@stressed---but-well-dressed - Tumblr Blog

#felt #i dont know when or why that fucker invaded the dc fandom #and i refuse to learn

I passed a flower shop next to a tattoo shop and at first I laughed because I thought it was ironic and then i freaked because IMAGINE YOUR OTP IN A FLORIST/TATTOO ARTIST AU

stillalittlekid

OMG I COULD TOTALLY IMAGINE THEM LIKE THAT IT WOULD BE SO PERFECT

christ-with-a-why

melancholygirls

I cannot BELIEVE a post I made when I was 13 is circulating! And also apparently started this trope? I thought somebody had the idea separately and it blew up that way😭

duckydoesstuff

@hellsite-hall-of-fame for your collection

stormsbourne

usually when you have a stomach bug your body is like yes sir we'll get this punk out of here, 48 hours tops. then you get a cold and your body is like I dunno ... between a few hours and eleven months ... maybe a week minimum .... you gotta understand we're short staffed

tibli

tbf to the body, stomach bugs are easier to flush out since they are already in The System That Flushes Things Out From The Body, and that includes BOTH ends.

with a cold you gotta wait for the macrophages in your blood to start Eating Everything, and they are. not big. it takes them a while. please be more considerate of your macrophages in the future, theyre doing their best

marlinspirkhall

I've got to find myself more macrophage

acesexualspock

Now Hiring: macrophages

daughter-of-sapph0

immunesystem.com/careers/macrophage

polutropos-puppyboy

i have for a while been using stepping on somebody's toes as a metaphor for misgendering. and i genuinely think that it's kind of a good one.

polutropos-puppyboy

if you keep stepping on somebody's toes for a long time at minimum they're probably going to start really hating you and at maximum you might cause them lasting damage.

if you do it on purpose you're a dick. if it's on accident but you keep doing it that person is still going to be mad at you because you don't care enough to try not to step on their toes

polutropos-puppyboy

if you give a grovelling begging apology after accidentally stepping on somebody's toes one time you're going to make the whole thing awkward, but not giving a quick "sorry" before moving on is still kind of rude.

teaboot

Too bad the prophet Cassandra never met Odysseus

teaboot

They say if she made a prophecy Nobody would believe her

edgar-allan-possum

I’ve gotta say, that is exactly the kind of stupid thing that probably would circumvent a curse.

elidyce

Cassandra: YOU ARE ALL GOING TO REGRET THIS SO MUCH YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW.

Odysseus: Regret it why?

Cassandra: You won’t believe me if I tell you. If I prophecy, nobody believes me. That is my curse.

Odysseus: … I’m Nobody. Fill me in.

*A couple of months later*

Odysseus: HELLO PENELOPE, I AM HERE PRECISELY ON TIME AND NOT YEARS LATE incidentally I rescued and adopted a Trojan seer while I was away, she’s great, got me home really fast, Cassandra this is your new mother who’s not going to treat you like shit.

Penelope: … I’m going to need more details, but okay, sure.

Cassandra: *in tears* I love you, new family.

cipheramnesia

Cassandra: Penelope, I’ve had another vision.

Penelope, sighs: Go tell your father.

val-the-bun

sankta-wraith

the original? on my dash?

frodo-of-the-nine-fingers

my actual vampire hot take is that if you're going to be a 'vegetarian' vampire (a vampire that only drinks the blood of animals) you MUST have hunter education. i'm so sick of people being like oh well predator animals are mean and scary because they kill cute 'harmless' animals like NO they're crucial for the environment and if you're going to hunt animals for blood you still need to stick to regular people hunting guidelines and only hunt things that are in season and abide by your areas bag limits

moral-autism

vampire that did a detailed study about whether vampires can get prion diseases and concluded they can't and preferentially hunts animals with chronic wasting disease. and then incinerates the corpses.

aksemmi

vampire who is a woke predation abolitionist and so exclusively hunts predators, leaving primarily herbivorous and scavenging animals alone

yaldabaothadeez

"For miles around the foul creature's lair is nothing but barren wastes"

"because of The Curse?"

"Because of the deer and rabbits, fucking thing ate all the wolves"

keroa

reblog if AAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

numahachi

アアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアアア

phuiscribbles

啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊

jukun

valbrandur

ddemotivators

AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

minervafloofderg-migrating

thegreenwolf

itsadragonaesthetic

This is such an abstract type of comedy I don’t even know how to handle it

wheeloffortune-design

my publisher: Good morning! Huh did you advertise for the pre-sale yesterday? Because we launched twelve hours ago and we already made sales!

me: yeah, i posted on tumblr

publisher: .........tumblr?

me: that's where the gays are.

(link to Mrs. Victoria buys a brothel, a sapphic western)

wheeloffortune-design

update

publisher: And what is your marketing strategy on... tumblr?

me: idk, i shitpost at 2am?

publisher: .....and it works?

me: depends on what the gays find funny at that point in time.

publisher: Could I have a link to your tumblr?

me: .......absolutely not.

(link to Mrs. Victoria buys a brothel, a sapphic western where 50 year old women kiss and murder)

pangur-and-grim

she has a good life

pangur-and-grim

I love playing planet zoo with my little creatures and giving them Habitat and Enrichment and seeing their happy behaviours. it is my favourite thing about pet-owning. I will give my isopods a million apple slices and my old ass cats a million shelves to roll around on, and this will continue forever

creekfiend

on this website I frequently find myself feeling like ron swanson at home depot

hypokeimena

#when people tell you youre wrong when you are actually wrong: embarrassing! but tolerable #when people tell you you are wrong when RON SWANSON AT HOME DEPOT I KNOW MORE THAN YOU: #MOST HARROWING HUMAN EXPERIENCE.

creekfiend

funniest tag humanly possible. thank you for your correction, accuracy is important to me.

onceandfuturehighpriestess

quasi-normalcy

These people are sexual predators.

lucinatural

If you are in WASHINGTON this is not yet law, this initiative will be on the ballot Nov 3 THIS YEAR. VOTE NO. You have the ability to prevent this from becoming law.

zoofitness

Archer fish in action at the National Aquarium in Baltimore! Such a cool species of fish!

You can probably guess how they got the name archer fish - by spitting water with pinpoint accuracy at bugs on branches and leaves above the water, knocking them in for a meal. So cool!!!

ghostofthemountain21

AHHHH! Archer fish are my favorite :D I remember reading about them in a book as a kid and the first time I ever saw them in real life at an aquarium! I freaked! I was so excited :D

zoofitness

Right?? They’re the best! It was even more awesome cause I was JUST telling my nephew and my sister about them shooting water at bugs and we got to see it there! Such a cool experience!

why-animals-do-the-thing

This is such a cool species to do a demo with! I don’t think I’ve seen any other facilities purposefully use that behavior for education.

dramaticaltrashpit

i cant fucking believe fish understand light refraction better than me

tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva

anyone else find boomer comics funny in an ironic way? like, if some kid actually said this I would think it's fucking hilarious

atalana

sapphling

just saw an entire thread of people sincerely describing a content creator's pattern of posting a large amount of content and then taking breaks as "obviously grooming her audience" via "love bombing and ghosting" which i think could have been a really exciting innovation during the steven universe discourse era of tumblr

dredsina

Ive said this before but swear the biggest skill to learn as an adult is how to resist high-pressure sales tactics. You do NOT have to answer questions with anything other than "Sorry I'm not interested." No matter how nice they are or no matter how many follow up questions they ask or even how agitated they get when you stand your ground. Just keep saying I'm not interested. Don't answer their questions. Don't give them an opening to try to push back on your reasons. Be a fucking brick wall of I'm not interested.

sweaterkittensahoy

When we bought our car, I told Sean to let me handle it. I walked in and said "We have X for a down payment and cannot pay more than Y in monthly payments." My Y number had some leeway, but I didn't mention that.

First thing the sales guy did after I laid down the rules was turn to Sean and go, "What's your number?" And Sean said. "Oh, no, you negotiate with Gayle."

So, strike one for the sales guy. Could not divide and conquer us by implying THE MAN would not surprised at what I laid down.

Sales guy then had to confer with his manager and left us at his desk for several minutes. I have a vague recollection (this was 16 years ago) of Sean and I amusing ourselves doing bits about the other people there to look at cars. I am sure we did not give off the stressed or nervous energy they were hoping for.

Guy comes back. His first offer is fifty dollars a month more than I told him we could pay. I looked at him and said "I gave you our upper limit."

"Well, but what's another 50 bucks a month?"

"Something I can't afford."

He didn't know what to do with my open and unashamed admittal that I had a budget because my money was finite.

He went back to talk to the manager again.

It took two more rounds of "I told you what I can afford" before he finally came back 20 bucks under what I'd stated as my max.

The trick to resisting high-stress sales tactics is doing the math at home, knowing exactly what you can afford, and then walking into the room and stating that number minus 15%. Then refusing to budge from that number. Never, ever, meet then where they want. Always meet them where you want. Because at the end of the day, you can walk away and go somewhere else and say "I told the people at Z what my terms were, and they refused to work with me. Here are my terms. Meet them, and you make a sale today."

porterdavis

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