You know what? Forget the discourse. This is no longer my hill to die on.
You wanna ship canonically aspec characters because “aro/ace people can still date/have sex”? Okay, then. LET’S DO IT.
I wanna see an aromantic character with an alloromantic love interest. I wanna see that confession of undying love and the moment when the aro character says they will never feel the same way—not romantically.
I wanna see the asexual character with their allosexual partner. I wanna see that moment when the ace characters tries sex with their partner for the first time because they want to make them happy only to realize that they are 100% sex repulsed.
I wanna see the two demiromantics who don’t even know if what they feel is romantic attraction, but they adore each other and just want to make healthy snacks together and destroy each other at Mario Kart.
I wanna see the two aces who love sensual affection and are figuring out what they define as sexual or not.
I wanna see the romance + sex neutral aroace who happily and consensually does whatever makes their partner happy…but their partner still struggles with feeling undesired.
Oh, babe. You thought shipping an aspec character would be just like shipping an allo character?
this isn't really the same thing as intentionally/unintentionally a-spec characters but it is interesting thinking about how intentionality does dramatically change how characters read regarding a-spec identities and themes.
So: repurposed vaguely Kinseyesque scale describing your aromantic and/or asexual protagonist's awareness of and relationship to their own aromanticism/asexuality:
Unaware That This Is A Thing People Can Be. Type specimen: Carl from Dungeon Crawler Carl. Has never once considered that "not wanting romance or sex" is a thing people could feel, let alone identify as. He is normal, which means straight. It's just a coincidence that his relationship with his girlfriend was a disaster and now he's just way too busy in this new nightmare dystopia world for any of that! Anyway!
Aware They Have These Feelings, Assumes Everyone Else Also Does. Type specimen: Doug Eiffel from Wolf 359. Firmly believes that his aro-allo experiences are universal and everybody else is just better at acting like a functional human being than he is. Being a huge movie nerd also leads him to believe that "romance" as we understand it is massively exaggerated for drama in movies and people in real life don't actually do and feel that stuff any more than they mind-meld or can use the Force. He's just a fuckup at everything; why wouldn't relationships be included in that? For most of the show if you told him about aromanticism he would NOT be comforted about it, he'd probably take it as a diagnosis that his fuckup-ness regarding relationships was innate and incurable. (This doesn't have to be negative; this is also where Andy Wheyface from Arden falls and he is having a GRAND old time.)
Aware They Have These Feelings, Realizes That It Sets Them Apart From Others, Doesn't Conceptualize It As Part Of An Identity. Type specimen: Ryland Grace from Project Hail Mary. His reaction to other people having sex is mostly "why would you do that." His single attempt at a serious romantic relationship didn't work out and he has a nagging sense that there is something in him that can't maintain serious relationships; attributes it to cowardice and fear of commitment. Ironically he does know what asexuality is. He's a middle school teacher in 2020s California, he has absolutely gotten LGBTQ+ Sensitivity Education at least in "pamphlet listing queer identities" form, he for sure has students with pride flag pins on their backpacks and pride stickers on their notebooks, and he is also not immune from the Culture War Bullshit around gender in schools. Knowing that asexuality exists did not even slightly lead him to apply this to himself.
Aware They Have These Feelings, Considers Them Significant, Attributes Them To Some Existential Feature Of Their Existence Rather Than A Personal Identity. Type specimen: Murderbot from The Murderbot Diaries. Murderbot is very confident it does not want anything to do with romance or sex, and it attributes this to Being A SecUnit, and romance and sex are Human Things SecUnits Don't Do. Has not yet realized that this is an itself thing and not a SecUnit thing. Probably willfully at this point.
Considers These Feelings A Significant Aspect Of Their Selfhood, But Doesn't Name It. Type specimen: Sister Carpenter from The Silt Verses. Clearly confident in who she is and what she wants in her personal relationships, recognizes that as something that makes her different from others and out of step with what others expect from her, and is basically like, that's their problem. She knows who she is. Sometimes other people try to make it her problem but she has so many other problems that societal amatonormativity keeps getting pushed lower and lower on her list of Problems.
Recognizes Themself As Aromantic/Asexual As A Personal Identity. Type specimen: Nova NoStar from InCo. Clearly considers this part of her identity, but is allergic to talking about her feelings even at her therapy android's insistence and besides that's not anybody else's business is it?
Publicly Identifies As Asexual And Describes It With Period-Correct Sexual Orientation Language. Type specimen: Sally Grissom from ars PARADOXICA. The only character I've ever heard come out as asexual and lay out the definition in terms of sexual orientation and attraction to another character on-air that made me go "yeah she would do this, this is in character for Sally." Strongly feel like she would be an active commenter on the 2010s ace blogosphere. Would get in an argument about the correct definition of asexuality on AVEN.
X. Their Culture Conceptualizes Intimate Relationships In A Fundamentally Different Framework Than We Use. Type specimen: Breq from the Imperial Radch Trilogy. Whatever model of gender and sexuality the Radch is on it is NOT ours. Breq is still not interested though.
i present to you a story where you see color when you meet you soulmate. but there is an aromantic character. and the aromantic character sees color only after they've learned to love themselves
It's really important to me that you guys understand that Grace most likely won't just suddenly get romantic attraction upon meeting Rocky, Adrian or Simon.
Its really important that when you write charaters that you are portraying as aro, they don't Disney style or hotel transylvania style get romantic attraction.
Love? Sure, because Grace can 100% love or be in love with someone without being romantically attracted to them. There is more love then just romance and it is completely valid if your grace specifcally is more on the grey or demi side of the spectrum or just not aro entirely, but if you are trying to portray Aro Grace, you have to show his love and commitment in non traditional media ways.
Think of it like being touch adverse. In my fic right now Grace is touch adverse. Carl isn't, and because Grace knows Carl enjoys physical contact like cuddling even though Grace doesn't, Grace is more tolerant of the touching because he wants Carl to feel loved. Same thing with Carl accepting the fact Grace doesn't like being held as much as he'd like too.** Both of them make a sacrafice for one another in their preferences to show each other love.
Grace does not suddenly have romantic attraction for carl, but he does hold love for him and wants Carl to be happy.
**This works really well with Rocky too because I think Eridians are social creatures and it makes both Grace and Rocky upset that they cant touch each other, So Rocky makes the ball, making a sacrafice of space so that they can interact.
Its similar in the romance aspect. Maybe Grace dosn't enjoy kissing but tolerates a kiss on special occasions or initates a kiss when he feels like he can handle the discomfort. He most likely wouldn't suddenly enjoy kissing after meeting Simon if he was disgusted by kissing his entire life beforehand. But he can definitely become less disgusted or tolerate a couple smooches.
Communication and compromise are huge in all relationships, whether it be friendships, dating, marriage, co workers even.
If you want to make Grace feel that sudden romance (perhaps he's demi aro and Rocky makes him feel romantic attraction for the first time, thats a decent trope, esspecially in red string or soulmate aus) at the very least express his confusion and fear of the feeling. In Disney, there's usually a 'love at first sight' aspect that doesn't work well with Aros for obvious reasons. Plus I just in general feel like if you suddenly are hit with a massive romantic crush after only having friend crushes for 40~ years youd think you are dying or sick at the minimum. Why else would you be so sweaty and nervous and warm around a person?
TLDR: Write what you want, but be sure you're writing conveys your aro charaters in a non disney-esc way ❤️
hiiiii i just read all of your stuff with an autistic reader and i loved it so so so much and it got me wondering if you'd be willing to try your hand at the guys finding out reader is aroace and being rude/ignorant about it (like in your "nothing's new" series) before realizing their mistake and apologizing? <333
Going to the bar with the team was fun, if a bit overwhelming. The loud music, the crowds of people was made only slightly bearable by the alcohol in your system. You loved the people watching of it all, scanning the dancing crowd that your team mingled in.
The only one who didn't was Simon, who watched you politely but firmly turned down another person who approached you. "Why do you always do that?" He calls over the music, noticing the confusion on your face. "Turn everyone down! You never go home with anyone. Don't tell me I have more game than you."
You laugh at his words, ready to give him an answer when Kyle sweeps you up onto the dance floor. You turn down two more people before you and the team stumble your way back to base.
The next day, the conversation Simon tried to have with you was muddled as you shuffled into the kitchen. It still seemed fresh on his mind, though, as you joined them at the mess hall table and gulped down some coffee.
"It's kind of a waste, ya know?" He teases as he steals a slice of toast off your tray. You snatch it back quickly, stuffing a bite into your mouth.
"What is?" You grumble, massaging your temples to ease your hangover headache.
"Gettin asked out all the time and never saying yes. Not one of those people was hot enough for you?" He presses curiously as Johnny and Kyle join the table.
"Oh, I guess? I'm not into that." You mumble around another mouthful of toast. "Dating and sex, I mean. My friend tried to hook me up with a few people before, but it's just not my thing." Johnny tilts his head slightly at the words, letting out a small chuckle.
"So, you don't want any human connections, huh?" You can't miss the judgment in his tone, fighting the urge to roll your eyes at him.
"I do. I love my friends and hanging out with them. But it's always platonic. The rest just, I don't know, it doesn't feel right." You insist praying that the subject would change soon.
"Sounds like you need to put yourself out there. That's not normal, Y/N." Kyle points out quickly, nudging your side gently. "You should talk to a professor or something. Maybe you have a hormone disorder."
"Maybe you all need to mind your fucking business about my sex life." You snap, a little louder than intended. You feel your face flush, taking a deep breath as you go back to eating. Kyle gives Johnny and Simon a look before changing the subject to something else.
You didn't really feel up for a bar trip with your team, but Kyle was pleading with you to go. "I'll buy you a plate of wings, okay? The happy hour special is great." He promises as he wraps an arm around your shoulders. Your pretty sure no matter what your response was going to be, you would've ended up here regardless.
"Hey, mind if I buy you a drink?" You almost jump when you feel a man's hand settling on your waist. He wasn't exactly caging you against the bar, but he was way too close for comfort.
"Oh, thank you, but no." You smile at him, gently brushing his hand off your body.
"Don't be so stuck up. Live a little." He chuckles, leaning down so his lips brush your ear. "Just need to find the right person to bring you out of your shell." A nauseous feeling settles in your gut, goosebumps rising on your skin when his breath tickles your neck. You scan the bar for your team, stomach dropping when you see them smirking and waving at you from across the bar.
"Look at that." The man's fingers brush your arm softly. "You're already so reactive." Your elbow slams hard into his gut, eyes locked on the team as he doubles over. You move off your stool quickly when he begins to dry heave, high tailing it out of the bar with blood roaring in your ears.
"Hey! Dammit, Y/N, wait up!" Johnny calls after you, the team hot on his heels. You didn't slow down, marching straight back to base and towards your barracks. "Come on, we were just trying to help you -"
"Help me fucking what!? Help me what!? Have sex?? I don't want to! I know I'm good-looking, asshole. If I wanted to fuck someone, I have a string of people that would be happy to get the job done. You don't have to sick some rando on me at the bar!" You snarl, wheeling around to face the team. You glare angrily at them, heart pounding hard in your chest.
"How do you know you don't like it if you've never tried it?" Price challenges, trying to soften his tone slightly.
"How do you know you don't like me pegging you in front of a live studio audience unless you try it, Captain? Should I call up a camera crew and print tickets?" You snap back. If they were so delusional to do what they did, you got to be too.
"That's not the same thing." Kyle argues, but he stops before he can make his next point when you glare at him.
"I trusted you enough to tell you about myself. You don't have to understand it to respect it. Respect me! I've spent my whole life feeling defective because of the way I am. It's nice to know my whole team thinks that way about me, too." You couldn't help your voice from cracking, the lump growing in your throat as you turn and make your way back to your barrack.
You could hear Kyle calling out for you but you didn't care, slamming and locking the door behind you.
