party's done & i'm no fun!

22 | i follow from pasthalfwaydown | don't be fooled, this is actually a troy barrett fan page. the other posts are probs writing inspo or laughs

[rivalfilm]

there is something to the fact that troy is a little bit like ilya (guarded, complicated relationship with his dad, viewed as an asshole- for different reasons but still) and a little bit like shane (introverted, doesn’t use social media much, repressed gay, stoic, type of people who view salmon as a treat, etc) and that troy is the first person ilya comes out to even though they aren’t that good of friends yet, and then they do in fact become really good friends.

then after troy comes out during pride night and the centaurs see the outpour of support and love fans have for troy coming out, the rainbow flags and banners of love in the audience, troy tells ilya “this is for you too, you know. even if they don’t know it.” 🚬🚬

[penandinkprincess]

incredibly funny of shane hollander, notorious for ALWAYS deferring to a professional about decisions, to keep it going even with his sexuality.

rose went "oh yeah, i've dated tons of gay guys. you definitely are one." and shane went "oh thank god, an educated opinion about the matter."

man truly just needed a subject matter expert to sign off on things to be gtg.

[ilya-sweetheart]

hayden gets ahold of lily’s number and asks her directly why she and shane aren’t in a relationship yet, it’s been years after all

lily: why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free

hayden: excuse me?!

lily: what can i say, i am career woman i do not want to ‘settle down’

lily: but his dick is just that good

lily: his mouth too

hayden: okay stop i don’t want to hear more

lily: no no you brought this on yourself

lily: now let me tell you about his hands and his strong thighs and his stamina

[trashcanniballecter]

Ilya: Troy is my Work Husband

Shane: I'm your Actual Husband and we work together, shouldn't I be your Work Husband?

Ilya: Actual Husband can't be Work Husband. Is against the rules

Shane: fine. Who should be my Work Husband then?

Ilya: I hear Harris is Work Single

[escapepodding]

Boring facts (in my head) about parent David Hollander:

New people at work when introduced to him go "oh, like Shane Hollander" and he BEAMS at that and says "Yep!"

Has a picture of Shane on his desk and the same new people think its a joke until an old timer who probably met Shane at a bring your kid to work day clued them in

Would not let Yuna touch the college fund they set up for Shane until he was out of his rookie contract. What if Shane changed his mind about hockey? What if he got injured and needed a good education? Only conceeded when his son was a multi-millionaire

Only time he has ever gone to HR was when someone stole the baby Shane picture off his desk after he got famous. That's his baby!!! Give it back!!! There were so many memos and all staff emails that it did get returned one night, but a picture of it circulated online so now David only has PR photos at work

His lawyer is an old college friend who he catches up with at least once a year and who reviews the Hollander's will and life insurance policy each year with specific instructions to look after Shane. This annual tradition continues to this day. The lawyer buddy is going to be there for that grown celebrity professional sportsman no matter what

Was so excited when Shane started The Cottage project, and helped him with everything, including liaising with the builders etc. Was delighted to have the first a joint project with his son since school (he helped with art/science/show and tell)

Is really bad with technology but the nice young people at the office help (is not fully cognizant of the fact half the office is in love with him but does correctly suspect the other half want to marry his son)

Always knew he wanted to be a dad, and was devastated when it seemed like that wasn't going to happen, but didn't want to put that on Yuna who was already struggling with it

Sent congratulation cards and presents to all his buddies when they had kids anf was genuinely happy for then but it also killed him a bit. Unfortunately the conversation around men struggling because they wanted kids was not happening in the 80s/early 90s so he kept quiet (and passed that trait on to Shane)

Thought Shane was perfect from the moment he was born, and still thinks that. Can't concieve of why Shane thought he could let them down, he's literally always been Yuna and David's perfect baby

Gets out the good vodka again when he tells Ilya this one day and Ilya starts crying

[brokentoasterrr]

people often forget that characters lie all the time and while the concept of big dick ilya is fun and sexy, it is infinitely funnier to imagine shane, who is intimately familiar with ilya’s respectable six inch cock, pulling out a tape measure when he gets home after the infamous “nine inch dick” text exchange, measuring out nine inches, and just thinking to himself

this fucking guy

[tomatoesarefroots]

I know for a fact they are biting tf out of each other

[nixiecup]

shane would probably flirt ONE (1) time before a boston match (not against the metros) like over text and then ilya would just turn to his team and be like “guys this is not joke. i don’t joke anymore. we need to win this fucking game. we lock in now please” and his team is just like ‘this is a friendly charity match is this mf doing okay???’

[memyselfandi13531]

can i say something mean. #myshane would HATE gay people coming to centaurs games just to support him and ilya. genuinely fucking SEETHING. he's smiling and waving at them but in his head he's just like they don't CARE about hockey they don't CARE they're only here because i'm fucking GAY they're not REAL fans do they even KNOW how good i am god this is SO embarrassing

[gaynehollander]

Can we please get back to talking about Hollanov's bruise kink? I just need Ilya marking him the only way he's allowed to. I need him purposefully checking him in a way that will bruise and then pressing into it while he fucks him. I need him telling Shane that everyone will see Ilya's mark on him and know who gave it to him. I need him sucking on and pressing into bruises left by other players to make them his own. I need everyone to be spreading the Hollanov bruise kink agenda and I need it quite urgently.

[needyilyarights]

You know how in lady and the tramp, lady calls her owners darling and Jim dear bc that’s what she hears them call each other?

anyway anya calls her owners asshole and little slut

[penandinkprincess]

cackling about two worlds colliding with the idea of high on painkillers shane meeting "family joke of saying he's allergic to things he doesn't like" shane

which is!! very fucking stressful!! for the poor medical staff!!!

and also stressful for ilya who is trying to get shane to shhhhh and just go back to sleep because he is actively hindering his own medical care being grumpy about being here at all after coming out of anesthesia

"he is not allergic to jell-o, no. he-"

"'m 'llergic"

"no, you are not." *looking back to nurse* "he is-"

"allergic, ilya. deadly 'llergic. yep."

"no, you are not, shane. quiet now, yes? he is just say-"

"allergic. all things. everythings."

"maybe we talk in the hall?"

"'llergic to hall."

*actively praying for either patience or death. he'll accept either.*

[catalpa-waltz]

in my mind when luca first starts seeing a guy and getting serious enough about him to bring him to team events and get him tickets to games (he’s a firefighter, hot as hell, nice work haas) ilya’s so chill and cool about it and nice to the guy and obviously the rest of the team has no problem with it and it’s only shane with mixed emotions like what do you mean you weren’t planning on nursing an unrequited love for my husband forever?? what do you mean you’re not planning to walk around holding a torch for ilya rozanov for the rest of your natural life? what do you mean????

[icaruswar]

the metros are fucking scared of shane. NHL as a whole is scared of shane. his skills and precision almost feels like witchcraft to everybody who watches him play. on the ice, his eyes are always analysing and measuring up the opponent, like he can read their fucking minds. he creates impromptu plays that sometimes even hockey experts cannot wrap their minds around.

he can go months on the same brown rice, smoked salmon and fuckass ginger ale diet without a single ounce of frustration. his teammates have seen him watch and rewatch their practice tapes till 3 am and then wake up and go to the gym at 5 am day after day. nobody, absolutely NOBODY has the grit of shane hollander and that scares the fuck out of people.

but not Ilya. as much as he doesn't want to admit it, shane really is the best hockey player of all time, ilya doesn't even come close to him as far as strategic playing is concerned. and he respects the hell out of shane for that, but he's never intimidated by him.

for him shane is someone who likes to have a straw in his soft drinks because it keeps his mouth busy. someone who wears noise cancelling headphones to do laundry because he doesn't like the noise (Ilya has offered to do the laundry a million times now but shane says he prefers that his whites stay white and not turn pink, so—). he's someone who tries to do the best at whatever he does, but doesn't know how to take a genuine compliment on his hardwork.

he's also someone who likes to play connect the dots with ilya's moles on his torso and his back. he's someone who kisses ilya on his temple and holds him tight anytime things start to feel a little too heavy. someone who likes to have control over anything and everything in life that can be controlled, but trusts ilya with his own goddamn life. oh and he also bakes these stupid healthy oats and pumpkin seed cookies that Ilya loves but will never admit to it either.

he feels sorry for anyone who is not Shane Hollander's husband. (no, the fuck, he doesn't. people can fuck right off, only he gets to experience The Golden Boy of Canada personally.)

[lavenderprose]

Reading Role Model after The Long Game is honestly sooooo funny it's just like

Ilya's inner monologue: Maybe I can just come out to people by myself. Nobody has to know about Shane. I can just tell people I'm bisexual--

Troy Barrett, so in his own head that he can't tell that his new teammates don't actually want him dead or that the personification of apple pie that he has a crush on likes him back: Thanks for the gay field trip Ilya. I just have a small question now that I know you're bisexual. Are you by any chance like, very in love with Shane Hollander?

[teliimus]

if ur gay and play hockey know that ilya rozanov has your location and is approaching with great speed

[magnus-the-maqnificent]

Hollanov going public having the opposite of the Barbie Movie Breakup Effect where Hollander fans and Rozanov fans just. Keep getting married.

The first time it actually happens is long before hollanov becomes public, and it goes viral, and the couple gets an article written about them. And it happens a few times afterwards. But after hollanov marriage? There's a whole boom of hollander and rozanov fans getting together.

Because turns out when you've spent years chirping each other on the internet, bumping into each other at full stadiums with black or blue warpaint smeared on your cheeks, burning the other team's jersey in front of their fan, and then suddenly you don't have a reason to hate each other? You realise you have some things in common, and they're actually not all that bad when you're supporting the same team, and- oh.