Best Foot Forward

Going at things at my own pace // [Accepting Prompts]

[the-eldritch-it-gay]

why do i end up sitting straight up in my sleep. ignore how many blankets I use.

[femmeharlequin-deactivated20240]

Bestie it is impossible to ignore the amount of blankets you use at first I assumed this was a meme and those were the layers of the crust of the earth

[the-eldritch-it-gay]

I actually have 4 more blankets I sometimes add but I didn't want to make my blanket number look excessive

[femmeharlequin-deactivated20240]

Are you okay

[the-eldritch-it-gay]

The results are inconclusive on that.

[the-eldritch-it-gay]

For the record, since making this post I was diagnosed with autism and my blanket situation is documented in the diagnosis write-up. So there's that.

[copperbadge]

On Saturday I said to my partner, as I have said for months, "A ten thousand dollar a year raise would solve so many of my problems."

As of this morning I was reluctantly looking for jobs because I love my job and don't want to leave it, but see: $10k raise problem solver.

As of noon today this was no longer an issue, because my boss called me with the news that I was getting a $10K merit raise.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. This is roughly $200 extra per paycheck. Enough to pay off debt faster, rebuild my savings, and spend a weekend a month in Milwaukee getting obscenely laid. The sex I'm going to have on $200 extra per paycheck. You can't even.

May all of you get the $10K raise your soul has yearned for. And whatever level of sex you can be satisfied with for $200.

[vergess]

hey bestie i think ur post might be charmed 'cause you aren't gonna fuckin believe what happened today

[bumblbytrash]

@tapdancingbrain

[the-sacred-now]

I feel like a lot of people engaging in torture are not treating their victims as if they could have blood borne pathogens 🤔

[the-sacred-now]

Is what my wife said apropo of nothing as we were silently drifting off to sleep

[the-sacred-now]

Uh oh

Is what she said when I immediately reached for my phone and opened Tumblr instead of responding

[the-sacred-now]

@everything-you-feel-is-real I know by tumblr tradition that I'm to say "impossible, my posts never blow up like that," or "please don't do this to me."

But I feel in my bones that you are right. If this is to be my wife's moment of glory, I am willing to suffer notification overload, that the world may know she is funny. #MyFunnyWife

[etirabys]

can anyone find me that mesopotamian clay tablet telling you to marry a party girl because she'll bring you joy

[mentalwires]

It's from the "Maxims of Ptahhotep", purportedly written by a 96-year-old vizier to pass on his wisdom to his son:

If you marry a good-time girl

A joyful woman known to her town,

If she is wayward,

and revels in the moment,

do not reject her, but instead let her enjoy;

joyfulness is what marks calm water.

[etirabys]

yay ty. Between the above and the links in the mentions we have 3 translations total

[fatsexybitch]

Happy Wife Happy Life is 4.5k years old

[assortedinsanities]

Other sites also have the "Does anyone have this image?" posts, but only on tumblr you'll find "Does anyone have that mesopotamien clay tablet?" posts.

[mostlyvalid]

A proposal

Sometimes, in fandom, we just want to write id-tastic fic that rolls around in tropes that might be viewed as problematic. But we don’t want to address the problematic side of things in this particular fanwork; we just want to roll around and wallow.

It is considered courteous to give readers a heads-up via use of AO3 tags. I propose a tag that signals that a given fanwork is for rolling around, not giving a measured evaluation of anything. The MCU has carved out a space for this sort of fic with the “HYDRA Trash Party” tag, for which I commend them. Trash Party is a bit too specific to cover all of the ground I’m thinking of here, though; I propose “Dead Dove: Do Not Eat.”

For those of you not familiar with Arrested Development, Michael Bluth finds a paper bag in the freezer labeled “Dead Dove: Do Not Eat.” He opens the bag, finds a dead dove, and reacts as follows:

[gif of a white man saying “I don’t know what I expected” in a deadpan manner]

The “Dead Dove: Do Not Eat” tag would essentially be a “what it says on the tin” metatag, indicating “you see the tropes and concepts tagged here? they are going to appear in this fic. exactly as said. there will not necessarily be any subversion, authorial commentary condemning problematic aspects, or meditation on potential harm. this fic contains dead dove. if you proceed, you should expect to encounter it.”

(more at KnowYourMeme: http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/i-dont-know-what-i-expected)

[lazy-universes]

WHOA WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS THE POST THAT SPAWNED DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

[yourlocaltinsmith]

Happy dead dove do not eat birthday!

[storybookprincess]

so back when my little brother was in high school, my mom went as a chaperone for their senior year field trip to an amusement park. which, you know, brave move to volunteer to supervise a bunch of high school seniors let loose in a wonderland of rollercoasters and sugar

my brother and his friends in this field trip group were truly great kids. but they were not above run of the mill teenage boy shenanigans. it’s the end of senior year, you and all your buddies are at the amusement park, you’re naturally going to want to act like a complete moron

there was one kid in the group who was especially prone to goofing around. committed to the bit, some may say. my mom knew that if nonsense was going to break out, he’d likely be at the center of it

so she goes up to this kid at the very start of the trip and says “hey, i’m kinda worried about this chaperoning thing. this might be a lot to ask, but can you help me keep an eye on everyone? you wouldn’t have to do anything big, just be an extra set of eyes for me.”

friends, this kid proceeded to run their field trip group like the fucking us marines. everyone is at the meet up spots at the designated time. everyone waits in line for the rides like a bunch of boy scouts. the second the horseplay gets too out of hand, this kid is getting it back under control

it’s incredible how differently people act based on the expectations you set. instead of going to this kid and saying “hey, i know you’re trouble, so i’ve got my eye on you,” my mom went “hey, i know you have influence in your peer group, so i think you can help me.”

treat someone like a problem, they’ll act like a problem. but give people a chance to help, make them feel important, and they usually rise far above the occasion. it was a stroke of genius that i’m honestly still in awe of

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

“If I had time travel I’d kill Hitler” “If I had time travel I’d stop my favourite politician getting assassinated” you’re all thinking way too small. If I had time travel I’d stop Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin from dying on the moon due to Soviet sabotage, kicking off the Great Nuclear War and devastating half of the planet.

[stavarosthearcane]

Good Job.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#this post gets me every time 

It’s from two days ago fam how many times could there have been

[heroofthreefaces]

do you think no one else has time travel

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Happy one month anniversary to this post that has not allowed me a single day of fucking peace since I made it.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#surprise reblog!! 

STOP IT’S BEEN MONTHS. MONTHS!

YOU CAN STOP.

[roach-works]

wow if only you had a time machine

[transdaughterofthesun]

Honestly having reached a billion notes I think it’s safe to say that in the Year of our lord 2041, this is the most popular tumblr post out there.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I’m killing your parents before you’re born

[iforgotmyfandom]

:)

[idiototheinternet]

Still here, why’d you hesitate @derinthescarletpescatarian

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Your mum’s ability to hold up under active gunfire was really hot. I’m your dad now.

[lizyarikus]

Isn’t that the plot of Terminator

[anexperimentallife]

Where do you think the plot for Terminator came from?

[what-if-i-just-did]

This is such a classic trainwreck post that has the vibes of a 2014 screenshot posted to Pinterest and then the last addition is just last Tuesday I can’t even

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Imagine how I feel

[mrsjdavis]

POST, LIVE FOREVER!!!!!!

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

It doesn’t have to

[smegorl]

Yes it does.

[hiamigoman]

[icarus-suraki]

Happy Easter.

[pragnificent]

This is Money Snake. She only appears every 312 years. 

If you reblog her picture within the next twenty-five seconds you will have good luck and fortune for the rest of your life. 

[thingsamylikes]

I reblogged her late last year and my 2024 has been very satisfying work-wise and (secure enough to not stress out) money-wise so far. Money Snake is wise and good.

[lemonsharks]

always reblog money snake

[zooophagous]

I know I sound like your mom but you kids need to stop fucking vaping

[joshgrobanscock]

1) Vaping is confirmed to cause cancer. Vaping coats the lungs with toxic substances, such as heavy metals and benzene, which are known to cause cancer

2) Many vapes contain diacetyl, which, when inhaled causes popcorn lung, or scarring of the lung

3) Ultrafine particles, when being inhaled, can be lodged in the trachea (not good!)

4) Ultrafine particles can also constrict the arteries in the lungs potentially causing A HEART ATTACK

5) Vaping is relatively new. Not much studies have been done in comparison to tobacco. Plus, the vaping companies are powerful people. There is a large chance that they are purposely downplaying and even burying any evidence that vaping is harmful - just like the tobacco companies before them. They do not care about you, or your health, or the truth. They only care for money

[letsoulswander]

Also STOP VAPING INDOORS AROUND OTHER PEOPLE. Holy shit, if you're gonna wreck your lungs at least give me the option not to wreck mine.

[cephalopodvictorious]

It’s such an issue that the MTA had to run a campaign about it

[yeahokayillreblogthat]

yeah okay ill reblog that

[stripedroseandsketchpads]

Please I’m begging yall as an asthmatic, your fruit-flavored vapor will still give people around you who are smoke-sensitive attacks. So will weed. Don’t do it inside; if you’re at a bus stop or something try to not stand right next to people or move downwind of them if you can.

[ridasverkisto]

Additional add because I got into an argument with someone about this once…just because you might be asthmatic and aren’t bothered by it!! Doesn’t mean!! Other asthmatics or people with reactive airways!!! Won’t be!!!!

I got into an argument with a guy in college about him vaping indoors around me where I couldn’t leave because it was genuinely making it harder for me to breathe any time he did and his excuse was “well I’m asthmatic too and it doesn’t bother me so it doesn’t bother you”

Like. My guy.

[cyber-punk-rock]

Can you play an instrument? (Any skill level)

Yes (which one? 👀)

No

Nuance (up to interpretation)

Voting ended onApr 2

I’m just curious how many people at some point in their lives have played/learned to play an instrument of any kind.

I included a nuance button bc I know there might be some folks who might be like “well I played the recorder in grade school but idk if that counts” — count it if you want or hit nuance if you’re unsure! 😊

To be clear, if you studied an instrument to any level of proficiency, even if you’re out of practice now, please select yes!

Reblog with your instrument, if you wish 🙏🏼 Or just for more accurate results

[cyber-punk-rock]

Boosting again! I’ve been enjoying reading everyone’s responses so far, it brings me joy to see music has reached so many lives!! 😊🫶🏼

[sortingmyideas]

The way marriage laws and benefits are written is a bit ridiculous but the allos aren't ready for that conversation.

Should those benefits not just apply to everyone? Why do we need laws that actively financially coerce people who'd otherwise choose to remain single to partner up?

I can't count how many people have expressed that the reason they got legally married was to ease their finances. Maybe you shouldn't have to get with someone to do that????

[studentlifeproblems]

[aru]

Tumblr Code.

[geekishchic]

If I ever see any of you in public, the code is “I like your shoelaces”

that way we know we’re from tumblr without revealing anything

I’m just going to say this to strangers until i find a tumblr person

must keep reblogering!! Im going to be so suspicious if any one tells me this now!

Remember the answer is: I stole them from the president.

always reblog tumblr identification

[ty-bayonet-betteridge]

good god this just crossed my dash in the year of our lord 2023

[jeremysknoxes]

I LIKE YOUR SHOELACES??? IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2024??

[asteroidtroglodyte]

Let’s take it to 4 million, folks!

[alt-menu]

almost there!

[sociallyodd260]

TO 4 MILLION!!!!!!!!!

[snarky-wallflower]

THE ORIGINAL SHOELACES POST?? ON MY DASH IN 2024??

[nerugiganon]

shoelaces. on your dash. in 2025.

[fanfic-obsessed]

Now seen in 2026

[ridasverkisto]

Every so often I remember my first intro to C# class in college, and how I had already been learning JavaScript for basic animation as a hobby for a year or so before taking the class

And like. I had gotten to the point of knowing how to use arrays and basic functions. But this class was BASICS.

It eventually became a bit of a joke that the professor would make an assignment, explain what we were to do, and then look at me and say “no, I know there’s an easier way. Don’t do that. Do the way the assignment tells you to.”

Because every time, it was the sort of thing that would be SO EASY to solve by using arrays. But I couldn’t. Because the class wasn’t there yet.

And then, finally…the day came where we covered arrays. And for that assignment, the professor looked me dead in the eyes and said, “I know you’re excited. I expect 100%.”

God I loved that class…

[sunflowers-and-scales]

“this character did not act in the most objectively logical way possible!” is not ! actually valid literary criticism

[sunflowers-and-scales]

i have trust that the media literacy enjoyers will find this one idk

[acceptableduraz]

[programmerhumour]

Once upon a time…

[friendly-neighborhood-ehrhardt]

[thebeanestbad]

[personification-of-anxiety]

I really wish the overused sentence “You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” was less relevant but here we are

[triassictriserratops]