#dispatch headcanon

[akaratly]

A silly thought I had

[strawbeeryratpie]

Dispatch Fun HeadCanons:

I’m bored on lunch break and decided to write more headcanon ideas since I’m obsessed and need to start writing more fics again:

The Z-team arguing in the conference room about if Robert is a Twink or Hunk: Flambae, Prism, and Sonar think he’s a twink. Coupe, Punch up and Malevola think he’s secretly a hunk. And Invisigal states he’s a twunk. Robert is literally standing at the end of the conference table done with everybody.

Malevola and Sonar are like besties to the point they have eachother as backgrounds on their phones and like would have platonic matching bracelets.

Invisigal has the hots for Blonde Blazer/Mandy and thinks she and Robert are together but Robert tells her they’re just friends. (Invisigal punched him afterwards pissed realizing she could’ve shoot her shot with her awhile ago).

Waterboy is an animal lover (especially cats but cats don’t like to get wet 😭) he definitely has TikTok’s of puppies and kittens and wants to have a pet the doesn’t mind his ability.

Golem makes clay figures/mugs for his co workers since he literally can just pull out mud from himself.

Coupe and Prism have both an interesting friendship surrounding their interests surrounding music/dancing. However they have argued which style of music is “better”.

Punch up has a soft side for Waterboy while he doesn’t show it he secretly likes having the kid around and thinks he’s a good kid.

The office is filled with HR violations from: Blonde Blazer dating Invisigal and adding an extra point to her chart to not get voted out (in this headcanon no one got fired because I would never be able to chose), Robert and Phenomaman having they’re “special relationship” and Water boy ended up in a trouple with Prism and Flambae.

Waterboy has witnessed too many HR violations in the office (and cleaned up after them) more than he likes to admit. Rather it’s accidental getting a head concussion from a coffee mug thrown at him by Invisigal (he walked in on her and Blonde Blazer making out in her office), nearly pissing himself walk in on Phenomaman crushing a naked Robert, or walking in on Punch Up and Coupes “training exercises”. Waterboy literally has all the tea about everyone’s relationship and spills it with Prism and Flambae.

Chase literally turned his cubicle into Beef’s little mansion; like bro has photos of Beef like he’s his grandchild, has dog toys, expensive dog treats and a dog bed worth already a week of Robert’s salary.

Beef is the office dog/mascot to the point that they have an “employee of the month” photo and it’s always Beef.

[miyaz6ki]

brat! reader who keeps bothering robert while at work, cw: NSFW & 18 CONTENT AHEAD public sex, office sex, gn! afab! reader

"th-this? you know exactly while i'm fuckin' you, brat."

he huffed, his words were right next to your ear as his bicep was curled around your waist, and back against his chest. clear bite marks scattered over your shoulders as you let out loud and breathy moans.

"nnh- mm- 'm sorry, hah.. mmfuck—rob!" you cried out in pleasure as you felt your back arch on impulse again, tears fall softly off your cheeks; his mouth right next to your ear as he continue to leave more lovebites all over your collarbone, and very recent ones that were planted on your shoulders too.

his hips roll harshly into yours once more, "sorry, angel, what were you saying? c-can't hear you over the lewd sounds of your pussy." a deep and dark laugh emits from his throat, your back hurts from how much you were arching your back onto his thick shaft.

"f-uuck, s'mean! nnh!" he laughed at your remark; you were teasing him the whole time during his shift, those stupid nudes of in his favorite colored lingerie, trying to sext him and send videos of masturbating, coming to his workplace to 'just' give him lunch.

your office uniform was messy, and his hand was under your shirt, still groping at you in unison with his merciless thrusts. sucking at the sensitive skin. "r-rooobb, p—pleasef- said 'm s-ooorryy a-already, shit!"

your body was aching, not to mention being pushed up against this small janitor closet's wall was not ideal for sex. and especially not when all you were able to smell was each other's sweat—

you could only shudder in cold sweat, it didn't help how strong he was; pinning you to the wall was no feat to him, only continuing to whisper dirty things into your skin.

"m-mhm, not enough to make the cut, baby." you could feel him smirk into your skin as he placed more pecks onto your head of hair. "fucking slut, aren't you? imagine the people who can hear you just taking my dick like a whore in heat."

and suddenly your face paled hearing footsteps right outside, "nghh wait- rob p-please, s-someone's o―outsi-iidee, nnh!" he laughed at your pleas, "say my name one more time, beautiful."

"mmf―! r-robert, ahhn-" you were quickly cut off when his hand removed itself off your chest; placing two fingers in your mouth to gag on. "good slut, now stay quiet―shit i'm close."

his arm moves to your waist pushing against the wall to thrust into your entrance easier, even though it was already sloppy. your eyes water, shutting them close in pleasure while moaning onto his fingers.

you could hear royd outside, asking for robert about something again, you wish you could give some teasing reply like 'he's busy', but you were too dazed to think normal. not when your tummy bulged, and your boyfriend's cock filled you to the brim.

seed spurting right up into your stomach when royd finally walks away, breathing out heavily as your faced screamed 'got fucked in the ass', robert had to bite onto your neck to stay quiet.

"holy shit... nnh, fuck... i think can't move my legs, rob..." you whined as you cracked your back, your uniform still a great mess, although very much so could be said about robert as well.

"hah... you think?" "ey, robert, is dat you?" "shit."

[emmasmoke8]

I don’t think Robert is fluent in multiple languages, but I do think he’s memorized phrases like “I’m here to help” and “I’m not going to hurt you” in as many languages as possible

[gatorbites-imagines]

Kinktober day 31

Flambae + Temperature play 

My bestie came up with this prompt, this is for you bro. Reader is like iceman in this, cuz why not. Enjoy nerds. 

Ngl, just happy with kinktober being over... I’m just really tired gang. I have weekly psychologist meetings now, so I feel worn out. Enjoy the thirst. Love yall. 

Kinktober 2025 masterlist.

Imagine being a villain alongside Chad. You guys are polar opposites, literally, with him being fire and you being ice, but you guys are still drawn together. 

You guys both end up working for the SDN in the same program, and you both are so fucking annoying to work with. You guys are horrible when put together on missions, but even worse when apart. 

Chad is well... Chad. He causes a lot of fire damage, and you always put it out real easy. When you guys aren’t together it means more property damage. You also leave massive areas covered in ice. 

Anyways. You guys are freaks(tm). You guys will fuck in your “flame/ice on” mode, and it causes a lot of steam.  

Sometimes when you guys are making out, you will ice your tongue and shove it down Chad’s throat. Chad will return the favor later when he’s sucking you off, and heats his mouth up just enough for it to burn but not actually damage you. 

Chad has a real thing for the cold because of you. He runs hot, so it just feels really good just cuddling you, but he’s extra sensitive when you ice your hands and rub them all over his body. His nipples harden so nicely when you flick your thumbs over them. 

He has a not-so-secret love for you icing your hands and grabbing his dick, keeping them so cold he can’t get hard even if he’s so turned on it’s making him dizzy. 

You on the other hand, have a thing for fire and heat. You love when he lights his fingers on fire and push them into your mouth, so they can hiss and get extinguished by your spit. 

Sometimes Chad will heat up his insides when you are inside him, just to hear you groan and see you start to sweat like you’ve ran a marathon. 

Chad has two freeze burn scars on his hips, in the shape of your hands. They are visible when he “flames on” as blue-ish flames. You have similar hand shaped burn scars on your shoulders in the shape of his hands, they appear as darker ice when you “ice on”. 

No, you guys are not ashamed by it. Yes, you guys will both explain what it is if asked. 

That's all I got rn. Sleep well everypony. 

[nerdsprout]

As a diagnosed autistic, I can say with certainty that y’all are giving autism hcs to the Wrong Motherfuckers. Robert Robertson is quite literally the most confident, skillfully sarcastic, socially savvy mf in the whole game. He is NOT autistic. And yeah I do 100% agree with autistic Waterboy—just look at him—but cmon he ain’t the only one.

Instead, I raise you:

Flat affect, completely monotone even when she feels warmly towards the person she’s speaking to. Honestly smiling looks kinda unnatural on her too lmao.

Speaks plainly, professionally, and matter-of-factly even in mostly casual conversations/settings (like when she talks about her book).

Extremely dedicated to her work, almost to a fault. A complete perfectionist. This isn’t like a bona fide autistic trait or anything but keeping a track record of successful kills as an assassin gives autistic to me.

Often described by people around her as strange and off-putting. “Evil,” even—as Blonde Blazer puts it.

She’s just kind of a weirdo freak (in the best way). Like who tf dresses their shitty fast food crunchy tacos with their own blood? I love her.

[weeping-wisteria-willow]

Even being reformed, the Z-team still have villain tendencies. They don’t love “normally” or “appropriately”. They don’t know how to show they care in “socially acceptable” ways.

So they don’t bother trying.

After a serious one on one talk with Robert, Courtney accepts that she takes the pervy shit way too far, even compared to the rest of the team. So, she dials it back. A lot. That doesn’t mean she stops leaving little gifts on his desk and denying it when he asks.

No, the gifts aren’t getting more homemade and also extremely personal to what Robert needs at the time, you’re losing it. She would have no way of knowing what exactly he needs at all times.

Bruno is arguably the most tame out of the Z-team. The way he shows care reflects that. He likes poetry, so sometimes he’ll send Robert little poems that remind him of their dispatcher. When he’s feeling slightly more peeved at Robert’s lack of self care, he’ll heat himself up a bit outside and forces Robert to take a nap on his leg.

You’re crazy if you claim that he purposely lets some of his dirt cling on to Robert skin. He would have no reason to other than to ward off any other Constructs, but Bruno ain’t like that.

Victor isn’t affectionate, by any means. The closest he gets is with Malevola, and even then its more so quiet moments between them. His way of caring is… hacking into Robert’s SDN files. Not to change anything, just to know everything he can. He leaves Twinkies on his desk, along with the coffee he brews every day (so what if he only brews that particular coffee at home?). He knows his allergies, the majority of his medical history, the exact time of his birth down to the second- okay maybe he takes it too far.

So what if he sometimes lets Mega-Bat scent a jacket or scarf Robert left on his chair? It’s not like he gets irritated when Robert doesn’t smell like him, no, that’s crazy.

Malevola is loud about her ‘affection’ (patting Roberts back and ruffling his hair), but her care is unnaturally quiet for her. It’s making a portal to Roberts apartment in the dead of night because she wasn’t 100% sure he was safe. It’s touching his shoulder lightly, looking for any pain he’s hiding.

It’s leaning in close, listening to his breathing, watching his chest moving up and down- until Beef barks and she portals away.

Chad disguises his care as him trying to “make sure the competition is rewarding”. Him leaving nutritious and delicious leftovers for Robert and getting personally ofended when he doesn’t eat them? Making good on his promise to spot Robert whenever he’s in the gym? Using his hands as heating pads when the pain flairs up? He just wants him to gain his previous strength back so he can fight a worthy opponent again, because fighting Bobert in the state he’s in would be easy and a pathetic waste of his awesomeness.

That’s why he memorized all of his routes home, to the store, to work. Bob Bob is too weak to defend himself. He NEEDS Flambae to keep watch until his strength is back.

Alice almost screams when she gets a good look at Robert’s closet. He has like two shirts and one pair of slacks outside of his uniform. She is NOT gonna let this slide. Saturday mornings become mandatory shopping trips between the two of them, and Robert is NOT allowed to pay nor complain about the price tag.

Yes, she buys him Prism themed accessories. So? They look good on him, and maybe she relishes the jealous looks from the others.

Colm is slightly more open about his feelings than the other Z-teamers, but only to the point where he can say that he hopes Robert is taking care of himself and will take out a teste if he isn’t. Even with the threat, Punch Up doesn’t trust it, especially when it comes to not overworking himself. So he sticks around Robert more at SDN, conveniently dragging him away when someone tries to ask him to do something, intentions be damned.

It’s only a coincidence that people who make Roberts life harder, purposely or not, come back with bruises in unmentionable places and tight lips on where they came from.

Janelle already offered a free hit to their dispatcher, but that’s no where near the end of it. When she’s not on missions or resting, she’s watching from the shadows. Not just Robert, but any person she has grown fond of. If someone bothers him in any way, the next second a knife is barely missing their head.

Unlike the others, she would openly admit her stalking if Robert asked. But it will never come to that, as her training is far superior than the human eye. There’s always eyes on Robert, she ensures that.

Bonus:

Robert knows all of these things, obviously. Even if they had the mind to be subtle, he would still be able to notice the patterns. But he pretends not too.

Deep inside, in a long buried part of his heart, Robert can be selfish. Maybe it’s finally time to let himself indulge in the feeling of being cared for, even if it’s in downright insane ways.

[kabootarandishaan]

Robert's a 𝓶𝓾𝓷𝓬𝓱

A/N: The engagement from the last piece was very motivating. So basically, this is y'alls fault. Enjoy the debauchery! Also, I made a banner. Go me, teehee (ﾉ≧ڡ≦).

I guess this is my first truly detailed smut writing. As always, engagement is appreciated. Reblogs, notes, and likes are great. Check out my other work here. Check out my short Robert Fic too. There's also a pt.2 and pt.3. Requests are open lovelies. Got a fresh ko-fi as well.

Warnings: MDNI. Smut. Female reader. AFAB reader. Cunnilingus. Referring to female genitals as she. Pet names. Filth under the cut.

-He’s a lazy munch. But hell, he’s fucking persistent. Honestly, this man will stick his face between your thighs for shits and giggles. Only instead of giggles it’s the sound of his tongue lapping you up for fucking hours.

-He’s not super vocal when he’s going down on you, but fuck the man eats and drinks your shit up like its a meal in itself. It takes all of 15 minutes for him to get pussydrunk, after that is where he’s probably the most audible. The man grunts and hums, you swear he probably forgets you’re there half the time.

-The man has gotten it down to a science. He’s an active observer; it's in his nature to notice things especially pertaining to you.  The way his spit mixes with your slick and runs down his chin like syrup is addictive. He’s filthy about it but unashamed about how diligently he eats.

-And filthy means filthy because the few times that man does speak is at it, your sodden cunt that is.

-”Look at her, she’s ready for it, huh?” He’d mutter before sliding his tongue up and down those puffy lips.

-”Fuck, I didn’t even start, babe. She’s drooling down here.” He’d be briefly amused before pushing his face into your pussy. His nose nudging your clit, his tongue shoving itself in and out of your hole.

-He’s done it so much he’s got different modalities depending on his mood. Your favorite is when he’s got your pussy in a mating press, calves resting on his shoulders while he’s holding up your ass. The face down ass up is a classic second.

-Carpet burn. He doesn’t clean shave. But that’s on purpose, because the fucker knows when his stuble bullies your folds while he’s munching your clit, you make puddles. So you can’t complain too much.

-He’s a lazy munch because there is no urgency. He doesn’t let up. That’s why you think he’s deadass using it as a meal substitute. Because only after hours and hours worth of grool and spit has coated your thighs, cunt, and his face. 

-Only after, you know the mattress is fucking ruined because the puddles soaked through the towel and the sheet, is when he’ll finally pull back. But no problem, he wants you to sit on his face anyway.