They're Together Again...

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@roni-bear
They're Together Again...
I need it to really sink in that between the dog and the very young human, both of them are experiencing a kind of joy and delight they literally did not know was even possible before this.
That baby is very young and the dog has no instincts about the springy rubbery environments its ancestors didn’t encounter because they don’t exist. How rare is it, how splendid, to watch two souls on this Earth, so different and yet so alike in their joint delight over a source of joy that they’ve never experienced before
A dating service where matching is based on people’s search history exists. You’re a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.
Serial Killer: metaphorically, if you were to kill someone, how would you do it?
Writer: Air shot between the toes, it’ll look like a heart attack.
Serial Killer who is obviously in love already: *sucks in a breath* ok
Writer: how long would it take to die if you were to potentially stab someone in the guts
Serial killer: anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes
Writer, already bringing a ring out: *shaking* thanks
A++ addition
Writer: *shows the serial killer the murder scene they’re writing* babe, i’m not sure if this would actually work?
Serial killer: *kisses writer on the forehead and leaves, comes back later, a suspicious scent of blood coming off them* it works baby, you’re doing great
I LOVE THIS
Oh no, murder comedy is my jam
I love this, I love all of this, but quick question, does the author know? Like are they aware that their significant other is a serial killer or do they just think that they have a morbid sense of humor? It’d be even funnier if the author had no fucking clue, like how Aurthur Conan Doyle was apparently stupidly gullible, and on top of it they’re a horror or crime novelist. Like the serial killer works at a butcher shop or something so it’s completely normal for them to come home smelling like blood, no murders going on here, no sirey. Just my darling coming back home from a long day at work.
Now fast forward a bit and the author has managed to get their first book published, with loving support from the serial killer who helped them fine tune all the murder scenes, and it’s a big hit. Enough so that a detective with the local police department has noticed some disturbing similarities to several active cases, including details that were never released to the press. Obviously he brings this up to his superior and convinces him that there’s something to the theory, but it’s all circumstantial right now. He stakes out the author’s home and is super convinced that the author is the murderer, but they don’t seem to do anything??? Like they literally are at the house all day, that’s it. Most they do is leave for groceries.
So you get this dynamic of the serial killer mining the author for creative murder schemes, the author being lovingly encouraged by the serial killer, and finally the detective who is just so sure that the author is the killer and that if he sticks it out long enough he’ll FINALLY have proof.
Plot twist, The serial killer and detective use to go out so it gets sub what personal.
“You need to stop seeing them. I think they are a serial killer.”
Serial killer breaths in. “Look-”
…perfect
World Heritage Post
Eeveelution Positivity Postcards made by Awkitsu
You’re being murdered. You look the killer in the eye & your last words are the last text you sent:
Kinda funny
"that might be me"
I wonder what Christian meme groups are like. I mean some Christians have the biggest victim complexes in the world and if you couple that with first person perspective memes, you’d probably get memes like:
Oh thank fuck it is my time to shine
These are all from a Christian meme group that I joined for some reason but fell in love with
I’ve been consuming Christian memes since I was about fourteen and they’re all like this. Also:
May I add:
ok i spent hours looking through christian discord servers for these
Some personal favorites I’ve encountered
I’m not sure if any of these count as blasphemy exactly but happy sunday yall.
This goes so well with what my mother says.
‘God has to have a sense of humor or else he wouldn’t have created us.”
Listen I know I’m Jewish but this shit is too fucking funny for me not to reblog
It’s Sunday y'all
I may be an atheist but y'all I lost it
MUST. ADD. TO. LIST. FROM. R/DANKCHRISTIANMEMES
My time has come
@fernlom have u seen this uwu
I love Christian memes
i lose my crap at christian memes djdhndkdbdx
Gotta reblog again it’s too funny
PLEASE DO NOT THINK FOR EVEN A SECOND THAT YOUR VOICE WILL NOT HAVE AN IMPACT THIS IS LITERALLY THE BARE MINIMUM
I'm sorry for putting this in the BLM and stop Asian hate tag but in the last few days posts tagged with "Palestine" have not been showing up.
Divergent is a bad book, but its accidental brilliance is that it completely mauled the YA dystopian genre by stripping it down to its barest bones for maximum marketability, utterly destroying the chances of YA dystopian literature’s long-term survival
please elaborate
Sure. Imagine that you need to make a book, and this book needs to be successful. This book needs to be the perfect Marketable YA Dystopian.
So you build your protagonist. She has no personality traits beyond being decently strong-willed, so that her quirks and interesting traits absolutely can’t get in the way of the audience’s projection onto her. She is dainty, birdlike, beautiful despite her protestations that she is ugly–yet she can still hold her own against significantly taller and stronger combatants. She is the perfect mask for the bashful, insecure tweens you are marketing to to wear while they read.
You think, as you draft your novel, that you need to add something that appeals to the basest nature of teenagers, something this government does that will be perversely appealing to them. The Hunger Games’ titular games were the main draw of the books, despite the hatred its characters hold for the event. So the government forces everyone into Harry Potter houses.
So the government makes everyone choose their faction, their single personality trait. Teenagers and tweens are basic–they likely identify by one distinct personality trait or career aspiration, and they’ll thus be enchanted by this system. For years, Tumblr and Twitter bios will include Erudite or Dauntless alongside Aquarius and Ravenclaw and INTJ. Congratulations, you just made having more than one personality trait anathema to your worldbuilding.
Your readers and thus your protagonist are naturally drawn to the faction that you have made RIDICULOUSLY cooler and better than the others: Dauntless. The faction where they play dangerous games of Capture the Flag and don’t work and act remarkably like teenagers with a budget. You add an attractive, tall man to help and hinder the protagonist. He is brooding and handsome; he doesn’t need to be anything else.
The villains appear soon afterward. They are your tried and true dystopian government: polished, sleek, intelligent, headed by a woman for some reason. They fight the protagonists, they carry out their evil, Machiavellian, stupid plan. You finish the novel with duct tape and fanservice, action sequences and skin and just enough glue and spit to seal the terrible, hollow world you have made shut just long enough to put it on the shelf.
And you have just destroyed YA dystopian literature. Because you have boiled it down to its bare essentials. A sleek, futuristic government borrowing its aesthetic from modern minimalism and wealth forces the population to participate in a perversely cool-to-read-about system like the Hunger Games or the factions, and one brave, slender, pretty, hollow main character is the only one brave–no, special enough to stand against it.
And by making this bare-bones world, crafted for maximum marketability, you expose yourself and every other YA dystopian writer as a lazy worldbuilder driven too far by the “rule of cool” and the formulas of other, better dystopian books before yours. In the following five years, you watch in real time as the dystopian genre crumbles under your feet, as the movies made based on your successful (but later widely-panned and mocked) books slowly regress to video-only releases, as fewer and fewer releases try to do what you did. And maybe you realize what you’ve done.
one quibble: hunger games was intense and sincere and the writer had worked for tv and knew exactly what she was talking about when she wrote how media machines create golden idols out of abused kids and then leave the actual people inside their glamorous shells to rot. hunger games had a genuine core of righteous anger that resonated with a lot of people. the hunger games was genuinely angry about shit that is genuinely wrong.
but divergent was clumsy make-believe the whole way through. it aped the forms and functions of dystopian lit but the writer didn’t actually have any real, passionate, sincere anger to put on the page. she didn’t know what it was talking about, so she didn’t have anything worth listening to.
there’s a difference between anti-authoritarianism as a disaffected, cynical pose and anti-authoritarianism as a rallying cry by people who believe in a bitter world. and the former is something corporations and industries and publishing houses are so much more comfortable with. so divergent and the flood of books published and marketed alongide and after it showed how the dystopian genre was no longer truly revolutionary, no longer a sincere condemnation of corporate oligarchies. the mass-market dystopian genre was now nothing more than an insincere playspace for people who were writing dystopia as a safely distant, abstract make-believe stage for their pretty girl heroes, rather than a direct allegory for everything that needs to be torn down in this world today.
This is the second branch of this post I’ve reblogged and like the fourth I’ve seen and I’m just thinking about how the Uglies series, a pre-Hunger Games forerunner of the YA Dystopia boom, had significantly less staying power than it could have specifically because…with the toxic beauty standards forced on teenagers being a Big Theme, studios couldn’t figure out how to make a profitable movie out of it. The book got optioned multiple times, but a film version made in Hollywood was destined to fall apart at casting & makeup - their marketing methods relied on exactly what the series was criticizing, which is…part of what made it so popular with teenage girls to begin with.
You contrast that with how the marketing for the Hunger Games films directly contradicts the messaging of the text, and how Divergent seems ready-made for the big screen, and it becomes really apparent why the genre folded in on itself. Capitalism tried to recuperate dystopian fiction criticizing capitalism, and in doing so, butchered the genre.
There’s also something rattling around my brain about a correlation between how made-for-screen a dystopian book is and how much it Doesn’t Understand Dystopia, with the culmination being Ready Player One, a piece set in a dystopia that somehow still actively glorifies capitalism & that was literally optioned for film before the book was published, but I don’t…know how to expand on that point.
I want to feel your arms around my waist.
““Wait for the person who pursues you. The one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical. The kind of person who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person.” - Journey to Peace”
—
When I was little my mom’s meatloaf was my favorite food. But ONLY her meatloaf. I didn’t like anyone else’s, and she told me that she would teach me how to make it when I was older. And when I was like 19? She finally taught me, but she told me never to tell anyone else and I was like weird but okay
Anyway, she was super fucking homophobic and abusive to me when I told her I was gay, so here’s the recipe
4-6 lbs of Hamburger/turkey burger
1 pk onion soup mix OR ranch mix
1 TBs ketchup
1 Tbs spicy brown mustard,
1 Tbs bbq sauce
1 Tbs steak sauce
1 egg
mix, shape into a loaf in a big pan, and bake at 350 for 2 hrs (maybe 2 and a half if you’re feeling dangerous)
You can get almost all of these ingredients at the dollar store, and have leftovers if it’s just you. The leftovers make great tacos if (taco seasoning is also like a dollar). Enjoy your revenge loaf
here's a mashed potato recipe from my homophobic mother that i swore to never share that would pair perfectly!
(6 servings)
-2lbs red potatoes
-1 cup butter (2 sticks)
-1 cup cream cheese (1 pack)
-Chives (optional)
-Salt & Pepper to taste
1. drop those bad boys (potatoes) in a big ol pot. U don't even have to chop them just wash them
2. boil til soft!
3. Drain
4. Mash (usually they're small enough you can use a fork if u don't have one of those squashers) until its a pretty chunky mix
5. add the other stuff. Keep mashing
I like my mashed potato consistancy more lumpy but its all up to you!! Peel the potatoes or keep them on, it literally makes the creamiest fluffiest mashed potatoes which she always served with the nastiest fuckin meatloaf
Now if anybody got some revenge rolls and revenge green bean casserole we'll get a full meal
Got room for desert? Cus my Grandma was just a generaly evil old hag who was abusive to my mum and my siblings also you guessed it since I came out I was not said hello to at christmas
She made pretty god Dampfnudeln (its like a sweet bread rool you eat hot and with vanilla sauce)
1. Put 300 gram flour into a bowl and make an indent in the middle
2.combine
20 gram yeast
1 tea sp. Brown sugar
3 tbsp milk
mix until smooth
3.mix into part of the flour but leave a big flour rim on the outside
4.set 30 gram of Butter on the flour rim and cover everything with a towel
let sit till you see bubbles in the dough
5. add
1/8 liter luke warm milk
30 gram Sugar
one pack of vanilla sugar
a pinch of salt
2 eggs
and knead the dough until smooth
6. put
1/8 luke warm milk
30 gram of Butter
1 pack of vanilla sugar
into a heat resistant glass bowl and let melt (the glass bowl is quite important)
7. Form about 12 dough rolls and put them into the milk
8. Cover with a lid (any lid will go it does not need to be sealed air tight)
Let bake in the pre heated oven at 200°C for about 30 minutes or until they start to get brown and fluffy
9. Serve with vanilla sauce or fresh fruit
Behold the Fuck You buffet
Reblogging because revenge IS tasty
And in this case, served hot.
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The number of times I have been delighted by witty banter only to find out later that I was “Flirting” is both unfortunate and disappointing.
“haha so what about that guy, huh?”
Me: what about him
“Well you seemed super into him”
Me: what why
“…dude you were flirting all night”
Me:
Me: Whoms't™™
I found out several of my female coworkers were planning on trying to get our male coworker to ask me out because “You guys kept flirting” but I was like “We were literally just goofing around. Like we literally just told jokes to each other. Literally just stuff that friends do, the same stuff you and I do.” I was definitely 100% NOT flirting but everyone thought I was
“You were laughing at everything TJ did!”
“He paper clipped a banana to the ceiling, Isabelle. That’s fucking bonkers”
Good time to remind everyone that if you don’t know that you’re “flirting” you’re not flirting. Flirting is an action that has to be done with conscious intent, since the point of it is intent, henceforth you can’t do it without realising.
It’s the ✨heteronormativity✨
this is the funniest tweet i’ve seen in months bye
these are all the geek equivalents of Lovecraft’s Cat’s Name
his cats name couldn’t be that bad!!!! it’s a cat, what’s the worst name?
i am wrong, what the fuck
Me every time this post comes back
Edie & Thea: A Very Long Engagement dir. Susan Muska and Gréta Ólafsdottir (2009)
I had a dream last night that I was at a coffee shop and there was a drink called ‘fistbumping lesbians’ and it was a seven shot caramel latte
I start work super early tomorrow so guess who’s gonna make herself a fistbumping lesbians at the start of her shift
Behold the fistbumping lesbians
Jsyk this thing could wake the dead
4 hours later: I’m fricken ZAZZED you guys
Me rn
This is… not usually what is meant by “follow your dreams”…
Old hag by *veprikov
Being a witch is not the highest paid job in the world.
I JUST WANT HER TO GET HER PRETTY PURPLE HAT AND BE HAPPY
I would kill for a companion piece to this, where she gets her hat..
Im sobbing.
no seriously why hasn’t any replied to this image with a picture of her in the pretty hat c’mon tumblr please
Well it’s not much, but here’s a comic:
Enjoy!
DEAD
Reblog every one of these happy end comics I don’t even care