guh

a quick effective baby starty

[oatmilksgf]

someone needs to check up on the author of diary of a wimpy kid bc what if his publishing company is holding him hostage

[oatmilksgf]

911 i have a question

[sketchdeath]

sorry to add to a post but this is my favorite reply

[filmphotofranz]

[filmphotofranz]

[thecryptkeeper]

the substance sisters

[64mpg]

i’m on onion rings right now

[64mpg]

get me my keys NOW

[tamamita]

[magicfriend1000000000000000]

[reactionimagesdaily]

[status-quo-hater]

I think one of the funniest abortion stances I've heard was from my parents neighbor. He's a like, hard-core libertarian viking larper guy who is very tall and very fat and very bald.

He believes a fetus is human with a soul, but also its "basically attacking the woman's body" so if she wants to get rid of it, that's "basically self-defense". He compared it to shooting a home invader. So he supports abortion not as healthcare, but as killing a baby in self-defense

[retroject]

I found a lovely snail at work who was dried out so I let him have a shower and he seemed to enjoy it!! 🐌🚿

[scififantasystuff]

[joy-and-whimsy-official]

Joy and whimsy detected! This snower (snail shower) is joyful and whimsical! 🐌🚿

[lesbianshepard]

Sometimes I think that I’m moderately intelligent and then I realize how frequently I’m deceived by things meant to fool wild animals

[dannyvantass]

why leave half of the post in the tags this is amazing

[lesbianshepard]

being mildly nearsighted keeps me humble

[lofi-hearts]

[golongbyjoannanewsom]

obsessed w this person in the replies

[vivicas-dollhouse]

And i shit you not the pasta was creepy

[replicated]

i'm not really into blondes but this is an objectively absurd connection to make

[not100bees]

In order to be properly non-pedophilic you have to want to fuck somebody old but not with gray or white hair because that's too close to blonde which as we've established is the hair color of children. So ideally somebody old as fuck but bald. And obviously wanting to have sex with a man is misogynistic so it has to be a woman. And it can't be a white woman because that would be racist and it can't be a woman of color because that would be fetishistic, so ideally a woman with some unnatural skin color, oh let's say, purple. But it can't be an alien, because we don't know anything about alien life cycles so it could be an alien child or an alien that looks like a child. So it has to be an animal from Earth, but obviously one of human level intelligence that can communicate is otherwise that would be bestiality. So an old purple female animal that can speak English. I think the only creature you can be hot for is the Ant Queen from A Bug's Life.

[kholdseid]

[beesmygod]

You will never be locked and loaded. You will never say "uhh in English please?!" to an egghead. You will never have a team. You will never knock out a guard with one punch. You will never rappel down anything

[rainformation]

formative years? aren’t they all?

[absolutejamer]

show me a permanent self and i will show you a facade or a corpse

[sailermoon]

this is how new yorkers @ mamdani

[sailermoon]

[orcboxer]

my elf roommate: *smoking a caterpillar*

me: Are you fucking kidding me Larius I told you to do that outside, now it's gonna smell like ass in here all day

my elf roommate: *puffs a perfect ring of smoke* What Is A Day In A Life That Lasts Centuries?

me: not everybody lives as long as you dude. put that thing away

my elf roommate: That Is Not What Thy Mother Said

me: hilarious

my elf roommate: Hello