24th August 2019; Saturday night and currently week 5 into semester two of medical school. This has been a very long overdue update (9 weeks too late), something I have kept pushing myself to do but never had the time or energy to pull through. But here it is
My last writing detailed my experience of day 1 at medical school, as a freshman full of triumph, excitement and ready to tackle the world, but at the same time too naive to know what hardships and obstacles lay ahead of me. And now, I’m almost half way through finishing the year and on my way to become a second year medical student...ohhhh how time flies.
In the past few months I’ve experienced many ups and downs. I’ve learned how to take my medical history, acquainted to the ways of “medical talks” and “professionalism”. I’ve learned and performed my first physical examination, took my first formal clinical examination (OSCEs), went on my first shadowing at an emergency clinic, seen my first patient. And to top it all off, I was inducted into the medical profession at a stethoscope ceremony, where the symbol of medicine was bestowed to me - one of the proudest moment of my life, where all the blood and tears; early morning and late nights finally came into fruition
At the same time, I’ve also went through one of the hardest period of my life - I had to re-learn how to live “by myself” again after facing the inevitable and having to let go of a person who shared so much with me; and the emotional burden of which took a big hit on my life: both emotionally and personally. I was beaten up, distraught and depressed while trying to prepare for my final exams days later. Maybe in a few years time, I’d realise I have become stronger and more resilient because of it
The semester itself was tough, because everything was a new experience to me, and having to re-define my place among the turmoil of life. It was an endless cycle of preparation, lectures, tutorials, practicals and revision over and over again at an intense pace, akin to a little mouse trying to drink from a fire hydrant. We cycled through different blocks: cardiology, pulmonology, gastroenterology and urology; all integrated with associated anatomy, physiology and pharmacology. I have learned so much about a human body, why it goes wrong and most importantly, how to treat it.
2019 is also a year of achievements. I was awarded Dean’s list of excellent academic performance, and topped the cohort for the final exam.
At the same time, I had to constantly remind myself why I chose this profession, and why I must distinguish myself from others, because I was not happy about where I am, literally and metaphorically. I was not satisfied with being in a non-elite medical school, which meant I have a lot more things to prove. I was not happy with the people around me, I expected nothing less than perfection, excellence, dedication, impeccable work ethic, intense respect and passion for the medical profession...and most importantly I expected to meet people who can inspire me, who will make me want to work harder and chase up to. But in reality, it is a very stratified environment with a mixture of everything. I knew i must climb higher, and travel further to reach a place where I truly belong.
Maybe, by then I will be truly happy?
Managing inter-personal relationships has been an interesting and challenging test. Relationships you form in medical school is a fine balance between “friends” and “colleagues”. The line between which you must titrate and thread on a daily basis...getting too distant from the crowd, you will be called anti-social, but getting too close to the people, you will also get inevitably burnt to crisps. Different people will eventually fall in and fall out of the circle throughout this 4 year journey - and it’s about time to get used to this.
Last but not least, I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to further my interest and passion in anatomy as an University tutor and demonstrator for Department of Anatomy and Histology at Sydney - a place where i truly feel at home. The mentors and academics (co-workers included) over there are simply phenomenal and amazing people, that not only opens my eyes to the world but also inspires me to do better and improve every single time. This relationship and experience is something I will treasure and protect at all time. I am grateful for everything my mentor has done for me.
Let the next few months be a time of great transformation
As usual: trust the process, believe the progress
