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@shestakingthefirststeptorec-blog
Preach🙄🤷♀️
I know that it's hard, i know that waking up every day to face those same demons is tiring for you, i know that right now it all just seems to much for you and i get that, believe me I do. It's a battle that leaves you exhausted and like there's no hope but the mere fact that you're waking up every day and carrying on is amazing and shows so much strength and bravery in you. I promise one day it'll get better, maybe not tomorrow, next week, next month or even next year, but one day it will. Believe me when I say, you do matter, you are loved and you're not alone. You'll get through this my dear, because you, you're one of the most strongest and bravest people in this world💜
Basically🙌👏
Always remember too take time out for yourself and rest as you need rest in order too fight the hardest of battles💛 you've got this, I believe in YOU💛
Pretty much😖😔😪
Seriously, take time too focus on you. No one matters more than you do. At times it may not feel like that but honestly you DO matter and you're worth so much more than what you're going through. I promise, one day you'll get through this and you'll be stronger than ever! I believe in you. Stay strong and keep your heads held high xo
Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder.
If I were to tell you that I had an illness that affected only 2% of the population, and which killed 1 in 10 of those who had it, what would your reaction be? And how would that reaction change when I told you that it was a mental illness known as emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD)?
I was diagnosed with Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder last year (2017) just after my twenty first birthday.
in all honesty, the diagnosis scared the hell out of me. While things like depression and anxiety are a rather talked about mental illness, EUPD is not. And honestly at first, the term ‘emotionally unstable’ was enough to make me want to curl up into a ball in the corner of the room and cry - because it made me feel weak, not normal and completely powerless to my emotions. I imagined someone ‘crazy’, someone people would look at in concern, someone who made others feel uncomfortable.. surely, that wasn’t me.
People who have EUPD are described as people who overreact to stress with extreme feelings of sadness, anxiety and anger. It's said that it not only affects the mind but also relationships too, as they're often intense and chaotic.
Ultimately, the disorder often sees people becoming impulsive and often self-destructive. The thing though, is that when you’re living with the disorder, all of the above things feel completely normal, Because you’re so used to losing control with your anger and forming dangerously close bonds with people, you don’t think twice about it, or even worry about taking a step back to evaluate the situation.
The saddest part of being a woman and living with EUPD is that the words ‘crazy’ and ‘unstable’ are so frequently thrown around against women generally in our society. It’s common for women to open up more than men, and are therefore deemed as being more emotional humans. Those who are completely open about their emotions and are unafraid to show when they are upset are often carelessly labelled as ‘unstable’ when all they’ve really done is express themselves. Sadly, because we as women may show our fury over things that men may not bat an eyelid at, we’re labelled ‘crazy’, when really we just deal with things in a different way. Of course, this does not apply to all men nor or women, but you can’t help but face that this is a truth. Be that in soaps, films and real-life, how often do we see a female being open with her emotions labelled ‘crazy’ simply for doing so?
EUPD is so easily confused with hormones, more so in young women. For a young woman, it might be hard to speak out about you feel, because mood swings are so prominent with periods of menstruation. I surely can’t be the only one who’s gone off into a fit of rage only to be asked: ‘Are you on your period?’ And so in all honesty it becomes difficult to differentiate the two for those who don’t understand. And in all honesty, it becomes easier to hide away from the fact that you may be suffering from mental health issues, because it’s easier to blame ‘women’s troubles’ than confront the truth.
Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder for me means that I am ’emotionally sensitive,’ it also means if I am not stable I am prone to depression, low mood swings, self harm, post traumatic stress attacks (due to past abuse) and many other things that i can't even begin too list, as in all honesty that list is extremely long.
I've had my official diagnosis of Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder for eight whole months now and if I'm honest I don't think that it's fully sunk in yet or if I've even come to terms with it. I'm still learning every day about my illness and trying to understand it the best that I can. My emotions at the moment are completely intense and it feels like they're attacking me at full force, but I'm trying and I'm still here for now, so that's got too count for something.. right?
I have a few diagnosis though, which are severe depression, mixed anxiety, emotionally unstable personality disorder, ptsd, trauma based paranoia and bulimia. Every day is a battle trying too come to terms with everything. It's a difficult road I'm on but I really am doing the best that I can😊
Forever living by quotes too tell people how I'm really feeling, so much easier than trying too put it into words myself🙈🙌
Hey, stop scrolling.
Everyone who is reading this: I’m so glad you’re alive. I’m so proud of you. You are loved. I’m here. Don’t give up, we’re almost there.
Pass it on.
And retweet it here ! https://twitter.com/leo__pace/status/934054931304153088
Abit of Monday positivity for those who need it today🙂 well done for making it through yet another day💪💕
Always giving people more chances than they deserve🙄
Still trying too figure things out lately, but knowing when too rest when youu need too is so important. Never give up or quit because you're worth more than what you're going through💖
Beginning too seriously think that I do😣
Being walked all over.
It's quite easy isn't it, to put your all in too someone, be there when they need you, spend countless hours talking too them so that they don't feel like they're on their own. Too put this person before your self just in the end to be walked all over.
I let my walls down, yet again. I trusted when I really knew that I shouldn't. I neglected myself and my recovery to be there, to be a support someone that they could lean on, but for what? Too be spoken to in such a vile way, to be tossed aside because I tried to help them and they didn't like what I said. To have my own mental health thrown back in my face.
Why did I bother? I'm too nice for my own good sometimes, I care too much, I love too much, I invest in people who really don't deserve my time. Why? Because I guess that's just the type of person I am, I can't sit back and let people suffer alone, I can't let people hurt because I know how that feels, but does that mean I deserve too be treated this way? Do I deserve to be put through such awful things? Do I deserve to be hurt when all I wanted too do was be there? I'm sick of people hurting me, pushing me around and using me whenever it suits them. I'm done.
Over the years I learned not to trust people, I learned how to put up those walls too protect myself, I learned that not everyone are who they portray themselves too be, I've learned that the only person that I can truly count on is myself.
I've let my recovery go down hill to support this person, I put them before my own mental health. But I'm done with that. My walls are built right back up again and I know I really cannot trust anyone but myself. I'm done trying.
So, thank you for showing me that I was right all those years ago, thank you for showing me that I can only rely on myself. Thank you for showing me again all those reasons I never trust people, thank you for showing me that all people do is hurt you and toss you aside when they've broken you down. Thank you for making me realise I'm too nice for my own good. Thank you for showing me that I need no one but me. Thank you for showing me that I needed to build up my walls again.
I'm done trying with people. I'm done with it all. I've had enough of being hurt and being walked all over.
It's time to refocus on my recovery again and time to stand strong behind the walls I've built up yet again. No one will get passed those walls and I will make damn sure that they won't.
A little positivity for youu🙌🙊👏
Living with Anxiety
Living with anxiety is like that feeling that you get when your about to find out news, good or bad, the uncertainty and worry before getting this news or even like that moment when you’re about to fall but not knowing whether youu will be able to catch yourself before you hit the ground but feeling that way all day everyday, never getting a break.
When you’re coming down from an anxiety attack it feels like that is all youu can think about for the rest of the day. it’s always there in the back of your mind not leaving you alone. Think of it like this, you’re sat in your car driving along when all of a sudden a car comes out of nowhere and hits youu, that shaky panicky feeling afterwards is what it feels like when coming down from an attack. Youu know that youu will pull through it but in that moment youu panick, you’re scared and everything around you just goes in slow motion and the sounds around youu makes youu feel like you’re under water drowning.
Living with anxiety is that constant feeling of fear, panick and uncertainty. It’s being too scared too leave the house because you’re scared of what will happen, constantly thinking something bad will happen to youu, it’s not wanting too be in big crowds because when youu don’t know anybody the fear of something bad happening is increased massively.
Anxiety is a hard thing to live with. some days may be more intense while others it may be manageable, but either way it’s not easy to deal with every single day. it’s draining and tiring. Sometimes people just don’t understand and that’s okay, but for me, this is what living with anxiety feels like.
“You come home, make some tea, sit down in your armchair and all around there’s silence. Everyone decides for themselves whether that’s loneliness or freedom.”
— Unknown
