saSQUAAtch

it’s a me

[aliasalias]

when i grow up i wanna be a dandelion

[cafffine]

woke up this morning, rolled over, and very confidently tried to blow out my alarm clock like a candle. absolutely no precedent for that.

[rumplefuckingstiltzkin]

Ebeneezer in 1742 wakes with a start as for some reason he has put out his guttering candle by slapping atop it ith the palm of his hand. His hand is burned and his nightgown and cap are spattered with hot wax.

[feyosha]

Fascinated by the perceived necessity of an Equivalent Exchange

[fruitblush]

this is actually like my third or fourth rodeo so i sort of get it but sort of dont

[fruitblush]

in some ways worse than my first rodeo cause i feel like i should be better at it by now

[bathroomcube]

how your 20s feel when you dont know what ur doing

[mistershoestied]

literally just the entire spaghetti mobster bit because i just want to have the full clip on my blog

[corrodedparadox]

I’ve been going through old medical textbooks recently. Can you tell.

Prints

[rattling-bag-of-bones]

My lord I need you to make up your mind, where the fuck are we going

[mandalhoerian-deactivated202510]

my lord i think we're lost

[depresseddepot]

my lord????

[huffylemon]

[triviallytrue]

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

[friendshapedhole]

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

[triviallytrue]

Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I'm fine, I wasn't planning on smiling at him

[max1461]

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

[triviallytrue]

Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I'm confident I can stay out of the gorilla's way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it's all over.

It's not just about the physical danger either, it's about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he's actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance

[ghostpalmtechnique]

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

[triviallytrue]

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

[notwiselybuttoowell]

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

[chaumas-deactivated20240115]

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

[nightingalesoul]

this is too good to leave hidden in the replies

[bermuda-n-drangle]

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

[rainbow-gend3r-deactivated20250]

Sputnik 2, launched on November 3, 1957, carried the dog Laika, the first living creature to be shot into space and orbit Earth. Laika was a stray dog found on the streets of Moscow. There were no plans to return her to Earth, and she lived only a few hours in orbit. …

taken from @gallivantsofgillis on tiktok

[annabelle--cane]

[coughing up blood] please, I require... media that will make me feel as bad as is physically possible...

[annabelle--cane]

what kind of five act tragedy is befalling the national hockey league

[softsoup642]

shoutout to girls who do not understand the difference between ‘the bit’ and ‘waging psychological warfare’

[annabelle--cane]

the first law of tragedies: the end is already written and inevitable. the second law of tragedies: your actions are all your own and you can choose to get off this ride whenever you want. the third law of tragedies: we both know that you are never going to do that.

[unpeeled-human]

FROM THIS

[climbingthefloors]

obsessed with this baby hippo from thailand's khao khew zoo.. she has been so utterly betrayed by the world

[recklessmoss]

Have you guys seen the new baby Pygmy hippo at the berlin zoo,,,, i'm obsessed with her....

[recklessmoss]

She is so soggy......

[littlegoldfinchh]

lord the peasants are so loud today

[littlegoldfinchh]

pheasants. PHeasants. The birds

[kulvefaggoth]

[cardinalfeng]

Don't you mean classist Typo, as in discriminating against poor people, and not classicist, the type of academic who studies antiquity in southern Europe?

[sharkbutthoohaahaa]

[ptchangbin]

[kirexa]

[hahawasabi-deactivated20250604]

[mechamothgirl]

[mortimermcmirestinks]

don't worry guys I got the fire extinguisher

[achivement-unlocked]

Achievement unlocked!

Fire post!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE POST IS ON FIRE

[gimmick-thief]

[entity56]

[prokopetz]

I think "they don't even have X" is one of those memes that's actually funnier in its original context than in anything that's been done with it subsequently. Like, in its original context, this is a joke about a man who has lived his entire adult life alone in a swamp cold-reading the atmosphere of a corporate workplace and deciding that appealing to the receptionist's sense of working-class solidarity is going to get him in the door, and it fucking works.