The Greeks were so much wiser than us modern folk, when talking about love. They believed it existed in eight different forms:
1. Eros (erotic love). This is, simply put, the sexual attraction you feel towards someone. In its best form, passion can be transformative… but it can also become destructive if not kept under control.
2. Philos (friendship). This is the love we treat as lesser in the modern world. Ironically, the Greeks considered it superior to eros as philos was considered a love between two equals and free of the animalistic pull of sexual desire. Philos is the kind of love two warriors who’ve shared a foxhole feel for one another.
3. Storge (familial love). This is the love and pride we take in our kinsmen and lifelong friends. For those who are deeply attached to their family name, who remember family members who pass on with great fondness… This is the name the Greeks, a culture based very much on accruing honour to one’s name and descendants, bestowed on this form of love, as it was so very important to them.
4. Ludus (playful love). The affection between young lovers, this is what we modern folk call “puppy love.” The flirting, teasing and childlike euphoria at being in a new relationship is all part and parcel of this form of love. The Greeks felt that love should have a sense of fun and play; it need not be serious 100% of the time.
5. Mania (obsessive love). This is what happens when love gets scary, and is the purview of stalkers and the most deluded among us. The Greeks believed that this occurs when there’s an imbalance between the presence of ludus and eros in one’s psyche. Those who experience this form of love also become codependent, and may be perpetrators of abuse of their loved ones.
6. Pragma (enduring love). This is a mature form of love, having aged like fine wine with time. It’s commonly seen in couples who have been married for decades, and is something we all secretly yearn for – the companionship that looks beyond our limitations, yet loves us for our frail humanity. A love where we are accepted unconditionally and will never stray from us. It’s hard to find, and takes a lot of time and patience to cultivate.
7. Philautia (self-love). This is where having a “positive mental attitude” and engaging in self-care comes in. The Greeks understood that, in order to care for others, we must first tend to ourselves. This is not a sense of vanity, but an awareness and acceptance of who you really are, showing yourself compassion in darker times.
8. Agape (brotherhood). This is the greatest form of love there is, and the hardest to aspire to. It demands nothing less than feeling love for all human beings, compassion for all creatures, an acceptance and forgiveness of the flaws of humanity, and the desire to ease the pain of those who suffer. To see in the eyes of every human being your brother, your sister – when humanity, in your mind, becomes your extended family. It’s not about paying lip service to religions that preach compassion, it’s about showing love for others in every word and deed.
So, if you thought romantic love (eros) was all there is to knowing and feeling love? You thought wrong. Let’s learn to love love in all its forms.
