Being Wrong is Vital to Witchcraft; Let’s Get Good at It
Something I’ve seen a lot of lately is folks having very strong reactions to being told they’re wrong about an assertion they’ve made. They just cannot stand even the idea that they’re wrong and they’re quick to call those who try to give the correct information toxic, bullies, and even abusers. This is wildly out of line and it’s time we talked a really basic tenant witches need to hear.
Like that’s just the fact of the matter. I’m constantly having information I learned prior corrected by folks who know more or better source texts I read as I come across them. Right now, at this very moment, something I believe to be true is incorrect. I don’t have a lot of feelings about that, it’s just a part of life.
You too are wrong about something right now. That’s just the way it goes.
I know this is largely stating the obvious but I want to get this out of the way first because I’m running into a lot of situations where people just don’t consider the fact that they’re wrong in this moment and someone else making them aware of that in the future doesn’t change that. Or that being wrong is just a completely natural part of life.
So, let’s start digging into it at little
Stop judging folks for being wrong and start judging them for how they react.
How we think of and treat others is both a result and a foundation of how we treat ourselves. A big reason I’ve found why people cannot take criticism themselves is that they harshly judge others for being incorrect or feel an inflated sense of ego – I’m better than this person – when someone is wrong. Oftentimes they’re not even aware of it which makes it all the more difficult.
When you do this, you are ripe for then projecting those feelings onto people who tell you that you’re wrong. You then see them as feeling like they’re better than you. It’s unfair to project that on folks who take the time to educate. You do not know what is going on internally. You are not a mind reader and I think we’d all do well to remember that more often. It’s important to evaluate whether something said is harmful based in what’s actually being said, not in what you believe someone might think of you.
So how do you shift mindsets? I don’t actually recommend not judging. It’s not really reasonable for most folks. But I think there’s more room to shift what you judge. Start admiring folks who can be wrong comfortably. Judge folks who have no tolerance for being wrong. You’ll start to see how you handle being wrong shift toward a healthier way.
Witchcraft attracts traumatized folks and that trauma needs dealt with.
I want to be very clear here because this needs to be said more.
I do not blame anyone for being abused, traumatized, or neglected. What you went through was absolutely horrible and wrong.
Healing that trauma, though, is your responsibility. No one else is going to do it for you. You have to make sure you do not continue the cycle of abuse both in acute ways like with partners or families or in ambient ways like in a community.
I know some folks aren’t going to be ready to hear that but it’s pretty foundational to my point here which is witchcraft has a tendency to attract folks who’ve experienced a real loss of power. And I think that’s great honestly. However, some of what people are bringing with them really isn’t okay. Just because I might understand why folks do certain actions, doesn’t mean I think it’s okay.
Among these things that I see a lot of is fragility; fragility around differences of opinion, fragility around folks sharing their experiences, and – most importantly for this post – fragility around being given new information/being wrong. That fragility itself wouldn’t necessarily matter if it weren’t for how people act when they feel so viscerally threatened by these things. They lash out, play the victim, and shut down all conversation.
This is terrible for the witchcraft community.
It has folks who are overflowing with knowledge actively avoiding sharing it with the community because so much of witchblr has made it clear they value personal validation over accurate information. People are absolutely using witchblr to patch holes that therapy, shadow work, and social support need to be used for. Some of that is lack of access, but some of that is fear.
If folks would like a separate post on fragility through a shadow work lens, let me know. My aim isn’t to unpack it here. It’s just to say that unhealed trauma, and witchblr’s protectiveness of around it staying unhealed, keeps the whole community walking on glass which becomes this background radiation trauma that infuses so many witch spaces.
I know there are going to be folks who respond to this and say that I haven’t considered their exact situation – which is true. I’m also not speaking to anyone’s exact situation and what this will look like in practicality in your specific life will differ wildly.
All I’m asking folks is to be aware of how they handle being wrong, about their thoughts, feelings, and unhealed trauma they’re bringing to the table when they’re wrong.
On a community level, we need to get better at settling healthy boundaries. There are gonna be some of us out front trying to do this. And we’re gonna get tired and worn out. But I hope others will join in.
My boundary is this: Wrong answers exist. I will always try to find sources on my own when presented with contradictory information, but I will ask if I’m unable to find it. If I cannot find enough information to support your claim and I can point to information to support mine – then I will let you know you’re wrong. Your feelings around that will be yours to deal with. Some positions will not be interacted with given their toxicity and physical danger to me and the communities I’m a member of – TERFs this ones for you.
The center absolutely cannot hold in this community if people continue to put their personal validation over continued education.
Describe a time when you were wrong and how you handled it. What are your observations?
Where did you learn being wrong was shameful?
What is your inner/outer critic trying to protect you from when you’re wrong?