So hey, I wrote a script for Holmestice of my favorite polycule negotiating a spicy scene. So far from canon you can't even see it from here, but the voices are right, I think. It's kinda sweet? Enjoy!
The 'Cule Plans a Cure (E, 18+)
Featuring Archie as a completely wholesome side character! Not joking.
So, the road is haunted. In my opinion at least, Daniel remains unconvinced. He thinks it was a bunch of teen locals playing a prank on us. I think hitting his head on the road plays a part in it. But it makes no sense, the headlights just appearing and disappearing, unmoving? The eerie honking, the hearse… I think it was a ghost. The dashcam, of course, is blurry. Can barely make out anything, same for the camera. At least we have some good audio.
(Faint knocking sounds)
(Sighs) This was the first promising encounter we've had in weeks and of course it was a near death experience again. Maybe I should up Danny's and Nika's health insurance. Life insurance? Maybe both. We're lucky we didn't—
PADME: Well. I do believe you owe me a hundred credits.
ANAKIN: Is that so?
PADME: Of course. I did say we were having a son.
ANAKIN: If that’s the case, then it would seem you owe me — what was it? 246 credits? I said we were having a daughter.
PADME: I’m still convinced you cheated. You must’ve sensed them.
ANAKIN: You were the one who wanted to keep it a surprise.
PADME: Perhaps we should just forfeit the credits. It's cruel to gamble on our children.
ANAKIN: Said like a true politician avoiding her debt.
PADME: I still can’t believe they’re real.
ANAKIN: They’re perfect... Like you.
PADME: Tell me something… What do you make of our new son and daughter-in-law?
ANAKIN: Han and Mara? Nah ah. I think I forfeited an opinion on that a long time ago.
PADME: Come on, we’re alone… Besides, I can tell you’ve been bursting at the seams to say something. I must commend you for your restraint.
ANAKIN: What is there to say? Luke married a defected Emperor’s Hand, and Leia married a smuggler.
PADME: And I married you. We can’t be seen as too hypocritical.
So, as an intellectual exercise I thought I'd try my hand at scripting a Silmarillion animated series, just to see how it could work. Three pages in and I'm about to bash my head on the wall--how am I supposed to introduce this many characters?! Anyway, this is what I got so far:
THE SILMARILLION ANIMATED SERIES
Episode 1: Pilot
I
The docks at Alqualonde, after the slaughter. Waves red with blood, scattered corpses across the docks, the clash of the last ongoing fights. The scene is lit by torchlight and the stars.
The screen goes dark.
II
Voice over by FINWE.
FINWE: In the beginning there was nothing. Then Eru made the Ainur, and they began singing the world into existence.
One after the other, tiny dots of light start appearing in the darkness, and a wonderful music swells under Finwe’s narration.
FINWE: But Melkor, the best and brightest of his children, was bitter and envious and wanted to make Music of his own. That is how the Dissonance was born, and evil was brought into the world.
Harsh percussions join the music.
FINWE: Then some of the Ainur, chose to enter the world and inhabit it, and help shape it to Eru’s will. But Melkor, who followed them, sought to destroy all that they made.
We see the Valar take form, and the world with them. A series of scenes—the Valar making mountains, and Melkor making them into volcanoes; Green trees sprouting and Melkor turning them dead and wizened; Varda putting stars in the sky and Melkor covering them with stormcloud. Animals and monsters. Fighting. As Finwe narrates, we see the events he talks about unfold on screen.
FINWE: The Ainur, whom we call the Valar, fought Melkor, thought his efforts have Marred the world, and imprisoned him. Then the Valar made Valinor, at the Western end of the world, and Yavanna grew the Two Trees, whose light is brighter than even Varda’s stars. And in Middle-earth, we, the Children of Eru, awoke. We had little light and were scared of the dark, and of Melkor’s creatures who still roamed. Many of us disappeared into these primordial woods, and to this day we do not know what happened to them. But the Valar came to guide us to Valinor, and some of us heeded the call.
We see three Elves, one blond, one white-aired and one black-haired, meet a giant, otherworldly rider—OROME—and follow him. We see that some Elves stay behind.
FINWE: The journey was long, and perilous, and many of us were lost…
We see the white-haired Elf (ELWE) disappear into the woods and the branches close after him, trapping him. But we also see other Elves board and island that magically starts sailing towards Valinor.
FINWE: Until finally we were here, in Valinor, the Blessed Realm, where we are at peace and there is no death or pain.
The Elves kneel under the Two Trees.
III
The images on screen freeze and become smaller. We see various snippets of what FINWE said and we realise thsat they are images on tapestries, hung around a bedroom. In the bed there is an Elf child, FEANOR; FINWE is at his bedside, telling him the story.
FEANOR: But if there is no death or pain, what happened to my mother?
FINWE: … She is just very tired. But she knows that I am here to take care of you. Sleep, now.
FEANOR closes his eyes. FINWE leaves the room and, just outside, waiting for him, is a blonde Elf woman: INDIS.
INDIS: Have you told him yet?
FINWE: I don’t know how.
INDIS: Do you think there is a chance… that Miriel might change her mind and come back to us?
FINWE sighs.
FINWE: I have hoped, and prayed, but the Valar are certain: Miriel is in Mandos’ Halls, and she doesn’t ever want to return. Giving birth to Feanor consumed her spirit, and eroded her will to live forever.
INDIS: He is a remarkable child. He might be the greatest prince of the Noldor.
FINWE: Yes, he is extraordinary. But my heart longs for more children…
He looks at INDIS
FINWE: And to have a wife by my side.
INDIS: But you heard the edict: no Elf shall have more than one spouse. If we marry, then Miriel will never be allowed to come back to life.
FINWE: Am I doomed to loneliness forever then? She doesn’t want to come back. Neither love for me nor for our child will change her mind. Let her spirit rest, and let us grasp for what happiness we may! I will not be the only Elf in Valinor bereft.
INDIS and FINWE kiss. They do not realise that FEANOR has snuck out of bed and is spying on them through the crack of the door, left slightly open.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
Fandom: The Bad Batch
Rating: Teen and Up Audiences
Word Count: 1294
Summary: Crosshair has been activated, turned into an operative of Hemlock, and he has tried to kill Omega. This is what happens next.
WARNINGS: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Major Character Death
