seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United Kingdom
seen from Yemen
seen from Türkiye
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from Brazil
seen from Canada
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Switzerland
seen from Switzerland
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from Sweden
seen from United States
Trying not to overly apologize for my schizo ass talk. Disorganized speech and thoughts. I'm already semiverbal from autism. But I'm semiverbal cause of schizospec shit too. And like. I'm trying so hard to let me be me. But it's so hard when I've spent years masking and learning to "talk" and "type" "correctly" as if it was the only way to do so. Cause had no other choice. And got met with anger otherwise. It's so difficult not apologizing for literally EVERYTHING with me.
Thoughts of a schizophrenic
The difference between a schizophrenic who started having symptoms at the usual age (20-30 years old) and one who’s had symptoms as long as they can remember is so mind-blowing to me.
Someone who just started suddenly seeing blobby shadow demons and hearing assholes at age 25 must think they’ve just become the protagonist of a horror game.
Meanwhile I’m just... “Yeah, that’s a bloop, they like electric converters and rainy days,” or “This is Mr. Sticks, the naked mummy that likes to claw at walls and tap windows in the middle of the night.”
*I am really high so if it doesn't make any sense I'm sorry.. this is the first time I feel like I'm able to put it into words*
Every time I get high, I get pulled out of a delusion. Now I feel like I can finally explain what I mean. Whenever I'm in an environment or around people that are involved in the fucked up part of my life and I smoke, I'm suddenly clearheaded. The delusion goes away and I sit here and look at the big picture and I can see it. Through my schizophrenia. Without my thought process. The thought process of a rational, normal girl. It terrifies me. I'm suddenly a girl who's in this (usually a man's house) wearing skimpy cloths, and SMOKING! Its usually followed by me silently in my head freaking out because this is how people get raped!! Who would put themselves in this situation?! But yet I always have this "awakening". It's something I've tried to explain to my therapist but I could not for the life of me put it into words.
Do you ever just think something weird or offensive or disgutsting and then apologize in your head just in case someone heard/read your thoughts? Or randomly scream or yell a person’s name in your mind to maybe catch them off guard and see if they react?
That feeling when you wake up at night, stare at the wall in horror, and are completely sure that your sister in standing behind you with a knife in her hand, ready to stab you in the back if you move just an inch
Had to pull my niggas out the mud like I’m training marines
Yeesh, my body is still moving like quartz watch hands ticking. I’m not out of this. FOR FUCKS SAKE, that was just hysteria before an anxiety/anger loop. I am so fucking ANNOYED. I’m loggin off, this shit is pissing me off.
