To expand on some things being said in the comments of the last post: I use the example of an ace/allo relationship in my desire gap post because it's where I see this the most clearly and because it was my personal experience, but: just like there are sex-positive aces, there are plenty of allo people who are sex-averse, have low libidos, or otherwise have little interest on sex. And there are many more who have a complex or fluctuating relationship with sex, whether or not they use a specific label to describe their experiences. These things are not exclusive to ace people. We need to ensure that our advocacy is about combatting compulsory sexuality and advocating for bodily autonomy and truly informed consent (the right to say no) for everyone, not just people who happen to ID as ace. It is often rhetorically useful to talk about ace experiences, but the stifling influence or compulsory sexuality is much broader than our specific community.
So, regardless of how you identify:
You can say no. Yes, to someone you love. Yes, to everything. Yes, forever. You might change your mind later. You also might not. You might decide you're interested in only specific things, or only at specific times or under specific circumstances. You might try something and decide you don't like it. You might decide that it's not worth trying anything even if you might enjoy it. Whether or not your desires ever change, you have the fundamental right to bodily autonomy and that includes having your "no" respected every single time.
There is more to a relationship than sex. There are so many different types of intimacies. Only you and the other people in the relationship get to decide what to prioritize, and it doesn't need to make sense to anyone but you. It is possible to have a committed, fulfilling (and yes, even monogamous if that's your preference) relationship where sex isn't a part of it at all. It's also possible to have a relationship where it is a small or unimportant part. Do the work to break down what you actually want, distinct from what society tells you you should want. Focus on what's important to you. If there are conflicts, treat everyone's feelings with equal importance instead of assigning blame based on who's least aligned with the societal norm.
You deserve people who will respect your needs, respect your "no"s, respect your boundaries. And these people do exist. It can be difficult to believe when you've had a lot of negative experiences and when society is telling you that you're the problem. But don't settle for someone who only respects you sometimes. If you're persistent, you will find people who love you in the way you want to be loved.
