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blake kathryn
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Today's Document
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Janaina Medeiros
Sweet Seals For You, Always
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
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Product Placement
YOU ARE THE REASON
NASA
❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
noise dept.
we're not kids anymore.
if i look back, i am lost
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
seen from Malaysia
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seen from Türkiye
seen from China
seen from Malaysia
seen from United Kingdom
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seen from Malaysia
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@saramcclarinet
You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to post these! (#impatient) BUT for anyone who doesn’t know yet, WE’RE GETTING MARRIED!!! 💃🏻💍🍾🥂👭👰🏻👰🏻 #engaged #engayged #weregettingmarried #engagementrings #shedidgood #goodthingmynailsweredone #ardonn #gardensofthesun #mazeltome (at The Metropolitan Opera) https://www.instagram.com/p/B6Go_pEA1Ia/?igshid=3l384an07ge
When you’ve got some ‘splaining to do 🤭 #happyhalloween #lucyanddesi #couplescostume #lesbians #gaystagram #ilovelucy #lucilleball #desiarnaz #elizabethdressedaselizabethtbh #hairtookeons #1950s #vintage (at New York, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/B4TvVT-AaIG/?igshid=oi8kixdoynwn
Okay, but LOOK at us. ♥️ #youguys #lesbiancontent #operacouplegoals #withmybaby https://www.instagram.com/p/B3x8dmrA6ts/?igshid=cvl1q7441bge
Namaste. 🧘🏻♀️ 📷 @misselizabetka #namaste #sheninigans #🦑 https://www.instagram.com/p/B2erKqVAazT/?igshid=l1aojew896w9
The matching fall lesbian content you didn’t know you needed. 🍁🍂 #fall #fallvibes #gaystagram #ootd #sherlockgotnothinonmygirl https://www.instagram.com/p/B2eq1QSgRtu/?igshid=1k6wtkuudtoxk
Martinis, Manhattans, and Mozart ♥️🍸 #kippis #amadeus #datenight #opera #operalesbians #drinks https://www.instagram.com/p/B2NxIeiglpj/?igshid=lhlwusc7gkd1
It be like that sometimes. 💁🏻♀️💅🏻💋 📷 @misselizabetka #travelinginstyle #jkweareonabusfromhell #pennsylvaniabound #🚍 https://www.instagram.com/p/B1zLRdagO-t/?igshid=1kr63wyw0l0dc
Pasta Pics 🦑 📷: @misselizabetka #homemadepasta #datenight #pasta #food #cooking #foodporn #elizabethismyinstapimp #photoready #shesentnoods https://www.instagram.com/p/B1u6qbXgV9E/?igshid=wyxikhlccho6
All I have to say about last night’s dinner is damn I’m good. 💅🏻 #cooking #summerrecipes #cocktails #salad?? #what?? #saraeatsavegetable #foodporn https://www.instagram.com/p/B1PZ81kAH-0/?igshid=1hkzoeq08som7
Hairdresser: We’re going to have to use a color remover to take out the blue pigment, then apply more pigment to allow for the proteins in the hair to adhere to it. Then possibly mix three different types of toners to reach the goal of your natural hair color.
Hairdresser: pretty simple
Me: this is chemistry
Hairdresser: yeah, but people don’t like when we talk that way
Hairdresser: so you’re a mortician?
Me: apprentice
Hairdresser: do you know why formaldehyde is used in clothing?
Me: I didn’t know that was a thing
Hairdresser: I think it’s due to the preserving qualities? But I don’t think that’s right.
Me: It’s not just a preservative, it’s also a disinfectant ‘cause it destroys bacteria as well as their food supply. It’s also a dehydrator.
Hairdresser: why not just use alcohol?
Me: good question. Formaldehyde is super cheap, so probably to cut costs
Hairdresser: is it really a carcinogen?
Me: yeah, I’m going to have so much cancer
Hairdresser: so you’re going natural to work at a funeral home?
Me: yeah
Hairdresser: while still in school?
Me: well we work in the funeral homes so we have uuuuh … experience with cases
Hairdresser: you can just say bodies it’s fine
Me: oh thank god
Five Minutes Later
Me: yeah so we don’t do autopsies it’s one of my pet peeves
Hairdresser: what if someone wakes up while you’re embalming them?
Me: there’s a huge difference between a living body and a dead one
second hairdresser: I think we should add more toner, but yeah I think rigor mortis would make it pretty obvious
Me: that and being in a fridge for a few days you will be dead by the time you get to us
Hairdresser: I think pumping them full of a carcinogen would help with that
your hair is going to look incredible
I *may have* fallen into the fountain on our park date, but in my defense it was SLIPPERY 😅 #fountain #summer #parkdate #slipperywhenwet 📷: @misselizabetka who had to choose WITH DIFFICULTY whether or not she should help me out of the fountain OR take pictures while I was down (at Washington Square Park) https://www.instagram.com/p/B1EwhcJge8k/?igshid=rix6lhv0ufcz
men in greek mythology? scoundrels. just terrible. woeful social skills. murderers. kidnappers. violent misogynists. most of them… never described as handsome so we have to assume they were ugly.
narcissus? unproblematic. beacon of transformative self love. king of the swerve. gay icon. couldn’t recognize his reflection but neither can my dog, we aren’t holding that against him.
Narcissus wrote this
I refuse to believe Narcissus could read.
i’ve been thinking about this response for the better part of 2 hours and it hasn’t gotten less hysterically funny to me
Apparently yesterday was National Girlfriend Day??? So anyhow ☝️hello from the woods! 👭♥️🌳 #aperfectview #nature #woods #hudsonvalley #claremonthouse #girlfriendday #kisses #wecutewecute (at Annandale-on-Hudson, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/B0tzlx-AxRk/?igshid=1jewdd10bsb81
me, reaching into my dresser drawer for black pants: I hope this isn’t the pair with big holes worn in the inner thighs
Marie Kondo, gently over my shoulder: why is a pair of pants you find unwearable still in your dresser drawer
me: oh shit that’s right!! The dresser is for clothes that under some circumstance I might conceivably wear!!
Marie Kondo, beaming proudly: Yes, that’s correct!! These pants must have been your favorites. How wonderful that they were so comfortable and practical that you wore them out. But now since they no longer function as pants, you should move them from the drawer where you keep your functioning pants!
me: Yes thanks I got it they’re in the fabric basket now
Marie Kondo, fading back into the darkness: I love what you’ve done with the kitchen!!
The notion of KonMari as some creepy semi-embodied but entirely benevolent spirit, like a well-intentioned Bloody Mary, is so perfect and wonderful.
Marie Kondo has the same powers but the exact opposite energy of the Duolingo Owl.
YES.
Marie Kondo: Your room isn’t very clean, but that’s okay, I love mess! Does this spark joy?
Duolingo Owl: I wrote the ransom note in Spanish, and if you have to use Google Translate to read it, your kid gets it. You broke your streak. I’ll break your neck.
Marie Kondo holding your child, while standing on the remains of the Duolingo Owl : The Bird did not spark joy
get the fuck outta here with this “gays can’t drive” and “gays can’t cook” shit i do BOTH. don’t be disrespectful
but can you do math?
don’t. don’t do this to me
Woods date 💃🏻👭🥖 📷: @misselizabetka #datenight #intothewoods #breadsticksfordays (at Olive Garden) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bz1oNUEgFxY/?igshid=wf1nbpms502g
Happy Pride! 🌈❤️💃🏻 #glitterandbegay #PrideNYC #pride2019🏳️🌈 #operacouplegoals #wecute #proud (at New York, New York) https://www.instagram.com/p/BzWZDIYgzLiARCnnHtzLRKghNmBvPBEXJSPNw00/?igshid=19gygxqgda4yl
