Can y'all stop joking about brain damage? Like, fr... People don't take me seriously when I try to explain that I got brain damage and that's why I struggle with tons of stuff and they think I'm just using a dumb excuse to be lazy.
Can we take brain damage serious for 5 fucking minutes? Pleaaaaseeeeeeeee?????
It's so ridiculous that bits of your brain can just decide to emulate the most obnoxious people you know and throw their bad takes at you. Like no I don't want that fuckhead's opinion, shut up and go find something else to do!
Sometimes you gotta google some basic shit that you definitely know and have known for decades, but for whatever reason you brain has decided is no longer accessible at this moment.
Just today realized that I named a side character in a Pitt fic “Noah”. Like, I did not even make the connection (and he’s been around for a few chapters now so that’s locked in). I think it’s because my characters are very real to me and not because I’m a dumb dumb with Swiss cheese for brains.
I finished Wanderstop yesterday. I really liked it. A solid game.
The way the story interwove with the mechanics was very overt, but also very good. There's obvious friction in the mechanics, which is intentional; when you do the same task over and over again, you notice the small inefficiencies, like how long something takes or that your garbage can is right in front of your fridge so it turns on when you open the fridge (true story). But that's all part of it! Was it the most innovative game I've ever played? No. Did I get tired of some of those inefficiencies by the end? Yeah. But that's pretty typical!
The story is the real standout here. A lot of posts I see say that Wanderstop is about burnout, which is like saying Celeste is about overcoming difficulty. It's not... wrong. But it's not telling the full picture.
[Full game spoilers ahead!]
Wanderstop is about hating yourself. It's about hating something you have done or someone you have been so much that you wish you were a different person. This is much more obvious by the end of the game, and I suspect most of those reviews saying the game is about burnout had not reached this point. Still, that is what this game is about. Alta doesn't burn out solely because she worked too hard. She is deeply lethargic because she carries around the burden of being a failure and a monster.
There's so much that Wanderstop gets right about this experience that it makes me glad. Way back in the day, I used to talk about how much I loved empathetic portrayals of downright unpleasant and especially violently mentally ill people. Alta is never redeemed for her violence. The game does not ask you to overlook what she did or move past it. But the narrative gives space for Alta to comprehend her own actions, that she (not some spirit possessing her) did try to kill someone who was just trying to help, and says, "You still carry in you the capacity for good. Whether you do good is up to you." Not to sound like a therapy enjoyer, but there's space for both of these things - just like there's space for the synthesis of both Altas.
On that note - I loved the concept of the forest creating "space" between the two fragments of Alta (and doing the same later with Monster), because that is exactly what it was like for me. I used to fight with myself all the time, and that's what those conversations with myself were like - like two different people, with two completely different mindsets and perspectives, existing just a few centimeters apart from one another. It also represents the way that people overcome (violent) impulses - by creating just a small space to pause and think. That space starts so incredibly small, but just a tiny wedge allows you to slowly wedge in more time until you can really take a good 30 seconds to think before you chunk your phone across the room. (True story.) (I'm very lucky that I never broke a phone doing that.) (This happened many times.)
I wonder what a story like this would have meant to me shortly after making peace with myself - or even moreso, before then. I don't know if I would have liked this game as much! I might have even liked it more, but also sobbed like a baby during it. It's definitely a very emotional story, even by the end, and I quite liked it. There's a lot you can unpack from that game. I definitely recommend it.
bluh... was commenting on fic while sick/recovering and my stop-being-so-fucking-blunt filter glitched and i accidentally made someone feel bad and now I feel bad i fucked up and didn't catch it on my own and im still a bit brain glitched so i don't know if i apologized correctly which also doesn't feel great and uuuuuuugh
sad/mad (at me) about this and frustrated i can't fix it up to my own standards rn
like i was trying to be good (comment! on! fic!) and instead i fucked up and its activating all my fucking lifetime of brainweasels about it