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@snobordingchikki
at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you
at some point in your life you will be making a sauce or a stew in which you need to add cornstarch to thicken it. and you will prepare a slurry of starch in cold water and think "this looks like way too little starch to thicken this amount of liquid." this is the devil speaking. cornstarch instantly polymerizes at 95°C and if you add too much it will turn into an impossibly thick goop.
at some point in your life you will be making some sort of cream based dessert that requires gelatin to thicken it. and you will soak some gelatin sheets in water and think "this is too few gelatin sheets for this amount of cream." this is the devil speaking. it will thicken in the fridge and if you add too much you will end up with milk jelly
at some point in your life you will be baking cookies. you will take the sheet out after twelve minutes as the recipe instructs and the cookies will still be glistening and soft. "these don't seem cooked enough," you will think to yourself, "i should place them back into the oven until their edges are nice and golden." this is the devil talking. this is how you get dry, overdone cookies. the cookies will continue to bake on the warm sheet for several more minutes and then harden up after sitting on a rack for a while. trust the process. trust the process.
at some point in your life you will be adding a small pasta to a soup and you will think "that is not enough small pasta." this is the devil talking. the pasta will absorb the stock and expand. this is how you end up with a soup that is a solid mass of soggy ditalini.
At some point in your life you will be adding garlic to a dish and you will think "that is not enough garlic." These are angels speaking. They are correct. Add more garlic.
Would anyone be interested in a list of ancient Greek literature for noobs
Ancient Greek lit for people who only mostly know what Greece is
My goal of this list is to give you an idea of what you want to read based on your interests and reasons for diving into Ancient Greek literature. Not to instruct you to read all of this stuff. I have only included things that have either survived in full or have significant amounts of surviving fragments and have public domain translations easily available to find online with minimal digging.
My advice though if you can afford it or find it at your local library is to go for the most recent translations of these works because those will likely be much easier to comprehend for your 21st century brain. It'll also likely be helpful for you to read translator's notes, footnotes, and introductions and read any maps included in your editions because those can often give you important historical and cultural context that may otherwise be confusing for you. The far past is another country so get all the context you feel that you need.
The basics aka what every Greek writer has also read and frequently references back to:
The Iliad and the Odyssey by Homer, stories of the mythical Trojan war and its aftermath. The Iliad is about the ending days of the war and focuses on the hero Achilles, while the Odyssey is about the hero Odysseus getting lost at sea for many years on his way home from the war.
The Theogony and Works and Days by Hesiod, an attempt at tracing the genealogy of the gods and other various myths and personal opinions about them. This is what most people use as reference when talking about Greek creation stories.
Other longer works about Mythology:
The Argonautica by Apollonius Rhodius, the story of Jason and the golden fleece and the adventures his sailing crew of heroes had on the way there.
The Library or Bibliotheca by Pseudo-Apollodorus, basically an ancient reference book on the stories of Greek religion, told in roughly chronological order.
The Dionysiaca by Nonnus, the longest surviving book of ancient Greek literature, it tells the story of the god Dionysus before he ascended to godhood and his trip to and return from India.
The Posthomerica by Quintus of Smyrna, likely written in the 3rd century AD, is an epic poem attempting to tell the parts of the fall of Troy that Homer left out between the death of the prince Hector and the burning of Troy.
Shorter Poetry:
The Homeric hymns, not actually by Homer but by an unknown author or authors, these are a series of short and long poems and songs that tell stories of various gods and also show a bit how they were worshiped.
The works of Sappho, though not much of her poetry has survived, what remains is still good. She mainly wrote love poems about women but also men and is notable for referring to herself in the first person, something which was unusual at the time.
The works of Pindar, probably the most well preserved of the "nine lyric poets" of ancient Greece his work has been seen as confusing and unusual at times, but it's still a treat to read in my opinion.
The works of Bacchylides, a contemporary of Pindar, but his poetry is thought to be much more understandable and approachable.
Plays about Mythology and Folklore, all tragedies:
The works of Sophocles, especially the Oedipus trilogy that includes Oedipus Rex, Oedipus at Colonus, and Antigone which tells the story of the king Oedipus who was doomed by an oracle and the aftermath of his actions on his family.
The works of Euripides, especially Medea about the witch Medea and her betrayal by the hero Jason and the Bacchae, which tells the story of the god Dionysus.
The works of Aeschylus, especially The Oresteia, which is a trilogy of plays including Agamemnon, The Libation Bearers, and The Eumenides which together tell the story of the murder of the Greek king Agamemnon, the consequences of the cycle of revenge that followed, and the pacification of the furies, who are goddesses of punishment.
Selected comedic plays and political satires which are all by Aristophanes because he's the one whose work survived:
The Birds, a comedy about a man who convinces local birds to build a city in the sky and replace the gods.
Thesmophoriazusae or, Women at the Thesmophoria, a comedy about a man who sneaks into a women's only festival where the women debate how to punish the playwright Euripides for something he's written. The play pokes fun at tragic playwrights and poets.
The Knights, a satire of Athenian political life and an open criticism of many real politicians at the time where the real politician Cleon is the villain of the story.
Famous works of philosophy, science, mathematics, and medicine:
The works of Plato, especially The Republic which is about his idea of a perfect society and The Symposium which discusses philosophy through imaginary dialogues with the philosopher Socrates.
The works of Aristotle, and depending on what you're interested in he has books on Ethics, Politics, Poetics, Physics, The Art of Rhetoric, and Metaphysics, usually titled by the subject they discuss.
Sayings and Anecdotes, attributed to Diogenes the Cynic, this is what survives of a work said to collect the sayings of the philosopher Diogenes and other philosophers of the school of Cynicism.
The Hippocratic Corpus, a collection of around 60 texts often attributed to the physician Hippocrates, though this has never been conclusively proven. Notable works in this collection include On Airs, Waters, and Places, Epidemics, On Ancient Medicine, and On the Sacred Disease.
The works of Euclid, especially The Elements, which is a treatise on geometry.
The works of Archimedes, a famous Greek mathematician, especially On the Sphere and Cylinder, Measurement of a Circle, The Method of Mechanical Theorums, and On Floating Bodies.
Enquiry into Plants by Theophrastus, a colleague of Aristotle who had significant influence on the early history of botany.
Histories, historical fiction, geographies, and travel guides. The line between these genres is extremely blurry in this time period:
Histories by Herodotus, an account of the Greco-Persian wars as well as stories collected from around the Mediterranean and observations Herodotus made himself in his travels.
History of the Peloponnesian War by Thucydides, an unfinished account of the Peloponnesian war between Athens and Sparta by an Athenian general. Often seen as unusually neutral and unbiased in his accounting of events for the time period, though it is sometimes unclear how accurate he is.
The works of Xenophon, a military leader and philosopher, especially Hellenica which picks up where Thucydides left off, Cyropaedia which is a (likely fictionalized) biography of Cyrus the Great, and Anabasis which tells the story of Cyrus the Younger's attempt to steal the Persian throne with the help of ten thousand Greek mercenaries.
Description of Greece by Pausanias, a description of parts of Roman era Greece including Pausanias' own experiences in his travels, various cities and religious sites, and descriptions of topography.
Histories by Polybius, a work that only survives partially, is by a Greek who lived in Rome for a time after capture and is one of our main literary sources on the Punic wars between Rome and Carthage.
The works of Plutarch, a priest at the temple of Apollo in Delphi during the Roman era, especially Parallel Lives, which is a collection of biographies of famous Greeks and Romans that Plutarch thought were similar, Life of Alexander, which is a biography of Alexander the Great, and Life of Caesar, which is a biography of Julius Caesar.
Okay that's what I have for you. Go have fun!
Suddenly struck with a need to explain to you how boat pronouns work (I work in the marine industry).
When you're talking about the design of the boat, you say "it".
When the boat is still being built, your say "it".
When the boat is nearing completion, you can say "it" or "she".
When the boat is floating in the water you probably say "she", unless there is still a lot of work to be done (e.g. no engine yet) then you say "it".
When the boat is officially launched and operating, you say "she". If you continue to say "it" at this point you are not incorrect but suspiciously untraditional. You are not playing the game.
If you are referring to a boat you don't really know anything about you may say "it" ("there's a big boat, it's coming this way"). But if you know its name, it's probably "she" ("there's the Waverley, she's on her way to Greenock").
If you are talking about boats in general, you say "it" ("when a boat is hit by a wave it heels over")
If you speak about a boat in complimentary terms, it's "she" ("she's a grand boat"). If you are being disparaging it may be it, but not necessarily ("it's as ugly as sin", "she's a grotty old tub").
If she has a boy's name, she's still she. "Boy James", "King Edward", "Sir David Attenborough"? The pronoun is she.
If it's a dumb barge (no engine), you say it. But if it's a rowing boat (no engine), you say she.
I hope this has cleared things up so that you may not be in danger of misgendering floating objects.
Hit "view post" and lost it
that is the face of a man worried he will be next
Good news, he was not next! In fact, she accepted him as her mate, he learned the crane mating dance and now every year, he artificially inseminates her with crane semen to expand the very endangered crane population. True story.
Sorry, he WHAT? Imagine being this man's boss and having to sit him down like. Listen. Brian. We need you to fuck the bird. You have to act like you're excited about it.
crane husband.....
this is the diametric opposite of all those awful swan wife stories and i love it.
(WalWaPo makes you jump through like three separate hoops before you can read the article, so I will share some of the highlights:
Walnut was born in a species-recovery breeding program in the 1980′s. The program had crane chicks hand-raised by human volunteers, and at that time they did not fully understand the measures necessary make sure that the chicks do not imprint on humans and retain their identity as cranes.
As a result, her keepers believe, Walnut does not recognize other cranes as members of her own species.
It has not been proven that Walnut killed her previous suitors; however, there is a persistent rumor in the white-naped-crane-conservation community that she did.
Because this species is highly endangered, and the gene pool of the captive population is small, it’s pretty important for the survival of her species that Walnut A) mate, and B) not kill a bunch of other cranes.
The actual name of the keeper is Chris Crowe.
They both arrived at the Smithsonian Conservation Biology Institute in 2004.
Walnut immediately began paying special attention to Chris--and ignoring the eligible male crane in a nearby enclosure.
Walnut initiated their courtship, performing the opening moves of a mating dance.
Chris realized that if he reciprocated the mating dance, it might be possible to artificially inseminate Walnut with her participation and consent. (The process normally involves restraining the bird.)
It worked!
Chris and Walnut have had five children, who were raised by other crane couples at the facility--sometimes the biological dad and his mate--both because it’s unclear whether Walnut would accept the chicks as her own, and because Chris is not equipped to be a Crane Dad.
However, the Institute provides her with artificial eggs to sit on, and Chris takes his turn looking after them. (This would not work with real eggs because he can’t sit on them properly, but Walnut seems to feel that he is on the job if he just stands over them.)
Chris accepts that he is pretty much married to this bird. White-naped cranes live to be about 60, and they mate for life, so he knows he can’t retire while Walnut is alive. (At the time of the article, Walnut was 36, and Chris 42.)
Legit cannot pick the funniest part of this
she has not been PROVEN to have killed her exes, but there is a PERSISTENT RUMOR (really officers she's simply DEVASTATED, she sobs, wearing a new feather boa unfortunately resembling her most recent deceased husband)
His name is Chris CROWE. (Mrs. Walnut Crane-Crowe?)
the mental images of a whole human man learning and performing the crane mating dance, and "sitting" on artificial eggs so she thinks he's performing his duties as a husband and father (and apparently OBJECTS if he does not?)
"chris, buddy, you gotta marry the possibly-murderous crane lady for the GOOD OF THE SPECIES." (alternately: "chris, my man! good news! we found you a very interested lady! She's 36, she's very spirited and independent, she holds a very important and rare status in her society! ...Is there a downside? WELL...")
chris sits any potential human partners down, like "my love, you must understand before we wed,,, i am already... Attached" (camera drifts wistfully to the above photo) "Lady Walnut and I have an,, Understanding... the relationship is open, but very committed"
just had to explain this post to my father bc he thought my stifled laughter was a signal of illness.
well done, everyone, good game. hit the showers.
Not only is he 'married' to walnut, this has apparently happened SEVERAL times, so he has MULTIPLE crane wives, none of which know about any of his other crane wives. This man is, for some unknown reason, irresistible to cranes
the “this content has been removed for violating Tumblr’s Community Guidelines” notice really adds a lot of flavor to this post and somehow makes it MORE obscene than whatever that actually was
World Heritage Post
I regret being the bearer of bad news, but I thought it should be shared that Walnut passed away in January of this year (2024). There's a lot of mixed info about the lifespan of cranes (due to people misunderstanding what a median is...) but the average for most species I know of is 20-30 years (in the wild if nothing eats them/they don't die young), and 30-45 in captivity, with the oldest known white-naped crane having loved to be 46. Given that she was 42, this old gal did good, and I'm certain she will be missed by folks here.
Fly on forever Walnut Crane-Crowe
My fav whaling logbook phenomenon is when their keeper opts NOT to use whale stamps and instead hand-draws very ornate whales to indicate when he sees them, but then as time goes on the whales get progressively shittier looking because that’s too much work. I know how it feels to get locked into an artistic bit later regretted, man.
E.g.
[ID: Detailed drawing of a sperm whale with shading, eyes, and a spout]
[ID: Wobblier drawing of a whale with no shading and no detailed features]
[ID: The vague blurry notion of a whale]
Maybe he kept encountering shittier whales
GO OFF BESTIE
Source
would y’all ever date someone with the same name as you?
I’m sorry for adding directly to a post but I went to a wedding once where the groom’s name was Loren and the bride’s name was Lauren and at the end the officiant was all “introducing Loren [surname] and Lauren [surname], husband and wife” and the entire assembled lost it
also sorry for adding on but at my high school there was a Dominic and a Dominique who were dating and everyone just called them “Dom and Dommer” which is honestly the funniest shit ever
My parents are both named Terry (spelled differently) but I’m pretty sure that’s one of the reasons my mom never changed her last name.
People would call and ask for Terry and child me would be like “boy or girl?” And they’d panic and hang up. My mom found this endlessly amusing.
Why would you leave this GOLD in the tags??
Had to submit it to the tags for peer review
The gouger is real?!
Look, this is my litmus test: I pretend I am the original Earl of Sandwich. I have asked for non-bread foods to be brought to me inside bread, that I might more easily consume them one-handed while gambling.
This does not enable my wretched regency habits. This is not what I asked for. I do not deign to grace it with the name of my house.
This is the most important addition to the sandwich discourse I have ever read.
“you support gay rights so you must be gay”
i support animal rights do i look like a fucking alpaca to you
turns out i am gay
holy shit how’d this alpaca learn how to type
Diversity win! The alpaca is gay!
he was a llama
a llama?! he’s supposed to be dead!
The Golden Gauntlet, Henri III of France’s armour (detail), c.1550 [564x624]
beep beep