One Smart Chicken

Got cyberbullied into an extended hiatus. You might find me on Ao3. I'll be back when I feel like trusting tumblr again. So it might be a while. If you're here and reading this--Be kind. Behind every username, every url and blog and avatar, is just a person. Treat each other kindly and decently. And I hope if you're scrollingmy blog, you're smiling.

[kittje]

my constant emotional state

[boissb]

Happy Mermay! Scary mermaids deserve love too 💕

[ironinkpen]

“that’s just the way the world works” it literally doesn’t have to be but okay

[ironinkpen]

if anyone ever tells you “humans are just selfish / life is cruel / that’s just how the world is, get over it” be critical of them bc there’s a 75% chance they’re just using that as an excuse for their own shitty behavior so that they don’t have to put an effort into being better, kinder people

[ojoroto-deactivated20180906]

[tsundereslasher]

[silverhawk]

sometimes the ocean just brings you. big trees.

just massive pieces of driftwood. and thats okay. its normal.

[rebakitt3n]

that’s very generous, no one else brings me big trees

[smartchicken]

the ocean once brought me a skinned deer. and then the skin a couple days later. on behalf of my scarred younger self, i would like to express a strong preference for trees

[stephencolbertly]

Mindy Kaling Talks About Ocean’s 8

[human-flesh-search]

[the-callout-of-cthulhu]

you didn’t include the best part

[pileofknives]

“Like hell I’m letting myself get cucked by possums”

[boarcriminal-deactivated2018052]

if you’re a baby gay and this is your first pride, watch your drinks! men are trash across all sexualities

[mezzalunanova]

I know boys don’t get these talks so let me clarify:

This doesn’t just mean alcohol

Don’t accept any open drinks

After you get your unopened drink, you keep it in your site

You have to go to the bathroom so you leave your drink on a table? That drink is now dead to you.

You’ve been holding your drink way low out of your eyesight and people are crowding? That drink is now suspect.

Stay safe, babies

[cherrycoloredsky-archive]

Also: Rohypnol (a date rape drug) tastes VERY SALTY. If your drink is suddenly salty, STOP DRINKING IMMEDIATELY. 

[bigmouthlass]

Buddy system, y'all. If your friend is acting *way* drunker than they should, take them to an Urgent Care or ER. Date rape drugs can kill you.

[elusive-suggestions]

always rb

[coneybitch]

rb for the advice

[the-headless-vulcan]

don’t rely on taste, ppl could dissolve all kinds of drugs into ur drink so don’t accept drinks from anyone unless u see it made by the bartender in front of u and keep ur drink in your sight, if u have to leave it then gulp it down or throw it away

[uncommongenders-deactivated2021]

Pride season is coming up so please stay safe!!

[mintbees]

Ive never played dnd before but if I ever get to be a dm I’m going to present it as a serious game the first 2 or 3 sessions no funny sounding names no nothing its all high fantasy and serious before completely shattering it in the worst way possible

[respecramen]

explain

[mintbees]

Sure, imagine Your party stuck in a cave fighting wild catlike creatures or something alike.

The creatures have blocked the way out And the only other way out seems to be a steady but shallow stream of water going deep inside the cave. You are losing the Fight but then you look up at The entrance And you see a silhouette of a man in expensive looking clothing looking down on you. You plead for help but he doesnt respond, instead he starts charging a spell Which makes the water coming from outside cover the caves Floor. The spell Weaves Around Your party but is starting to tug at the creatures. When you look up at the man you can see his face because of the glow coming from his hands, he looks middle aged, human with dark skin and short grey hair. His unexpressive eyes suddenly turn bright red as he says in a calm yet powerfull voice:

“Perish.”

All the animals in the cave get swooped away by the water, letting out one final cry as they get carried into the abyss. he slowly walks to Your weakened party. He stops right in front of you.

“Hail And Well met, my name is Barack, descendent of the house of White.”

[sketchy-scribs-n-doods]

THIS IS THE ULTIMATE POWER MOVE

[pedrospascaled]

Hugh Jackman’s most sexual non sexual moment @roberttkazinsky

↪ Okay, so you will probably hate my answer here, but as a Scogan fan, this is my answer. There is just something about the way that Hugh Jackman delivers this line as Logan where the undertones just come off very sexual to me. I’m sure this is an awful answer, but it was honestly the first thing I could think of.

[unpretty]

one time i went to a work event with my dad and he was talking about some celebrity and one of the other guys there was like “i have no idea how you know all this stuff, i’m too old for this” and dad was like, “oh, you know, i’ve got teenagers” in a very ‘they force me to watch their garbage’ sort of way at which point i realized dad had been using me as a smokescreen for his love of mtv for years

[unpretty]

when i was younger he would always let me bring my gameboy along to keep me entertained and then he would ask what i was up to in enough detail to establish that he had a basic understanding of pokemon, in order to establish dominance over the other, non-pokemon-understanding parents

[gmbencompetence]

We need to have a nomination for “Stupidest thing Tumblr.com has ever believed” and just move into an official Top 10 List.

For my nominations, I’m putting up:

If you eat a chocolate bar a very specific way, you will break physics and get infinite chocolate.

or

It is impossible that you spelled “Berenstain Bears” wrong and is, instead, more likely that the universe fractured into separate, overlapping realities in the last 20 years.

I can’t decide which is more beautiful. It’s why we need a vote.

[jupiterjunebug]

this is a picture of the human brain at the moment of death. tragic and beautiful

[gmbencompetence]

Fuck. That is a damn good nomination.

[thisisdefinitelyacreativename]

if you close your eyes when the train hits your brain will assume you are dead. Some find this comforting.

[gmbencompetence]

We’re getting into the good ones now. This is some classic Tumblr.

[turtle-powered]

Two old favourites:

“Bitch, That’s the Tubby Custard Machine” (http://imgur.com/gallery/IObQF)

and the horse dildo that was passed off as someone’s arm. (http://abakkus.tumblr.com/post/48958415162)

[gmbencompetence]

This is rapidly becoming a master post of ignorances and I could not possibly be happier.

[analienorsutin]

Rare blue watermelon

[sickofimmortality]

That disease where you get purple eyes, no period, and no body hair

[akiraita]

How have we gone this far without anyone mentioning the bird in the chocolate fountain

[unicornfan]

soap makes water molecules smaller

[elphabaoftheopera]

I nominate the “we are killing the earth” picture of the earth in comparison from 1978 to 2012

[bisexualwario]

the dog with the slice of ham on its face that everyone thought was a gigantic burn scar

[adataraxia]

“Tequila is the only alcohol thats not a depressant so you can drink as much of it as you like”

[softurl]

[sasukehateblog]

that post with the picture of the joker without makeup and people thinking it was a real person and defending him

[painisthecleanser]

that photo of voldemort being passed off as an aborted fetus

[stankyleg-deactivated2918973]

The two way mirror

[rinlockhart]

“listen here, cumslut.”

[tenaflyviper]

I can’t believe you guys forgot someone trying to pass off a picture of the inside of a fig as a microscopic view of the inside of a vagina.

[nyokoko]

I can’t believe I was on Tumblr for every single one of these posts.

[5bi5]

I want emo versions of idioms

Like, instead of ““you’re barking up the wrong tree” it’s “you’re panicking at the wrong disco”

[scanalan]

You can lead a horse to Evanescence but you can’t bring him to life

[rorytelling]

A Statistics teacher in Gotham makes a graph comparing times when Bruce Wayne goes on long vacations with times Batman gets beaten up really badly by villains to illustrate to his class how correlation does not equal causation.

[kira-sucks-lawlipops]

Imagine Dick Greyson as a uni student in that lecture, loosing his goddamn mind.

[windwardstar]

In case anyone wants some perspective on how utterly random triggers can be. I haven’t lived in a house with a garage door in four-ish years. Right now at this moment, I honestly can’t recall what they sound like, except something metallic moving and rather clanky.

There was one on tv. I wasn’t even paying attention to it, I had my headphones on and was actively trying to tune the show out. My ears picked up on the sound of the garage door, and a jolt of adrenaline shot through my body as I grabbed my laptop and moved to get out of my seat and run to my room.

I realized what happened after about two seconds.

The sound is gone from my ears, but my heart is still racing and I’m waiting for the door to the house to open, to hear the jingling of my mother’s keys and her footsteps moving through the house. My muscles are still tense and I’m fighting the urge to run to my room and stick a board in front of the door.

For years, the sound of a garage door was my warning to pack up what I was doing quickly and retreat to my room if I was out of it.

I can’t remember the sound of the garage door right now, but I can’t tell my brain to stop trying to react to it.

[windwardstar]

This can be reblogged, if anyone was wondering. I wrote up this post with the intention that hopefully people who read it and didn’t really get triggers would understand a bit.

[the-real-seebs]

So, a thing that’s particularly important here: The trigger here is not the bad experience itself.

[jumpingjacktrash]

after my super funtime medical adventure, i had to change all my bath products, because my brain had associated the scent of them with being terrified and in extreme pain.

these were products i had chosen myself because i liked the smell. and they got connected to the medical phobia because i was using them to wash off the hospital reek and the fear sweat and so forth. i don’t know why they became a trigger. maybe because washing off the hospital smell didn’t make me not in pain. maybe because their ‘fresh pine ocean breeze bluegreen spicy stuff’ smell didn’t really replace the hospital stench, just mingled with it.

but for whatever reason, smelling these objectively nice soaps made me do flashbacks and get all hopeless and wobbly. so they had to go.

triggers are random. they’re often something that was simply present during a trauma, and you can’t guess what they’ll be. no one who hasn’t heard me explain this would ever associate suave naturals ocean breeze body wash with unbearable abdominal pain. so i guess the takeaways here are twofold:

- if you have triggers, remember other people can’t predict them, and don’t expect to be protected from them all the time. that’s up to you.

- if you don’t have triggers, don’t assume you can judge what a ‘real’ trigger is, and if someone asks you to accomodate them, don’t be a dick about it. even if you don’t want to make that accomodation, decline politely and apologize, don’t disparage their request.

[batreaux]

she wears short skirts, i leave a slime trail  she’s cheer captain and i’m just a 

[elodieunderglass]

Every time I see this I just quietly message it to a selection of people who are Never Grateful Enough

[ktisnotdoinghw]

@abookofcreatures

[abookofcreatures-deactivated201]

;~;

[jayce]

[magnusderp]

big mood

[caleforpresident]

I can’t get over this

[leplastiquedick]

me screaming in another plane of existence 

[sadboyfactory]