#honestlyhistrionic

[richierambles]

My favorite fucking thing (/sarcasm) is "NPD, BPD, ASPD, and any other cluster B disorders" like. Dude just say HPD it's not a fucking slur 😭 I'd get it if there were like 1000 but there's four it's not that much effort 😭😭😭

[truthful-apologiesxoxo]

Edgy 14 year olds trying not to self diagnose themselves with ASPD because they relate to the Joker

[doomsdayradio]

honestly i wish people would just talk more about how like. exhausting HPD can be. (this may also apply in part to NPD as well, as after writing this it kinda sounds like a mix of our HPD and NPD symptoms.)

my brain is 100% of the time, 24/7, non-fucking-stop trying to figure out how to make things about me or trying to figure out how to twist a conversation to be about me. it is just about as exhausting as it sounds and even more exhausting to resist lest i sound like a self-absorbed jackass to people who don't know about or understand my PD(s).

i understand objectively my friends care about me, i understand objectively them not giving me 100% of their attention 100% of the time and not making every conversation about me exclusively doesn't mean they don't care about me or love me, but that's how my brain reacts to it. i feel rejected and worthless and and stupid for wanting their attention in the first place when i fail at attempting to twist a conversation towards me.

this kind of shit especially amps up when people are venting to me, like i have other problems with empathy and venting due to my other PDs and past trauma, but the constant "i don't care. we should be talking about me. i want to talk about me. i should purposefully trigger myself into a breakdown after this so you'll pay attention to me" in the back of my head makes me want to fucking scream.

speaking of that quote by the way, yes, i will literally purposefully put myself in states of active distress and disarray because i know my friends will pay attention to me when i do it. i don't fake breakdowns, the breakdowns are very real, but i very much did it on purpose.

yes i know that's toxic as fuck, i don't like it either! i am working on healthier ways to ask for attention when i need it but this is the fucking disorder at work! it's exhausting! it is so fucking exhausting to be like this all the time. it feels like no amount of attention is ever going to be good enough for me, like i'm going to spend every day until i fucking die just trying to make it feel like enough and trying to fill some fucking void and it'll just never be good enough.

i'll never run away from the harm my symptoms possibly cause other people, i know being hyperaware of how my brain works and it's affinity for attention can be anxiety inducing for some of my friends, but it's just so fucking exhausting. you get a break from me, i don't. i could be talking to literally no one, i could be watching a fucking video, and my brain would somehow still be trying to make that video about me. i just want a break from my brain. constantly trying to do this shit means it's constantly on high alert and that's just one reason of many that it is. i just want it to stop.

[therapeutic007]

"Histrionic Personality Disorder is not about seeking attention—it's about seeking connection in ways that may feel intense or misunderstood. Healing begins with understanding the emotions beneath the performance." The HPD Recovery Journal Here !

[avpdgirlfriend]

need to know how everyone feels abt me 24/7 or i will explode & die

[angelimik]

i wonder sometimes why nobody likes me i try to be as nice as possible to everyone that i come across but i always feel like nobody rly likes me except my bf i get this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach that truthfully nobody will ever like me for who i really am or even the masked version of me and i try so hard to change everything about to me to make ppl like me from what i wear to how i act but i think i’m just cursed and it’s something within me that i can’t fix

[histrionicallysurviving]

Hello!

Welcome to our blog. We're making this because a lot of HPD/NPD blogs are drowned out or inactive.

We'll be sharing our own personal experiences with HPD/NPD on this blog eventually, so stay tuned.

[richierambles]

Me: *has the most mentally ill thought in ever*

Me, right after: im totally neurotypical btw 🤙