i don't know how to live without suffering

20 | she/her diagnosed : ptsd + bpd

[stvrlightbpd]

my doctor telling me everyone gets depressed and i should go for a walk:

me 2 months later: gets diagnosed with bpd

[vilea777]

how can someone’s absence affect me so much while my presence doesn’t affect them at all

[stvrlightbpd]

my therapist : you always view everything negatively from the beginning

me : getting abandoned for the 10th time because i’m not good enough to be loved

[stvrlightbpd]

okay i would argue that carmy from the bear has bpd even though it isn’t stated anywhere that he does have it. the fact the producers OPENLY labelled his mum who’s an abusive alcoholic with bpd is so fucking shitty.

[cassie-lmao]

having high-highs so good borderline personality disorder becomes borderline personality enhancement

[honeypleasejustkillme]

[a-hospital--for-souls]

"It's all in your head." - Thank you Janette, that's why it's called mental illness. It cannot be in my ass.

[soporificsedatives-deactivated2]

Virginia Woolf, To The Lighthouse

[vilea777]

i can't decide if i'm more miserable with or without a fp

[stvrlightbpd]

bpd is expecting disappointment in every aspect of life because it’s all you’ve ever known.

[stvrlightbpd]

bpd psychosis symptoms i have experienced :

auditory —

• dogs barking at an extremely loud level right next to me

• glass smashing

• heavy breathing

• random conversations / words

• a young girl screaming

visual —

• spiders

• random black figures that make me jump

feel —

• spiders / something crawling down my back or along my skin

smell —

• really random or strong pungent smells

( i never knew these were symptoms of psychosis until i started experiencing the auditory ones, they can occur when someone with bpd is experiencing high levels of stress, i wanted to share the ones i have experienced as a tiktok video helped me realise what i was experiencing was bpd psychosis in the first place, and thought this might help some of you on here)

[stvrlightbpd]

it’s weird to think how calm i’ve been when i’ve experienced psychosis. in movies it was always revealed to be so terrifying and haunting, but when i experienced it for myself, i was calm, as though i automatically knew it was my mind going beyond the boarder.

[stvrlightbpd]

i can’t separate my realty from my delusion.

[stvrlightbpd]

all it took was for my friend to say “some people just don’t click” in response to me saying i’d like to be friends with the person they are friends with, for my brain to go into overdrive of all the things that could’ve been said between them about me.

bpd sucks

[stvrlightbpd]

“you’re so polite” thanks, i grew up with an abusive father and never learned to fight back.

[stvrlightbpd]

why do i crave love so deeply and yet all it seems to do is run away from me.

[stvrlightbpd]

bpd + period + hunger = death