Kiana Khansmith
Game of Thrones Daily
Sade Olutola
Today's Document
taylor price
art blog(derogatory)
oozey mess
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Origami Around
Misplaced Lens Cap
Xuebing Du
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
One Nice Bug Per Day
Keni
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
NASA
wallacepolsom
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
noise dept.
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@syrennesings
Never was there a tale of more woe than that of Juliet and her Romeo
Never was there a tale of more strife than that of Macbeth and his stabby knife
Never was there a tale of more sad than that of Hamlet and his spooky dad
I misread the Macbeth one as “his stabby wife”
doctor voice hello yes im here returning your call about scheduling! ^_^ so the next appointment we have is tomorrow at 4am. after that the earliest we can get you in is december 2025... either of those sound good to you?
Op is finally getting that doctors appointment
Christmas festive dress, 1824-26, Met Museum
Petition to replace Ugly Christmas Sweater parties with ✨Christmas Festive Dress✨ parties
the first law of tragedies: the end is already written and inevitable. the second law of tragedies: your actions are all your own and you can choose to get off this ride whenever you want. the third law of tragedies: we both know that you are never going to do that.
Daughter of fantasy villains decides to rebel against her parents by actually going through with her arranged marriage to a local golden retriever of a prince instead of running off with some local villain-to-be or conquering said golden retriever’s kingdom and ruling it solo like her parents expect her to. Plus, sue her, she’s into the clean-cut earnest look.
At the same time, local prince charming discovers that he’s actually very into the gothic fiance his parents have landed him with in order to try and establish peace with the local evil lair down the lane, he would never have guessed a spiderweb pattern could look so fetching on a ball gown…?
Meanwhile, two pairs of parents in a tizzy because they both expected their offspring to whole-heartedly reject this union and give them an excuse to conquer their goody-two-shoes/evil neighbours, they’re not supposed to actually like each other-!
respective friend groups undergoing culture clash like all of prince charming’s knights are like what vile spell has been used to ensorcel our prince. we must be on our guard for surely this is but a ruse for an assassination attempt
meanwhile the villain bride’s friends are all like clearly he loves you not, why do you persist in a manner that will ensure your own heart break, i mean if he was taking this seriously there would be at least three assassination attempts by now. it’s like he doesn’t even notice that you have massive amounts of dark power to covet for his own
smashcut to
fully armored knight, clanging through the hallways in attempts at stealth, blades drawn: i’m just saying, i took an oath of protection. this feels wrong.
prince charming: it’s not wrong, it’s celebrating cross cultural traditions for my beloved bride
knight: it’s attempted murder
prince charming: it’s a loving attempted murder
@chucktaylorupset Meanwhile the bride has a bouquet of roses, cornflowers, and wheat sheaves on her desk in her room, and she’s not coming out until she’s written a beautiful and moving poem about how they favourably compare to her groom. It’s been three days. She’s gone through an entire raven’s worth of quills (unethically sourced). The ‘toads who used to be my friends’ list has gone up by one. But she’s bent dark forces and eldritch spirits to her will and, by the powers obscene, this will not be the thing that breaks her.
Sorceress friend: Please, just get him an amulet that will double his power at the cost of his soul, no one’s worth this.
Rebellious villainess: (nearly in tears) No, he brought his best knights to the castle and tried to kill me last week, at midnight, I can’t ignore something like that! He even kicked Cathulhu!
Sorceress friend: He nudged it with his foot. And then he apologized to it. In tears.
Rebellious villainess: (actually in tears now, for reasons of feels instead of poetic torment) He’s trying so hard!!!
Villainess: Beloathed, I need a goat.
Prince: Of course, darling - may I inquire as to what for?
Villainess: Blood sacrifice to the dark gods, you know how it is.
Prince: …
Prince: …darling, you know I support your lifestyle choices, but I must say this before it potentially happens.
Prince: I’m not all right with human sacrifice. That’s one of my boundaries. I don’t know if you do that or not, but it seemed a topical time to bring it up.
Villainess: (carefree laugh) Oh beloathed, don’t worry yourself about such things, I would never!
Villainess: (leading him off to the goat market) Only incompetents use actual humans. Skilled practitioners of the dark arts know that a goat is not only a sufficient sacrifice, but the superior one.
Prince: You don’t say? Fascinating!
@sapphire-monkey One of the nobles against the marriage in the prince’s kingdom invites the villainess to a local village’s blessing ritual, secure in the knowledge that it’s not only custom to wear the absolute palest white or undyed linen/woolen clothing one owns, it’s a requirement of the ritual and sacrilegious to do otherwise. Let’s see you deal with that miss all-black-wardrobe.
She arrives in diaphanous white silk edged with lace that gives the impression of beautifully tattered hems, all of it drifting gently around her on the spring breeze to give the feeling of a wraith from a haunted castle or something of the such. While not her personal cup of tea, she finds the ritual very moving, and absolutely understands why its one of her beloathed’s favorites.
One of the nobles from her kingdom, meanwhile, decides, fuck it, and just turns the prince into a frog. It takes her two minutes to find and fix him.
Villain noble: How.
Villainess: True love’s kiss, bitch.
Villain noble: (seethes)
The prince, meanwhile, pissed off the entire villainous court for the recent engagement ball that was held by knowing and responding accordingly to all the proper threats and insults. He studied before doing this, and he’s not going to shame darling in front of her peers! Bastard even managed to subdue his chivalry long enough to flirt with one of her friends right in front of her, how dare he be so considerate and sensitive to her needs like that-!?
First time the Prince finds out Villainess can transform into a gigantic fire-breathing dragon is a very O_OU moment for him.
Villainess: Are you surprised I can? It’s a common ability.
Prince: I didn’t want to assume.
Villainess: …
Prince: (sweats)
Villainess: …you’re picturing me turning into a dragon and riding on my back into battle, aren’t you?
Prince: N-no, no, of course not-!
Villainess: (drapes in his lap) It’s okay, we’d look fantastic. (sly expression) And probably scary enough to get the enemy forces to surrender without any needless bloodshed.
Prince: (sweating) Darling, are you trying to tempt me into putting you into a position where you could be injured in battle?
Villainess: A little. :3 (more seriously) But it is also on the table if we ever need to defend our throne. It’s the sort of thing that form’s for, really.
Prince: If you’re comfortable with it, then very well, it shall be added to the list of acceptable strategies.
(comfortable cuddling for a moment)
Prince: I imagine you make a very majestic dragon.
Villainess: (preening) I really do.
Prince: Perhaps we should have a tapestry done of it, then? It could hang opposite the one of my family’s crest in the throne room when we someday ascend the thrones ourselves.
Villainess: 8O! Beloathed, I would adore a tapestry of that! (cuddles further against him) Oh, and across from your family crest! That would be such a slap in the face to my parents, having a tapestry of me there instead of their own crest.
Prince: (hadn’t thought of it that way, but is happy that she’s happy)
Villainess comes in one night thoroughly out of sorts because her stupid cousin’s decided to make a move on her rights to the souls of their ancestors, and the jerk’s competent enough to actually have a potential chance at getting them, too, like he’d even wear the necklace of jewels they’re trapped in-!!!
The Prince listens patiently to her frustration until she’s finished, then considers for a few minutes.
“Darling, about that banquet your family’s having next fortnight - will your cousin be in attendance?”
“Yes, he’ll be using it to lay the groundwork of his plans. Why?”
“Would it be all right if I popped in for a bit? And was rather more… myself than I usually am around your parents?”
“…I suppose it’d be all right.”
“Wonderful!” (kisses her hand) “Perhaps wear those full-arm gloves your friend got you for the event - the ones that allow you to handle blessed objects without them interfering with your dark powers?”
“Well now I’m just curious. I shall do as you request, beloathed.”
The night of he shows up to the banquet positively radiating charm, good will, and benevolence, decked out in full armor that’s glowing slightly. Oh this? It’s the ancestral trappings of one of his relatives who was a champion of the stellar deities, those who guide ones who have become lost in darkness? He’s not a holy champion himself, but he is a fully-realized warrior of light and family, so he’s permitted to wear it at times. Oh yes, he completed his warrior of light trials when he was eighteen, when on a quest and everything! That’s where he earned his sword - it’s actually a shard of sunlight, you know, not metal. That’s why he’s called Prince of the Sun and Stars sometimes - bit of a grandiose title, really, but the artists and poets enjoy playing with the imagery, and who is he to deny them, especially when Darling is so fond of the stars herself! There’s a lass in one of the kingdom’s villages doing a portrait of the two of them together playing with that motif, actually, and it looks like it’s going to to be absolutely lovely when it’s done-
And he continues to be cheerful, charming, and just the nicest, most polite guy for the time he’s there while also reminding everyone in no uncertain terms that, for as long as the forces of evil have been trying to quash the forces of good, his side has been working at the opposite. And his side tends to win more often. And maybe it would be wise not to pick a fight with Darling because he’d hate to have to do battle with a potential in-law in the path of supporting her family’s traditions regarding people who cross them…
Jerk cousin is thoroughly cowed out of making an attempt at the family-filled jewels, and Villainess’s friends are standing with her off to the side going, “Okay, beginning to see what you see in him now.” Villainess herself is walking around with on safely-gloved hand on his arm as he intimidates the hell out of everyone she knows in order to help her protect what’s hers, swooning a little bit inside the whole time.
(Hers might be more diversely applicable, but Villainess isn’t the only one bringing something to the table in terms of power. Prince is generally more useful for things like getting birds to sing in chorus or making friends with bunnies, but his family does specialize in slaying evil. She may be skilled at facing enemies of all sorts, but he’s prepared specifically for anyone in her home court who might try to backstab her.)
@ninjakittenarmy Is the gown made of actual spider silk. Because that sounds fitting, especially since spider silk is actually a really good material.
Princess: “You like it? It’s made of giant spider silk straight from the underdark!”
Prince: Oh uh that’s really- wait, you can make clothes out of spider silk?
Princess: Yeah! It’s really tough too! You can even make light armor out of it.
The two have a several hours long conversation about spider agriculture. The prince receives spider silk under armor as a wedding gift.
Oh my gods, yes, absolutely!
@imaginapalminthemorning #Addams family origin story
Congratulations, you are officially the smartest person on the entire thread, holy flip-?!?
Villainess is chilling in Prince’s court one day and a lady of the court storms up to her in tears, make-up running, and is just, “One of your friends turned my fiance into a newt, a newt, and he fell in the moat before I could catch him and I don’t know how to find him, or how to change him back if I do find him, and the library only has information on frog and bear transformations, and no one knows what to to do and you’re the only person who might know what to do, please help me-!” (bursts into inconsolable tears)
This throws Villainess through a loop, people don’t tend to whole-heartedly throw their trust in others like this at her place, this is super unsettling, so she just responds in the way she usually would, “Oh? And what price are you willing to pay?”
“Anything.”
…ooooooooh that is so, so tempting, why are people in this court so earnest, don’t they realize that the reason the higher nobles are worried about her marriage to their prince is the very real potential that she could use this opportunity to cast their country and its people into a thousand years of ruin and despair, bare minimum…?! But it would make Darling unhappy if she’s too mean about this, so, “How about your dignity, then? First off, we’ll have to get you out of that dress…” (seductive smirk and cock of the hips)
Court lady: (still in tears but hands immediately go to her bodice laces to start undoing)
Villainess: (grabbing her hands) OKAY, WHOA, HOLD UP, WE’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF COURT, HAVE SOME STANDARDS!!! Just- just go put on something you don’t mind getting all messed up, we’re going to have to get in the moat a bit for this, and even the edges are all muddy.
Court lady: Oh. (sniffles) Okay. Thank-you.
They spend the next three hours dredging around the moat to find the right newt and then perform the right ceremony to turn him human again. He appears naked and covered in mud and court lady unabashedly flings herself into his arms, sobbing in relief this time, and it’s disgustingly wholesome and romantic.
Newt Lordling: (once he’s finished doing a bit of sobbing of his own into his fiance’s hair) Wait, aren’t you Neskatina’s friend? Could you tell her that my sister likes daffodils? Girls, and daffodils? I tried to tell her myself, but the newt thing happened before I could get past asking her to stop with the threatening letters. We- we really don’t send those around here unless we mean it, she’s been finding it a bit upsetting. Daffodils would be much better received.
Villainess: …noted.
I thought about them more and… there’s no way Court Lady isn’t going to decide to be friends with Villainess after all this, is there? She helped her save her fiance when she thought him lost to her forever and had nowhere else to turn, they did what amounts to a mini quest together, they’re friends now. Villainess has no idea how to handle it when the next court function comes along and Court Lady scampers over (tear-free this time) and proceeds to spend a decent amount of the evening with her just being… so unabashedly friendly. It’s unnerving.
Prince: She’s grateful to you and wants to be friends.
Villainess: (glowering suspiciously) Sounds fake.
Prince: She thinks you’re nice.
Villainess: Disgusting.
She still goes when Court Lady invites her on a trip to the meadows with some of the other ladies to pick greens, all of them surprised by the discovery that going out to gather flowers and useful herbs and such is something ladies from both courts do from time to time (though for very different reasons). It’s common sense to wear an older outfit that’s all right to get a bit grass- or mud-stained (ladies from the Prince’s court call them their ‘daisy dresses,’ Villainess and her friends call them ‘gathering gowns’), and Villainess is kind of shocked that the pretty nobles from her beloathed’s court do this sort of thing.
The ladies all titter, then it’s story time, because you can bet most of them have a heroic/clever/wise relative somewhere in the family tree who was born a peasant and married or gained nobility for some feat or other, and it’s fun to have someone new in the group who hasn’t heard all the stories before. Villainess is surprised again, because she does actually know some of these stories, but from the relatives of the villain involved (usually told in a ‘you’ll never guess what so-and-so’s idiot relative got thwarted over’ sort of tone). Going on outings like this helps you stay connected to your roots!
Also, Court Lady turns out to be the daughter of the royal apothecary and has a deep knowledge of the properties of various mushrooms. She even knows about poisons because they’re used in medicine sometimes. Villainess might be starting to like her as a person.
Another lady finds a patch of old teasels and braids them into a crown for Villainess, because “They’re all dark and spiky, and about the same colour as your daisy dr- ah, your gathering gown! We tend to make each other flower crowns when we go out, but I thought you might like these better.”
Villainess: …won’t they get deceptively yet horribly tangled in my hair, making the crown stay on well but an absolute nightmare to take off?
Lady: (terrified that she’s judged wrong) Yes…?
Villainess: (trying so hard not to be horribly touched, she’s just allergic to all these non-lethal flowers, that’s why she’s suddenly feeling sniffly) That’s really thoughtful of you.
To get a touch spicy - both are shocked to discover that their fiance is under the belief that the alignment they’re not a part of invented bondage.
Prince: It had to have been a villain that invented it, your side’s the one that gets all clever with ropes and knots and everything!
Villainess: No no no, it must have been your side, because safe words and after care!
They are both very perplexed, but also in absolute agreement that they will not be asking their parents about this.
(Because why go with the trope ‘good folks are vanilla in bed and evil folks are spicy’ when you could go with ‘actually one’s moral alignment has no effect on what they’re into in bed and actually it’s a pretty even division of spiciness levels all around’ and have both groups get tripped up by the discovery?)
@moviegirlsincedisney #amazing #I need comics and books and a tv show #also I imagine after neskatina has sent a bouquet of daffodils with a black ribbon binding them together #she receives a letter threatening her for turning the lordling into a newt from the sister #It’s filled with scathing comments the likes of which neskatina has never heard from the lips of the Good Folk #at the end of the letter written in tiny print is a post script saying ‘did I do it right? you’re cute’ #Neskatina is disturbed when instead of ruining the effect of the whole letter she is instead only further endeared
^Yes, all of this, good, canon!!!
This has gotten infinitely better since the last time I saw it.
It’s the fantasy equivalent of Ensign Stabby.
You just- just came for me like that, right from the hip, didn’t even blink, I’m never going to recover and I’m so flattered, thank-you!
[Image ID:] A short comic of someone with pointy ears wearing a hat reading something from their laptop, which results in them pulling their hat over their head and screaming. [End ID]
There’s that semi-common trope in a lot of stuff where the King’s advisor turns out to be super evil, right? I imagine that could play back into this, where the Prince’s father’s advisor is like. Visibly evil and malicious and conniving, complete with backhanded comments and an unsettling name. And Villainess finally meets him and realizes this immediately. She personally finds him to be one of the most tolerable people in the castle, but she is a bit concerned that the Prince doesn’t know and that this man could cause some out of place stress to her Beloathed. Eventually she decides to tell him, and so later that night she asks about it.
Villainess: Beloathed, what do you think of your father’s advisor?
Prince: Him? Oh, he’s been with the family since my father was a boy. He practically raised Father when my grandfather fell ill. We are lucky to have him with us.
Villainess: …are you aware that he’s evil?
Prince: Hm? Oh, yes.
Villainess, now a bit confused: And you haven’t removed him from the job? I would have assumed that your people would not tolerate this kind of darkness, especially so close to power.
Prince, shrugging: It’s kind of a tradition, to be honest. The King’s advisors have all been evil for… well, centuries now. It’s something that mostly goes unspoken. The position tends to corrupt people. Eventually he will reveal a daring plot, and I will defeat him to protect the light and discover something new about the side of good.
Villainess: Hmm. I suppose that makes sense.
And later on the Villainess begins to foil the advisor’s plans, mostly because all of them are mediocre and her beloathed deserves a much more challenging trial than that. The Prince is touched that the Villainess is putting this much attention into such a small, unspoken tradition. The advisor is very confused and upset because “what do you mean that was a bad plan, I even included poison!”
you KICK cathulhu? you kick her e̵l̷d̶r̸i̵t̷c̸h̵ ̴f̴o̵r̸m̸ like ye olde foote ball? oh! oh! dungeon for prince! dungeon for prince for a̸̧̪͑ ̶̨͍̐͑t̸͎͒͊h̵͆̔ͅo̷͙͎̿ǔ̴̞͔ṣ̶̜̔͠a̵̭͗͜n̴̰̜̍̒d̴̘͂ ̷̙̗͐y̴͓͐͜e̵̗̓̏a̶̳͎͂r̵͚̈́́ś̵͎͊!
8O!!! GUYS, ANOTHER SET OF DESIGNS FOR THESE TWO JUST DROPPED AND THEY’RE GORGEOUS!!!! How is everyone who draws these two so good at character design, holy flip, she looks so elegant and menacing, and the design of his armor is fan-
(notices his hand)
Is- oh gods, he’s wearing a ring in the same colour as her jewels, oh that’s such a beautiful, subtle little touch, I love it!
(Also, one of the odd little things I like best about this piece? Somehow these versions of the couple just look like they’d get along with @nananarc’s version of them. They’re both very distinct takes, but they all feel like they could inhabit the same world, which I choose to interpret as both artists managing to fully encapsulate the vibe of this setting and its characters while also putting their own spins on it. Wonderful!)
Hell yeh they’s totally get along!!! *insert spiderman meme here
(full art)
Riding Coat from the court of Saxony, ca. 1601
This riding coat, made of black cloth and decorated with silk, is one of 24 coats ordered for the servants of the Saxon court in 1601. Additional mittens could be pulled over the sleeves during cold weather.
Like most riding coats of that time, this example is double-breasted and closed with hooks and eyes. The back is cut wide to allow the wearer to sit comfortably on the back of a horse without fabric getting in the way.
Today, this garment is exhibited at the Rüstkammer in Dresden, Germany.
an incomplete taxonomy of christmas music
i've been informed that the community has several pressing questions about this post. i have taken it upon myself to answer the most relevant:
a fun fact i can post now: the glasgow subway ticket machines have had a little sticker added to them that says they don't accept the new king charles bank notes and if you have those you have to go to the counter to use them. i assume the keyword here is new and this is because the image-recognition of the cash machine can't for whatever reason be quickly updated to accept novel currency as legitimate. but frankly it's more fun to imagine the machines have refused to accept the transfer of power and are just straight up committing treason on purpose.
a bunch of my computer parts came with super bright gamer RGBs all over them (not by choice - the models with lights just happened to be better deals) and my case has a glass side panel, so when I first brought it home and set it up, I had to spend like 2 hours downloading and configuring several different programs to turn them all off (because no single app seemed to be able to control all the components at once).
in the end, the only light I left on was on the side of my GPU, and I set it to be a soft dark purple that would slide across the length of the GPU like a marquee every few seconds - nothing that'd disturb my sleep if my computer happened to wake itself up in a dark room, but enough to look cool and give me a visual indicator that the PC was turned on.
anyways sometimes I guess the driver that controls that specific component's RGBs just... crashes? for absolutely no reason? and the result is that it defaults to an intense, solid red that harshly illuminates my whole case and the area around it. every time this happens I cannot shake the immediate, instinctive fear that my computer has turned evil and is going to kill me. like oh god oh fuck it knows I ""fixed"" one of its CPU cooler fans by scotch-taping it in place so it would stop spinning unevenly and screeching at me, and now it's waiting for its chance to strike and claim ultimate revenge
this post keeps getting reblogged again so I just wanna give a lil update, which is that 1. my PC no longer turns red and evil at random anymore (actually now when the RGB app is booting up/crashing my GPU briefly turns bright rainbow instead. glad it figured itself out, congrats) and 2. as of yesterday there is no longer any scotch tape inside my computer! I convinced the manufacturer to send me a new fan for free, and yesterday some friends of mine came over and helped me swap out the broken one. my 10-month rivalry with this big stupid behemoth of a computer has ended, at least for now. peace, love, and queer solidarity reign supreme in my desk area once again
washed up gun from lake michigan
via coravioletwalters
navy silk hobble skirt dress
c. 1913
Augusta Auctions
i might get cancelled for this but i find it disrespectful when people don’t stand for the national anthem. personally i think it’s beautiful and i get goosebumps every time i hear "everyone thinks they know the story of dick turpin's highway glory but my past is far more gory, was no saint"
favourite horrible histories songs: mat edition 3/? -> dick turpin song.
which outfit would you rather wear? (1899)
left 🤎🤍💚
right 💛🧡🩵
Coolest thing about lord of the rings? The king of horses shows up. It appears he is no different from all other horses
King of the eagles shows up later. He can talk. Horse king couldn't talk.
He didn't want to talk to you.
Uh.
Point of order.
King of Horses ran 450 fucking miles at almost entirely a gallop, without more than a few minutes rest, in 4 nights and basically was like "wait why are we stopping?" when Gandalf took him into the city and he ended up in a stable.
This was not his top speed, nor did it push any limits on his endurance.
King of horses is very different from other horses, actually.
Look, at a full gallop gallop (25 mph), that trip would take under a day (18 hours). Doing it in 4 doesn't sound so impressive now, does it.
I don't know shit about horses, but I have a feeling no mortal horse can sustain a gallop for eighteen hours without keeling over dead
To contextualize:
Horses are not machines. You cannot just take the max speed of a horse and scale it up and go "that's how far a horse can go and how fast!" Horses are like us. The top speed of a human recorded is somewhere around 27mph. We sustain that for about 30-35 seconds, which is much less than a mile distance even at 27mph.
There is a guy who pulled 350 miles in something over 3 days running, but a. Humans actually have better endurance than horses (we're just a lot weaker) and importantly for this discussion, b. He was in absolute physical ruin at the other end - missing toenails, feed bleeding freely from multiple blisters, hypothermic, and woulda been in some Trouble if he hadn't had modern medicine right there to help him out. He was also running in the best equipment modern money can buy, on paved roads and clear terrain, and with his family driving alongside to help him swap socks, shoes, rinse the blood out, give him food to eat, water, and so on.
And again: humans are better at endurance than horses (honestly we're just fucking ridiculous, at peak condition, in terms of endurance, we're absurd) and the guy was a useless wreck at the end.
For horses, modern endurance races tend to max at 100miles, which are completed in around 18 hours (the max allowed is 24); there are some 2-day 100 mile races where you do two 50s and then add them together after sleeping overnight.
(This is the race for one rider with the same horse - there are much longer races (like the Mongolian Derby), but those involve switching horses, in order not to, you know, kill them.)
For the endurance races, those are intensely trained for and they're the big Effort for the year. Vet staff monitor the horses' very carefully at multiple stops, because it's very easy to injure them. Multi-day races are maxed at 50m/day in order to avoid injuring the horses.
After the race, horses normally need a month or more to recover from the effort, before it's even safe to do anything BUT rest with them, let alone actually race again.
Now if you're in a hurry and have no posts to get totally fresh horses (which is what things like the Persian messengers or the Pony Express did), you can eke a bit more out of this as within the story Théoden et al certainly did by having multiple horses, as it's harder for a horse to run with you on its back than to just run freely.
In the same time that it takes Gandalf to reach Minas Tirith, Théoden et al get to Dunharrow. Aragorn takes the Paths of the Dead because they cut under Dunharrow and vastly decrease the amount of distance in order to get to the Pelargirs, because his use of the Stone has shown him that if there isn't a lot more help than Théoden is bringing sooner than he is bringing it, Minas Tirith is fucked, and it is not physically possible for Théoden to get to the Pelennor before the 15th of March and still have horses that are capable of being ridden into battle.
(Obviously, part of what he did was cut off the enemy reinforcements by doing this, thus meaning that he reduced the need for significant more numbers arriving before the Corsairs would have . . . because he arrived instead of the Corsairs.)
. . . Shadowfax ran to Minas Tirith over the same terrain in four days. That would be a little over a hundred miles a night without stopping (Pippin is specific about how infrequently they stopped and that it seemed to have been entirely for Gandalf to talk to people) and when they get there he might as well have just come off a long rest, and thinks it's super stupid that he has to go wait in a stall while his two-legs goes and does talky-stuff. The next day he runs a super-speed race out to drive the Nazgûl off in order for Faramir to continue his retreat from Osgiliath (rather than be routed).
Shadowfax just did something that would kill a normal horse and then went " . . .what, like it's hard?"
To be fair, sure, Shadowfax was probably cantering because frankly fuckin' riding at a flat gallop for 4 days would be punitively exhausting even for Gandalf's new incarnation with some of his previous restrictions eased, never mind for Pippin, while a canter is p much the most comfortable gait. But for fuck's sake, guys.
Yes, a racehorse can, at flat fastest run, get over 25mph (Secretariat hit the 30s) - they do this for less than 2 miles.
A normal horse would have keeled over dead somewhere in the middle of that ride. If you had a super-trained endurance one they might make it in six-ish but they're not going to be useful for anything when you get there and are probably useless for several months if you want them to stay sound. (And you might still have killed them, or at least made them permanently lame.)
Shadowfax was like "toss me a waterbottle bro and then let's get back out there this stable shit is boring."
So yeah no, King of Horses was not, in fact, just kinda like the other horses.
Do you think the other horses in the stable were freaked out that he was there?
Honestly suspect the opposite: it's strongly implied thru stated that other horses see Shadowfax as essentially the most comforting and security-imbuing figure in the world and tend to orient around him (implied a number of places; outright stated at the point that the three horses Aragorn and Legolas were riding initially ran away and then encountered Shadowfax in the leadup to when the three of them encountered Gandalf, if I'm remembering correctly).
To horses Shadowfax isn't Scary Freak of Nature; he's Amazing Hero come to Make All Safe. If anything they're probably like oh thank god, Dad's here - I've been getting kinda tense with all this Two Legs Stress around, but if Dad's here and pretty chill, we're fine.
To be fair, even average Rohirrim horses are magic horses. The amount of distance they cover, especially considering they’re carrying armed riders, is phenomenal given the tight timelines they’re working under.
Eg Edoras to Isengard is like a 3-ish day trip, Grima makes in about a day and a half and his horse is fine. His horse should be near death. But it’s not. When grima saw tree beard and tried to about-face, his horse was just as ready to gallop off as when he arrrived and if I remember right, it was at a full gallop that he arrived. His poor arse lol. But yeah, his horse galloped for a day and a half and was fine. That’s not normal.
Even the distances in TTT/early ROTK that Theoden et al are covering, in the short time they manage it, are impressive feats. Even though they are resting more than Gandalf, what their horses pull off is still quite phenomenal.
I think some of it comes down to Tolkien having fucked himself a little with the schedule he needed people keeping to in TTT and early part of ROTK for the sake of narrative tension — so uh, Rohan has magic horses!! But also, it does make narrative and world building sense for the horse lords in this magical world to have Special Horses that arent like Other Horses.
I think it’s also telling that when Sauron was stealing horses for his Nazgul he stole specifically Rohirrim horses (black ones too, because he’s extra like that). Not Gondor who is closer, not Haradrim who are also closer and his allies - no, it had to be Rohirrim horses. Makes sense given the distance the Nazgul needed to cover and the haste they needed to cover it in. (And my God do the Nazgul fucking book it. They’re incorporeal wraiths but their horses are still just horses. It’s insane!)
Therefore Shadowfax is not just king of the horses he’s magic king of the magic horses that already are doing impossible physical feats normal horses can’t do. So of course Shadowfax is doing INSANE physical feats. Absolutely out of this world.
We love to see it.
You know what, since I'm thinking about it anyways, let's talk formalwear accessories. Most of these are traditionally menswear but a bit of gender fuckery is good for the soul, and frankly most of these are about making your mass-produced clothing fit and lay properly without having to go to the tailor.
Shirt stays: these go around your thighs to hold your shirt down, so that it stays smooth and tucked in. They're usually elastic, with 1-3 clips, and if you wear skirts frequently this is a GREAT way to make sure your top doesn't ride up. The clips will be visible if you're wearing something tight, so loose pants or skirts are where these do best. There's also an insane version that clips to your socks, but that is for lunatics. If you wanted, you could also use one of these clips to hold up thigh-highs.
These do a great job of smoothing and narrowing the waist area by keeping your shirt from bunching there.
Sleeve garters: usually metal, leather, elastic, or silk. These are usually worn with button-down shirts to adjust where your cuff falls on the wrist or hand. They're properly worn on the upper arm, and you pull the fabric of the sleeve above the garter until you cuff is where you want it. Because this creates a puff of sleeve at the bicep, it also broadens the appearance of the shoulders. It's great if you're working with your hands or if your sleeves are often too long for your preference.
Waistband clip or belt adjustment clip/buttons
Three different ways of tightening the waistband of a pair of pants or a skirt. You're not going to get more than an inch or so tighter without weird bunching, and for most of these you'd want them to be hidden under a shirt or jacket, but they do the job if that's something you're having issues with.
Collar pins: There are so many fun ones out there, both with and without chains. They're not terribly practical, though the slight weight may help keep your collar where you want it. Also consider collar tips, which pin (surprise) to the very tips of your collar points.
Sweater clips/guards: meant to hold your sweater or cardigan mostly closed. Great if your cardigan doesn't button, or if you don't like it to be buttoned all the way.
There's tons of other stuff out there like this--etsy is a great place to find this stuff. A lot of these are old solutions to the very modern problem of mass-maufactured clothes not being as one-size-fits-all as advertised, but they're also a fun way to put a bit of personality into businesswear.
Okay I love shit like this and have to add: if you don’t like the garter shirt stays for any reason, next best is the stirrup kind.
But menswear doesn’t get to have all the fun! Here are a few traditionally womenswear accessories:
Hem weights keep your skirt from flying up. You can get sew in and temporary ones.
Lingerie pins keep the straps of your dress and your bra together! They can be hidden or very cute. You can go for vintage ones if you’re obsessed like me or just find either fancy safety pins or small bar pins.
Some also come in groups of three with chains that keep the straps from sliding off your shoulder.
(Often these will get mistaken for baby or doll pins because they are very small, 2-3 cm in length.)
Glove clips hold your gloves to your belt or purse whole you aren’t wearing them, but keep them close at hand (ha).
There are SO many things like this and I love discovering more of them. Humans like to be comfortable and not fussing with their clothes all the time. We’ve forgotten so many ways that people have solved common problems in the past.
