I don't think we need to be constantly assuming good intentions, especially from people who regularly say offensive, insensitive and harmful things, then feign ignorance. Our permissive and forgiving nature, and our second-guessing and assuming they could still possibly mean well, is exactly how they can keep feigning ignorance, and a solid way to insure these people stay offensive and hurtful forever.
If people are simply 'not aware they're being rude and offensive' then we should tell them, every time, that they're rude and offensive. How else are they going to learn, if everyone keeps just going with it and accepting their behaviour as normal? If they mean well, they will apologize for being offensive, and learn from it. They'll never do it again.
If they attack you for calling them out, insisting you shouldn't call them out because they 'mean well', then they do not mean well, they want to be above criticism, above learning, they want their words to be accepted no matter how offensive they are. They don't care if they're offensive and there's no reason for us to forgive them or to tolerate it.
If every person who says offensive and ignorant thing, always has a horde of people insisting 'you can't call them out! they might have meant xyz! they might be raised to think like that!' then these people will feel perfectly safe and protected in their ignorance and believe they're right to be hurtful, and right to trash others. They'll feel safe attacking anyone who ever tries to call the out.
There's no need to fight for the world to stay insensitive, ignorant and harmful. Calling it out is not aggressive, it's stating a fact, it's supposed to be a neutral act. Offensive people do not need to be protected and catered to, they do not need endless defense of their feelings and actions.
People who are hurt, ostracized, trashed, devalued, dismissed, humiliated, and upset by the offensive crowd, they might use some defense. They need their feelings to be taken into account, because they've already been discounted by the aggressor. Defending the aggressive party only makes sure that the feelings of the victim are further ignored, walked over, and dismissed as non-important. We do not exist to forever take offenses and have our feelings walked all over, only to be expected to 'understand and forgive'. We are people too. Our feelings should matter just the same.
