#personal vent blah

[voidxbrat]

It's honestly depressing how quickly and easily your (abled) family and friends will leave you behind and forget about you when you can no longer push yourself to try to keep up with them. I hate how focused everything is on going out and doing things when it comes to hanging out with so many people. It's sad how many people would rather just continue on with their busy, typical/abled life and forget about the disabled people in their life, rather than stop and slow down with them once in a while.

[chaos-kittens]

When do you finally decide enough is enough and actually cut off your toxic bullshit family?

[voidxbrat]

FUCK this glitchy/flashy/shaky/static effects trend that every person who makes any sort of media is getting into and putting everywhere without any trigger warnings whatsoever!

You are making it impossible for people like me with seizure, vision, photosensitivity, etc issues to engage with any media (especially videos and/or reels taking over) AT ALL!

So tired of it, fuck the ads everywhere (even here now!), fuck the reels taking over, fuck this flashy effects trend, fuck it all.

Sincerely, someone with severe vision, photosensitivity, and seizure issues, who is being forced away from every form of media for the sake of their own health.

[voidxbrat]

Learning to accept being safe and comfortable after a lifetime of nothing but chaos and horror is such a difficult process. It’s like, I want to just let myself be relaxed, I’ve earned after all we’ve been through, but… I still can’t. In fact, sometimes it feels like it’s even harder than it was before. It’s so confusing and tiring.

[chaos-kittens]

How do you manage being unable to socialize and being horribly lonely at the same time?

How do you try to go make friends when you don’t even know how to speak?

[voidxbrat]

Something that really astonishes me now, is how convinced we were that were so far from being abused and neglected. Not just simply convinced that it wasn’t that bad, but outright convinced that it wasn’t a thing. If anything, that we were making shit up or exaggerating about feeling awful and things being shitty in our life. People who had no idea what was really happening to us, would tell us we were “just trying to get attention” or even that we were “spoiled” because all they could see was that our parents “let us do whatever we want”. Even people in our home were blind to everything. All of which was so far from the truth - but some parts of us, especially those who didn’t know things themselves, came to believe it. We were convinced we were just being whiny and spoiled and that there must have just been something horribly wrong with us. It’s really disgusting to realize now, honestly.

[voidxbrat]

Okay but honestly as someone who has been through some really horrific abuse and other traumas - I wish there could be a way to state that, in some sense, certain types of trauma can be “worse”? Without it having to be taken as comparing or trying to invalidate others. Because, no, it is not okay to belittle others experiences, all trauma is bad, and it can be more about how it effected you personally and how your brain handled it. I fully understand and respect all of that, I promise. However, at the same time - say, bullying at school and C*SA or grooming are very different things (coming from someone who experienced all three), ya know? Those things have very different effects, and someone who has only experienced the first, probably can’t exactly relate to someone who experienced the latter.

I don’t know, the last thing I want to do is minimize anything, all trauma is a horrible thing. But, as someone who has a hard time finding people and things to relate to (even in amongst other systems) because of the differences of the things I’ve been through, and the differences in the amount it fucked up my memory, general brain, life, abilities, etc - I wish it was more okay to speak of the differences between types of trauma without it having to be seen as competition.

[voidxbrat]

This bullshit of people screwing with people’s delivery food orders because they don’t tip or don’t tip “well enough” is so extremely fucked up. What is wrong with people.

Look, I think we all understand being made about not being paid well - but you are getting mad at the wrong people. You are taking your frustration out on the wrong people. You should be trying to get the delivery company you are working for to pay you better, not screw over people just trying to order some dinner!

I have never gotten delivery much, because of extreme paranoia about things like this, and now people are really actually doing it. And in the times I have gotten delivery, I know my tipping has varied greatly. Anywhere from $0 to $15, depending on what I can afford! Not trying to be rude to people, but because delivery was literally the only way I was going to be able to eat that night and unfortunately all I could afford was the food itself. And I know I’m not the only one like that! I know some people are just being cheap assholes, but some are just poor and trying to feed themselves in anyway they can.

Also, I know my opinion on tipping has been changed since learning that it’s really just more American bullshit to put the pressure on the people instead of the company that should just be paying their employees well enough. But like, do more people need to learn this? Do people really not get that they are hurting and acting out at the wrong people? I just don’t get it. People (Americans) are really horrible sometimes.