Turns out, this approach works on most people and your dating partners will appreciate how honest and confident you are
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Turns out, this approach works on most people and your dating partners will appreciate how honest and confident you are
The Balance Between Flexibility and Accountability at Work
In a world that constantly demands our time, energy, and attention, learning the art of saying no is crucial for maintaining our well-being
In a world that constantly demands our time, energy, and attention, learning the art of saying no is crucial for maintaining our well-being and fostering healthy relationships. Setting boundaries with grace allows us to prioritize our needs, values, and goals without guilt or resentment. This blog delves into the importance of saying no, the challenges it entails, and practical strategies to set and maintain boundaries with confidence and compassion.
Nurturing Healthy Development and Strong Relationships
Parenting is one of the most important and rewarding roles in life. Nurturing Healthy Development and Strong Relationships goes beyond traditional authoritarian or permissive approaches and focuses on nurturing a child’s emotional, social, and cognitive development while fostering a strong parent-child bond. This article delves into the principles and strategies of positive parenting,…
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Are you frustrated that your team is not performing?
As a manager or team leader you have no doubt experienced times where your people are not performing as well as they are should. This is a time to manage your frustration levels and tendency perhaps to point fingers, and instead ask yourself some pertinent questions. The fact is the low levels of performance (and therefore productivity and team morale) may be a result of your own…
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Ok, so, last night when I wasn’t sleeping, I was thinking about chores. And I realized something kind of exciting? Well, at least at the time I thought it was exciting.
When I was a kid, there were many ways I was set up to succeed. When I went to piano lessons, I got a ton of positive feedback. If I was slowing down on the sixteenth notes, my piano teacher would point that out and tell me to go slow enough that I could keep the whole piece going at the same pace, and to practice the hard measures more. And she would also tell me something I did well and go on about how happy she was to see me or something, I don’t remember, I just remember that she gave A Lot of effusive positive feedback. And I loved it.
Clear expectations and positive feedback.
In school, mostly I did well. When I had to do my first book report, I wasn’t just told “write a book report”, I was explicitly walked through what that meant and how to do each step. Clear expectations and positive feedback. When I made art as a young child, I did well: no expectations except my own, and positive feedback. Like adults do with young children’s art, you know. Not necessarily specific feedback. (I would have preferred specific feedback, but my parents are not very artistic. Ah well.) But very positive.
When my dad taught me how to ride a bike. It was fun. I got one on one attention. I got to enjoy the activity itself. If I fell over, or took an inordinately long time to figure out how to get started on my own, I wasn’t treated like I did something wrong or like I was a disappointment. Intrinsic reward, no negative feedback.
Chores though. That was different. I don’t know if all families are like this, but it seems pretty common among people from backgrounds like mine: chores aren’t really valued. Not like other things are. Parents will brag about how their kids are on the swim team or won third place at the science faire, but not so much “my son keeps his room clean” or “my daughter takes the trash out without being asked.” Nor does doing chores tend to come with a lot of praise — maybe for children young enough that their help is purely symbolic.
Absence of positive feedback.
(And you know, just writing that I realized: cooking was an exception. When I started cooking my mom thanked me every time. And mostly refrained from complaining if dinner was an hour late or the kitchen was left a mess. Hmm.)
And: I think this thing happened where the chores had to *get* done but they weren’t considered all that important. So, the adult women, the moms who were already working full time anyways, ended up doing more than their share, and then would get resentful, and then notice the young people weren’t doing their share, and then get mad at us for not doing our share. Rather than, you know, giving us clear expectations about what we were supposed to be doing chore-wise from the start. Because chores weren’t important.
Absence of clear expectations.
And, presence of quite a bit of criticism.
The dishes you washed, there’s still spots on them. How do you not know how to do that, at your age. At some point, admitting ignorance is just humiliating. The satisfaction of doing a job well can’t be there if you aren’t doing the job well, and the satisfaction of helping people can’t be there if you’re treated like you’re doing less than the bare minimum.
And, being controlled. Which maybe isn’t the main thing — it’s not like school was optional — but in combination...I don’t know about anyone else, but I was never just asked, politely, to do chores. (Asked in a way that was really an order, yes; genuine “it’d be nice if you did this but ok if you don’t”, never.) Either the possibility of me doing chores didn’t come up or it was a demand, and a resentful one at that. Often with some commentary on being lazy and how somehow I should have known to volunteer to help wash the dishes after Thanksgiving dinner, even though nobody ever told me I was supposed to do that, and I still have no idea when I crossed the line from the most helpful thing I could do was to keep myself entertained and out of the way, to when I was considered old enough that I should be doing my share of the cleanup.
When something was in my comfort zone (when I knew I could do it without being told I was making things worse) and I could see that it needed doing, for the most part I did it. (Heck, in some situations hanging out in the kitchen washing dishes is easier than having to figure out how to be social.)
I don’t think, ultimately, it was anyone’s fault; the older generation of women got a really raw deal, and they were taught that housewife stuff was, well, that they can and should be doing more than that. (As though keeping one’s living space clean isn’t vitally important.) When women picked up a double shift, something had to go — and often my mother’s generation were specifically told that housework was what they should depriorotize.
They wanted good things for their children, and they knew that being especially good at doing the laundry wasn’t going to look good on college applications and resumes. So that’s not where they put their attention.
(And: the men in my family aren’t especially lazy. They do their share...a lot of the time. And yet somehow, the women always end up doing more. And, it’s not like they the men were taught how to teach kids to do housework either, or taught that they should. When people aren’t explicitly taught things, often they don’t know how to do them, and this applies on multiple levels.) (And when values aren’t reinforced in a culture, over and over again, they do tend to get backburnered.)
It’s not anyone’s fault. But I hope we can do better.
How To Keep Your Remote Workers Happy
How To Keep Your Remote Workers Happy
By | Ben Eubanks | Human Resources Professional, Speaker, and Blogger
With the advances in technology and the ability to stay connected from just about anywhere in the world, careers that don’t require an office have become really popular. Why be tied to a desk or a city when you can get your work remotely from wherever you want and still be a valuable team member?
It can be a true asset to build…
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How to Have More Subscribers in MLM
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Detailed<\p>
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Resolve objections<\p>
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Right colors<\p>
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Features vs. Benefits<\p>
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Clear Expectations<\p>
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