i had so much fun by doing their (re)designs! i hope yall like them because i know i did! and creating new stories and adding more depth to them was so cool!
soon ill be posting more about the rewrite lore, their parents and also their other outfits i created for them but for now i give you ben, audrey, chad and aziz (who was supposed to be in the 1st movie)
now ill take a lil break from descendants (maybe ill do some new art like idk mal x ben?) and focus on my winx redesigns and soon ill begin the 3rd part of this rewrite, so doug, lonnie and jane are coming!!
anyway, see ya 💜
DESCENDANTS REWRITE: PART 1; PART 2; PART 3; PART 4
Remember this crackfic I wrote while drunk? Well this one I wrote high. Technically I started this one before that one but finished it last. Whatever.
Enjoy my intoxicated thoughts.
Now an ao3 series.
Also the ao3 curse got me so bad it leaked over and started affecting my friend so I’ve been away from tumblr for a bit. I’ll return to the regularly scheduled programming (hopefully) soon tho. So keep tagging me in things, I’ll get to them as soon as I can!
~ ~ ~
Three to Tango
Steve giggled as he pointed to one of the bullet points on their notes. “Oh my god, here, right here. What if we make them think you guys hooked up? When you left to find Murray.”
“Why do I have to be a cheater,” Nancy huffed, but Steve could tell by the gleam in her eyes that she was already concocting how it might go.
“Because it’s fucking hilarious, Nance,” Jonathan grinned. “After knocking Harrington out, I also now get to sleep with his girl? Imagine the drama.”
“I still think this is all incredibly sexist, by the way,” Nancy continued to complain even as she jotted down the idea. “Like a girl is just some prize to be won.”
“Technically, if you think about it, this narrative is all about your female autonomy and sexual liberation,” Steve pointed out as he leaned back into his corner of the couch.
“Jon, you need to stop lending him your mother’s feminist literature,” she sighed. “Everyone’s supposed to think he’s just a vapid jock.”
Jonathan didn’t even bother to disguise his laughter as Steve put on an exaggerated confused face, nose curled up as he looked around and up.
“I don’t even know what a book is?” Steve said, though the lilt of his intonation made it sound like a question. He broke character when Jonathan threw a balled up piece of paper at him.
“What you don’t know about is a mother.”
“Ouch, Jonny, this is why we would never work out.”
“Stow your crocodile tears, Steve,” Nancy said with a roll of her eyes. “You and Jonathan didn’t work out because despite you being a raging, flaming homo, he’s asexual and has taste.”
“Says one homo to another!” Steve gasped, mock offended as he sat up to clutch at his chest. “Et tu, Brute?”
“It’s your dick that turned me gay,” Nancy deadpanned.
“And me asexual,” Jonathan added.
“Wow. I have a magic dick. I should get hired at a conversion camp and offer to fuck all the gay dudes.”
“Slut,” both Nancy and Jonathan said at the same time, in the exact same tone and cadence.
“Back to your idea though, Steve,” Nancy said, tapping the end of her pen on the scrawled line. “All jokes aside, it does have merit,” she grinned. “That would be a perfect place to have this love triangle of ours switch sides. It will keep the gossip going for a while and then you’ll graduate.”
“Still can’t believe you purposely tanked your test scores,” Jonathan laughed as he high fived Steve. “You know your dad would have corroborated your story with you if you told him the truth.”
“Yeah, well, he never told me he and mom were each other’s beards either, so I’m allowed to fuck with him for a while.”
“Anyway,” Nancy broke in. “Murray will certainly corroborate with us if we wanted to spin it that way. That old queen lives for drama.”
Steve paused. “You guys ever think Hawkins is like…way more queer than it seems?”
“Everywhere’s more queer than it seems,” snorted Nancy. “We can tell people we broke up.” She snickered then and pointed at his still healing face. “Could tell people I can’t be with a dude who loses all his fights.”
“Hey!” Steve protested and pointed a finger first at her and then at Jonathan. “You know we agreed that Jon would win that fight. It makes for better gossip. Plus, it took the spotlight off of us searching for the demogorgon.”
“I will say,” Jonathan sighed. “Nothing quite hastens a sexuality crisis like interdimensional monsters.”
“That, and fucking someone that on paper is perfect for you making you realize that the opposite gender just doesn’t do it for you.”
Jonathan shot Steve finger guns. “Or the same gender,” he said with a lopsided grin.
“Okay so, Jonathan and I fucked at Murray’s,” Nancy intoned, once more drawing them back to the discussion on hand about their little beard ruse the three of them were playing.
And like, it wasn’t all a lie. Steve and Nancy had tried to be a thing. Steve had fucked girls before, had dated girls, but none of it had felt quite right. He figured he just wasn’t as into them as they were into him and didn’t look too deeply into that. Until Steve and Nancy had sex and both of them realized with horrifying and startling clarity that they were both the gayest motherfuckers they knew.
One couldn’t be queer in Hawkins, however, so after catching Nancy and Jonathan in her room together, after actually talking to her and him and realizing that all three of them were confused and didn’t want to pretend about their feelings while people were missing, they jointly came to this idea of a fake love-triangle to keep people off their backs.
Nancy would be going back and forth between him and Jonathan which would keep them from being questioned about who they were dating, both because Nancy and Steve realized they didn’t want to date the opposite sex and Jonathan discovered he didn’t want to date any sex.
Maybe it was a deflection from the worry about the—soon to be discovered—demogorgon, but they all decided that it would be hilarious to pull the wool over everyone’s eyes and they needed a little levity to survive the stress of the unknown. And it soon developed into a genuine and utterly comfortable friendship between the three of them.
Of course, then they learned of everything else going on and they decided they needed the comfort of this joke more than ever. It was around the time that the Hargrove-Mayfields came to town that Steve learned about his own parents being a beard relationship and it made him want to double down on the ditzy meathead jock persona he’d crafted so expertly in annoyance at being kept out of the loop.
It definitely made sense in hindsight, but it also affected Steve’s life, his views of his place in their dynamic, and it probably would have made him feel less like an unwanted burden if he’d known he wasn’t some accident or a controversial way of saving an unfaithful marriage. Or the current belief that he was just there to sell their own lie.
Anyway, Steve was graduating soon, and they figured it would keep people from harassing Nancy if she had a boyfriend still in school with her, and then Steve could claim heartbreak for why he stopped dating for a bit. If he was lucky, he could get a really embarrassing job and act like a dork to keep girls from regaining interest in him.
“Honestly, it’s pretty genius,” Jonathan commented. “It makes perfect sense too, especially after your guys’ supposed fight at Tina’s. What was it you called Steve?”
“Bullshit,” Steve laughed in answer. “God, I don’t want to compliment a fucking racist, but it really was perfect timing that the Hargrove-Mayfields came to town when they did. I was getting so tired of doing keg stands all the time. I needed someone else to want to be top dog.”
“Too bad he didn’t get eaten by a dog,” Nancy darkly muttered.
“I think even Dart would have drawn a line at finding racists delicious,” Steve drawled. “But all right, you guys shared something at Murray’s, and I am the heartbroken boy who graciously steps aside to let your true love or whatever take place.” He grinned at his two best friends. “Breakups kickass.”
Jonathan smirked at Steve then. “You gonna go get some pain relief from your little crush?” he teased, causing Nancy to crack up when Steve flushed bright pink.
“Shut up! I don’t have a crush,” he muttered, crossing his arms with a pout. “He just has pretty hair. And eyes. And lips. And tattoos. And—”
“Darling, you’re drooling,” Nancy laughed, poking Steve in the chin, causing him to huff and wipe his mouth.
“You’re one to talk. Didn’t you almost run into a pole when band let out and that scrawny girl stumbled out?” Steve quirked his brow as Nancy now flushed a bright pink. “That’s what I thought.”
Jonathan rolled his eyes. “I’m so glad I’m not a slave to baser instincts.”
“Mary, I’ve read your Premise zine submissions. They’d make the devil blush,” Steve drawled, though Jonathan preened rather than look any kind of embarrassed.
“Thank you,” the other boy smiled. “I’m working on a new one, wanna read it?”
“God yes.”
And so the unlikely trio shook hands, ready to spread the most heartbreaking breakup for Steve and the tawdry affair of, what they’d begun calling it, Joncy. Stancy was dead. Long Live Joncy.
The next summer, in a mall restroom:
“I’m sorry, you’re WHAT? And you call yourselves Stoncy????”
~
Bruh I don’t even know about this one. I was high af. If you see any typos, no you didn’t.
Slate is grayromantic, she rarely feels romantic attraction. She does not prioritize romance in her life because it’s not something she feels consistently at all.
Atropa identifies Demi-romantic. Whatever romantic(ish) attraction she feels only comes after a close personal relationship. She isn’t sure what romance is supposed to feel like, but she loves her partner in a way she does not love her friends, and her partner doesn’t care if she’s not in love with her, as long as she loves her in a way that matters.
Sterling is aro. He’d be about 15 as a human, and doesn’t see romance as something that will ever be important in his life. He doesn’t want a partner (romantic, platonic, or otherwise).
