmfao no way #why do i reblog these things #hahaha #urban legends #tumblr myths #im so gullible 

nO FUCKING WAY THIS JUST

[followpearlpinesnotthisblog]

gUYS NO JOKE I GOT “motor oil” IN MY ASK BOX I’M SCREAMINH

[goopy-amethyst-deactivated20250]

I HOPE U GUYS DON’T LIE 

[goopy-amethyst-deactivated20250]

THIS SHIT FUCKING WORKS WTF

[stach3nscarf3n]

you’re shitting me

HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THE WORL-

[blustrology-deactivated20180312]

i wanna see what happens

[annotateee]

it looks fun i guess

[little-white-noises]

Where did this even come from

[thefutaking]

This sho

[eddie-bullshit]

Wierd :o

[starlightdealer]

I want in

[mysterygirlsofficialtumbler]

I call doubt

[edeneye30]

Hmm

[amethysts-pants-official]

I D I D T H I S A N D I G O T A N A S K T H A T J U S T “ P A N T S ”

[nertleturtle]

i s2g-

[nertleturtle]

i fUKCIGN REBLOGGED THIS AND DAMN IT

[raging-kitten-deactivated201708]

I dont believe this

[thathighclassbitch]

My anon is off. Bout to catch this fucker.

[a-birdy-talks]

I don’t think it works like that…. It’s probably more like a deer, it won’t come out if it’s going to be caught… whatever it is that’s sending the messages x’D

[thathighclassbitch]

..what if it shows up as anon anyway?????

[a-birdy-talks]

O . O Then we know it’s a real myth and not just followers seeing you post this and sending random messages…. xD 

[angrybeardedbastard]

Hmmm

[katuki-yuri]

GUYS THIS SHIT WORKS

[lavendericy]

yolo

[decendedinhell]

I’m sure that this ain’t gonna work for me. Prove me wrong.

[totallynaf-deactivated20200218]

Hm.

[vampirojoto-remade-deactivated2]

ok i believe

[cuddlefights]

shrug emoji

[the-milk-was-expired-deactivate]

BITCH FUCK ME UP

[vorpalmango]

DROWN ME IN YOUR MESSAGES

[lvulic]

what is this mahogoney.

[cliche-ask-max-deactivated20171]

Dude wtf

[a-boy-and-his-gem]

((i am utterly confused))

[tabii-search-history-deactivate]

oh))

[neeancy-search-history]

Yeah right, as if it’s real…

(But I am actually desperately lonely and hoping it is)

[flowerscout-davey-search-history]

*rolls eyes* suuuure

[phoneykin]

//:^)))

[euphorickie]

pls

[retrostan-deactivated20180915]

NOT EVEN A MINUTE LATER

NOPE IM OUT

[sweetseaveydreams]

wot in tarnation 

can i get a hoopla

[themostbeautifulthing123]

Q?

[trashyeds]

I wanna see if something actualky happens

(UPDATE) it actually works

[finns-curls]

only doing this to see if something happens

(UPDATE - LMAO IT ACTUALLY WORKS)

[woahidiot]

OKAY LETS TRY IT

[vi-bi-bye]

Not even some magical being can make me get something on my inbox, that shit’s a fucking desert

[beep-beep-beverly]

Askbox empty will wait to see what happens

[beep-beep-beverly]

Ah it works I’m not having a crisis or anything I’m so confused

[vitalhemmings]

hm

[be-more-heidi-hansen]

they said “sorry, got caught in traffic” I’m knDJSMSN

[sluttykacchan-deactivated201910]

hm doES it really work?

[monkel-in-the-bathroom]

What the hell is this

[let-me-puke-in-ur-mouth-em]

If this works it will be the second thing to ever be in my ask box oof

[diego-hargreeves-official]

Aight let’s try

[tiso-heart]

i have tried this multiple times before and they all worked

i’m gonna be surprised if they still come in

[my-i-dont-even-know-mess]

Let’s try this bitch

[crab-07]

Let’s see if this still works

[charlessoda-deactivated20200226]

dont trick me, ya dingle

[lillypad-moved-deactivated20210]

I know for a fact that if I do receive something I’ll be super freaked out for no reason.

[theitalianscribe]

Let’s see what happens. I’ve lived long enough anyway.

[edaryn04]

Come at me

[dark-eyed-harmothoe]

I wanna

[so-lovelee]

please

[schrodingers-fyke]

Hmm… Maybe?

[strixton]

Holy shit it works!

[tech--romancer]

Ive got mail!

[itsmeeve1220-blog]

Let’s go gaymers lmao

[inkedmyths]

Why not? Will it bring people out of the woodwork?

[zonai-of-the-lost]

I want to see what will happen X3

[zonai-of-the-lost]

WHAT!?

HOW IS THIS REAL????

[mrstitanic]

I’m willing to try it.

[pheonixanxiety]

Let’s end this once and for all. I never get asks.

[pheonixanxiety]

No. I refuse to believe that this is real.

[anon-anti]

ha͡h҉aha҉hah͢a̕

[lemons-lies-crimes]

This exactly the kind of chaotic bull I signed up for

[dragonindigo245]

… does it work

[the-duke-of-deodorant]

Sorry for the long post but 👀let’s see what happens here

[loganquotesthings-blog]

I summon y’all come to my inbox spam it til it fALLS TO IT’S KNEES

[a-dumb-bitch-apparently]

I can’t sleep so I hope this works

[vix-the-fruity-bi]

Meh, i domt believe it, but, prove me wrong i guess

[dragonindigo245]

Same mate

[the-rogue-hug-thief-deactivated]

Press X to doubt 

[sp00ks-odyssey-deactivated20250]

hmmmm I do doubt so 

X

[legendofzeldafan05]

i want

[shandycandy278]

Ha

[satirical-spiritsmoved]

This is highly likely to be fake but hey, you never dive you never live right?

[smally-poly-and-off-the-wally]

PLEASE

[the-king-of-silver-deactivated2]

does it work??

[monchursouls]

Did it work?

[fieryfantasybooklover]

Oh?

[rusty-rapscallion-deactivated20]

probably won’t work but yeah

[nonbinary-in-a-suit]

P L E A S E W O R K

[i-just-dont-like-him]

IM SCARED, IT WORKED

[nonbinary-in-a-suit]

WTF MAN

[just--quinn-deactivated20200926]

lmao this is a whole ass lie, prove me wrong

[alexmey-does-an-arts]

this is fake lmao

[lowkeyjustvibing]

I’m intrigued

[claire-cant-function]

Lol these never work but imma try anyways

[quinnfebrey]

asians: pls care about racism against us

tumblr:

[quinnfebrey]

like literally the fact that this has 9 notes (and most other posts abt asian american rep i’ve seen, rbed, or written have similar amounts), is proving my point. every time i reblog or post anything about racism agains asians, i can literally see everyone scrolling past it. not even given a performative like. are y’all consciously ignoring it or are you truly just that desensitized to racism against asians?

[madsinactivelol]

May I add:

Dont fetishize asians.

Dont make coronavirus jokes about asians. (Yes, it’s still happening, and it’s still a problem.)

Dont like?? Stereotype asians? Not every asian you’re going to meet is good at math or lives on a diet of rice, that’s just rude as hell and wrong

[reihara-deactivated20220417]

Exactly. Speak up for everyone.

Keep the same energy for racism against all asians as we do with other races. That includes more than just east asians. Asia is more than China, Japan and Korea.

And I see y'all, you’re really selective about the shit y'all reblog from me. This should have more than one reblog.

[bittersweetsadboi]

WARNING!!!!

People, please be careful. There are also people tracking children and people and putting bids on them based on their profile pictures on whatsapp, tracking and kidnapping them. Especially young children, so please be cautious, especially parents who have their children as their profile pictures.

Please pass this on to everyone so that they are aware of the danger. I don’t how it is all around the world but I know it can’t just be here so please please spread the word. Thank you.

[gallileawinds]

oh my god

[tollhousecookiedough-deactivate]

I HAVE BEEN GETTING THIS TEXT REGULARLY FOR WEEKS

HOLY SHIT THANK GOD I DIDN’T

[imagine-that-one-thing]

I’ve gotten a few of these. Never ever click a link from an unknown number!!!

[thefartshart]

oh yeahhhh, I saw that on snapchat. it’s been freakin’ EVERYWHERE lately. i haven’t been getting the text, luckily, but im still extremely cautious about it. shit’s scary.

not just girls, but boys and other genders have to be careful as well. this could happen to anyone. please be safe, my friends <3

[finninsanelycoolish-deactivated]

FOR ALL THE YOUNGER PEOPLE THAT FOLLOW. YOU GUYS ARE SMART. YOU KNOW THIS. BUT JUST IN CASE THERE ARE SOME WHO MIGHT NOT. THAT DOESN’T MAKE YOU NOT SMART, PERHAPS JUST LESS INFORMED. 

DO NOT CLICK LINKS IN TEXTS EVER. GO TO ACTUAL WEBSITES FOR ONES YOU RECOGNIZE AND TYPE IN THE URL. OR A BOOKMARK IF YOU HAVE ONE. DON’T CLICK LINKS IN TEXTS AND SOCIAL MEDIA MESSAGES/DMS AND EMAILS. EVEN IF YOU KNOW THE PERSON. TAKE EXTREME CAUTION. 

IF YOU’RE GUTS SAYS EH WOULDN’T DO THAT BUDDY. LISTEN. 

ALSO SIGNAL BOOST THE HELL OUT OF THIS

[67-chevy-baby]

I DON’T CARE WHAT YOUR BLOG THEME IS!! REPOST THIS TO SAVE A LIFE!!

[twiixr4kidz]

!!!!!!!!!

[xxbensoloxx-deactivated20210430]

PLEASE REBLOG! THIS IS VERY SERIOUS!!

[fard-man-deactivated20211120]

uh no im not allowing sex trafficking imma just reblog thisss- 

[bunnypawws]

!!!! Reblog !!!!

[glowinthedarkjello-deactivated2]

RE-FOKIN-BLOG MATE

[solisitude]

Stop whatever the fuck you’re doing and 

REBLOG

[perenial]

chag chanukah sameach let's get lit 🕎

[teaboot]

This may just be my experience as an autistic person, but the kids I’ve nannied whose parent’s complain of ‘bad awful in cooperative selfish autistic behavior’ are… Not like that? At all?

Like, for example, I cared for a kid for a while who was nonverbal and didn’t like being touched. Around six years old? Their parent said that they were fussy and had a strict schedule, and that they had problems getting them to eat. Their last few nannies had quit out of frustration.

So, I showed up. And for the first little while, it was awkward. The kid didn’t know me, I didn’t know them, you know how it is. And for the first… Day and a half, maybe? I fucked up a few times.

I changed their diaper and they screamed at me. I put the TV off and they threw things. Not fun, but regular upset kid stuff.

Next time, I figured, hell, I wouldn’t like being manhandled and ordered around either. Who likes being physically lifted out of whatever it is they’re doing and having their pants yanked off? Fucking few, that’s who.

Next time, I go, ‘hey, kiddo. You need a new diaper?’ and check. ‘I’m gonna go grab a new one and get you clean, okay?’ 'Wanna find a spot to lay down?’ 'Alright, almost done. Awesome job, thanks buddy’.

I learned stuff about them. They liked a heads up before I did anything disruptive. They didn’t mind that I rattled of about nothing all day. They didn’t like grass or plastic touching their back. They were okay with carpets and towels. They liked pictionary, and the color yellow, and fish crackers, and painting. They didn’t look me in the face (which was never an issue- I hate that too, it fucking sucks) but I never had reason to believe that they were ignoring me.

Once I learned what I was doing wrong, everything was fine. Did they magically “”“become normal”“” and start talking and laughing and hugging? No, but we had fun and had a good time and found a compromise between what I was comfortable with and what they were comfortable with. (For the record, I didn’t magically sailor-moon transform into a socially adept individual, either. In case anyone was wondering.)

I don’t like eye contact. It’s distracting and painful and stresses me out.

They didn’t like eye contact either.

Is eye contact necessary to communication? No. So we just didn’t do it.

Was there ever a situation where I HAD to force them to drop everything and lay down on the lawn? No. So the thirty second warning came into play, and nobody died.

“But they never talked!”

No, they didn’t. And they didn’t know ASL, and they didn’t like being touched.

So you know what happened?

My third day in, they tugged on my shirt. 'Hey monkey, what’s up?’ I asked. And they tugged me towards the kitchen. 'oh, cool. You hungry?’. They raised their hands in an 'up’ gesture. 'you want up? Cool.’ and I lifted them up. They pointed to the fridge. I opened it. They grabbed a juice box out of the top shelf, and pushed the door closed again. 'oh sweet, grape is the best. You are an individual of refined taste.’ I put them down and they went back to their room to play Legos.

“But they didn’t say please or thank you!” “But you should be teaching them communication skills!” “But!” Lalalalala.

1. The entire interaction was entirely considerate and polite. I was never made uncomfortable. I was made aware of the problem so that I could help them solve it. There was no mess, no tears, no bruises, no shouting.

2. Did my brain collapse into a thousand million fragments of shattered diamond dust out of sheer incomprehension? No? Then their communication skills were fine. Goal realized, solution found, objective complete. They found the most simple and painless way to communicate the situation and then did it.

Kids are not stupid. AUTISTIC kids are not stupid.

I’m willing to bet real cash money that the real reason the last few nannies had quit had a million times more to do with their own ability to cope, not the kid’s.

To this day, that was the most relaxed and enjoyable job I’ve ever had.

And I know I don’t speak for everyone. All kids are different. All adults are different. But in my time and experience, pretty much 95% of all my difficulties with children come from ME not being understanding enough. Every single “problem child” I’ve worked with turned out to be a pretty cool person once I started figuring out how to put my ego aside and let them set the pace.

Again, not speaking universally, here. I’m just saying. Sometimes social rules are bullshit, you know? People are people

[dankmemeuniversity]

[babealore]

Rich people truly live in a different dimension

[beowulf22121]

Yes! They do! I’ve been trying to get that point to stick and people just don’t follow. The president thinks insurance costs $12 a year.

My old boss’s sister didn’t think we should be paid enough to afford smart phones because (her words) “You peasants work for us, peasants don’t deserve enough money for those things.”

I was once invited to a dinner event. Turns out there was a raffle. I mentioned that if I had known I’d have stopped at the bank for some cash. Nothing was said, but the “You don’t carry a minimum $200 everywhere?” was felt in the body language of everyone within 50 feet. Old boss would get KFC every day. He was hospitalized and had to have bits of intestine removed. First day back he was eating KFC because “Well the doctor fixed everything, so why not?”

If old boss didn’t take home a million dollars in a month the company was “Having a bad time of things.” That’s not sales, or total gain, that’s his paycheck. He owned the building so the company he owned that operated inside the building paid him $33,000 a month, and that didn’t count towards his paycheck. Monthly, his company would pay him rent greater than what he was paying me yearly, and it was so little to him that he didn’t count it as income.

To a rich person, something punishable by a fine is just a thing you have to pay for permission to do. You want to go to the movies? Sure that’s $8 a person. You want to park in the fire zone? Sure, that’s $750 for parking. No big deal.

Rich people live in such a different place than everyone else.

[desperate-acts-of-capitalism]

The ruling class is able to purchase actions with no concequences

[thegeminisage]

one of many reasons castiel spent the first year of knowing dean trying not to strangle him: dean’s weird little winchester-only dialect

i’m fucking obsessed with this right now, so buckle in for a meta. a cool fun (horrible) thing about dean’s dialogue is that a good 90% of what comes out of his mouth is:

a pop culture reference (“you’re just gonna take some divine bong hit, and shazam, you’re roma downey?”)

references to real life phenomenon (“i don’t wanna wake up missing a kidney in a bathtub full of ice” “try new mexico, i hear he’s on a tortilla”)

these also often take the form of nicknames, and dean has a tendency to give people nicknames in general or call them something besides their given name, whether it’s affectionate or rude (“easy there, van damme” “so i’m girl interrupted” furthermore castiel = cas, ezekiel = zeke, etc, see also frequent use of “chucklehead” “asshat” and on the nicer/endearments end “buddy” “pal” “sunshine” etc)

an idiom (“a snowball’s chance” “if it smells like a duck…”)

slang (“drinking the koolaid” “jonesing for some hooch” not to mention the literal endless amount of words dean uses to refer to killing - gank, waste, juice, ice, etc)

a metaphor (“power up your batteries” “fly me back to my page on the calendar”)

a euphemism (“cloud seeding” “i’d have given you an hour alone with her first”)

sarcasm (his habit of replying “peachy” or “super” when asked how he is)

wordplay (see: the entire “vampirate” and “werepire” debacles)

completely nonsensical (guessing what happened to a magical artifact: “it was dug up by tomb raiders? it was seized by the king of the dead by warlords?”)

said at lightning speed - if you pay attention, dean actually talks a LOT, usually a mile a minute (this makes me feel a way when you recall him being nonverbal for a year at age 4 but that’s another post)

slang IN ANOTHER LANGUAGE (casual usage of “guano,” etc)

a lie, a deflection, a joke, etc

or worse, something dean’s NOT saying, deliberately, because he’s one of the most repressed people on earth

the end result of all this being:

dean winchester is utterly infuckingcomprehensible. 

think about this. there’s an ENTIRE SECTION on EVERY SINGLE EPISODE PAGE of the spn wiki devoted to JUST explaining dean’s pop culture references, because the average viewer won’t have seen everything he’s talking about either. they have a whole page for this called “hunter’s lingo,” but honestly, it’s not all hunters, just sam and dean’s fucking batshit communication style. even i don’t understand dean half the time. SAM gets it, sam speaks it back to dean a lot in the early seasons, but that’s because sam and dean are 1. practically two halves of the same person 2. FREAKS. every time we get an episode that involves outsider POV is devoted to them going “what the fuck is WRONG with them?”

enter castiel. technically speaking, the show implies that angels are omnilingual. castiel should understand every language known to man, but knowing the meaning of words doesn’t help him understand the following:

pop culture references

references to real life phenomenon

nicknames

idioms

slang

metaphors

euphemisms

sarcasm

wordplay

you get the idea.

listen to me. look me in the eyes. castiel cannot understand a single fucking word that comes out of dean’s mouth. my guy laid a hand on dean winchester in hell and immediately fell in love with him and has no fucking idea what he’s talking about ever. because not only is dean winchester’s way of speaking CLINICALLY insane, and sometimes incomprehensible even to other human beings who are not sam, castiel is an angel, and someone prone to taking things even more literally than other angels do

go back and watch and watch seasons 4-5 especially. the reason cas does so much squinting and head tilting is because every time dean opens his mouth castiel has to open up his mental “dean winchester dictionary” and translate entire paragraphs on the fly, because again, dean never shuts up!

what makes this extra hilarious to me is this gem:

this line is from 5.13. at this point cas has known dean for AN ENTIRE YEAR AND A HALF. what you see here is my guy SNAPPING. cas made an EFFORT in this scene. he asked who glenn close was. he’s telling dean that he can’t understand him. he is doing his level best to have a normal conversation with this guy he has a crush on and for the life of him he cannot do it (equal but opposite energy to cas blowing up the gas station and motel room in 4.01, tbh)

yes, cas can understand dean’s tone. he can use context clues, and he usually gets the general idea. and when cas DOES understand dean’s jokes, he laughs at them. the first time we ever see him smile is during their 4.07 heart-to-heart when dean says “it was a witch, not the tet offensive.” since cas has knowledge of human history, he knows what the tet offensive is; he got the joke, and he laughed.

but as far as actual dialogue goes, he consistently struggles to keep up. even after metatron gives castiel the pop culture knowledge in season 9, cas struggles to put it to put it to proper use (dean: “you wanna just walk right into the death star?” cas: “what does a fictional battle station have to do with this?”). whenever he asks dean to clarify it’s always when he’s most annoyed, like most of the time he knows it would be futile but he’s too annoyed to care. (dean: “i don’t know who’s on first, what’s on second!” cas: “what IS second???”) i’m pretty sure he spends seasons 4-6 wanting to shake dean by the shoulders and ask him why he is LIKE THIS. 

it takes cas - who, again, is omnilingual - YEARS to begin to acclimate to dean’s speech and start speaking that language back to him. it’s season 8 before we start really hearing him use slang, season 9 before he begins to understand wordplay, season 10 before he starts using pop culture references (to other angels, who immediately fail to understand him, which disappoints him immensely), and season 11 before he really gets into metaphors. i don’t remember what season he started using “yeah” instead of “yes” but i do know it took a really damn long time. 

and honestly, i don’t think cas truly got the hang of it until at least season 11-12. that’s something like 7 or 8 YEARS. it’s more than half the time they’ve known each other at the point of the series finale. 

so what’s true romance, fellas? it’s falling completely and totally in love with the most inexplicable person you will ever meet in your whole 4.5 billion year life, even though you have yet to understand a single thing he’s ever said to you. thank you for coming to my ted talk

[rapdrak]

Cas be like, "I am an almighty Angel of the Lord, I spent thousands of years learning every language in existence, and for WHAT?? For my charge to have invented an entirely new one! Who are you, Dean Winchester, and what do you want from me???"

[rapdrak]

I see this as Castiel watching over young Dean and Sam. It would honestly look so stunning like that. Don't you think?