The Wilhelm Scream Your Mama Warned You About

they/them, 30s || wash your hands cough into your elbow and don't FUCKING litter

[nerdicornthetrekkie]

[gamechangershow]

Sorry but it's not complete without...

[reputayswift]

“I’m coming over, you better not be Vintage American Girl Westie Coconut With Chariot And Tiara when I get there.”

my unruly ass:

[misterbrick42]

hey guys i made the tumblr default pfps but they're looking directly at you

[canisalbus]

I happened to remember a certain evil mastermind chimpanzee and and my day got better.

[theancientworld]

Bronze newborn puppy

332-30 BC

Of Greek or Roman craftsmanship, discovered in Rome

The Walters Art Museum

[canisalbus]

✦ Lastborn ✦

[canisalbus]

[canisalbus]

The reviews are in 🎉

[cecilias-cool-stuff]

Never stop hating

[wiseguynephile]

flashback to when I got a little too gnc in my new profile pic, and my mom caught on that I had The Gender (which she was super supportive about, tbc), but didn't want to ask about it outright. so she started making up never-before-seen euphemisms

[evilwizard]

okay im gonna hypnotize you with my ruby amulet now DONT BE WEIRD ABOUT IT. im doing this to make you betray the king. IT IS NOT A SEX THING

[violet-hady]

I think the fact that you immediately thought about clarifying it’s not a sex thing kinda makes it sound like it is a sex thing.

[evilwizard]

FOOL. i would be using my sex amulet for that

[quark-art]

had to draw this

[ru1n3r]

i feel like im constantly taking damage

[mangonetics]

ah shit they're gaining on us. we gotta jettison some weight. throw all those stolen boomerangs out we don't need em

[supreme-leader-stoat]

On it, boss!

[supreme-leader-stoat]

Bad news, boss!

[sometiktoksarevalid]

[canisalbus]

✦ High pray drive ✦

[boycritter]

maybe i like my tech a little bit inconvenient

[boycritter]

maybe i like pulling out my debit card instead of using apple pay. maybe i like untangling my wired headphones. maybe i like typing something into the search bar instead of using siri or whatever. maybe i like curating my own social media feeds over an algorithm. i just don’t think everything has to be perfectly streamlined and efficient i like it when things feel tethered to the real world.

[spider-artdump]

[inkskinned]

Every day I handle more money than I will ever make. Every day.

At the start of my employment, my boss showed me videos of people stealing, and we both had a chuckle about it. How silly they were! There was a camera overhead, and it’s not to watch the shoppers. See, we can’t actually stop shoplifters. They get away with it maybe nine out of ten times. But we, who are watched and tallied and witnessed? We are always caught.

At first it was hard to hold one hundred dollars bills. An amount I had never seen before. An amount that didn’t exist in my household. It’s normal now. Here is something that is not for me.

“What the hell, I’ll take another,” says the man, pondering our 200 dollar watches. What the hell. Total comes to 580 and not even a flinch in his face. I have been working for 11 hours today and made only 110 dollars. It will go to my rent. Today I work for free, it feels. When I get my check, I will have 35 dollars left for food and saving.

The six hundreds he hands me go into the cash register. For a moment, I imagine having money. Then I put it away, counting out his change.

I know for a fact we sell our products for double what they are worth. That I could be making commission. That they could hand me those 580 dollars and change my life and not even mark the difference in their checkbooks. He’s not the only sale they make today, but I am the reason they made it. He’s not the only one spending 600 dollars, but if I hadn’t spent two hours with him telling me about his life, he wouldn’t have spent any. I go home. I don’t own a watch.

I have watched and rewatched a video on how to make salmon four ways. My shopping list is always the same. Pasta. Rice. Tuna. If I can afford butter it was a good week. I dream of the world I will never walk in, where I can throw the best fish fillet in the cart with a shrug. I hold hundreds in my hand and look up at the camera. I put them under the cash drawer.

I go to work. I scrap together my savings. I eat my bowl of rice slowly. My manager takes a paid week off from work just for his birthday. He owns a yacht. 

I’m not worth the cost of a watch.

[inkskinned]

i wrote this while i was working at orlando’s walt disney world parks.

i was part of their college program. i moved to the state for it. they legally owned the building i was living in and still charged me rent. i ostensibly was being charged to work for them. it was a 2 bedroom apartment and they placed 6 adult women in it in forced triples.

as many as one in ten disney employees have experienced homelessness while working for the company. despite huge efforts to unionize, strike, or otherwise demand fair treatment; disney has refused to increase employee quality of life.

disney admits publicly that a good portion of their success is because the employees (“cast members”) are dedicated, passionate, and selfless. this is never reflected in pay. even “face” characters (ie those that are princesses etc) make barely above a minimum wage.

at the time that i worked there, i made $8.50 an hour. at one point i was asked to create a human shield around a bag because a bomb dog had alerted to it. for eight fucking dollars an hour.

i now work a very cushy office job. i have bought the salmon and cooked it all four ways.

i go to the store. i am nice to the person behind the counter. she looks up at the camera while she counts out my change. there is nothing fundamentally different about her and i.

we are both worth more than the watch, anyway.

[libraryfag]

hi my name is dark yagami and my goal is to give birth to billions of people