Uhh….hi?

[some-raccoon-guy]

Hi!

I’m Robb.

My boyfriend @el-hombre-lobo and I were created in a lab. We escaped at some point.

Also I’m a vampire. Got turned on March 31st, 2026. Got attacked after midnight, about like after midnight or so. Was out trying to walk back home from something. What exactly it was I can’t remember at the moment. Theres a post of me talking about the attack somewhere on my blog. I typed it up while I was in bed recovering from it. Got banged up and bitten to boot. Riggs had to lead me home, as I was barely coherent from blood loss. Nearly passed out a few times. Had my phone with me. The post I made, I typed the following evening. The sun hurt my eyes that following morning. I ain’t the dramatic killer sort. Sometimes I feed from my boyfriend, my friends, or whoever else lets me. Will I kill? Unlikely, unless its a “guy is trying to kill me so i gotta fight” situation. Other than that, no.

(Riggs is my pet/companion raccoon. Found her as a baby without a mom. I think her mom died. Been taking care of Riggs ever since. She doesn’t have wild raccoon instincts so I doubt she could live out there.)

You might see a tag called “ozzyposting”. Those are posts n reblogs that my boyfriend made on my account, before he got his own account. Now he does things on his own blog.

[drax-the-vampire-king]

"Oh Dracula was the most well known vampire"

"Oh Nosferatu was the most well known vampire"

Wrong. Rasputin.

[some-raccoon-guy]

Rasputin was a vampire?

[talesfromthecrypts]

“They said they wanted a vampire relationship with no age gap”

“No age gap??!?!?”

“And no non-con elements”

“NO NON CON?”

“And no coercion or otherwise manipulative behaviors”

“Joe they want a vampire with NOTHING”

[drax-the-vampire-king]

No age gap? I dont even know my age anymore how the fuck am I supposed to find someone who's the exact same age? Tiss impossible. Only person I know who's even close to my age is death and she's older then me.

[some-raccoon-guy]

I feel my boyfriend n I’s relationship is a bit of a specific situation bc I was turned a few months ago, and we were already together before I was turned. We’re close in age.

There is non-con tho…mostly biting but he gets me back if it pisses him off or startles him. Usually in the form of shoving me off of him and/or him swearing at me.

I don’t think I’m manipulative???? Tho again…we were together before I was turned so I’d say this is a very specific situation. Not the norm in those vampire romance stories, I bet.

[mimosa-sex-tea-people-contrsf]

Train of thought I had earlier today:

I have open wounds so I should wear gloves for this

Brain: but I like feeling the blood clots hit my hands

Me: was I a serial killer in a past life wtf was that

[drax-the-vampire-king]

Almost like you've been hanging around a vampire to long. You've become desensitized to blood.

[kit61978]

says the leader of vampirekind

[drax-the-vampire-king]

Exactly. Desensitizing people is fun.

Blood for the blood god!

[some-raccoon-guy]

Technoblade quote or is there actually a blood god?

[drax-the-vampire-king]

I mean there's a god for basically everything but I was doing the technoblade quote

[some-raccoon-guy]

Nice.

[mimosa-sex-tea-people-contrsf]

Train of thought I had earlier today:

I have open wounds so I should wear gloves for this

Brain: but I like feeling the blood clots hit my hands

Me: was I a serial killer in a past life wtf was that

[drax-the-vampire-king]

Almost like you've been hanging around a vampire to long. You've become desensitized to blood.

[kit61978]

says the leader of vampirekind

[drax-the-vampire-king]

Exactly. Desensitizing people is fun.

Blood for the blood god!

[some-raccoon-guy]

Technoblade quote or is there actually a blood god?

[lezferatu]

still deciding on how the scene where accursia finds out about sav's vampire nature will go but these will probably be the reactions distilled let's be real

patreon | bluesky

[drax-the-vampire-king]

As a vampire I can confirm this is almost always what the other person is thinking.

[some-raccoon-guy]

Yeaa Oz (my boyfriend, I call him Oz sometimes) has had thoughts like that before.

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

Give me less "being kind requires zero effort" and more "being kind is worth the effort it takes."

[drax-the-vampire-king]

Being kind prevents you from waking up in the hospital after I find you

[veggiedaddy]

not to be controversial but respect trans women or die by my sword

[bettieleetwo]

and my bow

[and-then-theres-that]

And my axe

[ambratwhurst]

[thegreatlazule]

And my daggers

[shakespeare-official-account-de]

And my rapier and matchsticks.

[i-identify-as-an-ominous-threat]

And my kitchen knife

[autotheist-of-ominous-threats]

and my hands

[this-threat-is-ominous]

And my aro beam

[love-you-ominous-threats]

And my Horrors

[redundant-ominious-threats]

And at least one weapon

[priest-of-ominous-threats]

And my cross

[law-of-ominous-threats]

and my rifle.

[scp-threats-is-back]

And my SCPs

[autotheist-of-ominous-threats]

and my scythe

[the-weird-kids-next-door]

and my cane

[ash-the-tiefling]

AND MY GOATS

[terri-theslime13]

And my spear

[sapphicslender]

and my sapphic pages

[yahooo-official]

and my (extremely cool) greatsword

[mcgeese-deactivated20241112]

And my 12 gauge

[undeniably-chevron]

and my gasoline fires

[breadismylifeline]

And my bite

[the-real-yahoo-mail]

And my paper cuts

[sentientballofpeas]

And my soup

[arctictern12]

and my artillery gun

[hands-you-a-spatula]

And my spatula

[gimmick-thief-thief]

And MY spatula

[cannibalmushrooms-deactivated20]

and my

[galaxys-universe]

and my screws

[thexie-and-stars]

and my uterus

[daddysclownboy]

and my medieval vase

[equippedtolove]

and your mum

[the-stars-drowning-deactivated2]

and my fires of hell

[autism-official]

And autism.

[myparkispleasant]

And my sickness..god damn if hurt hurts…

[howlingday]

And my fists

[superiorsturgeon]

And my kettlebells!

[willsonlmt]

And my anvil i drop on the x you’re standing on.

[sora-dearly-beloved]

And my steel chair

[steve-officai]

and my netherite sword

[herobrine-offical]

and my IRL sword that I desperately need to remodel at some point

[ask-thevictim]

and my rope whip

[sans-the-skeleconch-offical]

and my SHOTGUN!

[trans-sans-offical]

And my trans beam Gaster Blaster

[drax-the-vampire-king]

And my fangs

[true-neutral-kobold]

And my teeth

[the-stew-goblin]

And my stew

[weirdo-offical]

posting on tumblr really is just

RANDOM BULLSHIT GO!

[drax-the-vampire-king]

Red blood makes the grass grow green

[wellcome-to-chaos]

Want this deer corpse? I'm sure it still has some blood in the bones

[drax-the-vampire-king]

Snack for later

[yesornopolls]

to all the vampires out there, can you tell if someone has drank grapefruit juice when you drink their blood?

To all the vampires out there, can you tell if someone has drank grapefruit juice when you drink their blood?

Yes

No

See results

Voting ended onJul 15

[some-raccoon-guy]

I’m confused….

[vampire-offical]

Ooh, another vampire. Hello! I’m uh, a bit of a weirder vampire though.

@some-raccoon-guy

Hello! Normal doesn't exist. Weird is cool.

[some-raccoon-guy]

By weird I mean I started existence in a lab as an artificially created human-raccoon hybrid. I got turned into a vampire a few months ago.

[stjohnstarling]

Crawling out of my grave to rub my eyes sleepily, grimace, and crawl back in for another five minutes. 

[pretentious-liminal-vampire]

Wakes up after five decades and everything is wiped out and radioactive

[drax-the-vampire-king]

Reminds me of the old days. Couldn't take a nap without whatever village you were feeding from getting wiped out.

[some-raccoon-guy]

WHAT.

I’ve only been a vampire for a few months i don’t have any stories to tell..

[drax-the-vampire-king]

Give it some time young blood. All good things to those who wait

[some-raccoon-guy]

I feel like a baby in comparison to ya. Many of ya are ancient beings and here I am, a lab-created human-animal freak of nature that is essentially a vampire infant.

[lost-and-kinda-dumb]

tresnender

[lost-and-kinda-dumb]

i am a weapon of mass distraction.

[redstonedust]

i do find the omegaverse kind of fascinating conceptually. adding an aditional trinary on to our already complex sex and gender dynamics could do so much to your worldbuilding if you lean into it and explore the evolutionary and societal implications of it all. unfortunately telling people "im interested in the sex universe for the worldbuilding potential" is not very convincing no matter how you phrase it.

[the-stew-goblin]

If the omegaverse was real there would be more people for my stews so I want it to be real. Thankfully, research on male pregnancy stew has gone splendidly and shall be concluded with six months

[some-raccoon-guy]

Male pregnancy? Like, a cis man being able to, or a transman like me or, is that in general?

(I’m post bottom surgery so doubt if I could get pregnant nowadays. You get what I meant though hopefully.)

[stjohnstarling]

Crawling out of my grave to rub my eyes sleepily, grimace, and crawl back in for another five minutes. 

[pretentious-liminal-vampire]

Wakes up after five decades and everything is wiped out and radioactive

[drax-the-vampire-king]

Reminds me of the old days. Couldn't take a nap without whatever village you were feeding from getting wiped out.

[some-raccoon-guy]

WHAT.

I’ve only been a vampire for a few months i don’t have any stories to tell..

[superlesbianvampire-offical]

These are my sheeps

Their names are Arnold, Stick, Blood, Capture, Bisney, Language, Silver, John and Stamina

[some-raccoon-guy]

Well that’s a chaotic bunch of names. How’d ya come up with names for each of em? Or were some of em named by others?