Andulka
Not today Justin
sheepfilms
Sade Olutola
shark vs the universe
h
No title available
styofa doing anything
pixel skylines
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
PR's Tumblrdome
DEAR READER
Three Goblin Art
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
almost home
YOU ARE THE REASON
wallacepolsom
No title available
art blog(derogatory)
seen from United States
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@rdmc13
Funniest part about Robin Jason canonically going to heaven is that it implies either 1) Jason didn’t kill Felipe and Bruce completely blew up their relationship for no reason or 2) you’re allowed in heaven after killing someone as long as that someone really deserved it, which would then imply that heaven itself is on Jason’s side in the Jason vs Bruce conflict.
Red Hood Au
Red Hood before he reveals himself, decides to fuck with the bats one day when he comes upon Batman and Spoiler arguing and she yells “your not my dad, you can’t tell me what to do!”
Red Hood gleefully throws out “His my dad and he can’t even tell me what to do.”
Batman/Spoiler: What
Red Hood: did mom not warn you about me?
Spoiler: WHOSE YOUR MOM!? (She is delighted to have all the gossip first)
Red Hood: Talia
ex.Batman.has stopped working
Spoiler: who???
Red Hood: *points finger* I like you
Later
Dick: TALIA AL’GHUL, ARE YOU CRAZY!?
Bruce: *tiny whisper* she said she had a miscarriage
Tim: wait how old does this make him!?
Bruce: He shouldn’t be as old as he is now
Tim: is he like Kon? Made older in a lab?
Bruce: Talia wouldn’t do that
Dick: Talia would 100% do that.
(Also yes Jason 100% called Talia to warn her about what he did. Shes ignoring Bruce’s calls.)
Evacuation
hold on this is the third time I’m dying over thai post but
TWITTER FOR TEXAS INSTRUMENTS CALCULATOR Ti-84???????? JASON 😭
Constantine’s apprentice
“Whose sidekick is this?” Barry asks.
Everyone in the watchtower turns to look at the skinny, black-haired teenager sitting patiently in the corner. He’s got big round blue eyes, and smiles and waves at the heroes when they look at him. He would be perfect bat-bait if he weren’t also the picture of innocence.
(Every Robin in existence has had an unmistakable aura of menace around them.)
That wide-eyed innocence is precisely why it’s such a surprise when the kid answers “I’m here with John Constantine”
“John Constantine?” Zattana asks, bewildered and worried all at once. She knows better than most how it feels to be burned by Constantine, and is instantly angry on the kid’s behalf.
“Someone call?” The man himself asks, as he steps into the room, bag of chips in hand.
“Why do you have an apprentice?” Zattana demands, accusatory.
John tsks and frowns, directing his next words towards the teen in question, “I told you no, kid.” Then he turns back to Zattana and the room at large, and says, “I’m dropping this kid off here. He’s being hunted by the US feds. Hole in the meta human rights bill. He is not,” John’s eyes slide back over to the kid, “my apprentice.”
The kid (and someone should really ask his name, sooner or later) frowns and crosses his arms. Now he looks more like a Robin.
“And why not?” He whines. “You’ve been teaching me just fine so far. I haven’t even been that annoying!”
“Son, no,” Hal Jordan speaks up from the back. “You’re lucky to have made it this far, you don’t want to spend any more time in Constantine’s company than necessary.”
Zattana nods and says, “he’s got a habit of sacrificing others. It’s usually for the greater good, but still… you don’t want to be the nearest convenient sacrifice.”
“Really feeling the love in here.” John mutters.
“Well… it’s true, isn’t it?” Dick shrugs apologetically.
“Not to mention you’re just a bad role model in general.” Hal tacks on with a shit-eating grin.
“Is that all?” The kid asks.
“Do you… need more?” Dick asks. “Betrayal in a life-or-death situation isn’t a small thing, kiddo.”
The kid (and really, someone needs to ask his name. And also get the report on that hole in the meta rights) just looks at John with a supremely unimpressed expression. “Y’know I haven’t been relying on you for my safety this whole time, right? We were always safe, I just stuck with you to learn magic.”
“Danny, what the hell,” John says.
Ah, so the increasingly-more-Robin-like kid’s name was Danny. Good to know.
Danny shrugs, and says with a smug smile, “the night before we left Amity Park, I contacted an omniscient time-god from another dimension and blackmailed them into giving me forewarning for any dangerous situations I might get into. I think the specific wording was ‘enough forewarning to be able to escape any situation resulting in my death, capture, torture, loss of powers, or sanity.’”
The watchtower is completely silent for a count of three.
Then Dick snorts.
“Did… did John Constantine get conned?” Barry asks with glee.
“God I hope so…” Zattana breathes.
“I really appreciate you taking me this whole way, though.” Danny says to John. “I definitely want to get a few autographs.” He says with an innocent smile.
It’s at this moment that it sinks in for the whole room that a kid tricked John Constantine into traipsing across some portion of America with him for no reason.
Hal doubles over laughing.
“You’ve been blackmailing a god this whole time?” John checks, face blank.
“Uh huh,”
“You were able to trick an omniscient being, and now have struck a deal for divine intervention any time you’re in danger?”
“Yup,” Danny pops the ‘p’
“You’ve been wheedling magic lessons out of me for weeks with the full knowledge that my only reason for sticking around — to safely get you to the watchtower — was a complete waste of my time because you are effectively safe for the rest of your life in every situation forever?”
“Uh, yes? To be clear, Clockwork won’t intervene in situations where I can handle it myself. But if I’m ever in over my head, then they’ll show me a solution.”
The room is filled with poorly concealed grins, and not-at-all concealed appraising looks. After a long moment, John finally throws his hands up in the air.
“Fine!” He says, exasperated. “I guess you’re my apprentice!”
Do you think it's like a rite of passage for every new generation of xmen to momentarily feel like it's kind of fucked up to be trying to kick the shit out of a senior citizen until magneto crumples someone into a cube like a trash compactor in front of them and they're just like Oh Ok
On the one hand I'm sure everyone else is very heavily emphasizing that magneto is Theee big bad of all time and so on and so forth the whole time the new ones are training but also. Like. Imagine you're the new new new mutants or whatever and somebody manages to actually knock magneto over and he stays on the ground for a second and you're kind of looking at each other like. Guys isn't he *really* old what if we just killed magneto & then the entire city starts shaking while he's getting back on his feet & you're like ohhh he's just REALLY ANGRY now. Ok :) oh that's bad :/ oh shit. Uh oh
[ID: tags from @transguyhawkeye that read, "#having a panic attack over whether you just broke magnetos hip meanwhile he just separated wolverine into recycling and organics for the #third time this week" /end ID]
Magneto’s Secondary Mutation might as well just be immortality of some kind at this point cause they’re never letting him die and you can’t change his backstory from “survivor of the holocaust”
Magneto genuinely being like 100 years old and just inexplicably jacked is my favorite thing. There's always some comic book bullshit about "ohh in uncanny xmen #42069 magneto got de-aged and re-aged and rehydrated and got a facelift face beat body snatched time-slimed pussy popped" or whatever and that can be part of the vibe but at the end of the day "Magneto's Just Like That" rings true in my heart
too angry to undergo senescence and decline
True. If magneto ever chilled out he'd turn into flower petals and blow away in the wind like master oogway. Kept on this bitch of an earth 616 by pure rage alone
Mutants born after 2010 making 9/11 jokes
Magneto:
Honestly I don't know how he would react but I'm sitting here stunned at the thought of this
Would magneto think 9/11 jokes are funny
yes
no
Ellie: wow cool!! So we’re really related?
Bruce: yup. I’m your father.
Ellie: cool!
Batfam:
Ellie:
Ellie: sooooo, hypothetically….. if I was a clone
Jason who is still hesitant to spend any of Bruce’s money until…
Bruce: Hey, what’s this charge on my card? $1000 for… Robux? Is that like cryptocurrency?
Jason: Uh. I wanted VIP in ‘Dress to Impress’ and then I realised I could customise my avatar and then I wanted to buy items in-game and-
Bruce: Oh, so it’s like a video game thing? And not crypto? That’s fine then.
Dick, a Runway Diva in DTI: You play fucking Roblox? Lame.
Jason: Yeah? You would too if you had any joy or whimsy in your heart.
Tim, has been spending hundreds on Roblox using Bruce’s card for months, knows Bruce knows what Roblox is: Oh, Roblox! I’ve heard of that, it’s like… minecraft but mini games, right?
Jason, eye twitching: Something like that.
Damian, has also spent hundreds of Bruce’s dollars on Robux recently: It sounds like a frivolous investment. But whatever makes you happy, Todd.
Duke: Wait… I am not using my free will and rich adults to my advantage. I’ve been doing free to play shit this whole time. Bruce, give me your card.
Bruce, bewildered but supportive: O-okay?
Steph, who has been using Tim’s money (which is Bruce’s money) for Robux: Hey, I also want your card. (She does not intend to buy Robux. God knows what she will purchase. I support her.)
Titans tower summary ft that 1 quote
Danny is sitting inside Jitters sipping his coffee and watching Flash get his ass absolutely handed to him across the street by Captain Cold. He thinks Flash is having one of Those Days cause this is honestly getting really hard to watch.
And that’s Danny ‘King-of-scrappy-I-will-throw-sand-in-your-eyes-for-an-advantage’ Nightingale saying that. Alas there is no sand here. Only concrete.
Oh, those ice beams are getting awful close. Oh wow, okay, maybe the Flash is going to actually die right now. Is Danny about to witness murder? Huh.
Okay. Maybe he should…help. Now.
Cold takes a step just close enough to Danny’s table outside and Danny just splashes his super hot coffee on the freeze gun. Shorting out its system and rendering it a sparking mess that catches on fire.
Captain Cold just stands there bewildered. Before dropping it because it burned his hand.
“What the fuck kid?!”
“…You were getting to close to my cinnamon roll. This was the last one they have for the day since the baker had to go home.”
Captain Cold getting progressively more wound up about not being able to get one over on this random kid.
Imagine Dick actually adopted Jason. Like that's so chaotic— especially when Jason comes back from the dead.
12 year old Jason: Hey, Dick? Since I'm adopted by you, does that mean you're my father?
18 year old Dick: ...I'm still too young to called dad so no, I'm just your legal guardian.
Jason: Okay, dad.
Dick, tearing up: Please no.
——————
Jason after resurrection as Red Hood: I am your son.
Dick dating Wally: Tf?????? How would I— JASON?
——————
Bruce: All of you are my sons.
Jason: Technically, I'm your grandson.
Damian and Tim: ?????? What.
Dick: Technically he's right. You've been a grandpa since I was 18.
Bruce: ...Fuck, I forgot about that.
Damian and Tim: WHAT THE FUCK?????
——————
Bruce and Jason arguing:
Bruce: You're grounded!
Jason: TF? You're not my dad, Dick is!
Dick: Please, for the last time, I'm not really your dad.
Jason's dramatic ass: GASPS?! I'M ADOPTED?!
For the third time in as many minutes, Phantom's phone goes off in the Watchtower.
The first two times it was silenced and ignored - this time the young ghost whips it out with an irritated, "Oh for the love of-" and hits answer.
"What?!"
"Respectfully, my liege, I ask that you reconsider my proposal on-"
"Not today, Satan," Phantom cuts in dryly and hangs up.
Most every member of the Justice League present smiles or chuckles - the young ghost is their newest member, and his humor is always appreciated.
Constantine on the other hand is frozen and sweating bullets, because he recognized the voice on the phone.
That was honest to fucking God Satan himself.
Considering Constantine stabbed the current Satan in the face with a broken wine bottle, I’m not exactly buying John’s go to reaction to hearing this as fear and not “hell Yeah, I’ll drink to that, fuck that guy”
The man is going to laugh about it while chain smoking
John recognized that voice. He wanted to laugh but he knew he shouldn’t make light of things… but it was Satan. It was funny.
He sweat harder, trying to get a grip.
“Can you believe that guy? So needy!” Phantom whined.
John snorted, “let him rot in Hell by himself. He deserves it, the bloody incel.”
“HA!” Phantom clapped, “Ancients yes! I’m glad someone gets it!”
Meanwhile, Satan gets a shiver down his spine, unsure of what's happened.
The next time he tries calling Phantom, Phantom throws one (1) John Constantine at him. This proves to be wildly effective.
Fucking love it when the GCPD “declares war” on Batman and like genuinely tries to arrest him. They’re like, “Put your hands up! We got you now!” Explain to me what you expect to happen, cop boy. Explain to me in words I can understand.
Jason: my eyes aren’t the only thing that turned green and glow in the dark, my bones did too
Steph: why aren’t your teeth green then?
Jason: I use teeth whitener, people would think I don’t brush my teeth and only eat out of the Gotham sewers if I let them stay green
Jason, quieter: plus I freak myself out in the mirror when I just see glowing green eyes and teeth in the middle of a dark room, it’s like some fucked up Cheshire Cat
Jason: but glowing bones have gotten me out of quite a few predicaments before
Tim: how so?
Jason: well you see, some guy was trying to kill me like 3 weeks ago, and he hurt me so bad you could see the bone, and the glowing green threw him off and made him so scared he ran and didn’t finish the job, which allowed me to get away undead, so like it’s really been more of a help than a hinderance
Bruce: I’m sorry, what happened now?
Jason: oh I forgot, you weren’t there, you see I died in an explosion and then an unrelated incident you weren’t there for either happened where my corpse was reanimated against my will and bonded together by a green liquid glue to piece together the parts of me left into a morphed monster of my previous self
Dick: I think he meant about the some dude hurting you til you could see bone and trying to kill you
Jason: oh I know, but I like making him feel bad about my death still, cause sometimes we start getting too chummy and I need to remind him that we aren’t close and I don’t owe him information about me
Duke: Jesus Christ go to therapy or something
Jason: you’re one to talk, how many foster homes have you run from? Didn’t you jump out of a moving police car after being arrested? You are just as anti-authoritarian as I am, we just have different targets
Dick is only funny on his Nightwing account
conner kent has INCREDIBLE self control, cause if i came back from being dead to find out Tim Drake tried to clone me 99 times because he missed me so much, i’d immediately make him my bride
Made me cackle
Twitter AU Masterpost
I decided to compile a list of my Twitter posts, and just put in a little summary of what goes on in each so anyone who wants to can find whichever one they want.
Part 1
Damian bullies Bruce and Dick messes with him, Bruce simps for Superman on main and Clark and Damian take on a hater in the replies, Jason wants to be verified and his siblings bully him a little.
Part 2
A fan of Nightwing's gets a picture of him and Robin and Red Robin battle it out in the replies while Flash stirs up shit, Donna posts a picture of Dick and the Fab Five take on a hater, Damian texts Dick about his profile picture, a lucky Gothamite snaps not one but two pictures of Batblob.
Part 3
Nightwing posts a picture and the people of Bludhaven take the time to appreciate him, Red Robin reminisces about kicking Red Hood and Red Hood gets bullied some more, Batman posts a picture of baby Robin!Dick and everyone coos over it, Riddler questions how Batman got his Twitter handle.
Part 4
A warning is issued for Gotham vigilantes about Batman and Catwoman getting busy and Nightwing's trauma about this is addressed, the debate over Batman's sex life is put to rest, Talia issues a clarification and sets the record straight, Gotham discusses Bruce's emo era.
Part 5
Lex hateposts about superheroes and Bruce annihilates him in the replies, there's an investigation into the matter of Luthor's handle, a mysterious troll makes an appearance, Dick questions Clark, Bruce reveals his and Clark's shenanigans from Dick's Robin days, and a hater is given even more power.
Part 6
Lex is salty and Lois and Clark tear him apart, Superman posts a picture and is accused of plagiarism, Nightwing starts a trend, Babs takes issue with her overuse of coffee being questioned.
Part 7
Oracle and Red Hood reveal the story of why Joker is banned from Twitter, the people of Gotham reminisce about an old tradition, Bruce gets roasted by Alfred, Damian has a wholesome interaction.
Part 8
Damian bonds with Dick and gets trolled by Steph, Spoiler finally creates an account, Spoiler poses a question to the people of Gotham, Batman is bullied by his kids and a billionaire.
Part 9
Spoiler gets a present, mistakes have consequences, Red Robin questions Nightwing's decisions, a resident of North Dakota has a life changing experience.
Part 10
Some well-meaning Gothamites stand up for Red Hood and Oracle gives a history lesson, an old face makes a less than triumphant return, the fab five have some fun, a relatable photo of Batman reveals something more and a new player enters the picture.
