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Today's Document
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@seriuslyblack
When Iām done with my exams, Iām gonna do a bit of thinking on the place Harry Potter has in my life, and if I can still let him have as much importance as he has now because I canāt support the author anymore, her tr*nsph*bic ass can go all the way down to hell ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ
Iām watching Harry Potter 4, and now Iām mad again at the absolute waste the Patil sistersā dresses were when they could have been so beautiful if only they had care about traditional south asian garments
Iāve said it before and Iāll say it again since no-one has yet given me a valid reason as to why James Potter, lacking a wand, didnāt just transform into Prongs when Voldy turned up and likeā¦ fucking spear him. Why didnāt he do that? Like I donāt care how astonishingly powerful a dark wizard he was, no-one could ever be prepared for walking into a house and thereās justā¦ a massive fuck off stag staring you down? How could you possibly react to that?Ā
You couldnāt, giving said stag the opportunity to put an antler through his eye and save the day. Not to mention, can you imagine the Prophet headlines if that was how itād gone down?
Valid reason coming your wayā¦.
You need a wand to assume your Animagus form.
You definitely donātā¦ Sirius did it in Azkaban.
Aha good point then yeah he should have impaled that motherfucker
He was unregistrated, right? I mean.. sure, he would have killed the dark lord, but still, itās a crime. And then thereās the fact that the others were animagi too, which would lead to them being exposed and most certainly being accused of not getting themselves a registration. Their connections to Remus would be obvious, and I think heād be exposed too. We all learned about the problems lycantrophy causes, and I donāt think James would have been stupid enough to risk that his best friend lost everything.
To be fair, you try telling the guy who FUCKING IMPALED Voldemort that he had to go to jail for being unregistered.
Also, itās the ministry of magic. You could literally say that someone had created a stag by whatever means, and theyād buy it.
Another superlative pointā"Where did the stagāyes, it was definitely a stag not a deer note that down pleaseāwhere did it come from you ask? Oh, absolutely havenāt the foggiest Mister Minister Sirāit was just sort of there. Passing through I suppose.ā
āā¦Passing through.ā
āYes.ā
āThrough your hallway.ā
āYes.ā
āAnd stabbed Voldemort through the eye.ā
āThrough the eye, yes, and right through the brain: ghastly stuff, Minister, felt absolutely horrid.ā
āIt felt horrid?ā
āI meanā¦ I imagine so.ā
āā¦ right. And where did this deer go?ā
āOh, it vanished, Sir, quite spontaneously.ā
āā¦uhuh. So the stag just wandered into your home, skewered a dark wizard, disapeared, and you saw neither where it came from nor where it went.ā
āThatās about the size of it, yes.ā
āā¦ Yeah okay that sounds legit job done lads.ā
Also you cannot tell me that James Potter gave two shits about whether or not it was illegal
You canāt tell me that Lily wouldnāt say, with a completely straight face, that it was a surprisingly solid Patronus.
Jamesā best class was Transfiguration. Ā āI made a stag from the coat stand.ā āOh, of course. Ā Excellent job, sir.ā
it must be really weird for anyone who was taught by dumbledore and mcgonagall and the rest to become teachers and have to, like, treat them as colleagues
like, snape and lupin have one (1) thing in common and itās a pathological inability to call dumbledore by his first name
Correct me if iām wrong, but wasnāt McGonagall more or less in the same year as Tom Riddle?
Does that mean that Dumbledore was also her teacher?
Minerva McGonagall has called him Albus since she was eleven because she is a queen who bows to no one
The image of an 11yo Minerva McGonagall looking her new professor dead in the eye and saying āWill there be homework tonight, Albus?ā is too powerful for words
@shanastoryteller
I can just see it going down something like this:
Shiny new transfiguration professor Albus Dumbledore:Ā āNow you wonāt be able to turn your matchstick into a needle on the first try, of course, butāā
Tiny eleven-year-old BAMF Minerva McGonagall with a Scottish accent thicker than pea soup:Ā āAyy! Ye cannae know that!ā
Albus Dumbledore, whose experience with the results of being patronizing to small badass children is insufficient to warn him not to:Ā āOh, absolutely, young lady, you might surprise us. Or any of your classmates might, itās true.ā
Tiny smoldering barrel of magical talent withĀ āTNTā painted on the side Minerva McGonagall:Ā āWhatāll ye give us if we do surprise ye?ā
Brightly-colored balloon of good-natured obliviousness Albus Dumbledore:Ā āWhy, my dear Miss McGonagall, if you can give me a needle on the first try, I shall allow you to call me by my first name.ā
Itās a very fine needle, and she calls him Albus for the rest of her life.
Fleur Delacour had the most impressive performance in the First Task of the Triwizard Tournament, imo, and it is a Crime that she came in last place. Like, sure, maybe what she did took awhile and it wasnāt flashy, but imo she did by far the most impressive, difficult, and most humane piece of magic.Ā
Like, thereās this pissed off dragon mother, right? Itās been boxed up, taken to this strange place, then stuck in a noisy arena where its eggs are being threatened. This dragon is probably Unbelievably scared and angry.Ā
It can take 4-8 adult wizards working in tandem to Stun a dragon, especially a pissed off one, but FleurĀ āfairy princessā Delacour walks into that arena, stares down an angry apex predator, and somehow manages to single-handedly enchant it to sleep. This Common Welsh Green is surrounded by hundreds of people, needs to protect its eggs, but Fleur Delacourās magic manages to override all of its fear and anger? That is an incredible feat of powerful and probably very complex magic.Ā
Like, no wonder Fleur Delacour can come off as condescending, that is mind-blowingly impressive. That is the work of 4-8 adult wizards. You cannot tell me that the watching dragon-handlers were not LOSING THEIR MINDS.Ā
Between sexism and Fleur being part-Veela, it is unfortunately very realistic that she faces a lot of prejudice, but come on, Professors Sprout and Hagrid and etc. must have been going wild. Itās only some very bad luck that her skirt was accidentally set on fire. She got the golden egg. There was zero damage to the dragon or to the real eggs. Even if Madame Maxime and Fleur worked together to prepare it, Fleur still had to do it, and Madame Maxime would have been so rightly furious that Fleurās bravery and magical skill wasnāt recognized.Ā
Anyway, part of where Iām going with this, is that this injustice also creates some choice eldest Weasley brother reactions. Like Bill Weasley is writing his regular letters to Charlie, right? And he happens to mention,Ā āHey, I met this woman at work, with that guardian beast problem with that tomb I was telling you about. Do you remember the Beauxbatons Champion, Fleur Delacour?āĀ
And Charlie Weasley writes back like,Ā āDO I REMEMBER FLEUR DELACOUR? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! WE HAVE A POSTER OF HER ON OUR WALL! I HAVE HER GRADUATING CHARMS THESIS ON CALMING MAGICAL CREATURES AND I WANT IT SIGNED.Ā SHE REVOLUTIONIZED OUR DEALINGS WITH DRAGONS HERE. INJURIES ON THE RESERVE FOR DRAGONS AND HANDLERS ARE DOWN BY LIKE 75% SINCE WE BEGAN IMPLEMENTING HER SPELLWORK.āĀ
āUh, alright then. Well, you can send that to me and I will ask her to sign it for you,ā Bill Weasley, an extremely successful Curse-Breaker, writes back. (It isnāt that he doesnāt find Fleur Delacour accomplishments very impressive, it is just that the poster on the wall thing is a Bit Weird.)Ā āThatās not going to be weird when I ask her out or anything. Wish me luck.āĀ
And Charlie writes back,Ā āLUCK? LUCK?! WILLIAMĀ WEASLEY, IF YOU DONāT MARRY THAT WOMAN, IāLL DISOWN YOU. TELL HER THAT IF GRINGOTTS DOESNāT APPRECIATE HER, SHE CAN COME TO ROMANIA. WEāRE BROKE, BUT I HAVE A DOZEN MUSCLED WIZARDS, WITCHES, AND OTHERS READY TO PROPOSE TO HER ON THE SPOT.āĀ
āI was thinking dinner first,ā Bill writes back.Ā āBut Iāll let her know?āĀ
So, Fleur initially has to deal with a lot of crap from the Weasley Family, but at least sheās always got CharlieĀ āNumber One Fleur Delacour Fanā Weasley in her corner. Youāll catch Uncle Charlie excitedly telling the story of Fleur Delacour in the First Task to Billās children forever.Ā
(Charlie:Ā āIF YOU DONāT MARRY HER THEN I WILL!āĀ
Bill:Ā āCharlie, youāre not even into women.āĀ
Charlie:Ā āWHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THE MOST IMPRESSIVE DRAGON-HANDLING IāVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE?!!ā)
@deadcatwithaflamethrower - thought you might like to see this. :D
Whenever Hagrid finally decides to retire as Care of Magical Creatures professor you can bet your last knut that Charlie Weasley flies back to England the following week excitedly waving his resume and recommendation letters from no less than two Scamanders and the Minister of Magic, Hermione Granger.
Iām pretty sure he would also have recommendation letters from Rubeus Hagrid, the retiring professor, Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived and a very confusing one from Puddlemere United player, Oliver Wood, saying that he was one of the best Seekers he had ever seen.
Not to mention the fact that he flies back to England not on a broomstick or any other normal form of transportation, but landing on the Hogwarts grounds on the back of the largest dragon anyone has ever seen.
Reblogging again for that last addition.Ā
Charlie: *glides in on a dragon*Ā HELLO HIRE ME
Everyone: What the fuck
Ron: (in the background, mortified) this is normal
Not just any large dragon, either. A huge Norwegian Ridgeback that immediately curls itself around Hagridās Hut once Charlie dismounts. And it purrs when Hagrid dodders out of his hut to see whatās going on.
Norbert sneezes some sparks into Hagridās beard for old time sake. Hagrid bursts into joyful sobs. āHe remembers his mummy! After all these years!ā
This post is so pure. And accurate.
a kid at hogwarts who just wants to get a proper education but canāt focus because of all of the shit harry potter and his friends keep getting themselves into
Jenna B. Lacey, age eleven, knew exactly what she was going to do with her life.
She was going to go to Hogwarts, get top grades, and be the youngest female Minister of Magic by age 35.
It would have been a good plan, if she hadnāt been in the same year as Harry Potter.
* Ā * Ā * Ā Ā
Year one started out great. She was sorted into Hufflepuff, did well in all her classes, and aced the exams.
A troll smashed its way through the study room she was in on Halloween, but that wasnāt going to deter her.Ā
* Ā * Ā * Ā Ā
Year two was a disaster. People were getting petrified, and worseāthe teachers had to herd them from place to place, which severely cut down on her library time. She had to study in the common room, which meant instead of a nice, quiet atmosphere, she got a soundtrack of nervous Hufflepuffs.
And on top of that, exams were cancelled. It was a disaster.
* Ā * Ā * Ā Ā
Third year, she started to notice a trend.
First the troll, than the petrifications, and now dementor guards and escaped convicts. What did they all have in common? Potter.
After Black broke in and everyone had to spend the night in the Great Hall, interrupting Jennaās last minute studying for a test the next day, she took to giving Potter angry looks in every class.
He did not notice.
* Ā * Ā * Ā Ā
They announced the Triwizard tournament at dinner the first night of fourth year, and Jenna almost started crying.
Potter was going to take this one over. She just knew it.
And she was right.
Voldemort rose at the end of the year. She honestly didnāt know what she had expected.
* Ā * Ā * Ā Ā Ā
Fifth year brought Umbridge. She joined the DA because she was going to need a better background in defense, but that didnāt mean she was any happier about Potter.
She imagined it was him she was hexing instead of Zachariah Smith.
But, by the end of the year, focus on her studies was impossible. After Dumbledore left, it was complete anarchy.
Potterās fault. Of course.
* Ā * Ā * Ā Ā
Sixth year she started volunteering in the hospital wing. She needed a backup plan in case Potter fucked it up.
All seemed quiet, until they brought Malfoy in. It was apparently Potterās fault, which surprised everyone except Jenna.
Later, she was peacefully studying in a little nook on the third floor when some Death Eaters and some other adults started dueling right under her nose.
This was the worst fucking school, honestly.
* Ā * Ā * Ā Ā
They were calling it āThe Final Battle.ā
Jenna ran through the hall, dodging in and out of the children evacuating, until she saw him.Ā
āPOTTER.ā
He turned, startled. āUmāJenna, right? Weāre sort of busyāā
She grabbed the front of his shirt and hauled him up until he was eye level with her. āIf Iām not Minister of Magic by age 35, it is going to be entirely your fault and Iām going to hurt you.ā
She dropped him and stormed away, leaving him to whatever he was doing. She had to fight this goddamn war so she could go back to her fucking studying.
* Ā * Ā * Ā Ā
She became Minister of Magic at age 36.
Fucking Potter.
I think I just found theĀ best Harry Potter fanfic
ive never in my life up until this point realized that i share the zodiac sign with jesus christ and i want yall zodiac blogs and twitters to know that youre all invalid for not saying ācapricorn aka the sign of jesusā in your posts so i can fucking Know
if jesus was born on dec 25th that means hes a fucking capricorn why did none of you fucking tell me that earlier
okay i appreciate everyone in the comments correcting this but my general knowledge dictates that 25th of dec is jesus birthday and as a marvel blog i dont think i have the authority or right to dismantle any kind of religious belief sorry
Fleur Delacour had the most impressive performance in the First Task of the Triwizard Tournament, imo, and it is a Crime that she came in last place. Like, sure, maybe what she did took awhile and it wasnāt flashy, but imo she did by far the most impressive, difficult, and most humane piece of magic.Ā
Like, thereās this pissed off dragon mother, right? Itās been boxed up, taken to this strange place, then stuck in a noisy arena where its eggs are being threatened. This dragon is probably Unbelievably scared and angry.Ā
It can take 4-8 adult wizards working in tandem to Stun a dragon, especially a pissed off one, but FleurĀ āfairy princessā Delacour walks into that arena, stares down an angry apex predator, and somehow manages to single-handedly enchant it to sleep. This Common Welsh Green is surrounded by hundreds of people, needs to protect its eggs, but Fleur Delacourās magic manages to override all of its fear and anger? That is an incredible feat of powerful and probably very complex magic.Ā
Like, no wonder Fleur Delacour can come off as condescending, that is mind-blowingly impressive. That is the work of 4-8 adult wizards. You cannot tell me that the watching dragon-handlers were not LOSING THEIR MINDS.Ā
Between sexism and Fleur being part-Veela, it is unfortunately very realistic that she faces a lot of prejudice, but come on, Professors Sprout and Hagrid and etc. must have been going wild. Itās only some very bad luck that her skirt was accidentally set on fire. She got the golden egg. There was zero damage to the dragon or to the real eggs. Even if Madame Maxime and Fleur worked together to prepare it, Fleur still had to do it, and Madame Maxime would have been so rightly furious that Fleurās bravery and magical skill wasnāt recognized.Ā
Anyway, part of where Iām going with this, is that this injustice also creates some choice eldest Weasley brother reactions. Like Bill Weasley is writing his regular letters to Charlie, right? And he happens to mention,Ā āHey, I met this woman at work, on that guardian beast problem with that tomb I was telling you about. Do you remember the Beauxbatons Champion, Fleur Delacour?āĀ
And Charlie Weasley writes back like,Ā āDO I REMEMBER FLEUR DELACOUR? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! WE HAVE A POSTER OF HER ON OUR WALL! I HAVE HER GRADUATING CHARMS THESIS ON CALMING MAGICAL CREATURES AND I WANT IT SIGNED.Ā SHE REVOLUTIONIZED OUR DEALINGS WITH DRAGONS HERE. INJURIES ON THE RESERVE FOR DRAGONS AND HANDLERS ARE DOWN BY LIKE 75% SINCE WE BEGAN IMPLEMENTING HER REINVENTED SPELLWORK.āĀ
āUh, alright then. Well, you can send that to me and I will ask her to sign it for you,ā Bill Weasley, an extremely successful Curse-Breaker, writes back. (It isnāt that he doesnāt find Fleur Delacourās accomplishments very impressive, it is just that the poster on the wall thing is a Bit Weird.)Ā āThatās not going to be weird when I ask her out or anything. Wish me luck.āĀ
And Charlie writes back,Ā āLUCK? LUCK?! WILLIAMĀ WEASLEY, IF YOU DONāT MARRY THAT WOMAN, IāLL DISOWN YOU. TELL HER THAT IF GRINGOTTS DOESNāT APPRECIATE HER, SHE CAN COME TO ROMANIA. WEāRE BROKE, BUT I HAVE A DOZEN MUSCLED WIZARDS, WITCHES, AND OTHERS READY TO PROPOSE TO HER ON THE SPOT.āĀ
āI was thinking dinner first,ā Bill writes back.Ā āBut Iāll let her know?āĀ
So, Fleur initially has to deal with a lot of crap from the Weasley Family, but at least sheās always got CharlieĀ āNumber One Fleur Delacour Fanā Weasley in her corner. Youāll catch Uncle Charlie excitedly telling the story of Fleur Delacour in the First Task to Billās children forever.Ā
(Charlie:Ā āIF YOU DONāT MARRY HER THEN I WILL!āĀ
Bill:Ā āCharlie, youāre not even into women.āĀ
Charlie:Ā āWHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THE MOST IMPRESSIVE DRAGON-HANDLING IāVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE?!!ā)
I accept this as fact.
harry potter books rated by number of animals-are-actually-people reveals
harry potter 1: this cat is actually a teacher at hogwarts. solid beginning, pretty good work here. 7/10.
harry potter 2: this tree is actually a monster thatāll destroy your car, and this book is actually uhhhh a teenage boyās ghost, but no animals. disappointing. 3/10.
harry potter 3: this evil dog is actually a man and your godfather. this large wolf is your year 9 teacher. that deer is your spirit from the future/past due to a time travel loop. your best friendās pet is a war criminal. this is where we completely and totally peaked, folks. 11/10.
harry potter 4: this cup is actually a portkey and this man is actually a completely different man. the original man is locked in a trunk. nobody is a cat BUT rita skeeter is a beetle, and now she lives in a jar. 6/10
harry potter 5: uncertain how much tonks can become an animal, but even if she did it would just make her a furry, so 0/10.
harry potter 6: harry was far too busy being obsessed with draco this book to do anything else. harry wouldnāt have noticed if hedwig was actually morrissey. unrateable.
harry potter 7: in a horrifying twist of events, we have a person revealed to actually be an animal as Bathilda Bagshot turns out to be a giant fucking snake in a human costume. Who let that happen? Who cleared that? I need names and answers. -2/10
post-books information about nagini: no. -10/10
+1 for book 4, you forgot that Malfoy was briefly a ferret
iām a fraud and a fool. harry potter 4: both a beetle AND a ferret. 8/10
The whole point of the tournament is international magical cooperation. To make friends.
two dementors having their government mandated smoke break or whatever, asking the real questions.
ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦.OP Iām losing my goddamn mind, I never thought about this
So I was reading the Potter Family page on Pottermore, when I came across this particular passage:
I thought the plot holes of Crimes of Grindelwald were new, but apparently this whole thing is riddled with mistakes, because, obviously, James had the cape WAY BEFORE his parents died. Wake up, JK, this is getting sloppy.Ā
I love the idea of headcanons! Could you possibly do a romantic Fred Weasley one?
ok so freDDY let me talk about freddy
ā£ he isnāt big on pda
ā£ but he will just go all out if he feels like someone else is making a move on you
ā£ fred really likes to go out on double dates
ā£ that means that you go out on dates with george and his signif literally every other date you guys go on
ā£ but fred will split off for some alone time inĀ hogsmeade before you four head back to hogwarts
ā£ fred loves to spoil you he LOVES it he will buy you anything you want while youāre out, even if he canāt afford all of it
ā£ fred loves to cuddle but not when heās going to sleep
ā£ heās the type to crack jokes about you, but then pull you aside to make sure youāre okay with it
ā£ heās super overprotective
ā£ fred literally has to work up the courage to kiss you every time he does, mentally preparing himself in case you reject him
ā£ the first time he saysĀ āi love youā itās after a prank and heās running away from filch, sneakers slipping on the floors and he grabs you by the shoulders, kissing your forehead and rushing out anĀ āi love youā accompanied by a grin and then heās gone
ā£ fred is a v caring boyfriend, but again heās not big on pda
i love fred so much i am in pain
(insp.)
donāt pity the dead harry, pity the people who never read the books and donāt understand that sirius was the hottest motherfucker in the series
James: there are three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way and the Sirius way.
Remus: isnāt that just the wrong way?
James: yes but itās faster and thereās a 30% chance that you will die
