Amorphous Pile of Sharks

Generally excited about sharks

[nighthaunting]

thought too hard about MRI machines today and had this come to me in a vision

[beesmygod]

mri accident is literally one of my biggest anxiety freakouts. i dont care about being in the tiny loud tube, im so scared of a secret piece of metal i dont know about in my body will tear through me like a knife through butter. what if i ate a quarter in my sleep

[neutral-wizard]

Quarters George who eats a $10 roll of quarters every night is shredded into a fine mist my the MRI

[its-grape-juice-i-swear]

TIME TO POST ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVORITE IMAGES!!!!

Back when I worked at the hospital, I had to take MRI training and it was my favorite thing every time. It was only like 10 minutes long and went a little something like this:

Hey. The MRI is basically a really big magnet and by basically I mean it is and we literally never turn it off. It's like really big. Really really big and powerful and The Magnet is always on. We don't turn it off Ever, for any reason. We mean it bro, The Magnet is literally always on. It's crazy strong and will definitely kill you. So don't bring any metal into the MRI room, man. You will fuck up the machine (because The Magnet is always on) and then you will die (again, because The Magnet is always on). Here's some fun questions for you to test your understanding!

1) The ______ is always on.

2) The Magnet is ______ on.

3) How often is The Magnet on?

4) The Magnet is always __.

5) The Magnet is always on. T/F

6) The Magnet is usually on but we know to turn it off for you because you're a very special boy :) T/F

7) My weak fleshy body can survive the wrath of The Magnet. T/F

8) Look at this 500 lbs steel hospital bed, which The Magnet has crumpled into an origami crane. Imagine if that was you.

9) Is The Magnet ever off?

10) Sometimes we turn The Magnet off. T/F

Thank you for taking MRI training. We hope you learned that The Magnet is always on, because it is. It's on Right Now and it will be on every time you come to the MRI. Have fun and remember: The Magnet is always on!

I love you MRI training. The Magnet is always on.

[weaselle]

going to start saying The Magnet Is Always On the way some people say God Has A Plan

[hayleyzorel]

still thinking about the mri machine deaths in "Final Destination: Bloodlines"

[smeared1992]

you used to be able to get a job just by circling a listing in a newspaper in red pen

[ratica]

[weirdmageddon]

i know most people have seen it but i cant emphasize how much this is literally my favorite breath of the wild clip of all time. also i can never fucking find this clip when i need it especially in high definition so here it is

[ampervadasz]

[thecatalogues]

Kitty!... long leg kitty!.. uh, creechur?... OUPPY

[slavetomyheadcanon]

I WAS NOT FUCKING PREPARED

[adachi]

I had someone ask me "where are the pokemon cards" and I tried to direct her to the kids section and she got really indignat and went "no. Pokemon cards. Theyre like, collectibles" and I had to go No I know what those are. Those are kids playing cards. Kids section

[adachi]

She was trying to look behind the counter where we keep Gold Jewelry and Gucci Purses for pokemon cards

[inbabylontheywept]

i have been shaving my head for several months now and im an old hand at most of the weirdness that comes with it. ive seen so many strange things - a beanie torn in half after i tried brute force yanking it off my stubble, strangers hands gripping my head like a sort of fleshy bowling ball, c-beams glittering in the dark by the tanhauser gate.

but still, sometimes, things surprise me. and i was surprised today. because today an old man approached me at the park. and he said, you know, im a pediatrician.

which is already a weird start to a conversation, because i didnt know that. and maybe i should have just rolled with it, but instead i went

wait. i dont know that. why did you think i knew that?

which didn't even put him slightly off balance.

cuz you're bald, he said, so confidently that i didnt even question it until the conversation was over. now. i was - i was over there, sitting -

and he gestured across the park to a giant pile of soft dirt that had an almost cartoonishly exaggerated ass print on it which derailed me for the second time. right? because whoever sat on that dirt, clearly, had an ass like two coconuts being fired out of a spanish cannon. whereas this man had an ass that could probably only be detected with powerful scientific instruments. i told him this in more succint terms by simply saying that was clearly not his buttprint.

now at this point we'd gotten derailed twice, and as unflappable as he'd been the first time, he was starting to get a little defensive. so he said perhaps someone with a large butt sat down after i got up, and i said why are you lying about where you were sitting, and he said why would i do that? and i said if i knew, i wouldnt be asking, and he said fine, i was driving by - and i said why didn't you just say you were driving by?!?!?!?! and he said because i didn't want you to think i was the kind of crazy person that would just stop his car to tell a stranger in a park that he, as a pediatrician, could tell that your parents REALLY cared about tummy time!

then he left. angrily. he actually stomped back to his car. i dont know when i started laughing but i didnt stop until i got home. my voice is still all scratchy right now. ive been in a little bit of a writing funk but i had to get this down while i could still remember it so perfectly.

and as a tangent, i cannot emphasize enough the benefits of going outside and interacting with the public. it is a constant source of joy. every place on earth is the weirdest place on earth. i will never be able to write a character as fascinating as the people i run into at the park. but god help me, i have to try.

[an-evening-botanist]

op thank you for explaining in the tags because I had no idea what the fuck that meant

[inbabylontheywept]

sorry i just kind of assumed more people would get the tummy time thing. parents are supposed to give their babies tummy time otherwise their heads get a little squashed.

[octiainyourpocket]

I'm still confused what IS tummy time

[inbabylontheywept]

tummy time is when you flip babies onto their stomach and just let them sit there and wiggle a little bit. it keeps their heads from getting flat spots, and it also helps them build the muscles and coordination needed to start crawling. kind of a twofer.

[strawbebbynya]

all yall make jokes about couples and their nonromantic third wheel having fun together, but im the one getting treated to food tonight by the couple im nonromantically third wheeling. you wish you were me

[whitachi]

I'm sorry I read this as "necromantic third wheel" and went on a very rapid powerful imagination adventure. hello lovebirds I'm the skeleton here for breadsticks

[fruitydiaz]

yeah “i can teach you” is kind and gentle and warm and comforting. it’s also hot. right

[heavenlyeros]

artfights for my friend ahmwma, which i put together as an inspirational little zine called PHINXEL AFFIRMATIONS (link to itchy)

[libraford]

Not to oversimplify a complex issue, but i think we could reduce the number of deadly car crashes by increasing wages and having shorter work weeks.

[kosmogrl]

Dont blame yourself for not having known a lesson only time could teach

[curioscurio]

What if I were a lawyer and you were a comic bubble… and what if we were both girls…

[curioscurio]

oc brainrot. is real

[dkpsyhog]

You managed to give expressive posing to an abstract shape what the fuck

[what-marsha-eats]

[thestoryofaslut]

not gonna lie, this actually looks like a good idea.

[adamsmasher]

I was camping this weekend and someone pulled out THREE snackleboxes and lemme tell you, absolute game changer

[radwolf76]

American bento

[theseventeensteps]

obsessed with how fixable society is, on a structural level.

obsessed with how all you need to do is throw money at public education and eliminate most standardized testing and you will start getting smarter, more engaged, kinder adults. obsessed with how giving people safe housing, reliable access to good food, and decent wages dramatically reduces drug overdoses and gun violence. obsessed with how much people actually want to get together and fix infrastructure, invent new ways of helping each other, and create global ways of living sustainably once you give them livable pay to do so. obsessed with how tracking diseases, developing medicines, and improving public health becomes so much easier when you just make healthcare free at point of use.

obsessed with how easy it all becomes, if we can just figure out how to wrench the wealth out of the hands of the hoarders.

[theseventeensteps]

i've lived in four different cities in my adult life and talked to literally tens of thousands of people about politics and the change they want to see in the world and the overwhelming majority of them wanted life to be better, happier, easier for everyone, and dreamed of that world. the only people who didn't think that way were A) really obviously in need of mental/medical care, or B) rich.

wanting universal free healthcare, well-funded public education, and social support for all people is the most unbelievably normie opinion that exists, even among people who have lots of bad or misguided opinions about other things. when you feel alone, know that the reason you feel that way is billions of dollars are being spent to obscure the fact that you are in the majority.

[chewbacca]

NATIONAL TREASURE (2004) dir. Jon Turteltaub

[the-barefoot-hatter]

                                                                                                                            #deli lady was the real national treasure all along                                     

[muttsandmustelidae]

From the Nashville Zoo’s fb page! Here’s the petition, please please please take a moment to add your name (even if you’re not from Nashville!). If you are from Tennessee, contact your representatives and make it clear that the people do not want this data center. This is an AZA accredited zoo which is home to several species of critically endangered animals, we NEED to protect it. Make your voice heard!

[muttsandmustelidae]

Because people will pay attention to cute animals, here are some of the critically endangered/endangered species housed at the Nashville Zoo!

The Amur Leopard and Clouded Leopard (which recently celebrated its 50th cub born at the zoo!)

The Sumatran Tiger

The Red Ruffed Lemur and Ring-Tailed Lemur

The Cotton-Top Tamarin and White-Cheeked Gibbon

The Colobus Monkey and De Brazza’s Monkey

And the Mexican Spider Monkey!

Look at them!!!! Look at them and fight like hell to save them!!!!

[traycakes]

Data centers have been recorded creating constant noise at a frequency outside the human range of hearing but which still causes severe issues. This could be even worse with animals that have more sensitive hearing than humans do.

We don't need to wait years to find out these things cause real harm to the communities near them, we have proof already.

[kipinkling]

This is my local-ish zoo. Please sign the petition if you can (and call your state reps if you're a Tennessean).

[girldraki]

kind of harmonically beautiful

[funky-insanitear]