I Need Coffee

I came here to drink coffee and destroy heteronormativity And I'm all out of coffee (she/her/hers)

[gaynehollander]

The amount of pride that blooms in my chest when Shane admits to Rose that he has, in fact, been with another guy is honestly concerning. That is my close personal friend, Shane Hollander and he is being so brave.

[ticklefighthockey]

I still think it’s so funny that shane was assigned gay by rose landry and his reaction was WHEW! thank god someone else decided that for me. anyway I’m off to get my man I can sense that he’s making bad decisions in a club somewhere

[pixiecaps]

big fan of whatever the youth is doing to torment scientology buildings

[pixiecaps]

they couldnt take the heat

[doctordotdj]

[maidthings]

i really like how the milkman exists as an entirely fossilized character who now serves no purpose other than to fuck people's wives for the punchline

[fractally]

I think at some point one of the Cens is asking Troy like why he did all that and Troy is like "Well you know hurt people hurt people...I was really struggling with being closeted at the time....I know it was wrong but I was trying my best"

and Shane's eyebrow twitches and he goes "yeah I get it. Some people work through the closet by being rampaging monsters to everyone around them and some people work through it by winning three Stanley cups"

[drawballa]

Sleepy boys 💤

[mojoscircus]

Yuna posting this photo on her Facebook with the caption, “spending the day with my wonderful son!”

Shane in the comments like, “I’m your ACTUAL son and I’m the one who took this picture.”

To which Ilya replies, “yes, but I’m her WONDERFUL son 😇”

[aquilacalvitium]

Write it badly or it'll never be written

Write it badly or it'll never be written

Write it badly or it'll never be written

Write it badly or it'll never be written

Write it badly or it'll never be written

[aquilacalvitium]

Please keep interacting with this post because when I come to tumblr to procrastinate, this shows up again in my notifications and guilts me into writing again

[escapepodding]

Boring facts (in my head) about parent David Hollander:

New people at work when introduced to him go "oh, like Shane Hollander" and he BEAMS at that and says "Yep!"

Has a picture of Shane on his desk and the same new people think its a joke until an old timer who probably met Shane at a bring your kid to work day clued them in

Would not let Yuna touch the college fund they set up for Shane until he was out of his rookie contract. What if Shane changed his mind about hockey? What if he got injured and needed a good education? Only conceeded when his son was a multi-millionaire

Only time he has ever gone to HR was when someone stole the baby Shane picture off his desk after he got famous. That's his baby!!! Give it back!!! There were so many memos and all staff emails that it did get returned one night, but a picture of it circulated online so now David only has PR photos at work

His lawyer is an old college friend who he catches up with at least once a year and who reviews the Hollander's will and life insurance policy each year with specific instructions to look after Shane. This annual tradition continues to this day. The lawyer buddy is going to be there for that grown celebrity professional sportsman no matter what

Was so excited when Shane started The Cottage project, and helped him with everything, including liaising with the builders etc. Was delighted to have the first a joint project with his son since school (he helped with art/science/show and tell)

Is really bad with technology but the nice young people at the office help (is not fully cognizant of the fact half the office is in love with him but does correctly suspect the other half want to marry his son)

Always knew he wanted to be a dad, and was devastated when it seemed like that wasn't going to happen, but didn't want to put that on Yuna who was already struggling with it

Sent congratulation cards and presents to all his buddies when they had kids anf was genuinely happy for then but it also killed him a bit. Unfortunately the conversation around men struggling because they wanted kids was not happening in the 80s/early 90s so he kept quiet (and passed that trait on to Shane)

Thought Shane was perfect from the moment he was born, and still thinks that. Can't concieve of why Shane thought he could let them down, he's literally always been Yuna and David's perfect baby

Gets out the good vodka again when he tells Ilya this one day and Ilya starts crying

[mapetitefeedeslilas]

Shane who, before him and Ilya get outed, keeps hearing people, fellow players, his own friends, talk shit about the man he loves and it pains him, so one night he googles "Ilya Rozanov nice person" and ends up in a subreddit where people share stories of celebrities that are surprisingly nice people and the page dedicated if Ilya is full of wholesome stories

hospital personnel from where he used or still visited the paediatric department with the team, parents of patients, even former patients themselves seeing how great, attentive, funny and light-hearted he was

puck bunnies or women he had one night stands with during the years playing for Boston saying he was a phenomenal lover and a consent king, or women that approached him whilst inebriated and whom he gently turned down, bought a bottle of water for and paid for their cabs to get back home safely

neighbours saying he was very polite, people he was nice or helpful to through the years, a mom with a screaming child whose first class seat on a flight to Moscow he gave up so she could have more room for her herself and the baby, a classmate he defended in school, a former teacher saying how smart and talented he was in spite of not having much time to study because he was training a lot, Russian-speakers saying his interviews in his mother tongue are a thing of beauty and incredibly well-spoken, waiters and shop assistants stressing how polite his interactions were

Shane devours these stories with tears in his eyes and a heart about to explode, the tab perpetually open in his phone, incognito mode.

And when someone talks shit about Ilya or when, after their outing, hate starts to be thrown at him even more viciously from the media, he goes back to the tab, just to see that there actually many that agree with him: Ilya, the love of his life, is the most wonderful person

[flyora]

No additional comments here just my little (little-ahhah-funny) obsession with Hollanov and "Wolfbird" by @opal-apparition (ao3)

[so-many-ocs]

immediately after an interaction: i have GOT to get more normal oh god i need to get more normal immediately i have to get more normal or they're going to hunt me down they're going to hunt me down and flay me for sport

during an interaction: and why not put a little spin on it? why not add some conversational zest?

[qqchurch]

[viejito-at-heart]

everyone tells me that ADHD isn't an excuse for being lazy and that there are people with ADHD who have overcome their symptoms and are successful but every day I drag around an invisible dopplegänger of myself who is horrible and listless and always complains. and he is so heavy. I'm ambitious and I'm passionate but he isn't and the problem is that to get anywhere in life I have to grab him by the leg and pull him along the whole way, kicking and screaming, and sometimes it gets exhausting. sometimes he pulls me down with him. and it gets a bit difficult to explain to people why I'm lying down on the floor in pain when they can't see him.

[justaratinacagexx]

I've never heard ADHD explained this way....but it's such a good depiction of it.

[rhinco]

you know what dad? maybe i don't wanna be the saviour of the broken, the beaten and the damned. it's a lot of pressure to put on me and honestly i've been feeling stressed recently because of it

[concentrated-mug-of-me]

hold on lemme google something

[concentrated-mug-of-me]

ok yeah this is funny

[themauvesoul]

we must be honest with ourselves. ilya doesn’t have a domesticity kink. ilya has a deep and abiding desperate need for stability in his life. he grew up in a house where it was impossible to please his father, and his father’s moods controlled everyone and everything. his brother is an addict. he went into a career that is notoriously unstable. sure he’s playing in boston now, but tomorrow he could get traded to fucking tampa and there’s nothing he can do about it. he’s in the US on a visa that hinges on remaining employed in a sport where losing teeth and collecting concussions is a given. he’s never had a romantic relationship last more than like three days. the only person he can really rely on in his life is svetlana. and its like he said. everybody always wants more from him. more money, more effort, more time. its like he’s trying to build a house, but people keep stealing the lumber before he can even finish framing out the walls.

so. when ilya meets shane. a guy who is extremely easy to read. a guy who is a terrible liar. a guy with a routine for everything and a real estate fetish and a very neat investment portfolio. with his reliable british jeep and his practical athletic wear and his repetitive diet. guileless, responsible, predictable shane hollander, who has to be coaxed into asking for what he wants, who rarely ever asks for more than what ilya gives him, who asks ilya if he’s okay like he genuinely cares. AND he laughs at Ilya’s jokes, and has a wicked mean sense of humor that makes ilya laugh in turn, and rides that thang like he wants to die on it. like. Jesus Christ. Of course he fell in love with that. Of course his favorite thing in the whole wide world is shane nagging him about leaving his dirty socks next to the couch, or shane folding the laundry, or shane’s color-coded google calendar where he’s scheduled an hour-long block for sex every day. of course he loves leaving the socks out on purpose to piss shane off and add a little je ne sais quois to the sex that night. its like testing a mathematical equation that always spits out the same beautiful answer.

[n-rdlys]

a little soviet space race propaganda inspired design for @opal-apparition’s gorgeous fic apogee

special mention to Alexei Leonov and the random Canadian & Russian astronauts whose spacesuits i looked at for this i <3 insignias and workwear and yaoi

[opal-apparition-deactivated2026]

It’s like you literally plucked this out of my head and polished it into the most perfect thing ever! I love these so much, especially their uniforms and Ilya’s EVA suit!!!