#bnhaxreader

[nearlytrue]

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤᴊᴜꜱᴛ ᴏᴜʀ ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ꜱᴇᴄʀᴇᴛ ── ❀ part one. university au!

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ is so mean. he makes you cry, spits out venomous insults when you try to get too close, but you're so in love with him that it doesn't even matter.

⋆ tw / cw (18+) note that if tags don't show up it will show up in the next part! ; dumbification, slight angst, hurt/comfort (??), smut, praise & degradation kink, slight angst, missionary, katsuki fucks reader in his lap, blowjob, cum-eating, pussy eating, size-kink (unedited).

ac; lapin (hegi)

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ was horrible to you. you knew that the day you made the grave mistake of loving him, confessing to him.

high school, late afternoon with golden rays spilling through tinted windows. your heart in your throat as you stumbled and blabbered through your well-prepared confession you'd rehearsed a hundred times in your tiny bedroom. you didn't even finish before he laughed.

a sharp, incredulous chuckle that echoed off the walls and rank through your ears.

"you serious?" katsuki scoffed, lips curled handsomely in disbelief. "that's pathetic."

you stood there, frozen, as he cocked his head and stared you up and down like he was reassessing something he'd already thrown away.

"get a grip," he added flatly, briefly scanning his phone for whatever was on his schedule. "you really thought you had a chance?"

when katsuki disappeared from your sight, you couldn't control the molten tears pouring down your face. 

from that moment on, you were no longer invisible in the eyes of katsuki bakugo.

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ who was insufferable. you should have never confessed to him.

he was smarter than you. smarter than anyone for that matter. he was involved in many extracurriculars. he was good at drums, and you knew that he done boxing outside of school. 

and you to him? wouldn’t have made any sense, and that feeling became apparent even more with time. 

he singled you out in class when you tried impressing katsuki. 

"the answer's 147.19!" you called out eagerly, heart thumping wildly against your ribs.

a scoff was heard from the front corner of the room.

"wrong, dork." he shot you an amused look, as if you'd actually believe you'd done something right. "it's 150."

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ didn't need to utilize brute force to crack your heart. on the day university applications were sent out, katsuki caught sight of yours.

"yuuei university?" he repeated, brows lifting softly. "mechanical engineering?" then, he laughed. it was breathless, disbelieved, as if you'd just told him the joke of your life.

you stood beside him, fingers curling into the fabric on your sleeve, smile gentle on your face as he slung a bag over his shoulder.

"did you just pick the hardest major you could find to sound impressive?" he asked lazily, eyes racking over yours. "or are you actually that delusional?"

you went home crying that afternoon, snot dribbling down your nose as you stared at the low-scores on your practice exam. he was right. 

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ had a way of making doubt blossom where confidence once lived comfortably in your gentle, fragile heart.

even after you were accepted — after the acceptance email sat glowing on your screen like genuine proof he was wrong, that you'd fought through finals for this spot — it wasn't enough.

on orientation day, he'd spotted you sticking out like a thumb in the crowd, all pretty in the softest, ironed skirt you could find, paired with the glossiest shoes you could muster.

"tch," he muttered, eyes flickering back to the front, already surrounded by a group. "guess they're letting anyone in these days."

you told yourself it wouldn't matter — that high school was over. that maybe your relationship with him could blossom from what had already been wilted. a clean slate.

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ made sure university was worse.

he had the same sharp eyes, silver rimmed frames hanging handsomely on the slope of his nose bridge. same posture of ownership, like he belonged in every room he entered.

he laughed when you asked questions with solutions that already seemed to register to those around you. took over group discussions without acknowledging your presence. corrected you publicly, voice sharp and precise.

"don't touch that. do you even know how to use it?"

"no, that's not how it works."

"did you even pass high school physics?"

every insult landed heavier because you knew why, because he remembered your confession just as clearly as you did; with the only existing mystery being why he took it so personally?

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ nearly exploded, brows furrowing, lips curled into a menacing scowl when both of your names appeared side by side on the same group project list.

"you've gotta be kidding me," he snapped to himself, before turning to the tutor, eyes narrowed. "i'm not—"

denied.

for his excellent mid-semester results, his prevailing intelligence spreading like wild-fire across the cohort, the one known for increasing the threshold of the bell-curve, the one who always knew what he was doing. he had no authority.

by the end of the week, he was sitting across from you in the study room, laptop open begrudgingly, eyes lidded in disbelief as he skimmed your calculations.

"...wow," he said quietly. "you're still this bad?"

you swallowed, shaking your head with a soft curl to your lips, cheeks flushing. "no— well, this stuff's just new and hard... i'll get used to it."

he leaned back, legs spreading in those black-washed baggy jeans, lips curling into that familiar grin of annoyance.

"better not fuck up my grade, yeah?"

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ who absolutely loathed dusty afternoons spent at his cafe – the one he ran to when libraries felt too loud, the one he resided in when quiet rooms retched of sweaty underarms on sizzling hot days. 

he fucking hated it, seeing you across from him in that leather cushioned chair, legs crossed politely as you stared at him with those gentle, understanding eyes. he hated how you raised your head everytime he spoke, or when your eyes would shrink into kind crescents when he had an idea that was so ordinary to him, but to you, sounded like the most intriguing thing ever. 

“...that’s a really good idea, katsuki,” you beamed, fingers moving rapidly across your keyboard to note the idea down. “i can do that for you– yeah! that’s looking great.”

“bakugo,” he corrected coldly, eyes locked in on the way your face flushed cherry plum red. 

with a scowl, he had no other choice but to cooperate. atleast you weren’t slacking off. god, that might’ve been the bare minimum of the task, but there was nothing else he could do. 

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ really hated that the cafe became routine. 

he hated that it started feeling inevitable – the sun slipping low and staining the windows with warm amber while the air inside stayed cool and dim. he hated that the barista stopped asking for his name – because he never used to order drinks – and he hated it even more that they already knew yours. 

he sat across from you for the nth time that week, wondering why such a group project required this much contact time. his shoulders were tense with irritation, fingers wrapped tight around a paper cup he’d already forgotten to drink from. 

and the way you leaned slightly forward in that leather chair, posture performatively neat and attentive. it made his skin itch. 

because you always listened, brows lifted in consideration of every syllable that dripped from his tongue. 

and the way you nodded before he even finished, fingers already moving, typing things out with a quiet diligence. it pissed him off.

did you think that just because you followed him like a puppy, obeyed every single call he made, listened to every idea he had, that it’d be enough? 

“you don’t have to write everything down,” he muttered once, gruff, irritation slipping into his tone. “i’m not gonna forget what i just said.”

you looked up at him then, blinking once with wide eyes, a little smile tugging at your lips once more. “i know. it just helps me think, too.”

he clicked his tongue, gaze flickering away. there were only thirty minutes left and he’d be free. 

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ noticed when you started getting too comfortable. 

you didn’t feel the need to look at him for validation anymore before adding your share of ideas to the shared document. you didn’t hesitate before suggesting alternatives, and sometimes you’d speak first – softly, still, but with a steadiness as if you’ve finally made your mark into his life.

“what if we approach it from this perspective instead?” you suggest one afternoon, voice a little wavery, but bright. 

he glanced over your logic, the calculations, your assumptions. it actually made sense. 

“hm,” he grunted after a moment, genuinely considering your perspective before leaning back. “fine. do it your way.”

and that pathetic, stupid smile of triumph? 

something ugly spread thick across his chest, invasive. 

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ absolutely couldn’t stand that you still treated him the same. 

still with that soft greeting, still following him like a lost puppy to shared destinations. still glanced at him with hopeful eyes when something amused you, like his reaction was validation to whatever soft and mushy feeling you keep safe in your chest. 

one evening, as the cafe began to filter out, he caught you staring at him without realizing it – eyes warm, thoughtful, full with admiration. 

“what?” he groaned out, elbows perched defensively across his chest. 

you startled, cheeks blossoming, you shook your head quickly. “oh– nothing, sorry.”

katsuki hated how he could practically feel your affection oozing into him, untarnished and full of life. 

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ went home angry that night. angry at the way your competence crept up on him. fuming at the way your kindness hadn’t soured, but instead sweetened into something contagious. he hated that you’d actually grown into someone worthy of his time and effort without shedding the parts of yourself he’d once mocked.

he was angry because it was actually fucking getting to him. you in his routine. 

everything cruel he’d said to you was no longer about superiority, and it was now becoming something laced with fear and inner insecurity. 

once he found himself at his desk, papers laid clean in front of him with precision, thoughts filled with your soft smile and your polite hands, he glanced down uncomfortably, noticing the strain in his sweats. unexpected.

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ who gave in eventually to his erection, fingers wrapped tight around his cock, tip raging a warm pink as he pumped himself from tip to brim. 

with his head thrown back, jaw slack, he couldn’t stop thinking about you. every time he tried thinking of something else to get off to – the image would swirl to you instead. all pretty across from him, soft lips caught between your teeth in concentration, that low cut top you wore one time, sunlight pooling on your skin. 

with a reluctant vacant hand, he swirled a palm over his tip, panting softly and fogging his glasses up. he couldn’t fucking believe he was jerking off to you. getting off to you. fucking fisting his cock to you and cumming everywhere.

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ who was more snappy than usual. 

this time, it was in that low, condescending, venomous tone. laced with hatred and everything on that spectrum. 

it happened on a night at the cafe that felt too quiet – just the two of you, warm auburn lights of the city stretching across the glossy tabletop, your notebooks and laptops open and untouched. 

you were smiling pathetically again, practically sneaking into something far from strictly educational. you were genuinely trying to talk about something other than the group project, absentmindedly tracing circles in the margin of your page, glancing at him like the world had finally softened. 

he hated it so much. he hated how easy it was for you. hated how you got too comfortable that you genuinely thought he cared what you had to blabber about.

“stop staring at me,” he said suddenly, annoyed. 

you paused, fingers still around your cup. “i wasn’t–”

“yeah, you were.” his voice was flat, sharp and intentionally crude. “you always do.”

your smile faltered for the first time in a while, just a little. “i’m sorry, i didn’t realize–”

katsuki, with cold movements, closed his notebook. “that’s the problem,” he grimaced. “you never realize anything.”

the words landed wrong, awfully wrong. but he didn’t care in that moment, because of how uncomfortable he was emotionally. 

at his words, you straightened slowly, fingers curling into themselves. “uh… what do you mean?”

he scoffed, sinking back into his chair, arms crossing. “you follow me around. you nod along. you look at me like i’m” he stopped himself, jaw tightening, consciously selecting the most harmful combination of words. “like i’m something i’m not. like i’m just a figure in that delusional head of yours.”

your throat bobbed, face warm, eyes still present despite his words. “i just… like being around you.”

that softness, that consistent prying into his chest, his mind. that, was what pushed him over. 

“that’s stupid,” he said coldly. “fucking stand up for yourself for once. you should know better by now.”

this time, you didn’t know how to respond. just plain, cold, silence. 

the cafe noise faded into a deafening dull hum, and all you could do was stare at him, eyes wide, like you’d been slapped. 

“...just thought things would play out different, is all,” you whispered, lips tilting to a frown. 

he laughed once, bitter. “don’t flatter yourself.”

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ watched your face crumble in real time. 

your eyes glossed over first, lashes fluttering as you tried – tried so hard – to keep it together. your lips parted like you wanted to say something, anything, but nothing came out. 

it didn’t take long for the tears to fall. 

“i didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” you said, voice wobbly, syllables messy. “okay– i’m sorry. i’ll try to stop, i promise.”

you were already standing, gathering your things with trembling hands, wiping at your cheeks like you were embarrassed to be seen like this – and not like the other times you were embarrassed to display your admiration and affection. 

“i’m sorry,” you choked out again, indefinitely softer this time. 

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ didn’t go after you. 

he watched you leave – watched the door swing shut behind you, watched the space you’d occupied stay empty – and then he sat back down like nothing had happened. like he hadn’t just made you cry. again. 

it was better this way, he told himself. distance was what you needed, what he needed. the feeling in his chest would die down on its own. it’d rot into something forgettable. 

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ he avoided you like the plague from then on.

he left quickly before you could reconcile, opting to take different exits from buildings, sat a few seats away instead of beside you. when group work forced you into the same space, he kept things curt and professional. 

no venomous insults, no malicious teasing laced with condescension. 

you noticed. of course you did. you always did. 

katsuki realized something scary and unsettling. nothing was going to change when it came to you, and how you felt about him. 

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ hated the way you still showed up. 

you still smiled at him when you spoke to him, but this time, it was careful now. practiced and methodical. you were measuring every word before letting it leave your mouth. 

you lived true to your words. 

you didn’t hover annoyingly around him, didn’t look at him like you used to. and things were finally settling back into natural order. katsuki never felt more relieved. 

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ who caught you wiping your eyes in the engineering hallway one afternoon – quick, discreet, like you didn’t want anyone to see. 

and of course, he didn’t turn around to comfort you. if he didn’t, he knew exactly what would happen. 

you’d shove your face into his chest, all mushy and fragile. then, he’d have to say something. he’d have to push you away, or even worse, pull you closer. and you’d look up at him regardless with hope, trust, and that quiet, delusional belief that he cared.

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ noticed you at the cafe before you noticed him.

you were already seated when he arrived — same leather chair, same corner with that practiced straightened posture — but you looked off. your shoulders held stiff like you were bracing for something, almost too hinged. your eyes were dull around the edges, spark forced as you stared at the screen in front of you with an intensity that didn’t quite land.

your fingers flew across the keyboard, typing and deleting, typing again. you nodded to yourself every few seconds like you were convincing yourself to even stay awake. 

katsuki recognized it instantly. fake concentration, performative.

“…great,” he muttered, dropping into the chair across from you. “you gonna actually look at me or keep pretending you’re busy.”

you startled slightly, then smiled, the motion not quite reaching your eyes. 

“sorry,” you said, laughing softly. “yeah. i’m here.”

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ watched you struggle through the session.

you answered when spoken to, contributed when needed, but your responses lagged by just a second too long. you rubbed at your wrists absentmindedly, nails pressing into your skin. 

you laughed when he made a sharp comment. laughed when he mumbled to himself about something. it was still you, all attentive, but something about it was uncanny. 

“…what’s up with you.” he asked eventually, irritation threaded with his workload.

you nodded immediately. “yeah, i’m sorry. just tired, long day.”

he scoffed, but his eyes narrowed.

liar.

he didn’t see you again that night.

you packed up quickly when the work ended, mumbled something about needing to go, and disappeared before he could say anything else. the chair you left behind stayed empty long after he finished packing his own things.

something twisted unpleasantly in his gut.

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ wasn’t prepared for the next day that you came in, practically bawling your eyes.

you were late, and you were never late.

he was already seated when you stumbled into the cafe, breathless, eyes rimmed red like you’d been crying for hours. your hands shook as you clutched your bag, knuckles pale, movements uncoordinated.

“…you’re late,” he snapped automatically.

you opened your mouth, closed it, then your face crumpled, brows knitted together devastatingly.

“shit—” he started.

you were crying before you even sat down. your shoulders shook as you pressed a hand to your mouth, trying—and failing—to keep it together.

“hey,” he said sharply, standing up. “what the hell—”

you dropped into the chair like your legs had given out, tears spilling freely now, breath stuttering, words coming out in messy blabbles. 

“i– i think i did something really bad,” you choked out, fingers shaking. “i really messed up.”

“what?”

your hands trembled as you wiped at your cheeks, smearing tears uselessly. “i— i got scammed.”

the words tumbled out broken, ugly, cracking on each vowel.

“the tutor,” you continued, voice cracking. “he took the money and— and he said i wasn’t improving fast enough and then he just— he ended it. and i thought i was doing okay but i’m not and—” you sucked in a sharp breath, glancing up at him beneath your clumped lashes. “i’m failing,” you whispered.

“…failing what,” he asked, dangerously calm.

you shook your head, sobbing. “the math. i tried so hard to catch up but i didn’t realize how bad it was until i checked my grades and i don’t–- know what to do.”

your hands clenched into fists in your lap.

“i didn’t want you to know,” you said softly. “i didn’t want you to think i was useless– so– so...”

something cold snapped into place behind his eyes, something green swirling in his gut.

“you got a tutor.” he said flatly.

you flinched, nodding. “yeah—”

“you let some asshole take your money,” he continued, voice low. “when you could’ve just– nevermind..”

you nodded, tears dripping onto the table. “i was scared– not of you, but of failing...”

he dragged a hand down his face, breathing slow and controlled. of course, why would you come to him? a day ago he wouldn’t have offered you help if you even asked. 

but with your pretty lips jutting out, tears bubbling in those soft, sad rounded eyes. cheeks blotchy and puffy. 

he wouldn’t go as far to call the feeling inside him pity, but maybe something else… adjacent.  

“…how much were you scammed.”

“like around… sixty per session.”

his jaw clenched. “fucking sixty? and you’re still failing?”

you nodded again, miserable, shoulders curling inwards.

“…right,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair, completely aware of the situation he was about to put himself in.

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ took it upon himself after that.

not with an apology, god no. he didn’t ask if you wanted help — he told you, blunt, final, like it was already decided, that he’d take over. free of charge. your notes migrated back into his hands, hidden scrutiny behind his gaze as he mulled over your handwriting. 

before you knew it, your schedule quietly rearranged itself around late nights and earlier mornings. he started bringing printed past papers without explanation, circling questions with a pen and shoving them toward you like it was obvious you’d need them.

he was still rough around the edges, that was to be said without a doubt.

he still snapped when you took too long. still scoffed when you made careless mistakes, annoyance simmering beneath his skin as you asked the nth stupid question of the night. but the insults dulled — caught behind clenched teeth, swallowed down with sharp exhales. he learned when to pause, when to bite down his venomous words. when to start again slower, how to navigate your mind. when to grit through explanations instead of cutting you down.

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ found himself in your room more nights than he’d planned instead of the cafe.

sitting on the edge of your bed, papers spread messily between you, his shoulder brushing yours every time he leaned in to point something out. it wasn’t intentional at all.

the room was quiet except for the scratch of pen on paper, the hum of your cheap, rip-off lamp, your soft voice reading questions aloud.

sometimes it was past midnight before he noticed. and he hadn’t known why he bothered staying.

but, somewhere in between those late nights, he noticed the way your confidence rebuilt itself. the way your questions sharpened, the way your eyes lit up when you got something right. the way your hands stopped shaking when you wrote, all bubbly and enthusiastic whenever he spoke.

in a way, it was really getting to him, but this time, it seeped. bleeded through the stubbornness in his heart. because at night once he returned back home, he found himself once more, hand wrapped firm around his cock, fisting himself to the thought of your pretty face. 

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ watched you after the exam. he’d finished early and expected to leave immediately. 

you burst out of the building breathless, faster than he’d expect, eyes bright, searching the crowd until you spotted him. the moment you did, you didn’t hesitate — you ran straight into him, arms around his middle, laughter spilling out as you told him how good that exam felt. 

he froze for half a second, arms catching you without thinking. uncomfortably and disgustingly invasive, your joy hit him harder than any achievement ever could. he couldn’t help but push down that pride he felt knowing it was him – not the other pathetic tutor. not anyone else – who helped you. 

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ didn’t plan to be in your room that afternoon.

it was supposed to be quick, final edits, finishing touches on the group project then everything would be over. nothing more, just a quick drop by to save you the hassle of getting home so late.

but the air felt different, closer. and it seemed like you noticed it too, or maybe it was you making it that way.

you lingered near him longer than necessary. your touches were ‘accidental’ until they weren’t. a soft peck to his cheek — hesitant, testing, appreciative and slow — that made his breath hitch and his patience finally snap. 

“thanks for… dealing with me.”

it just happened…

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ never said when the line blurred, nor in that moment did he care. only that somewhere between tutoring sessions, late nights, and watching you believe in yourself again — he stopped pushing you away, because in that moment – with your breasts spilling through your top, eyes staring up at him like you fucking wanted him inside – he had no restraint. 

it felt inevitable, like it had always been heading there, and soon enough…

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ who was so fucking easy.

he has you bouncing like a rabid bunny all over his cock, up and down, slamming your hips right down onto his pelvic bone, pants fogging up his crooked rims.

grip tight on your hips, his fingers digging into your flesh like he's claiming every inch of you as his personal fucktoy. each upward thrust met with your frantic bounces has you mewling into his mouth, ass slapping against his thighs as he took you on your bed. 

he didn’t know where the degradation came from, and where it stemmed from, but the way you looked on his lap so fucking slutty and desperate like you’d finally won had him seething whimpered through parted lips.

“fucking look at you,” he sighed out, his voice mocking and pitched a little higher than he’d intended, eyes locked on the way your tits pressed against his chest. “always wanted this, huh? my cock inside of you?”

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ who embarrassingly swells inside of you, his thick shaft spreading you wide, pounding deep into your gummy walls with every slam of your hips.

it doesn’t take long for his balls to tighten. 

you felt so good– too good. his vision blurred, forehead dropping to your shoulder as he let you bounce all over him. he was getting close, so fucking close. 

the friction felt incredible, warmth engulfing him whole as you let out a needy whine, whispering affection into his ear. 

“s–so close, suki! i can’t…!”

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ who senses your rhythm faltering, thighs aching as you struggled to maintain your bounces. 

pulling back, katsuki’s eyes scanned over your expression. parted lips, teary eyes, flushed warm cheeks. 

“need…need to cum!” you cried out, your bounces turning into lazy, tired grinds.

the sight pitiful, his expression softened just a fraction, hips moving deliberately to compensate. with two beefy arms, he wraps them around you, lifting you up, then slamming you down to the hilt. 

“aah! f–fuck! ‘m close, i’m–”

your whining into his neck, blabbering and completely drunk on his cock. so soft in his arms, pliable and needy. with a free hand, he strokes your back almost tenderly, mind swirling with lust as he inches closer and closer to his own climax. 

“i’m close to… fuck, you feel so good–”

and with that, you cum instantly, thighs shaking around his side. you twitch in his hold, a loud cry escaping your lips as you clench impossibly around him. 

“holy shit, y-you’re so fucking tight– did you just?”

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ who absolutely registers you’ve got a praise kink. 

should’ve been obvious by the way your eyes sparkled every time he validated your working out, or that one time he caught your thighs pressing together when he said ‘good’ to some mediocre, bare minimum, correct solution you conjured together. 

he hated how much power he had over it, but at the same time…

“that’s right,” he muttered, glancing over your working, leaned over your shoulder. “you did that part clean.”

you froze, then smiled. that faint, soft glimmer in your eyes. 

“...yeah?” you asked. 

he frowned, seeing the way your cheeks heated up, body tense. “yeah. don’t make me repeat myself.” 

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ who realizes he’s just as filthy are you are.

he doesn’t remember, or know how the line blurred, but somewhere along the way his usual degradation faded into sweeter, honeyed words. 

without meaning to, his words turned into frequent physical touches. a hand on your shoulder. a hand moving up your thigh. and before he knew it, he was craving what you’ve been wanting for a long time. 

nights dedicated to study turned into quiet, muffled whimpers, legs intertwined, cum spilling everywhere. 

he should feel ashamed that the measly girl who had a crush on him since high school had finally gotten her way. 

“you fucking like that?” katsuki groaned out, thumb pressed against your clit as he hammered into you in missionary. “like having my cock inside of you? taking care of you like this?”

“mmhmm! i–i like it so much!” you cried out, nibble hands moving to his jaw, pulling him into a kiss. “i like you so much…”

worse of all? katsuki would selfishly sink in it. indulge in it, feed into your soft affection. 

“you do?” he smirked, hands moving to press your knees to your ears. “i can tell…doing so good for me, aren’t you?”

expectantly, and intentionally on katsuki’s end, he’d feel you clench around him, walls fluttering on his cock as he kissed that soft gummy spot inside of you.

“ngh mhm! just for you…” 

♡ ɴᴇʀᴅꜱᴜᴋɪ realized he liked threading sweetness into your ears.

it came as habit, and something he genuinely wanted to do. he was growing fearful that he was truly basking in your presence, and that one day, he’d actually want something more. 

he wasn’t too sure if he had the time or effort to invest in you fully like this.

but for some reason, fucking you senseless in his arms and keeping you well–lit under the cafe lights felt easier than chucking a label on top. 

꒰taglist! ♡ ꒱; @mariinktg @solozxo @rednicotine @dotalicious @peachiezz @gotaradiobutmightneedahead @sia7666 @solarquartzz @txntcleswhxreuwu, @dotalicious @rosesforblues @mochiiks @lonelyfooryouonly @mooncherrix @poptxrts @katscherry @r1qka @girlyglues @vynn01 @mrsicon @thearcaneenthusiast @katscherry

꒰ note: typed on my phone. so sad to go back to uni tomorrow. so tired from working. so tired at the thought at going to uni, and everything lol

[dessertpanda]

The World

MasterList

A little Cutie Aged up Izuku x Fem reader, Something I had in drafts and redid.

Sexual context, cursing, nudity, kissing, All the norm!

"Izuku?" Y/N called out into the dorm. She was looking for him for a multitude of reasons: she was exhausted, she wanted to watch a movie, and she needed cuddles. She was slowly getting irritated. She had checked everywhere in the dorms, and there was not a single sign of her boyfriend anywhere. “Where the hell?”

" the damn nerds out training," Bakugo was taking up the entire length of the couch, a plate of peppers and blue cheese discarded on the floor. She huffed at his nickname for Izuku, rolling her eyes slightly even knowing that the two were far closer than they were.

" Ah Thanks, Kat!" She chuckled softly when he swiped at her hand which ruffled his hair as she walked by.

" have fun," he said waving as she left, With quick steps Y/N was making her way out the living area and to the elevator, saying hi to those she passed… which was quite a few people.

“ Oh Mineta, how are you?" She said seeing the small boy leaving his room.

" AH Y/L/N!?" he quickly grabbed his chest where his heart was, he was terrified of her. "S-sorry, I'm doing good," He said before he quickly darted in the other direction. No perverted comments, hell he refused to look the girl in the eyes… ‘don’t kill me,’ He was whimpering till he was out of her sight ultimately.

" What was that about?" She asked herself. Thankful that he never gooned over her but was still slightly confused as to why. “Meh, little creep probably knows better,” She shrugged before continuing her search.

Mini Skip

" IZUKU" Now that she was outside she started yelling for him. The night was warm and humid, the moister sticking to her skin the second the door opened, even her hair poofing because of it… “ugh, okay Maybe a bath too,” God was she thankful she was a third year… the Apartment-style dorms made her life so much better. A bigger room, a full bath and shower, and even a full balcony…. So much better than when they originally moved into the dorms. ‘Man, did the years fly…’ How long had it been since the war? Since her boyfriend lost his Quirk? Since she figured out she could save it… but at such a heavy cost. She was beginning to get lost in these woods and her thoughts. From the weeks of torture, she endured in exchange for saving him, subconsciously rubbing over the scars that remained. “He’s a hero… so it was worth every second,” and he never knew, only one person knew… the one who helped her through it. “Wonder how she’s doing,” She continued her wondering, avoiding tresses and roots that stuck out the ground.

" BABE! OVER HERE!" She quickly turned her head to find Izuku standing next to skinny All Might. Sweat dripped off his forehead and his arm compressions rolled down to allow his skin some air. He was slightly out of breath, looking like he had just finished a run.

" Oh, I'm so sorry I didn't know you were training training," She had assumed it was just him, not an All Might-driven training. “I would have just waited in the dorm,” Now she was slightly embarrassed for interrupting. “I mean normally I wouldn’t bother you in general but you’ve been gone for 4 hours by now and,” and Now she was rambling, her cheeks pink and her words stumbling.

" No No it's ok, I was just finishing," He said smiling. Lifting his shirt to wipe his sweat, his glory abbs being put on display. The years have done him good… real good.

‘Hehe, those are mine’ She couldn’t help the thoughts, especially when she was about to drag the man into the baths.

" Actually why not spare with Young Midoriya?” All Might's voice pulled her out of her dirty thoughts. “It would be great work for him and you!” He was so enthusiastic about the idea, that she felt bad turning him down but she’d rather not have sore breasts in the morning because she trained in a front clip bra.

" I would love to but I-I'm not exactly properly dressed," Y/N said gesturing to her to get up," The shirt she stole from Izuku was baggy and breathable, and the shorts that were hidden under the fit were also athletic… so All Might was having a hard time trying to find something wrong, Izuku was doing the same. He glanced over her body, not just her outfit. Having seen her in nearly every clothing item in her closet he could tell exactly what the issue was.

" Oh I understand Y/N,” Izuku chuckled softly, ‘Front clip bra,’ He made a mental note that she was in a good kinda mood, “Yeah, defiantly not a good idea to train like that… too many risks,” He knew how easily it was for those type to come unclicked… considering he’s unsnapped it so many times before. “Maybe tomorrow!" Izuku chuckled, moving quickly to gather his items, wanting to get back asap. “Welp, Bye All Might! See ya Tommow!” He was already moving, placing his hand on Y/N’s lower back and gently pushing her toward the dorms.

“Ah, Right!” His sudden hurry confused both Y/N and All Might, “I’ll see you two tomorrow!” He waved softly as they continued walking…. Until Izuku made a quick turn around, running over to whisper something to his mentor.

" She’s not wearing a good bra,” His face was flushed when he spoke, but he felt so guilty leaving without an explanation. “Okay… Bye!” He was gone before the man even had a chance to respond.

All Might stood there for a second … very confused and concerned." How did he?" he mumbled to himself. He only shook his head and started to head towards the dorms, now with a mission to keep from another transfer, " I hope he remembers it's transferred by DNA" He whispered to himself, before taking a quick detour.

Minny Time Skip

"Ahhh That's nice," Izuku sighed as he sunk deeper into the tub. Once back, he wasted no time in running back to his dorm and getting a bath started. He leaned his head back against the wall, arms resting on the side of the porcelain.

" you can say that again," Y/N cuddled closer to her boyfriend's chest, her bare back on perfect display for him, especially with her hair pulled up. She enjoyed the physical contact… and the sacrifice he was willing to boil in her preferred water temperature.

“Hmm,” He moaned softly, moving one of his arms to wrap around his waist, pulling her closer… “Y/N,” using his other hand, he gently took her chin, pulling her head back so he could kiss her lips.

“hehe,” She giggled softly as his hand genlty squeezed her neck while he peppered her lips with kissed.

"Mm Could do this all day," Slow and methodical he moved down her face, leaving open-mouthed kisses down her jaw, stopping periodically to nip at her skin. "So soft," He groaned, now gently trailing the back of her neck.. leaving small bruises in his wake moving his hands back down towards her stomach.

"Zuku," She groaned, his hand continue moving lower,

"yeah I know love, I can read you like an open book," He chuckled, "From the clothes you had… to the look in your eyes," He whispered into her ear. "You needed me yeah? Did I leave my girl unattended for too long?" His tone was breathy… lustful… yet apologetic, as if he realized he had been gone for so long.

"Please… Zuku," She moaned, gripping his wrist tightly as he gently grazed her inner thigh.

"Shh, Shh I know baby," So different from years ago…. from the shy boy to the hulk of a man. "Trust me?"

"Of course… Of course" She could feel him teasing, his fingers just circling,

"Ready?"

"Please,"

"Okay, Oka…"

Knock Knock They both froze… that was the main dorm door…" Young Midoriya are you in there?"

"Fuck…" Izuku whispered, quickly removing his hands and making his way to get out. "it's All Might," he said under his breath. Pushing himself out of the tub, he was careful not to disturb Y/N too much… "babe I'm so sorry," He huffed reaching for a towel. He felt so bad… he was so close to having a perfect night… and now the mood was completely destroyed… he was embarrassed. Leaving her there… unsatisfied… again.

"Zuku, Love you're fine," She giggled at his sad and red face. "We can continue later… it could be important," Now standing herself she gratefully accepted the towel he handed to her, ringing out her hair before wrapping it around her waist. "Not like its that hard to get me back in the mood," Watching as Izuku was already dressed in a pair of boxers and his black sweats tied around his waist.

Knock Knock "Young Midoryia?"

"COMEING!" He looked at her one more time, offering an eye-roll before rushing to open his door, forgetting about a shirt. "Sir? Sorry! I was in the shower!" His hair was still dripping slightly and his face was flushed.

"Right! I apologize for the sudden…" All Might glanced up at a perfect time to see Y/N walking out of the bathroom, dressed in a baggy shirt and sweats…with a towel wrapped around her head. " Y-Young L/N?" He asked looking just behind Izuku, his eyebrow raised the slightest bit… Quickly putting the two and two together… 'A bath…TOGETHER??' Oh was he glad he decided to remind him of the transfer.

" good evening All Might" Y/N greeted with a smile, making her way toward the door,"

" D-did I interrupt something?" he asked looking between the two. Watching as Izukus face only got darker in shade.

" No, no, of course not we were just gonna watch a movie." She replied with a smile. " But if you need to talk to Izu, I'll go grab snacks while you do" She left no time for questions or rejections, as she was already down the hall and into the common room.

" E-everything ok Sir" Izuku was concerned that something had happened or he had done something wrong… especially if All Might was visiting him this late into the evening.

" No everything is fine my boy but I uh I just wanted to make sure that you remember how One For All is transferred?" He cut straight to the chase… no beating around the bush… especially now with the interaction that just occurred.

" Yes Sir, through DNA correct? Is there another way?" He asked with a slight head tilt. His now damp curls moving to frame his face… looking so innocent…

' God why am I doing this' All Might questioned himself. " W-Well I know that you and L/N are very close and dating, I just wanted to make sure that you know," He said making a small hand gesture.

" Oh OH! " Izuku's face lit up like a fire. " I can't transfer it unless I want to tho right?" Now he was concerned… He was racking his brain with old info about transferring… "If I remember the stain incident,"

" Yes yes but…" He hesitated… weighing his words carefully, "Just be careful ok? I'm sure she could handle it but just make sure ok?" His tone was still laced with concern… knowing Y/N did a lot to return his quirk to him… 'Don't give it up'

" Yes Yes of course" Izuku nodded his head, "I promise Sir, I have complete conrtol!" All Might only shook his head, showing his trust in him.

" Kat stop!" They both looked down the hall as Y/N and Bakugo walked down it, Bakugos hand reaching into the bowl of popcorn she carried. "Isn't it passed your bedtime, Old Man!?" She slapped his hand away, to which he responded with his hands up in a surending position, before backing into his dorm door.

"Alright Alright, Just wanted a snack," He huffed, opening his door and flipping her off while closing it.

"Prick," She muttered while sticking her tongue out at the closed door, before turning back to continue down the hall, " Sorry, am I back too soon?" she asked while fixing the bowl.

" No Not at all you two enjoy, see you tomorrow" All Might said as he walked stared down the hall. A soft wave and good night leaving his lips as he went…

"Everything Okay?"

"Y-Yeah!" His face was flushed… not even looking her in the eyes, 'Damn It Izuku… you've been dating for 2 years!' He couldn't… not after All Might basically told him to use protection.

"Zuku?" His sweat dropped at her sweet tone… "Zuku, Please?""

'Nooooo'

Minny time Skip.

Partway through the movie, it was long forgotten… It simply became background sound as Izuku lay on Y/Ns chest, kissing any exposed skin he could. "Mhm, Zuku," She could feel him tugging her shirt lower, the shoulder hang was only getting lower with each tug.

"Y/N," He was desperate… clinging to her for any type of signal… any go-ahead to ravage her…

" Izu please," She whimpered softly, his teeth now nibbling on her collarbone, " I love you," she said genitally running her hands through his hair, pulling him closer by his roots.

" I love you too Y/N" he muttered, moving himself to hover above her… simply admiring her form for a moment.

"Izuku?"

"Yes, yes Baby?"… God did he sound desperate.

" When we get older and become Heroes, can we have kids?" Her question was innocent but yet… it sparked something in him… something… that would definitely go against what All Might just advised him. She could audibly hear him gulp, still staring down at her.

"Y-you want k-kids with me?" he asked with a red face, but his eyes held a different emotion.

" Yes i-is that ok?" She knew his answer… but seeing him like this, she couldn't help but tease a little.

"Y/N I love you so much, we will have as many kids as you want," He spoke, before lowering himself, his body weight trapping her against the bed, "whatever you want… It's yours," He muttered, capturing her lips, hands already trailing up her shirt, squeezing her soft curves as he went. "Anything…"

" Thank you," She was breathless, trying to keep up with his movements, "thank you…"

" Even if I have to give the world to you, I'd do it" He pulled back to look at her eyes, the emerald green almost glowing in the dark… "In a heartbeat… It'd be yours,"

(One of my Favorite I've redone... Its kinda cool to see how much your own work can improve!)

[xo-kyeong]

IMAGINE- Waking up in your dorm room only wearing an oversized t-shirt and shorts, then going down to the common room not even noticing the stares that radiate from your crush.

Like- no, I wasn’t doing this to get your attention… or was I? ;)

Kirishima

“Ahh, g’morning guys!” You yawned, greeting everyone in the common room good morning. As you sat beside Mina on the couch.

“Good morning!” Mina exclaimed, giving you your daily morning hug. “Everyone else is still asleep, huh?” You ask, standing up to go get some water you didn’t realize that Kirishima just got up and was headed straight to the kitchen where you were reaching for a glass at the top shelf.

Now, he was a pretty chill guy, kind and even charming! but seeing you struggling to get a glass from the top shelf had him blushing like crazy.

Your t-shirt was rising nearly over your ass, and he could definitely see the shorts you were wearing. But then you finally got your glass and poured yourself a cup of water.

“Oh! Kiri, you scared me! Couldn’t you have made a sound before coming in here?” You laughed, putting the water jug back into the fridge. Nudging him a bit.

“Y-yeah! Sorry, uhm. I was just zoning out! That’s all” he laughed nervously, hoping that you wouldn’t sense how flustered he was.

“You sure about that? You’re pretty red right now, you okay?” You walked towards him, standing in front of him.

So close

He said mentally, cheeks turning redder than before. You squinted eyes at him, speculating that he wasn’t feeling well, until-

“Whoo! Well, uh- me and Bakubro are actually going out to train! So uhm, see ya’ around!” He quickly padded off out of the kitchen and dragged Bakugou with him outside the dorms.

Now, it was your turn to blush because of how adorable he was.

Bakugou

You just woke up, heading into the common room, greeting everyone a ‘good morning’

As you were yawning though, you had the tendancy to always stretch your arms up high before getting ready for the day.

And nobody else took notice of it, nobody else but observant little Bakugou Katsuki. He was looking at how your oversized shirt lifted just enough to see your abdomen. Even your cute shorts- Bakugou would give anything to die in those thighs.

You finished stretching your body and noticed how Bakugou was just staring at you.

“Well, good morning to you too! Care to not eye fuck me in the morning? I look hideous” you rolled your eyes, smirking a bit when you noticed how red his face was.

“Are you- ARE YOU BLUSHING? OMG WHAT DID YOU- You saw my shorts-“ you mischeviously smirked at him, which caused him to come to his senses and he quickly defended himself.

“Was not! Dumbass, I was zoning out! Get your stupid brain out of the gutter!” He finished with a ‘tch’ and walked outside of the dorms.

He’s definitely whipped for you.

Sero

You were hugging your pile of dirty clothes on the way down to the common area and a few of your tops fell out of the pile you were carrying.

“Stupid clothes! Can’t you just stay stacked up together! Why didn’t I bring a basket!” You huffed. Bending down to grab the fallen articles of clothing.

You however, were not aware of WHO was standing right behind you.

Actually, Sero was on his way down too! But he was behind you, taking his time since he saw you carrying a pile of clothes.

He made mental comments though, about how good you looked in that oversized shirt and tiny shorts. You were gorgeous.

And his day couldn’t be any better, he immediately lost his cool when you dropped a few of your clothes onto the floor and bent down to get them.

Mans was red i’m telling you! He respectfully looked at your juicy thighs, and your round butt, but he quickly averted his gaze when your peripheral vision caught sight of him behind you.

“Oh, Sero! You were going down too! I kinda need your help. Could you maybe get me a basket to hold these with?” You pleaded, his face was completely red!

“S-sure thing! Let me go get one right now” he quickly rushed around just to get you a basket, thank goodness you didn’t see him looking at you so intently like that.

Denki

You were sitting in the common area, legs crossed with your oversized shirt covering a little bit of your thighs.

Suddenly, Denki greeted everyone a bright good morning. He immediately saw you and thought to sit next to you.

You two were actually pretty close and pretty much best friends with each other.

“Good morning to you too! Kaminari!“ you said, looking to your side, you noticed that he was beside you staring down at your lap.

He honestly couldn’t help it, your thighs were just waiting to be squished. Ugh, he would shove his face in those thighs if he could- if you would allow him to.

He was snapped back into reality when he realized that you’ve greeted him a good morning too.

“H-hey! Yeah, good morning!” He nervously exclaimed, gulping and visibly trying not to look again.

“Denks, if you wanted to look at my thighs, you could’ve just asked to take a photo, that’ll last way longer than just imprinting it in your mind” you laughed jokingly at him, nudging him in the shoulders.

You then stood up and went to the kitchen to find something to eat.

He was shocked to even feel how hot and red he was.

“Denki, bro, you got a little uh-“ Kirishima said to him, pointing at his nose.

“O-oh! Uh, I’ll clean this up, no worries! I’m fine” he held a hand up to his nose to stop it from bleeding.

[luka-senpai22]

HELP ME FIND IT

I need help finding a bnha fanfic on, im pretty sure, quotev, it’s like a cross fic with obey me, but the whole plot is that the MC or y/n gets isakied to bnha but like “made a deal” with Lucifer and while on the run hawks find her and takes her to hpsc and the president is like “you age to become a hero or we put you to the public for what you did and declair you a criminal”, so y/n says “shit I don’t wanna go to jail” so she goes to ua and in the process lives with hawks cause she got nowhere to go. But after a while things start to come up and she’s adopted by KillShot (pretty sure that’s his hero name) the ninja one that peirced kuroguri, and that’s where I paused reading it cause it was late but please help me find it I wanna keep reading it!! 😭😭

[dantakeyoman]

𖦹⭒°｡⋆ mha fic teaser

been in my drafts for a while. lemme know if you think I should pick it up again. it’s an au where the characters are Greek gods.

Aftós o anóitos?! - that fool?!

The second Eijirou stepped over the threshold of the forge, a wave of sweltering heat washing over him, leaving a thin layer of sweat on his exposed arms and face.

He practically deflated at the sight of the tempered god that sat in the corner, who was sharpening his blade for the umpteenth time today.

"Of course," he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he walked in, making his way over to his friend.

It was common to find Bakugou here, the seemingly endless amount of weaponry and fire so ironically mirroring his personality

"Good afternoon, Eijirou! Always a pleasure to see you!" Tetsutetsu shouted with a smile over the rhythmic bang of his hammer, sparks flying.

"Good afternoon, Tetsutetsu! Still hard at work I see!" Eijirou nodded to the metal-working god, adjusting his gold chest plate that was now sitting uncomfortably from the overwhelming heat.

"What do you want? I'm busy," Katsuki curtly dismissed, not giving the red-haired man as much as a glance.

"Do you ever rest?" Eijirou asked, running a calloused hand through his long, spiked hair.

Katsuki brought his stone to a near silent halt and slowly lifted his head, meeting his friend with a glacial, emotionless glare, "What are you on about?"

"There hasn't been a war in centuries, the mortals are at peace, yet you still prepare yourself as if battle is around the corner. My friend, the fight is over--." Katsuki slammed his sword into the ground, allowing it to stick out of the hard stone.

Eijirou flinched at the loud sound, Tetsutetsu halting his hammer and turning his head to the two.

"You lot can sit on your asses, getting fat off wine and ambrosia if you so wish, but the bloodiest of battles always follow times of elongated peace," he spat, baring his teeth as if he were an animal showing dominance.

But Eijirou knew better.

Behind the two rubies Katsuki called eyes, he could see the smallest flicker of worry, of fear.

Almost as if he knew something.

"You are right, the mortals have been peaceful. Too peaceful. When have you known the mortals to go a half-century without a great war? Never! They're plotting something against us. I can feel it."

Tetsutetsu guffawed at the statement, nearly dropping his hammer through fits of laughter.

"Nonsense! The mortals would first walk into a lion's den before daring to cross us. My brother, I believe the heat may be playing tricks on you."

Eijirou sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he outstretched his arm, blocking his angry friend from attacking the blacksmith.

"I did not come to argue, I came because Denki and Hanta insisted you come to our hunting party tonight," he turned to war god, happily grabbing his shoulders.

"I believe this outing with be good for you. You deserve some fresh air."

Katsuki scoffed, turning away from his red haired friend stubbornly.

A hunt sounded like a good time right about now, but  he'd be damned if he gave in that easily.

"Did I mention that Denki claimed he could hunt vastly better than you? He actually challenged you to a competition."

Katsuki's eyes shot wide.

"Aftós o anóitos?! He could not hunt a boar if it dropped dead in front of him! Where is he?!"

"Waiting for you outside. Come. We can take my chariot," Eijirou smiled, heading toward the exit of the workshop.

[slyfoxann544]

Incorrect MHA-4 (TodorokixReader)

Todoroki: My future partener must be of utmost logical mindset and-

Y/n: [Trips over a potted plant and shouts at it to watch where its going]

Todoroki: I want that one

[fanfictiondreamscape]

L.O.V.E. (?)

Name:  L.O.V.E. (?)

Genre: angst, angst, angst - more so the remiscent type of angst, and some super slight romance, and super slight vent fic

Pairing: Misc. X GN!Reader

Notes: This is what happens when I feel an oncoming panic attack and need to release whatever messed up stuff my brain is gonna form whether or not I like it. 

Fair warning for this little thing here, though: this is not very story based, much rather like a random train of thought. It may also be a little unhinged, but what can one expect when dealing with something that they don’t know how to navigate well in the slightest? 

This is also semi-based around the song “LOVE” by PEGGY, emphasis on semi-based. I was hopping between songs that I thought would be able to satiate my sense of despair and partial loathing, but that song was the kicker for this piece. 

Below the cut.

(03/01)

This started out okay.  This was easy at first. I was blind to the absolute disaster this would be to my wellbeing, but... I still want it.  I still crave it.  ....Maybe. 

Click.

(03/03) 

Crying doesn’t help. I’m not externally shaking. There aren’t tears streaming down my face. But it doesn’t feel right to not let it be outward.  I can feel my heart pounding in my ears.  I can also feel their hands over my ears and eyes when that one sound got me to flinch and freak out. I can feel their fingertips pushing my hair behind my ear, and their palm on one of my cheeks with their lips oh so gingerly pressing the slightest on the other.  I can feel their breath on my neck, and their hand on my leg, brushing sweet, simple little circles right by my kneecap. I can feel their hugs, tight and warm and comfortable and nice.  I can feel their gaze linger, and the tears that were about shed all because of a cheesy little moment in a TV show. I can feel the vibrations of their voice from behind, and their grip wrapped around my upper arm and my waist.  But as much as I can feel, that fails to negate the fact that this is both the beginning and the end.  Things are never gonna be exactly the same, not unless years pass by first.  This is a whole new door, and the options are limited as to what happens next.  Plan as many dates as one can desire, but I’m not them. I don’t have control over their decisions, and I know that I have no right to be particular about what they do with their time.  So this shouldn’t sting so much.  ... It does.  Why does it sting so much?  Lack of affection from previous partners? Lack of safety? Understanding?  Is it me? Is romance that foreign of a concept?  My cynicism can only go on for so long.  I can only maintain the thought that love is something that isn’t important for so long. 

Click.

(03/07)

At least, in my book, my brain and heart shouldn’t mix. They shouldn’t combine, because if they do, something will happen that I know I’ll come to regret in the future.  I know I want this.  I know I want the fleetingly teasing touches, the gentle affection, the mutual respect, the comfort, the safe space in the form of people.  I know I want it.  I know that I find that fact hard.  I know that my heart is actively trying to shun that knowledge, and that my brain is trying to enforce it.  I never thought that I’d end up here, honestly. I thought that I’d be able to go through life with little worry in this regard. I thought that love would come, and that it would come when necessary, when some unknown force knew that it was time to push it unto me.  Is this the universe doing just that, or am I rushing it do that?

Click.

(03/12) 

I shouldn’t have done this. That door should never have opened, and I should have never even fathomed letting it materialize. Nothing good comes from pessimism, panic attacks, and persistence.  This should be good.  I know that, logically, this is good. I know that this has the potential to work.  I know that this was the stipulation. The catch-22. The deal with the metaphorical devil.  I knew that when I let this happen.  When they leave, what do I do? If they’re alone together, I can only accept that fact. That’s all there is to do.  I wish I could find the capacity to cry about this. 

Click.

(03/14) 

I’ve never been in love before this. Never really had a chance to, if I’m being honest. I‘ve always found it cheesy, and my focus was never directed towards something that “shallow”.  I’ve been questioning if it really is that shallow, now.  This whole deal has been good. Really, it has.  It’s nice, feeling like I’m appreciated as opposed to hearing it from the mouth of my mother, father, or family member. Even teachers, bosses, and coworkers can say it and it doesn’t hold as much meaning as the small actions and expressions they direct at me.  It only just now dawned on me that this is selfish.  I want to love, I want to be loved, and I want to share love.  Physical, emotional, mental - I want love to be a part of my life.  But they come first, that’s the end of this story. That’s all there is to it.  However, love is selfish by nature.  Someone wants someone else to themself, or to themselves.  They want that person or people to be there with them at all hours of the day.  They want to hold their hands, and press fluttering pecks to their pulse points.  And now, it’s in my grasp. It’s been in theirs, though, and now I feel awful for thinking about how wrong my thought process has been.  ...  I have a feeling that I need to calm down before this progresses any futher. That, or I need to up my anti-depressant prescription.  Whichever comes first, I guess.

Click. 

Slam.

Rustle. 

“I need to get some sleep.” 

- 

“Still, I’ve never been in love.

Is that something that I want?

Convince me I’m fine, 

I’m not losing my mind.

Maybe it’s just not for me. 

No! 

I don’t need L-O-V-E.

Maybe I’ll just wait and see.

I might need L-O-V-E....”

[apollowhoo]

Hii! I just wanted to know if you take matchup requests by chance… thanks!

Hello! I’ve never did matchups before but when I think about the idea, I actually wanna do them! So you may request me match ups as well:)

(Saw this comment the other day lol)