#defining gender

[f3rnfoxx3]

i always see things like trying to visually depict the gender spectrum which is cool and all but it also feels like when you’re in earlier math classes and the teacher tells you to put zero instead of undefined.

like gender is such a complex spectrum with so many different possibilities, i dont believe it’s possible to make a 3d depiction of it, let alone a 2d one like what i always seem to see. there’s more than just intensity of gender and where you are on a scale from man to woman, because you can be a multiple places at once, none of these could define you, you could be on a completely different plane of gender, two people could technically experience gender the same way but still feel comfortable in different identities from eachother, to make one of these 2d spectrum models even begin to work you would have to twist and bend it across multiple dimensions.

anywaysssssss gender is too complex and personal to squish into a simple two dimensional scale, it is not two separate points, it isn’t two points connected by a line, or lines forming a plane, or even a cubic area, no matter how much we try to describe it in such plausible terms it will not be fully accurate, because gender is an abstract concept.

if none of that made sense no worries, my ramblings dont make sense to me either and sorry i have no clue how to simplify it

[nonbinarymlm]

I recently got an ask from a TERF: How do you define "man"?

I have no reason to believe this ask is in good faith, but it's something I've thought about. Even if it was on good faith I really don't want to promote someone who is as terrible and bad-faith to trans women as this asker. So I'll answer it here.

Man, women, and various other genders have existed under different definitions for different places and cultures for all of human existence. Though they're terms generally associated with physical characteristics that tend to come with XY and XX chromosomes (though there is a lot of variation), they're also associated with certain experiences, social roles, and behavior. Every person will have a different experience of what it means to be a man or woman depending on their family, experiences, and culture. Many people have a strong and ingrained idea of whether they're a man or a woman independent of body or social assignment. So how do you define man? Like many words, it's contextual. I think the most kind and healthy way of fronting defining it is to let people define what they need it to be for themselves. Ultimately words will be used in all kinds of complex ways regardless of dictionary definitions and we'll never unify all human speech, but it can be an interesting exercise.

So, I feel the most comprehensive, accurate, and kind way to define "man" is to say anyone who understands themselves to be a man.

I myself feel most right when the people around me and I myself recognize myself as a man. Being a man has allowed me to access more of my feelings and be in a healthy relationship. It's given me a greater understanding of myself. I am not a traditionally masculine man for my society, not in expression or body. I'm gnc. My gender has been somewhat drifting and fluid over the years. Maybe I'll understand my gender as something else in the future. So I identify as a nonbinary or genderfluid man. But I am a man and my own man.

[sonja-universe]

Listening to Road noise: Womahood is...

Listening to Road noise: Womahood is…

Hi guys, I know I’ve been away a bit. I’ve been letting myself get caught up in all the depressing mess ‘m surrounded with. Sorry, It’s an apology to you as well as to myself. I should know better, than to let go my fighting spirit, but sometime last week or was it week before. In a moment of reflection, with a friend, after one such depressing thing, happening simultaneously with a pretty…

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[flyingoffthespectrum-blog]

Getting Here From There (finding an identity)

I haven’t found a permanent identity, and I don’t believe there’s really such a thing. Everything is fluid – gender, sexuality, who the hell you are – in everyone to some degree.

But I am still looking for something more … specific, I guess, than non-binary. Maybe I’ll find something and maybe I won’t and maybe eventually I won’t even care.

But anyway, getting here. It involved a lot of research, which felt pretty weird because of that idea that makes trans-ness more palatable to the general public: you would just KNOW (have always known) that your gender was wrong and which gender you should be.

Well, I have always felt different. I’ve always felt like I was on the outside of “female” looking in, hovering just around the edges. But I didn’t know I could be outside the binary. I didn’t know that if I felt wrong as a girl/woman, it didn’t have to be because I felt too “male”. So I spent a lot of time shoehorning myself into being female. It’s a bit hard for me to transition out of calling myself “girl” in my head because I adapted my definition of girls/women by tacking on “and me” at the end. And I do feel guilty and question myself when a mental “girl” slips out. But that’s for another post.

The door to my non-binariness, as I mentioned last post, was that very term. I ended up on the official website and found all sorts of lists and links about all sorts of different identities under the nb umbrella. I was so excited! I loved learning about all the different possibilities and the people who lived within them. I love finding out that people felt like me, that I wasn’t a weirdo and didn’t have to keep suppressing the parts of myself that didn’t fit into the mold of femaleness.

But … the research also made my head spin. Besides there being so many different gender identities out there, there were so many definitions within each identity. Every night I’d read the definitions of the ones I felt were best for me, trying to figure out which one was closest and felt best. It was a real headache (literally). I liked neutrois because it was fully self-defined. I liked agender because it showed my disagreement with the current construct of gender. I liked demigirl, but then questioned if I felt girl enough to even qualify as demi.

Finally I realized … I’m just starting out on this journey. How should I know?

I know that a lot of the desperation for a label came with the desire to have something concrete to tell people. If you have a concrete idea of who you are, it’s harder for people to tear it down. And I wanted to know exactly who I was so I could know exactly what to do next.

But the fact is that I’m still totally questioning how I experience gender, or if I experience it at all! I guess right now I’m female-adjacent (and feeling awfully clever for coming up with that term). I’ve been hanging out around the outskirts of town and sometimes I wander in. So … am I a little female? Am I sometimes a little female? When I say I don’t believe in the binary I’m not trying to say that it doesn’t exist at all, only that I think gender extends far beyond it. So I guess I’m also questioning how the binary fits into my idea of non-binariness.

The point is that I’m going to change a lot, maybe outwardly, maybe just in my mind. I have a feeling I’m going to start drifting away from lady-town, but I may be totally wrong. I’m still trying to figure out what gender really is anyway.

So for now, non-binary is the best identity for me. It gives me a space to explore and be just who I am.

[nighttimehigh]

Gender refers to 'socially learned behaviour and expectations that distinguish between masculinity and femininity'

Peterson and Runyan 1999: p.5

[urge-ua-blog]

It’s easy to fictionalize an issue when you are not fully in touch with all of the ways in which you are privileged by it.

"Performance Piece" by Julia Serano

An excellent essay on understanding the fluidity of gender and not defining it for anyone, and it is a great thing to remember how our privilege makes us see situations differently, so always be aware of that.

[thegenderbook]

Gender (n): 1. You know all that boy/girl stuff you learned about growing up? The pink and blue, the dolls and trucks, the tutus and ties? That’s how your culture defines gender. There are expectations about the way you should look (and the behaviors and interests you should have) if you have a particular kind of body. For example, there were rules about what was a “boy” haircut or a “girly” color where I grew up. These can change over time and from place to place. Can you think of a time when you felt limited by your culture’s ideas about your gender? 2. Your personal gender is where you find yourself in this system. Maybe your body is like other boys’ bodies and you see yourself as a boy and you act in the world like other boys; well, that’s your gender. There are tons of ways to be a girl or a boy, and tons of options in between and all around these. You don’t have to choose. Your gender is where you feel the most comfortable, and it can grow and change just like the rest of you. It can include your understanding of your physical body, your understanding of your inner self, and the way you express that self to the world. They all are facets of your own unique gender!

www.thegenderbook.com

[thegenderbook]

Jay and I are really pleased with the editing work we've done on our own gender definition. What do you think? What would you change? what's your favorite gender definition out there? (clockwise from top: the new one, the old/full page layout, and the supplementary brainstorming from our surveys that lives on the same page)