[kaylmao]

i would like to thank the folks over at WeirdPain for giving my body a free trial; i was starting to get bored of the normal pain i feel all the time, but with WeirdPain, i never have to worry about the monotony! WeirdPain will show up in places you didn't know could feel their own pain, in ways you didn't know could hurt. ever feel like your bone marrow is being tugged on? with WeirdPain, you finally can! i can't recommend it enough. head on over to the link in the description and use code KAYLMAO30 for 30% off your first year. thanks again to WeirdPain for sponsoring this post!

[whitepeopletwitter]

[kalesrebellion]

So funny story actually. One of my friends was hooking up with this girl, they were friends with benefits. She needed a date for some work party so he agreed to go with her. Turns out her dad owns like 3 dental practices and she worked as the business manager for one of them.

Anyway my friend had some not so nice teeth and during dinner the father of his fwb was like “you work where you work, you sleep with him and his teeth look like that? Get him an appointment.”and then bounced. So his fwb made him an appointment at the practice she managed and my friend ended up needing like 3k worth of dental work and his friend with benefits just gave it to him for free.

So that is the story of how my friend not only got sex, but dental out of the friends with benefits deal.

[helloitsbees]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

today I found out my mother doesn’t know what dandelions are and now I’m wondering what other strange secrets she’s been quietly harboring

[krystal-prisms]

Where do you live that you don’t have dandelions?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

we have dandelions EVERYWHERE, they are basically our State Weed, it is absolutely impossible that my mom has never interacted with a dandelion before, this requires further investigation

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

So after extensive interrogation I have an update:

my mom is in fact aware that dandelions exist. she temporarily forgot the name and there was some miscommunication.

the truth is actually weirder

she’s aware dandelions look like this

she is familiar with this flower. she knows the name of this flower. she declines to believe, however, that these are also dandelions

she does not believe these are the same plant. I tried to explain, and she thought I was either misinformed or lying. so I asked her what exactly did she think the yellow ones were called?

she answered, with complete confidence: Daffodils.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

gosh I enjoy this website

[authoratmidnight]

For comparison, this is a daffodil

[quietlygrousing]

See, folks in the southern US will tell you up and down those are buttercups, actually.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i don’t think so? i’m southern and buttercups are what we call these things (much tinier)

[maejacrezz007]

Wait I thought those bigger cup ones were Easter Lillies???

[fractiousrvt]

This is an Easter Lily. It is an actual lily and therefore deadly to cats.

[blood-trip-god2]

They’re marigolds and I know a bitch when I see one!

[delphinidin4]

This is a marigold:

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

….we need to start taking the phrase “go touch grass” more literally. go outside and examine a flower i beg u

[jmtorres]

“buttercups” is a name applied to MANY flowers. in my part of the south it was this one:

imo there’s correct identifications of dandelions, daffodils, easter lilies and marigolds in this thread, but buttercups are simply impossible to agree on and the only solution is for everyone to post pictures of their local buttercups

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

*squints* is that a motherfucking EVENING PRIMROSE?!??

[demon-and-human]

Hello I would like to add to the confusion:

That purple fella is a Morning Glory as told by my mothers (texan)

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

⬆️ morning glory

[tjwock]

Y’all out here reinventing the Moose versus Elk debate with pansies.

[viejospellejos]

What the duck?

[humanbeanisnotamused]

[Description: the video is captioned "Find the duck game", and we see several blindfolded women in hijabs groping around an enclosed ring while spectators look on, cheering and laughing . After a few seconds the camera pans so that you can see the duck, who is waddling around, casually yet resolutely resisting capture. Periodically the women collide with each other. They do not find the duck. End ID]

[elvashayam]

#it is a beautiful day in indonesia and you are a terrible duck

tags via @humanbeanisnotamused

[hasufin]

That duck is having the most fun of anyone present.

[lilyblisslys]

I bet it feels soooooo good to be a construction worker on a completely closed off chunk of road

[lilyblisslys]

This makes me literally so happy

[weirdmageddon]

i am fixated on this peanuts scene in particular. its so unsettling and dreamlike. lynchian in nature, down to the fucking sound design

[spicyvampire]

The way all the 2020s have done so far have been making me categorically against every new generation of tech that comes out is insane. Like I'm from a technological boom generation, saw the first portable phones, nokias & blackberries & flipphones etc, and the first smartphones, and the first ipods & ipads & tablets in general while still having cassettes & DVD & MP3 players around so I know how all of it work, I had computer classes in high school, I did the transition between home desktop computers to laptops and back to gaming computers. But then they started to put internet in your printer & microwave, everything has ads & AI now and every update is worst than the last. I literally loved technology and they ruined it

[fadingembers]

As a kid, I was really upset that Bill Watterson wouldn't license Calvin & Hobbes so I could have plushies or so there would be a Saturday morning cartoon. Now, I realize his resistance is the reason we don't have a Calvin & Hobbes DreamWorks movie starring Chris Pratt.

[milf--adjacent]

[whacklez]

You need to see the place you helped build.

📷 instagram | 🦋 bluesky | 🐦 twitter | ⬛ inprnt

[vandrawsing]

all the galaxy's a stage...

[danielkahndyke]

the op linked the study in the replies & i’ve been skimming it & it’s actually rlly rlly interesting to think abt

https://e1.nmcdn.io/assets/pushkin/wp-content/uploads/imported-files/Wait-theres-torture-in-Zootopia_-Examining-the-prevalence-of-torture-in-popular-movies.pdf

[danielkahndyke]

like this sentence from the introduction alone is fucking crazy. “approximately half of adults in the united states think that torture can be acceptable in counterterrorism.” what!

[onmywayoutokay-deactivated20240]

this is what i mean when i say "sniles so sneetly" btw

[onmywayoutokay-deactivated20240]

i appear to have infected 14k people with the phrase "sniling so sneetly". it makes me grin. snile, even. perhaps sneetly

[andthepeople]

always funny to remember darth vader is anakin skywalker. the adrenaline junkie chucklefuck who used to dive head first out of speeders and built a pod racer in his yard when he was like six is now upper-middle management for the evil empire. half of his appearances in the original trilogy are Meetings. vader spends like 80% of his time dealing with bureaucratic bullshit. status updates. team meetings. holo-Zooms. budget rundowns. anakin betrayed the jedi and caused the fall of the republic and his punishment is being CC'd on every email forever. and you know what. he would hate that. the punishment fits the criminal

[pixiecaps]

twitter comment sections r always a cesspit of ragebait bots but the only time this isnt true is when its about mamdani

[pixiecaps]

this is what the democrats feared would happen if they elected good candidates

[scramratz]

“If men could get pregnant, abortion would be free” men CAN get pregnant and they’re treated worse than women who can get pregnant

[scramratz]

oh folks really don't like being asked to consider trans men

[thehmn]

There’s a college in my city that has a rumor that there’s a secret basement below the known basement that can only be accessed via some hidden stairs scattered around the school or by pressing a secret number sequence in some of the elevators. The staff at the school are super annoyed by this and have no idea where this rumor started.

But I know. I think it was me.

In my defense I never intended to start a rumor. Many years ago I worked as a cleaner at the school and one evening I had to transport one of those big floor washing machines from the basement to the second level via the elevator. When the doors opened a very confused looking man stood inside. He was one of those slicked back gym-bro IT guys and made no movement to get out. The elevator wouldn’t fit him, me and the machine so I asked “Where are you going? Up or down?”

He gave me a smug shit-eating grin and said “Down?” in a mocking tone.

It took me a second to realize that of course he wasn’t going down, we were in the basement, but his look and tone annoyed me so much I refused to admit I misspoke and instead said “Yeah, down. I don’t know if you’re going to the second basement”

His smile disappeared “There’s a second basement?”

“Yeah but it sounds like you don’t have access to it so I guess you’re going up? I’ll just wait”

I never thought of it as anything other than a funny story to tell about that time I got so annoyed with a guy that I invented an entire second basement, but it turns out he probably refused to believe a cleaner fooled him and the story spread.