i wish there was a way to talk about alcohol dependency because of my disability without sounding like an edgy teenager. but even saying that just circles right back to what i was going to complain about (infantilisation of disabled people)
i’m essentially just rehashing thoughts i’d posted to twt back in 2023 about the sanitisation of disabled people’s experiences and how it always links to infantilisation and saviour complexes. but god it’s so infuriating to find myself falling into ways of thinking that are exactly what i’m complaining about. talking about how i rely on alcohol makes me feel like a kid. because a lot of ableds treat disabled people with ‘unhealthy’ coping mechanisms as if they’re just children who don’t understand consequences. i do not need to be told it’s bad for me. i’m not 6. and i should be able to discuss it in a way that doesn’t drag up the “but im only saying it out of concern :o(“ crowd. as if i need to be told having an alcohol dependant is unhealthy.
people who have never had to experience chronic pain and physical disabilities and all the medical bullshit that comes with it shouldn't be allowed to speak on what disabled people use to cope.
why not ditch the saviour complex that makes you believe you're "helping me" by telling me my self medicating is wrong and instead put that passion into thinking about how insane it is that substances like alcohol are more accessible as pain management tools than. well actual pain management.
ableds love to try and paint their unwarranted opinions and policing of disabled people's business as ally ship whilst staying completely ignorant to what causes us to turn to those things in the first place! if i could easily get medication/ recourses/ongoing care (and even diagnoses) for my pain then i wouldn't be forced to pick up unhealthy coping mechanisms! it's such misplaced phony concern that once again does more damage than good! disabled people are going to continue to be "imperfect" or “irresponsible" because for a lot of us it is the only option!
i can almost guarantee that every disabled adult self medicating with alcohol knows the risks and has spent time weighing up options! i'll speak from personal experience here, i have tried going sober on many occasions. and i mean really tried. but at the end of the day i had to accept that i would rather drink and experience the consequences of that than give up what alcohol provides to me! alcohol gives me back my mobility! it gives me back the ability to go out with my friends! to dance like i used to! i've even ran.
i want every abled reading this with any ounce of judgement towards people with dependencies and addictions to try to imagine that you've not been able to move properly in years. decades even. you've barely spent a minute without pain either. now imagine you can drink something, something that's readily accessible, reasonably cheap, doesn't require probing medical exams and tests and doctors appointments, and then suddenly you have your own body back. you have the ability to enjoy life, even if just for a few hours.? would you not want to continue to drink?
anyway. judge me or don't. just don't try and paint that judgement as concern for me and my wellbeing. your concern should lie with everything that has led me to self medication. that's where your anger should be.
I've done it all - attended Alcoholics Anonymous twice a day, five days a week. Memorized the fourth edition of the "Big Book" from cover to cover. Admitted myself into two different rehabs, staying 60 days each time.
What has ultimately kept me sober from drinking is confiding in my therapist and taking a combination of Acamprosate and Naltrexone twice a day to curb alcohol cravings.
I drank heavily for nearly two decades, and frankly have the experience and genetic predisposition to confirm that addiction is not a choice.
My sponsor put on a meditation today, and it took me a while to clear my mind of present life – people, problems, everything. But when I was able to release those thoughts and really focus on and feel the energy around me, my line of thinking became so positive! I thought I’d share some of the insights I had because I want to hold on to them. I want them to be put out into the world, in a place I…
[ trigger warning ] Hey babes! 🍀✨ I hope everyone had a good St. Patrick's day whether you celebrate or not. For those of you who did celebrate, remember to hydrate, fuel and rest your body today!
I wanted to share some reminders that have helped me through so many times when I felt like I couldn't make it through the day without a drink. You cannot recover from alcohol dependency abruptly, but you can recover from it.
I drank for sleep and woke up tired.
I drank for confidence and felt insecure.
I drank for courage and became afraid.
I drank to socialize and slurred my speech.
I drank to relax and became more anxious.
I drank for joy and became miserable.
(inspired by paintedplum)
This post is in no way trying to shame anyone for drinking alcohol! I hope it reaches whoever truly needs these messages. Check back in soon for my own personal tips and tricks on coping with alcohol dependency. 💚
Although I’ve ben in a positive place this week I’ve also been quite reflective as well.
I’ve found myself (unexpectedly) considering ‘what it all means’ and what my place in the world is – and I’ve also been considering how feelings regarding bereavement change over time.
When my mother passed away a couple of years ago I really didn’t want a funeral. She’d been objectionable enough in life to…
"You're quick to anger and your temper flares much more than it used to."
She burst out laughing. "And whose fault is that? You've pushed me into giving up drinking. Cold turkey. My whole system is screaming for a drink most of the time, especially running a case like this. Of course I'm short-tempered. It would be bloody amazing if I wasn't."
Tony threw up his hands in frustration. "You were edgy long before I helped you get to grips with your alcohol dependency. I think you've been clinically depressed since Michael and Lucy died. Maybe even before that. But I've been too close to you to see it. Because you're nearly OK when you're with me. Being with me is a safe place for you because I always, always make it possible for you to behave exactly as you need to." His voice was raised now. "I've been your co-conspirator, Carol. Your enabler. Because I love you, I have not been good for you."
The words spilling from his mouth silenced them both. He'd broken the unspoken understanding that there were things better left unsaid between them: that there existed bridges better left uncrossed for fear that what lay beyond might make it impossible to retreat.
He looked away first. He always looked away first. Because she needed him to.
on my millionth attempt at being sober for more than 6 weeks.
went to spoons and only ordered pepsi both times we went in despite my friend drinking. she’s my main drinking buddy and who i always go with so it was very very difficult but i did it :o)
bought myself a little present with the money i would’ve spent on booze !
just trying to remind myself how much money i’m gonna save (as i’ve been spending £100+ a month on alcohol for the last 3 years) and all the things i can do with that money instead.
i’ve been drunk most weeknights (every night i’m not opening up my store the next day) to deal with my chronic pain but for at least another month i’m on painkillers strong enough that i won’t need that. and as bad and fucking awful and painful as my cravings are i want to be able to live sober, even if it’s just for a little while.
i know i will probably relapse before i reach that 6 week goal. i live in a house with an alcoholic so we constantly have a supply that i can get to + he offers me drinks most nights. but relapsing is okay. i will be okay
