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With all due disrespect is how Fëanor starts every speech

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Melkor: So I have a confession to make.

Mairon, already Sus™: I'm listening.

Melkor: Well, number one: I may have had a thing. With an Elf. In Valinor. I was lonely. Number two: I may have borrowed some of his jewelry. Without his permission. Number three: he noticed and now he's real mad at me. And number four: we're at war now. BUT.

Mairon: There's a but?

Melkor: Surprise! You love war!

Mairon:

Melkor: [does 'ta-da!' jazz hands]

Mairon, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration:

Melkor:

Mairon: I am going to throttle you.

Melkor: How? You're not tall enough.

Mairon: YOU'VE SUNK LOW ENOUGH FOR ME TO REACH

#silm #incorrect silm #tolkien #incorrect tolkien #angbang #mairon roars 'I AM LOST FOR WORDS' and then proceeds to yell at Melkor for the next 45 minutes without stopping

Silmarillion Characters as things my friends have said on Camp Staff (Part 6!)

(tag yourself, I’m Maglor)

Celegorm: “I bring a sort of opening the van doors vibe the other passengers don’t appreciate.” Annatar: “Did you guys have any spiders in your shower?” Celebrimbor: “Not a spider, but a c r e a t u r e.” Annatar: “Calling me a creature is hurtful.” Beren (scared shitless): “OMG! Why the fuck are you up there?” Luthien: *in rafters* “I just like climbing things.” Amras: “Anyone wanna sacrifice their technology so we can pirate The Lorax?” Haleth: “I know the best place for cider doughnuts. Wanna come?” Caranthir: “Ya know what? Sure. Fuck this place.” Radagast: “What did you get kicked out of Arby’s for man?” Saruman: “Too much wizardry!” Radagast: “What does that mean?” Saruman: “Magical spells, sorcery, the conjuring of others’ wallets!”

Old Hurin: “My bones and joints are making the Lego brick breaking noise…”

Curufin: “Look at him: passed tf out.” Maedhros: *deeply asleep*

Celegorm: “I’m gonna touch his Adam’s Apple!” Maglor (talking about Maedhros): “He’s going to fuck you up!” Fingon: *whispers to Maglor, giggles* Maglor: “That’s a tad bit too horny!" Maedhros: “He has as much depth as a saltine cracker ” Maedhros: “If he was a spice he’d be flour” Annatar: “I’m off to steal things” Celebrimbor: “Can you steal my heart?”

Maglor: “Ya talk mad shit for a bitch in kazooing distance.”