Shot down and in the stalag, Gale makes a questionable choice, one he has to pay for. And pay he does.
Trigger warnings: suicide attempt, violence, beating, torture, and I'm sure more I can't think of.
Read on AO3
Shoutout to @ignalina-c0re for the amazing moodboard and proof reading it for me!
This was supposed to be for the bonus day of @mota-collab's Whumpfest and it was meant to be like... 10k. Clearly, it spiraled a little out of control and is more than a little late, so it's probably just, at this point, inspired by that and not for it. It's based off this post.
Opening snippet below the cut:
Getting shot down was never in the plan. It was supposed to be Bucky and him, the last two pilots left in the sky, the last two B-17’s flying, side by side. But now Gale was in a cattle car and Bucky was tucked away somewhere in London. At least he was safe, Gale rationalized. At least one of them could make it out, maybe not unscathed, but still flying till the end. He had bruises on his neck, his ribs, his back, his hips… Everywhere, really. Gale wasn’t sure there was a single inch of him that wasn’t bruised or scraped in someway. And everything hurt. Every jostle of the train sent pain shooting through his already frayed nerves. Only the tightness of how closely the men were packed in kept Gale on his feet.
And then the train was whistling to a stop, harsh and jarring, and Gale knew nothing was getting better for any of them.
He was stripped and searched, beaten and berated in German— of which he could only catch fragments of— thrown in a cold cell to wait. At least they’d returned his clothes and his sheepskin, dirty and tattered as they might be, to offer some respite to the biting, frigid temperature in the small cell. He sat, eyeing the door and the window in equal measure, waiting for something, though he had no idea what. It reminded him of his childhood, the anxiety simmering in his gut, the fear of an angry man coming through that door, belt or switch in hand, come to beat him some more. Gale hated every second of it, tried not to think of the memories coming, unbidden, to the surface, swirling through his mind unhelpfully.
Waiting, he could do. The cold, he could do. Waiting in the cold, he could do. Being beat, he could do. Waiting to be beat, he could do.
As long as John was safely tucked away in London, Gale told himself. As long as John was safe, tucked away with whatever women he’d inevitably charmed into his bed when Gale had refused to go with, Gale could deal with whatever the goons threw his way.
Rationally, he knew that, sooner or later, John would hear about the mission, about the losses, about Gale. He just had to hope that John would keep his senses about him. For once. This was war, after all, people went down, people didn’t come back. They’d seen enough of it.
But John had never expected it to be Gale going down, had he? He’d said it himself, plenty. You and me, Buck. Guilt clawed at him, rivaling the anxiety, and Gale felt like he might be sick just then, grinding his jaw to try to keep the beasts battling inside him at bay. Any moment now, a Kraut would walk through that door. And if they smelled even the slightest bit of weakness… Gale knew exactly what would happen.
They couldn’t smell weakness if it wasn’t there, though, Gale decided, sucking in a breath through his teeth, feeling for the small pouch concealed in his sleeve. If it would keep anyone else safe, if it would keep John safe, Gale had no problem taking the hidden pills. His men would just assume the Krauts had beat him to death, he was sure, even if they tried to say otherwise. None of them would think their strong, steadfast Major would desert them.
That thought stilled his fingers, no longer rubbing over the hidden seams. Gale hesitated, the thought of leaving his men— his friends, because yes, many of them were his friends, whether he liked he liked it or not— there alone making the guilt in him grow, clawing at his empty belly with a vengeance.
No, Gale decided, his men would be fine without him. They’d survive. That’s what they did. Survived. They pushed forward, adapted, continued. They’d be okay. It would keep them safe, too, if he was gone. The Krauts wouldn’t be able to leverage them against him either.
Another weakness.
Another thing the Krauts would sniff out.
Gale could solve it all. It would be easy. Smokey had told him as much, quick and easy, he’d said. Like going to sleep.
I totally forgot to shoutout @hogans-heroes for giving me the title too 🥹🥰 I literally don’t think I could have gotten this fic done without Em and Sachi, between the proofreading, moodboard, and title, but also all the plotting and discussions in our DMs. Thank you both so much for everything with this fic and also just for being in my life I adore you both so much and am so glad I have you 💖💖
I got a 4 min long video of Kimchi dreaming today, so here's a clip
You get the whole walk cycle and the little sprint at the end.
Sometimes her sprints last for like 4 or 5 seconds and she can shoot herself off the couch or into a wall if she gets a grip with her back claws. If she does it next to a wall, her head smacking into it sounds like someone is trying to break into the house. She doesn't wake up.
Later in the dream she injured her paw and was limping, and earlier she caught something and ate it.
SURE, I CAN LEGALLY MARRY MY WIFE RIGHT NOW, BUT IN DOING SO BOTH OF US WILL HAVE OUR DISABILITY BENEFITS CUT AND WE WILL THEN BE STRUGGLING FINANCIALLY.
THAT IS MARRIAGE INEQUALITY
WE, AS DISABLED PEOPLE, ARE PREVENTED FROM BEING MARRIED OR WE WILL BE FUCKED FINANCIALLY
and yeah as i add to all of these kinds of posts because a lot of people on this site assume it's an american problem - it's not! it exists in every country i've talked to someone from on here, which is quite a few
(and personally as someone from aotearoa nz it's not even just marriage, the second you admit to being in a relationship you get less money on the assumption your partner will support you, if you and your partner are both on disability benefits you get to have one benefit between you)
i'm already only paid half the national minimum wage as someone who cannot work at all, not even part time
if i am suspected to be dating someone my situation goes from 'just about floating along with my head above water as long as i don't buy many luxuries' to 'calculator out in the grocery store trying to eat'
disabled people do not have anything close to marriage equality
i kinda don't like those posts that are like "it feels so good to be a hater in private instead of bullying people" because i don't think the only two options for negative opinions are Privacy or Bullying. being a hater in a public forum is perfectly fine, and even the most vitriolic negative opinions are not automatically bullying just because someone who might have their feelings hurt by them sees them. there's a difference between being negatively impacted by something you see and being actually targeted by negativity.
seeing someone drop an absolute dogshit off the mark screed against something you love that is not actually harmful in any real way but nevertheless activates the enrage phase of your boss battle and then learning to either just block them or keep scrolling without it ruining your day is a valuable skill. and i think we've all seen what spaces that demand constant positivity end up like. developing an inconsequential bullshit tolerance is necessary to be a well balanced member of a social species.
its not a "native version of nonbinary" or a "native version of bigender"
thats not what it means, that’s not what it’s ever meant
two spirit is an pan-tribal term coined by indigenous people in 1990, for indigenous people, to replace the term berdache, an offensive term that white settlers applied to indigenous people that fell outside of the western lens of gender and sexuality
two spirit isnt a "native version of nonbinary" because two spirit doesnt inherently mean someone is nonbinary. some of us are, but so many two spirited people arent. many people in our community also choose specifically not to label themselves with terms like nonbinary, gay, bisexual, etc, and solely use two spirit or another term from their tribe or language
we can be anything and everything and nothing you've ever imagined
to say its a "native version of nonbinary" is not just inaccurate, it's a complete erasure of a massive part of our community
"I asked chatgpt" okay well I asked Tumblr and- wait, one second- there's some new yaoi lore in the space fandom or something- oh my god is that Markiplier?
