You Can All Be Fearless Too

18+ Only. Shitpost blog for Unusual-Uraniidae 27 gq, Aquarius, married. Any pronouns. HopePunk is the most punk. Welcome to the chaos of an ADHD blog

[anxeious]

[auckie]

[communist-hatsunemiku]

[virtualgirladvance]

You are a bug in bug hell but your spider torturer so fucking bad at their job that the devil himself has to grab you with his gay pitchfork and help them

[json-derulo]

the past three weeks in a row, partner has gone to chipotle and been served by the same employee who, in bold defiance of the testimony of his own eyes and ears, ardently refuses to believe carnitas exist

[json-derulo]

partner: “Hi, could I please have a bowl with white rice, black beans, and carnitas?”

employee (completely blank expression): “No.”

partner (autistic) (socialscript.exe encountered an unhandled exception) : “…Uh. Um. Sorry?”

employee: “We don’t have that.”

partner (wondering if perhaps he put too much of the authentic accent on the word and that’s what’s throwing the guy): “You don’t have…(pronouncing it whiter) carnitas?”

employee (face still unreadable): “No.”

partner (looking at the near-full hotel pan of perfectly normal carnitas in its usual place on the other side of the glass) (noticing this employee looks unfamiliar) (maybe he’s a new guy that just started five minutes ago with no training?) : “The…pork?” (pointing at it)

employee: “We don’t have pork.”

partner (beginning to wonder if he’s the one that’s losing it) (desperately looks to the menu on the wall behind the employee) (the menu lists carnitas as a protein option) (the word “carnitas” is not crossed out or taped over or otherwise adulterated) (carnitas have been on the standard menu since at least 2016) : “Okay. Um. Are you…sure?”

other employee working the toppings part of the line (familiar) (have seen her before) (she has cool earrings): *gives the new guy a strange look, nudges him aside, and scoops the carnitas onto partner’s bowl before continuing with the other toppings*

Repeat conversation again the next week. And the next. Same guy. If it’s a bit, no one is laughing, including the employee.

[json-derulo]

theories I’ve considered:

- the employee keeps very strictly kosher/halal/vegan and refuses to handle pork (understandable, I respect that, but if you’re gonna work at a place that serves pork I do kinda feel like when someone orders it you’ve just gotta tap in a coworker to do it for you)

- someone did something gross to the carnitas and the employee is trying to warn people not to order it (??? throw it out then? also, three weeks in a row???)

- the employee is a space alien who views humans as so similar to pigs that for us to eat them is tantamount to cannibalism

[json-derulo]

- the employee is the lead in a kdrama romance about a pampered, clueless chaebol heir who is sent by his father to work in the company’s restaurants for a year in order to prove he’s ready to take over as CEO. he’s dumb as rocks but they can’t fire him or even correct him that harshly due to the power gradient. partner is just a minor reoccurring character, and the interaction is kept the same from week to week to highlight the development of the relationship between the employee and his love interest with the cool earrings (even if the restaurant is literally a fully-branded Chipotle, that’s somehow still not enough product placement for me to believe this is a real kdrama)

[json-derulo]

After reviewing again with partner, evidently I forgot a detail that set this week’s carnitas denial dance apart from the others.

partner (well aware of what he’s getting into with this guy now): “Hi. Could I please have a bowl with white rice, black beans, and pork?”

employee: “We don’t have pork.”

partner (demonstrating a level of patience only a public school teacher could have): *points at the pan of carnitas* “Could I please just have some of that?”

employee (after several slow, confused blinks): *points at the same pan* “That’s steak.”

partner (looking at the hotel pan they’re both pointing at) (it is filled with shredded meat of a pale beige color) (at the other end of the row of pans is another pan containing dark brown, lightly charred meat chopped into small pieces): “Okay.” *deciding he’s willing to play in this fantasy space if it gets the job done, he points at the first pan again* Then could I please have the steak?”

employee: *starts to reach for the pan at the other end containing the actual steak*

partner: "Oh—no, sorry, this one please?" *points at the first pan containing the carnitas*

employee: *blinks, then just walks away and starts helping the next customer in line, leaving partner's bowl unfinished*

other employee with cool earrings: *rolls her eyes at new employee, takes partner’s bowl, and fills it with carnitas herself*

new theories:

- the employee is a bridge troll who will only dole out his delectable carnitas to those who prove themselves worthy by correctly answering his riddles three

- the employee is stoned out of his mind at all times on a specific strain of weed that totally erases the concept of pork from his memory and awareness

[heyscaredycat]

some pages from my 2024 zine 'neurodivergent pop-ups'

[small-strong-bookish-butch]

Image description: four pages of a digital zine with text "Oh no: social cue not found", warning signs and speech bubbles laid right over each other that say "a random alarm is going off somewhere", "and then he did", "what the fuck?", "it is so bright in here", "you have no idea what they are saying," "you are too hot", "your clothing tag is itchy", a browser screen popup "warning: you are not talking enough, warning: you are talking too much" and "hang on: are you sure you want to interrupt?" with yes or no option.

/end description

[fencehopping]

Melting aluminum with an electromagnet.

[the-stray-liger]

I’m laughing it starts like a magical girl transformation and then it just goes splort

[tentacleteapot]

[officially-bbc-news]

i. What

Why is it pink

[i-put-the-hyper-in-hyperfixated]

the magical girl transformation were you not paying attention

[starlit-meadow]

[tuxankhamun]

sorry kids daddy lost all his money betting on rhinoceros beetle fights again there won't be a christmas this year

[bester-jester]

good news babies, momma just cleared some chump of everything. Two christmases this year. God i love beetles fighting

[karoline-c]

Weird situation siblings, step mom just cleared dad's bank account and doesnt know it was him. Mom and Mom are happy though

[rednines]

[kittenchomp]

yharnam

[vehiculartheyslaughter]

[yuriwinged]

the prince has begun practicing curtseying in the mirror. which could mean nothing.

[heydocverdant]

we have good news and bad news, my liege. the good news is that we now know what that curtsying was about: you will be pleased to know that, after several heartfelt conversations between your child, the court jesters and a myriad of singing woodland creatures, you are now the parent of a proud and joyful new princess. the bad news is that, due to a series of events related to the dragon-sized hole in her bedchamber wall,

[illmoraineakoi]

I love the insinuation that the second the princess realized she was a girl and thus actually a princess, the dragon was there. That thing wasted no time. It heard "princess" and was like "I need no further invitation, here I come."

Gender affirmed by Dragon. Amazing.

[heydocverdant]

pretty sure you’re literally the only person who understood my vision on this accursed post

[64mpg]

2:47pm: thinking about what i can do to make the world a better place 😊

3:11pm: i have to kill myself

3:15pm: i didn’t mean that i’m sorry for saying that

3:20pm: i have to kill myself

3:56pm: i am so grateful to feel anything at all

[english-history-trip]

Broke: Imma kick your ass

Woke: You are invited to join me on the

[english-history-trip]

I didn't go all the way to Yorkshire for 72 notes

[silly-signs]

Official silly sign

[catsbeaversandducks]

"no"

By yuki_illust19

[monkeywiki]

"the armor stays on during sex" well ACTUALLY the armor Can't come off. It's binded to me. I myself become the armor A sacrifice of flesh, cursed in an immortal shell. A metal vessel containing some type of essence of what once was

[powerburial]

what's the matter honey? you've hardly touched your fleeting experience of time on earth

[unusual-uraniidae]

My newest ink!! The ever-watching Mothman brought to life on my leg by the very talented Eric Behr at Iron Ink Tattoos (find him and more of his work @ebtattooer on Insta). A nice addition to my cryptid patchwork 3-quarter sleeve on my leg and in May I'll be going back to add Bigfoot to the other side!

[unusual-uraniidae]

The outline looked sick af before the color, too, but I love how the color ended up making all the eyes and the antennae pop

[dragon-in-a-fez]

this will be the year I finally convince everyone to abandon New Year's resolutions in favour of Yule Boasting, the clearly superior tradition

[dragon-in-a-fez]

allow me to explain. Yule boasting is an old Norse tradition of getting shitfaced at the winter solstice feast and standing up to proclaim all the great, infamous, and wildly improbable deeds you will perform in the coming year. can range from an unlikely but technically possible claim, like "I'm going to rob 300 banks", to something you'd have to bend the laws of the universe to actually accomplish, like "I'm going to punch a god in the dick and steal his horse". these are not plans. they're not even goals. they're the things you'd do in a self-insert superhero fanfic. and honestly all I want this holiday season is for a bunch of friends to go all in on this nonsense with me and hype ourselves up in ways previously unimaginable

[rotisseries]

the fact there were porn games for the atari is perhaps the truest example of indomitable human spirit. imagine spending 40 dollars in 1983 to jack off to this