Demisexual âSo you mean a normal person?â Donât hate on things you donât understand.
Person: Whatâs demisexuality?
Demisexual: It means you donât get attracted to people unless thereâs an emotional bond.
Person: Oh, so like, a normal person?
Demisexual: Actually, no, although I can see how youâd think that. Most people donât have sex with people unless they have an emotional bond with them but thatâs not really to do with sexuality, thatâs just staying safe and having common sense.
âNormalâ people, although not intending to sleep with someone right away, still know, usually, whether they would be interested in doing that within a short amount of time, sometimes immediately. People come up to me and say âYouâre attractive, can I have your number?â after just seeing me from across a bar. Theyâve never spoken to me, donât know who I am but still found me attractive and are thus interested in getting to know me more to see if theyâd like to start a relationship.
Demisexuals donât experience that. We donât see underwear adverts and find the actors desirable. We donât look at someone from across a room and think âtheyâre hot, I wonder if theyâre singleâ. âSex sellsâ goes over our heads. Dating apps where you swipe pictures across the screen are useless. We literally donât get attracted to people that quickly.
Person: Oh, I see. So itâs not just being picky or abstaining from sex, itâs literal lack of attraction?
Demisexual: Yes, youâve got it.
Person: That must make dating difficult.
Demisexual: It does. Many of us are interested in dating but are limited to people we know emotionally. If someone asks for my number I then have to say to them âcan we be friends for roughly two to three years, by then I should know whether I find you physically attractive and if I do we can start datingâ. Itâs sad because I donât want to get peopleâs hopes up or seem like Iâm leading them on. But I literally do have to know them for a while before I can get attracted to them if I do at all. It also meant growing up was a strange experience because everyone would be pointing out attractive people on TV, in magazines and when walking down the street and I just didnât understand.
Person: Well thank you for taking the time to explain that to me. I understand now that there is a difference between abstaining from sex and actually lacking attraction.
Demisexual: No problem. Itâs nice to be accepted and understood.
Demisexuals, you are real and valid. Just because people donât understand what you go through that doesnât mean what you go through is fake. Pride is about respecting and celebrating all sexualities and their nuances.Â
You should also note that demisexuality is common among those on the autism spectrum. To deny demisexuality is not only illogical but itâs also ableism. Youâre erasing peopleâs symptoms because its convenient for you and because you donât understand them.Â
Demisexuals just want to chill and exist. They donât want fame and to be mollycoddled. They just want awareness and acceptance.Â
Letâs not hate on people just because we donât understand.Â
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