#mayapouts

[mayasreadingblog]

– Я не могу жениться ни на ком, я нездоров, – сказал князь.

A quote from "The Idiot" by Fyodor Dostoyevsky, which roughly translates as:

"I am unable to marry anyone, I am unwell," said the prince.

I find this quote very interesting because it alludes to BSD Fyodor; he's also sickly and well-mannered like Prince Myshkin.

Now this makes me wonder, had Fyodor avoided marriage because of his weak body but also of his ability? Was this a form of mercy he carried towards non-ability users, normal human beings? Had he loved someone but then had to abandon them the moment his ability activated?

Now, this reminds me of a common Fyodor fanfic trope where the reader is forced to marry him. While the concept is attractive, I feel most of the stories are a bit cliché and not using the potential to the fullest.

But thinking about it more, had he married someone before he died for the first time, the horrors of the realisation that not only was he unfit to marry anyone due to his frail body, but now due to this sin — the ability. Did Fyodor take this as punishment for daring to marry someone, against his better judgement? A Crime against humanity, and now he shall die and live forevermore with Punishment.

@cosmopolitanalienation

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Something something Dazai has ADHD, Ranpo has AuDHD and Fyodor has Autism

I wonder if Edogawa Ranpo from BSD has AuDHD: his attention to details and noticing what other people don’t leans into Autism but he has no strict rules or schedule, or heavy masking, meanwhile his ADHD is shown through eating sweets (common addiction pattern) to keep himself stimulated and his openness that appear as rude to people and openly disliking things is very ADHD-coded.

Spoilers for Cannibalism Arc, Fyodor's ability and ending of BSD Part 1.

This also made me think deeply of the trio’s dynamic: how Dazai facing Fyodor into psychological and intellectual battles made me see their differences even though they match intellectually. Dazai had mentioned that Ranpo sees more things that he can: this means that if Dazai trained more or hyperfixated into becoming a better detective, he could but he would still fall behind Ranpo because Ranpo is naturally drawn to details and nuances, he sees the pattern while Dazai sees the thrill.

This also explains why Ranpo dislikes playing smart games with Dazai and especially with Fyodor who is purely Autistic, where as Ranpo has both Autism and ADHD. Ranpo made a slip-up at the Cannibalism Arc because he put Fyodor into “default human” parameters and failed to see that Fyodor doesn’t follow societal conformity and won’t hesitate to use any means possible to reach his goals. Fukuchi is neurotypical and was fooled by Fyodor while was easily read by Ranpo.

Since Ranpo has been surrounded mostly by standard, mostly neurotypical people, he didn’t really have many things that challenge his brain, therefore his growth was slow, and since facing Dazai and Fyodor is a MASSIVE challenge, his ADHD side of brain easily gets agitated/frustrated and thus cloud his mind, only a little but it’s enough for the other two to trick him.

Since Dazai also doesn’t bother with societal conformity, Fyodor had to be careful at tricking Dazai, so he played on assumptions, which is why Dazai mistakenly assumed that Fyodor’s ability is related to touch where as in truth his ability has to do with death, Fyodor did a great job tricking Dazai and Ranpo. Although, I would doubt he knew everything, he also relied on luck especially when he took over Bram’s body.

@wishing-on-stardust @ilikebitteralmonds

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Ship of Theseus & xxxHOLiC

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Can there be true silence?

Even now in my room, I have my window open, I can hear cars driving far away, planes careening across the sky, birds of different kind chirping and squawking on squeaky branches, the whispers of the wind, the creaks of the house, the tinnitus in my ears, the rasping of my whistling breath.

This is silence in human sense.

Silence for us is when the sound becomes a background noise. It can be quiet and predictable, or repetitive or just predictable. We can’t really feel true silence because true silence is lack of noise—it’s deafening. You can find that in nature only, where planes don’t fly over your heads and distance from nearby car is vast like an ocean. Even in the Pacific Ocean, you’ll always hear the sloshing of the water, murmur of the waves and movement of the streams. When there’s no obstacles, the wind rushes free and it always makes a noise. Trees, however, are the buffers; they muffle the sound, they break the wind, they make the air flow though their cracks and holes—that’s why deep in the woods, just maybe, where the current of air doesn’t shake the trunks to moan in their ancient language and leaves rustle like pompons in mirthful cheer, you may experience the true silence.

Sometimes you can experience near silence, and even that is deafening. In the countryside when the air is calm and peaceful, free from vehicles of modern age, especially at night when the loud sleep and the quiet lurk. Or during winter, you may experience the winter silence; sitting in the car at night when the sound is absorb by the heavy snow, the engine is turned off and lights aren’t glowing and whirring, you can feel the deafening silence inside when you slow your breathing.

I can even hear snowflakes landing on the heavy ground or on the surface of my winter coat—even this is silence.

[mayasreadingblog]

Just an opinion on Shakespeare

Recently people suspect that not everything that Shakespeare published was his own original work, which I don't doubt. Copyright wasn't really a thing and because of that people shared stories and it's highly likely Shakespeare also attended some writer's club and got ideas there.

Similarly, in the first half of 20th century Japan, it was actually a trend to write stories based on people's diaries, so much so that people sent their diary entries to their favourite authors so they can write "story version" of their diaries. Dazai Osamu was big on this trend and had his fans send him lots of their diaries and even specifically emphasised that they don't want money or fame, just want to see their diaries to be recreated into novels.

While this might sound foul but it actually is an amazing idea, making novels more realistic and their problems, struggles and joys shared and empathised. Why force to write your own story if someone could do it well in your stead? Granted, there were also copyright issues where writers used diaries to write stories without their consent, Dazai's novel *The Setting Sun* was one of the cases (which makes more sense now because how raw and deep it is).

Also capitalism wasn't that toxic and invasive in the Middle Ages like how it was since the Industrial Revolution in the late 1880s.

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