I've changed a lot recently. Let's talk about it.
So, a year ago, I was....not great. In an emotionally abusive relationship, going downhill fast. I hadn't started therapy yet, or gotten on my anti depressant. I was miserable.
And listen, I'm never one to bring weight into anything, but man did I hate the way I looked. I have hardly any pictures of myself from that time. I had gained so much weight, I was always tired. I started therapy almost 6 months into the relationship, and soon after started an anti depressant. I was getting better, realizing how bad I had been. How bad he was being to me. And then, one day I just snapped. I ended things, almost without a second thought. I had a Tinder and a Bumble account by the end of the day. And something about ending that relationship, and starting new, made me realize something. I was a lesbian. And that shit sent me into a spiral, oh my god. But, out of it, I got a new relationship, and I was fairly happy with it! And I was doing even better than I was, despite quarantine having just hit.
Somewhere, in the middle of all of that, I got a tattoo, and a nose piercing, bleached the shit out of my bangs, and started woking smeed. And, I also got in a poly relationship with two girls, one a few hours away, the other on the other side of the country. I also came out. And received a lot of backlash from my family. And also lashed out at them, too, because I was hurt. That doesn't make it ok, but that was the reason. So I was hurting, and starting a new relationship, and then, it fell apart. I was looking for something I couldn't get out of these girls, and in the process, asked too much, and hurt them. So they ended things, and I cried for days. I cried until I couldn't, until I realized I had other things to do, and then I kept on living. I went to work, I moved dorms. I celebrated my 19th birthday, and while it was very much illegal because of quarantine, my friends and I social distanced, and played jackbox.tv, and ate cake. It was the best birthday I had ever day.
I had gotten back on Tindr the day before, just out of boredom. I had taken my time to actually heal, and get over things, and sort through what I was looking for. I found it, by the way. I was just trying to find out who I was on my own. I found out I do a lot of vent art. I still listen to podcasts, and read 3/4s of a book before forgetting it entirely. I found out I liked riding down back roads with my friends late at night while we smoked. I found new music, new style. I found comfort in being alone. I learned how to be alone, and then I let myself not be alone. I met someone new, and we talked for almost 2 months. And then she came over, and stayed for a weekend. And then I went and stayed a weekend with her. And our time together was great, we laughed a lot, took naps a lot. And we kept almost saying something, until she did one night, at 4 am, while on the phone talking about things that scared us and why they did. She said it and kept talking for a full minute afterwards, not realizing, and I sat quietly smiling and waited for her to. And the next time we saw eachother, it was said over and over, whispered like a secret, smiled into kisses. And I was happy. I was still going to therapy, still on my anti depressant. Still spending my time alone. Still doing my art. Things weren't always perfect, but that's how life is. There were disagreements, miscommunications. There were long talks, and short talks. Learning eachother, finding out something new, and relearning what we thought we knew. And that was 6 months ago. And we're still here, and happy, still talking, still learning. And now, I'm happy. I found out so much about myself, things I liked and didn't like. Things I fought to change, things I'm still fighting for. I started going by a new name, because the old one just didn't feel right, hurt in places that were still trying to heal. I'm not the same person I was a year ago. I'm still broken, but I'm healing. I've made it farther than I ever thought I would. So, I would like to formally introduce to you,
Lee.
Wow, so, uh. Update to this. She ended up being very uncool after we broke up. I got together with a very dear friend. I came out as nonbinary, and use they/them pronouns. I tried to leave this plane of existence and ended up in a psychiatric hospital for 3 days. I dropped out of college. My best friends decided to leave 2 weeks after I got out,, because they were convinced an "evil spirit" was making me so sick. It is not, I'm just bipolar and severely depressed, with a good helping of anxiety to go with that. I moved back in with my mom. I've decided to go to art school and become a tattoo artist. Oh, and I look like this now
