sn

paradoxic

[sn-writes]

ami coincé

i don’t know why i protect you

i have no viable reasons to

i gave you chances

you seemed to refuse me

you dropped small hints

i denied you

when people asked me about you

i acted aloof

you were insincere

while spilling pieces of you into me

it never would happen

was my mantra

while yours was owed

to your loyalty

[sn-writes]

loving you

i never thought

i could love someone

until i met you

it was a foreign entity

to me

something i did not

think

i was capable of

something i thought

i was not

able to understand

to perform

to deserve

or to know

you changed everything for me

thought me how to love

and how to show

you

that i love you

that it’s okay

to be fully vulnerable to someone

to want to love them wholeheartedly

to have strings attached

and not mind it

you have

and always continue

to show me love

and that i am in fact

the most important person to you

that you too

are very vulnerable

to me

and you will

always

love me

with everything in you

for as long as we both

shall live

[sn-writes]

“i fell in love with the way you fell in love with the idea of me”

{what actually happened between us} -s.n.

[sn-writes]

“i fell in love with parts of all of you”

{something i wish i could say to everyone i used to know} - s.n.

[sn-writes]

a friend

i’ve never felt more alone

i didn’t even know i

could feel this alone

i long for someone

who i do not

have

someone who

i have never

meet

some idea of a

person

who will understand me

and love me for me

who wants to get

to know me

who can relate

to all of the problems

i have faced

and share excited

emotions

along with stories

of both fun

and frightening

times

i truly

long for someone

who i do not have

[sn-writes]

remind me

and if you leave me,

make sure it'll be for the better.

give me closure

let me know you're going

tell me why you're leaving

i may never understand.

i won't go anywhere,

but i'll try to come back.

remind me why you left.

this can only help me.

i'll continue to ask

the same questions

over and over again.

remind me why you left.

you'll have to explain

in great detail.

just remind me why you left.

help me understand.

please,

remind me why you left.

[sn-writes]

tell me

tell me you'll love me

even when the

going gets rough,

and it feels like

nothing will be better.

tell me you'll never leave me

even when i feel

lost and alone

in this quiet room.

tell me you'll always care for me

even when others come and go

fade in and out.

tell me you'll always be here

even when i don't believe you

and hate myself.

i need your love,

to know you'll never leave.

that you'll care,

even when i think you don't.

to know you'll always be here.

[sn-writes]

a lot of emotions

i felt way too much for you.

you ended up leaving me.

so empty now.

what's the point?

i lost all emotions.

i can't feel anything,

just empty and numb.

what's happening to me?

i think i'm gaining emotions,

i'll never be sure.

will i ever be okay?

you sort of ruined me.

whether it was for better,

or for worst.

i'll never know.

[sn-writes]

you left

you said i was cute.

you said i was pretty.

you said i was awesome.

you said i was gorgeous.

you said i was amazing.

you said i was beautiful.

you said i was perfect.

you said you loved me.

you said you cared.

you said you wouldn't lie.

you said you wouldn't leave.

you said

you said

you said

did you ever love me?

did you care?

was that all lies?

because guess what?

you left.

[sn-writes]

the thread

i've stayed on the thread.

you've held me there,

for a while.

it's time for me to go.

i cannot hold on,

i'm cutting the thread.

i'll be free soon.

it's for me,

not for you.

[sn-writes]

all you told

you taught me

what you wanted me

to know.

implying that i knew things.

i know the lies you've told,

all the fake stories you keep

i just wanted to know you

you just wanted to be

this interesting person

i never found interest

in liars

especially not you.

[sn-writes]

no distance

don't come back

i've learned my lesson

this time.

and i'll keep

my distance

from you

for just enough time

to get you where you won't

run across my mind

constantly

where i'm in a

horrible state

you've taught me

that distance

was best.

[sn-writes]

a promised mess

why would you want

me to believe

that you'd never leave me?

it was a promise

you made

to me.

all of your promises

where meant to be broken.

they always were.

you made it

so easy to believe

i never expected a thing.

you promised,

but you left anyway

taking the easy way out.

being alone

never satisfied me.

you knew that.

playing your games,

you always came back.

picking up where you left off

only to forget me again.

quite a mess

you've created here

time after time,

over and over

again.

getting use to your absence,

the coming back,

the walking away

all apart of a game

that i never

knew how to play.

[sn-writes]

you broke me

i don’t want to feel too much

i don’t want to become dependent

i don’t want to change everything

i don’t want to mess this up

i don’t want to be clingy

i don’t want to pretend

i don’t want to disappoint

i don’t want to be locked up

i don’t want to be a lie

i don’t want to need this

i don’t want to be overwhelmed

i don’t want to want you

i don’t want to be alone

i don’t want to be like this

no not like this

[sn-writes]

beginning

i don’t know why you’re here

or how you got here

but you’re here for some reason

and so am i

maybe we’re here

to love each other

it’s a possibility that we were

destined to love one another

for however long that shall be

i will love you longly

and openly

and until time does us apart

forever and always

my dear

i shall adore you

[sn-writes]

finding me

i try to find myself

i can’t seem to find her

i have tried all these years

she seems to scared to come out

it has taken her forever

to reach a point

where she’s somewhat

comfortable enough to peek through

though, she can’t seem to understand that she can be herself

she can come out as one

and join us all

she stays hidden

where she cannot be hurt

she likes simplicity

however, everything is too much for her

she becomes stuck in thought

and cannot escape

although, she wants to

she would love to be free

and lively

and wild

she wants many things to come true

but she stays hidden

she seems to know it may not be the time to come out

right now that is

she does tend to appear

only for a short time

these are the times where she’s at her best

but the best of times don’t seem to be most of the time

so she must be waiting for time

to be her most of the time

then she can thrive in her own happiness

and love for life

that’s all she wants to see

[sn-writes]

i don’t think you realize just how much i appreciate you

you mean everything to me

you help me with so much

and i don’t believe anyone else could be a better fit for me than you

you are always there for me when you need to be

you are there to carry and guide me through whatever is restraining my view

while promising me that everything will be okay

as it always turns out to be

things will forever need to take their courses in life

and you remind me of that

you always make sure that i am okay

and you stick with me through my spells of uncertainty

because you are amazingly knowledgeable of so many subjects and know just what to say to further enlighten me

i have had a hard time coping with many circumstances

while you make the conclusions seem so simple

i need simplicity in my life

and you are indulged in it

i’m so used to being complicated

that it’s wildering to understand your reasons

i adore it and you for striving to show the light in every situation

you make life so much easier to endeavor

even if you are, yourself, a complicated person

i love you for that and i will forever do whatever i can to help you see your light in every situation

no matter what we encounter and tread through

you deserve the whole universe

and i will forever attempt to present it to you