hehehe

rose, she/her, grishaverse, pwhl, science?

[dogpuppy]

[chickenmim]

Dude... allow me to add to your trove.

I have a folder of these on my phone... I'm not sure what that says about me!

[teaboot]

This has always bothered me too and it didn't make sense until someone older told me that when they were growing up "scare quotes" were used the way we used *asterisks* or ALL CAPS for emphasis

[no1snoopyfan]

truthberry (makes you tell the truth) vs lieberry (gives you an immediate understanding of the dewey decimal system)

[megparsec]

Baa baa backstreets, have you any boys

[whosname]

[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]

[henstomper]

oh my god the slot machine company says i have to keep putting coins in their machine or Im Gonna Get Left Behind. thats so scary. and it has to be true because they know more about slot machines than i do

[henstomper]

oh my god the slot machine company says if we dont give them money to build the world's biggest slot machine the chinese are gonna build it first and win all the prizes. and then there wont be any prizes anymore

[campho-rousse]

In order: Post-hard launch Dan & Phil (1 & 2), Public Defender Dan + English Teacher Phil (3), Tomodachi Life Dan and Phil (4), Cat!Phil and Bear!Dan (5), Knight Dan and Princess Phil (6), Tortoise Metaphor Dan and Phil (7), Space Explorer Dan and Alien Phil (8), Phyuri (ft. Transfem!Phil)(9), Perphormative Phetus Dan(10), Basically I'm Gay reference (11), Fake IDGAFer Dan (12)

Like... Actual Soulmates

[theunsubtleknife]

Sleeping poorly is so embarrassing... sorry im grumpy I stayed up past my bedtime. Like a toddler

[i-am-bic]

"There's no platonic explanation for this" <-you need to be nicer to your friends. Right now

[kosmogrl]

[digitalmyyth]

Hanging out with people will make you remember you're the crazy woke friend for like. not wanting to shop at shien

[allamericansbitch]

I know I shouldn't be surprised, but I truly cannot believe Swifties are defending Taylor/Travis and their choice to invite a republican politician and his father, the executive chair of a company that made an ICE detention center. "They're Travis' friends; they had to invite them." Not true at all- you don't 'have to invite' anyone, liek your childhoods friends brother and dad, especially if they treat immigrants like animals. "She didn't know," but I thought they were close? Close, but don't know the official titles of their friends? At the end of the day, you are who you surround yourself with, and that is who they voluntarily choose to be close to. It's deplorable and indefensible.

[targetedknowledge]

[sunflower-on-fire]

@imthatweirdratinthecorner this u?

[insufficient-multitudes]

no because the second I feel like I'm "bothering" anyone I'm out

[princesonic]

I dunno, stop apologizing for your art. This includes not posting enough, too much, changing style, inconsistent style, repetition, subject. Its your art its your expression. Have fun.

[digitaldiscipline]

[literaturebf]

the royal tiger paper towel power play is the funniest combination of words ever. everytime they say it i die laughing

[userlesbian]

grateful for you <3